Feeling borderline manic from anxiety/panic

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Guys I’m scared I’m skating bad every day and the panic is to much. Crying, calling my mom can’t sit still I don’t know what to do 1.5 months CT STUPID I’m losing it ears hurt from wearing 24/7 ear protection from previously existing hyperacusis WAY worse from CT will go back to baseline? Scared of trigeminal neuralgia from wearing muffs too tight bad nerve pain behind ears in jaw can’t do it

God please help us 

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I remember your story. It's quite traumatic. I would follow the doctor's orders. It's getting worse and worse. Relying on an online peer support forum at this point is a blind alley.

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@[Es...] I don’t know if my Dr would take me back 

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They will. They must. They are under the Hippocratic oath. If not, they must suggest another pdoc ASAP. You're in a critical condition. Beg them, apologize, do what it takes. They are human beings after all.

When I was very young, I had one female pdoc who rejected me, cause I wasn't making "enough progress". With the BZD. I went downhill so fast after that. The mere fact of having been rejected. I still remember her in her cosy room, with a dog in her lap. I hate her to this day. I never had a female pdoc afterwards. I tend to project conflicts with Mother on some women.