Tapering benzo, or People-anxiety?

[[or...]]

Not sure if it's circumstances, or wd sxs but I've had some bad-ass anxiety which makes me shake really pretty bad.  Especially my head and hands.

A little history:  I've always gotten the shakes when I got nervous, as long back as I can remember, especially noticed it while in school/class. Anxiety, sweating, embarrassment just made it all worse.  In 1988 I began feeling my neck pull to the left, including a tremor in my head and hands.  That's when I went to 2 neurologists, first one sent me to the next one that put me on the 1mg I am tapering off of today.

So I'm doing a very, slow taper, about 2-3%, 2 x a month, according to stability or lack there of, but want to stay under 5%. 

I've now decided to get out more, not so much isolation but it's not going so well.  Two things I can do with basically no anxiety, grocery store, gym workouts, and walks, especially at the beach   I tried to play Pinochle with 3 other people, and one just raised my anxiety to the level 9 (meaning I didn't blow up to make it a level 10). After just two times of the "game-night" I quit.  The person's manners were horrific, and they wouldn't shut up.  I knew they were like that but tried to become part of the group anyway.  It gets so lonely as many of you retired, older folks like me will understand.

It's hard to tell if it's wd sxs ramping up, or just being around the wrong types of people.  It's hard to realize it is very best to stay away from anyone that has that effect on me.  I've heard many times, "well, you need to learn how to let it roll off your back".  Well guess what, I've lost that ability to ignore, or "handle" certain types.

Does that make me a failure at being the people-person I used to be, or is it just the benzo and tapering off it?  I don't cope, as a doctor would say, I can't cope with all the things I used to.  Now that I wrote that, I remember I always hung out with people I felt comfy with, maybe it isn't so abnormal, and it just now shows more as I live in a place that is like the Funny-farm, and I'm just one of the animals

I really didn't want to try and be funny, it hurts really bad where I'm at today, I mean it hurts my heart, Denise ♥️

Edited September 9, 2023 by [or...]

[Guest [...]]

Please don’t be so hard on yourself @[or...]

Some people are just more difficult to be around, and that’s just a fact. But, we don’t experience it anywhere near as much (physically) when our CNS is chemically balanced. Our emotions may get triggered, but our internal system doesn’t trip out, go into a state of chaos and cause an internal earthquake. 

You wanted to get out to be around others, to connect, so please don’t let that one experience discourage you. Your system reacted perfectly normally for someone going through benzo withdrawal. Maybe just be a little more selective about who you share company with while you’re going through this withdrawal and recovery process. Gentle people are perfect for us. 

We do need to learn to let go of as much as possible when we’re going through this process, so it’s best to avoid being drawn into confrontation, or even simply over-analysing and becoming silently annoyed with another’s behaviour, as this also leads to a continual buildup of negative energy within the body that needs to be released, or it will simply continue to build, peak, and completely overload your nervous system.

The absence of our Gabba neurotransmitters, which normally maintain a calm CNS, actually give us a very unique insight into the way positive and negative emotional energies impact our physical bodies. When our CNS neurotransmitters are in balance, our nervous system is kind of sheltered from the storm of emotional energies by the neurotransmitters… these storms have always come and gone… the emotional energy of those storms hasn’t changed… it’s just that the CNS is no longer sheltered by the neurotransmitters, therefore, the CNS can no longer protect the rest of the body from the flood of emotional energy. 

I know that doesn’t help… I just find it interesting in terms of ENERGY. 

 

 

 

[[or...]]

are you kidding, ohmygosh, this helped me so much!!  You explained it in terms I understand and can't thank you enough.  It is about getting that balance back, maybe not perfectly balanced, but any balance would add quality of life @[Wi...] I am hanging onto this post from you, I get it all! I'll just stick with gentle, quieter folks.  I know they are out there:) Thank you again, I'm so glad I posted it, I really hesitated but this has made my day!! Denise

[Guest [...]]

You’re very welcome, Denise 

 

[[or...]]

Just to let you know, I talked to the gentlest soul I know here, and he and I decided to play a game of Scrabble.  He is fun and has a sense of humor I know it won't stress me out, and he never has, going to try it out, see how it goes He also knows about my situation with tapering, but he never got into prescription drugs, but still very understanding and doesn't try to fix me I'll let you know, if you don't mind @[Wi...] how it goes. Denise

[Guest [...]]

No worries, Denise.

Enjoy the scrabble!

I’ve played quite a bit of scrabble myself (online). It’s a great game. 

 

[[or...]]

11 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

No worries, Denise.

Enjoy the scrabble!

I’ve played quite a bit of scrabble myself (online). It’s a great game. 

I love the online games, almost forgot about them, and I really enjoy them, can go at my own speed I found a pretty cool site, cardgames.io. Helps with brain exercise, but not overwhelming for sure.  I love Hidden object games too.  Ok, enough outa me, but your post changed my whole attitude, I'm getting ready now to go to my gym, mostly older, and serious folks there so no stress at all for me there, just the workout, but it's oh so good for me later, and ty again, so much! Denise

[Guest [...]]

Enjoy the workout, and do a few reps for me. 

[[or...]]

I went through the whole process of cancelling my pinochle-night and the hostess was very sweet about it.  I know she understands, without me having to go into too much detail about why I couldn't cope.  She has an uncanny way of just not letting people get to her  

I haven't felt well this last week, so I rested quite a bit except for grocery store, and just two trips to the gym.  All good outings, but hope to get in more walks as we are having such a nice September, weather-wise.  Our nearby giant fire (85,000 acres 18 or less miles from me), still just 19% contained yesterday. No smoke down here near the ocean, lots of wind and sunshine. Hard not to think about the devastation it's done to people and animals, but I don't dwell on things I can't change.

I do feel much calmer lately so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.  We do have to try things we haven't done I guess, to find out what we can still handle, and what we can't as we get through the taper and the I know the healing has already started "during" my taper. It feels good to accept/understand, but not think any sxs are permanent.  I love the "windows" and know that they'll come more often, and last longer Denise

 

[[Ma...]]

On 07/09/2023 at 10:31, [[o...] said:

Not sure if it's circumstances, or wd sxs but I've had some bad-ass anxiety which makes me shake really pretty bad.  Especially my head and hands.

A little history:  I've always gotten the shakes when I got nervous, as long back as I can remember, especially noticed it while in school/class. Anxiety, sweating, embarrassment just made it all worse.  In 1988 I began feeling my neck pull to the left, including a tremor in my head and hands.  That's when I went to 2 neurologists, first one sent me to the next one that put me on the 1mg I am tapering off of today.

So I'm doing a very, slow taper, about 2-3%, 2 x a month, according to stability or lack there of, but want to stay under 5%. 

I've now decided to get out more, not so much isolation but it's not going so well.  Two things I can do with basically no anxiety, grocery store, gym workouts, and walks, especially at the beach   I tried to play Pinochle with 3 other people, and one just raised my anxiety to the level 9 (meaning I didn't blow up to make it a level 10). After just two times of the "game-night" I quit.  The person's manners were horrific, and they wouldn't shut up.  I knew they were like that but tried to become part of the group anyway.  It gets so lonely as many of you retired, older folks like me will understand.

It's hard to tell if it's wd sxs ramping up, or just being around the wrong types of people.  It's hard to realize it is very best to stay away from anyone that has that effect on me.  I've heard many times, "well, you need to learn how to let it roll off your back".  Well guess what, I've lost that ability to ignore, or "handle" certain types.

Does that make me a failure at being the people-person I used to be, or is it just the benzo and tapering off it?  I don't cope, as a doctor would say, I can't cope with all the things I used to.  Now that I wrote that, I remember I always hung out with people I felt comfy with, maybe it isn't so abnormal, and it just now shows more as I live in a place that is like the Funny-farm, and I'm just one of the animals

I really didn't want to try and be funny, it hurts really bad where I'm at today, I mean it hurts my heart, Denise ♥️

A single stressful person can ruin everything for me.  I feel like I have done pretty well with my taper as far as getting out and handling anxiety.  I am 50, retired, and trying to live my best life.  I go to the gym every day, run errands, volunteer for 7 hours once a week, etc.  I choose to be around only a certain group of people socially because high strung people and me are like oil and water.  I’m not 20 anymore and it’s ok that I let those people out of my life and wish them well.  I don’t think it’s the benzos or that your anxiety is controlling you based on what you describe.  I just try more and more as i get older to only choose people and situations that make me feel at ease.  

Edited September 9, 2023 by [Ma...]

[[or...]]

I would agree with most of what you say about getting out, and mingling with safe people, as safe as we can find . The more active/busy I stay, the better.  I keep my relationships at arms length for now, because I find myself to be more vulnerable.  I also believe I had these issues before the C benzo but not to this extreme.  Yes, it can be age, not everyone with high anxiety takes a benzo for it, I know that has to be true. 

I also believe the tolerance wd had started years ago as I never went up from 1 mg per day of the C.  Withdrawing from a drug I took for 35 years does play a big part in my anxiety, and not coping with difficult situations.  Out of the blue, my anxiety (coupled with an uncontrollable tremor) can go from about the usual 2 or 3, to a 10.

Everyone has their own experience, and I'm glad you've found your way, I am finding mine as well Denise

[[Ma...]]

Yeah, you’ll find yours.  Even on my worst days, reminding myself that I’ve made progress and that virtually everybody heals after this poison is gone from their system keeps me going.  Take care of yourself. 

[[Su...]]

1 hour ago, [[o...] said:

also believe the tolerance wd had started years ago as I never went up from 1 mg per day of the C.  Withdrawing from a drug I took for 35 years does play a big part in my anxiety, and not coping with difficult situations.  Out of the blue, my anxiety (coupled with an uncontrollable tremor) can go from about the usual 2 or 3, to a 10.

@[or...]

I think I was in tolerance withdrawal for years as well.  I had unexplained physical symptoms....but my mental symptoms, looking back,  were huge. My personal interaction/  anxiety profile looks just like yours now but in the past I know I spent time with and socialized enjoyably.  When my mind spins out of control I feel like I never had this good interactions.

I guess I am at the point where I am thinking about what person I will be on the other side of this.  I think for long time klonopin users like us it's hard to remember what came before.  

I think it's ok if it's different. 

[[or...]]

I think about the "how it will be" when I'm off the drug, have to use coping skills without the crutches, but I believe we'll both be much stronger than we realize.  I may be unrealistic but I feel this could be maybe the best part of my life.  I have gotten so discouraged getting older, but then something happens in this tapering/recovery that just seems to shine a bright light at the end of the tunnel.  The even through my "waves" and complaints, maybe some depression, and my benzo brain telling me I'm not recovering at all, I see the lie, and still have my hope.  My lack of faith and hope are very short-lived, mostly thanks to the good I read here, but also from an inner-peace that, that Light is shining through.  What a heck of a ride hey Denise

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