Jump and supoort

[[Bo...]]

Need a lot of support …. I jumped at some point last week bc I had told my mom to change my bottle without me knowing. Been a hell of a time and Im just struggling with insane brain intrusive and racing so fast.

the mental aka is also so hard bc it has me thinking crazy thoughts that are NOT ME. I worry I should have slowed down this summer given how functional I was and now no idea what I’ve done to my body and brain. And of course no one knows what and when anything will improve again. Hormones are really bad for me now too snd so I’m so overwhelmed.

had really hoped the way things were going that I’d have maybe an increase in symptoms a bit but never knew the bottom could fall out on me after trying to do a slow taper and listen to my body and manage thru some hell of times.

I want to survive this and need so much support. My family struggles with me bc I am so off the wall yet I can’t walk to go for a walk and I just feel I’m losing it, I know the dang benzo lies that I was so on top of for so long and listened  Jenn Swans videos and juts managed this.

I need a foothold so badly. i never had any issues going out if my house this whole time except for physically, never mentally. Now I feel I have every dang mental symptom. And I can’t turn back the clock and slow down.

I was so hopeful and proud and thought ok I was one of few who got easier going below .125mg snd now I am a wreck.

I just feel so so so down. Thank yiu for the love and support. I feel so alone and have to isolate in my room and everything is too stimulating. I pray God hears the prayers, I’ve never prayed for myself before this situation. I just want to make it.

[[de...]]

Hey, there!   Let's try to think through a few things.   

First, and most importantly, you will make it.   You will get through this and get to the other side.    Please take a minute or two, if you can, and remember how far you have come.    

Second, you are not alone.   This is a difficult journey, but there are plenty of people here to support you.   

Since you have not had these intense symptoms before, it is important that you begin to use some coping skills.    Breathing exercises, distraction, light exercise (even if it is just moving around your room), watching movies, guided meditation.    I used a lot of self talk during my times of intense symptoms.   Constantly reminding myself that I was going to get better.  

Don't beat yourself up; you did your taper and now you have jumped.    You are experiencing the acute part of this process and hopefully it will not last too long.  

I totally understand you feeling down.   I know you are disappointed that you are not going to escape some of the more intense symptoms.    I have had many days where I just couldn't see past the pain of the symptoms - both mentally and physically.  

Since you have been listening to Jennifer Swantkowski you know how much emphasis she places on trying not to focus on symptoms.   Also, accepting where you are at the moment and not fighting the symptoms.    

Please keep reaching out for support!

 

[[Bo...]]

Thank uiu. Anything to distract us so stimulating it makes me worse. Even typing on here but I have nothing else. I have had some very intense symptoms averaged about 20-30 a day but the akathiisa and chemical terror and screaming in my head is just not something I’ve had all together. 
I appreciate the kind words and bearing with me. I could watch baseball this spring and movies and do just fine where last year I couldn’t at all but I didn’t have the terror. I just couldn’t process all the talking or movement on tv and bedbound with POtS. This year got out and about sometimes could listen tI music and shows and wasn’t terrified of making it to the next hour.

Feel it’s like a setback along with acute snd who has had that?! I mean June I could drive a couple days organize closets, paint, type on computer get my own food, go to a restaurant, this stuff throughout spring. 
such a dramatic swing and just don’t see that a lot so I’m just way wishing I had what I had before.

thank yiu so much 

[[Ma...]]

Hi there. I’m on a similar timeline to you, but I haven’t made it as far as you have with my tapering. It may feel like a Pyrrhic victory now, I’m sure, but you have made it to zero! I’d say that is a huge step. 
 

This process is so crushingly difficult. I started 1 mg of Klonopin at the start of the pandemic, became dependent, finally started tapering in November 21 and now 22 months later I’m at around .125mg. I would just say, I too struggle with the thoughts of how much better I was doing even at higher doses. It’s hard to deal with remembering, and the better times feel so long ago. But every day without any drug in your system is one day closer to feeling better!

i like to watch baseball too. On tv of course, can’t go to an actual game haha. One of the few things that isn’t super stimulating to watch.

[[mi...]]

@[Ma...] How has your taper gone to now? I started tapering 0.5mg K around Nov 21 also. I’m down to .160mg. I was super stable until about three months ago when my cuts caught up with me and I had a few brand switches that totally destabilized me. I don’t know how much of this is me getting lower vs me just needing to hold and let my body catch up. The taper has been very manageable until this massive setback. Maybe I haven’t been able to relax as much as I used to but I mean in March I went to the World Baseball Classic in Miami for three games and had zero issues with late nights, chanting, adrenaline, etc. I went to several college baseball games in early June and enjoyed them without issue. I was planning a three week vacation in June and was not worried about it at all. Massive road trip. Then I crashed and now I barely leave the house. I have been able to handle to much stress until this crash. I’m wondering if I restabilize or if things will get harder as I get lower. Did you ever feel stable tapering and when or how did things get worse. I don’t know if this is just a crash or a new norm. I was so good. 

[[Bo...]]

Glucose probs I had couple years ago in this sr e back , dropped to 51 today. Can’t even take my full thyroid med (prior to this I had hashimotos) bc it makes me so sick. 
I just need some support bc I can’t just eat anything like a smoothie or soup and be ok bc I swing so low.

 Vitamin D a few weeks ago was 11, lowest it’s ever been and I can’t supplement. 

I hate this bc everyone says ya yiu feel like you’re dying bit when things are so out of range it’s really not a good feeling to jus say well it will even out. Things did for me after I figured out to do more keto with adrenals struggling and insulin stuff two yrs ago snd I improved snd didn’t look st glucose since.

 Here I am again and not sure what to do bc I can’t change anything else .I’ve always been healthy a runner juts ate all types of things and no issue 

I hate not knowing how to help my body and what to do 

[[An...]]

@[Bo...] I'm sorry this is so rough. I very much understand the blood sugar issues and the vitamin deficiencies. Last month my D level was 19, so in the same boat here and cannot take a supplement. I am thinking of getting one of those D lamps because I don't know how else to address this issue. 

What are you able to eat right now? I'm pretty sure we're similar with food sensitivities, only handling a few foods. 

I have terrible malabsorption right now and this weekend my fmd said it's all coming from my dysregulated nervous system. He feels that once our cns gains stability, nutritional issues will resolve. I'm still worried, because I have a long way to go, but you are off now, and will likely start to stabilize. It's so hard not to worry about all this, of course. I am right with you in grieving the loss of good health because of this. Was also a long distance runner and enjoyed great fitness. I'm thinking you will start to turn a corner soon. 

Praying for you every day. 💜🙏

[[Bo...]]

An angel Anna… hugs and lots of love to you. I tried the vitamin D patches from patch md. I stopped using for awhile in spring when I was outside a bunch. Now scared to try but I did cut them in tiny pieces being paranoid as I am with my reaction to even 200iu kid dose drop in my full glass of water. Ugh im sorry you struggle with this as well. Makes it so hard when we’d like to get on top of our health but yet hands tied. 
so you know my level improved a lot thru taper and I was better physically at lower doses so know that things do shift for the good in a taper as you go down. Hugs friend and thank you for your prayers and lifting me up. 

[[Ma...]]

@[mi...] You were doing a lot better than me then. I’ve not been able to leave my hometown really since before I started tapering. Too anxious. Definitely got a lot harder for me when I got to around .25. Which I probably tapered too fast. I went from 1 mg to .25 in about four months, hit a pretty bad wall and stayed there until last fall.
 

Then I went down to .125 (yes too big of a cut), felt pretty good for a month besides some panic attacks which are normal for me especially with such a big cut, so I tried tapering again to about .1, but big caveat I didn’t have a scale and I was just eyeballing these little pieces of pills. It hit me very hard within a few days. 

i ended up updosing all the way back to .5 and stayed there until this summer. Started to be able to feel confident enough to drive out of town again, so I resumed tapering. Now im back down to approximately .15, I have a jewelers scale this time. My main symptoms now are a terrible urge to clear my throat constantly, and coughing along with it. And just overall heightened anxiety, but not as bad as it has been at times. But I keep my routine very relaxed. No three week roadtrips or world baseball classic for me haha. 
 

But yeah, sounds like you’ve tapered slowly, which is good! But I think around the dose we are both at now, it becomes harder for a lot of people. Certainly has been for me.

[[mi...]]

@[Ma...] wow you did taper fast! What percentage and how often did you cut since the summer. I have been doing about 6% per month and I feel every cut. But I was so functional. Cuts were catching up to me but I was still ok. Probably needed a hold and didn’t. I was doing pretty well otherwise until I changed brands and tried liquid and the bottom fell out. Im now back on my original brand and trying to stabilize for a month. I know I am lower now and need to be careful. But I can’t imagine I can’t get back to similar functionality if I just go slower. I literally lived a normal life all the way down with a few bumps here and there. I went to slow and I was doing ok. Never once felt like it was too much. Fingers crossed.