Please help - Wave (Caused by Mirtazapine? or Stress)

[[am...]]

Hi - me again,

Just updating y'all as I've gotten worse, in some ways. Background: I was cut C/T off Valium last year in August (12 months ago) after 2 years of use against my will by the doctor who put me on it. Before that, I was already experiencing tolerance withdrawal I believe. Before I ever touched benzos in 2019 I was put on 7.5 Mirtazapine/Remeron for sleep issues (wasn't sleeping at all) and have been on doses 3.75mg, 7.5mg, and 15mg across those 4 years. 

I was in a horrible wave in July of this year. Really mental symptoms, mostly agitation and depression. I was suicidal and terrified and ended up in an outpatient pscyh hospital program that did not help. I came to the conclusion that it might have been the Mirtazapine triggering the wave as I'd recently gone up from 3.75 to 7.5 at the end of June, due to feeling low, not depressed, just low energy ect. After going up again I felt okay for a while but then spiralled into the aforementioned suicidal depression. 

After that, I decided to cut down again to 3.75 and suddenly I felt nothing. No stress response. Nothing. So then I just stopped taking the meds for a few days because I was over it and depressed. I was just a husk. I ended up having ANOTHER breakdown. I went to my GP and she said I should take 7.5 for a while (a month) and if that doesn't work she will help me liquid taper off it. I'm scared though. I feel bad when I go down/ off and I feel bad when I go up. I feel bad ALL THE TIME. I can't stop sleeping and I'm having so much REM sleep I wake up gagging and with headaches.

Over the weekend hospital for a psych stay, which only lasted a day because my symptoms became so physical they didn't know what to do with me. I had upped my dose to 7.5mg and I began breaking out into stress fevers, vomiting, seeing lights, and confusion. I felt like I was back in my acute phase of my Valium withdrawal. Almost all the same symptoms came back and I am terrified. I'm getting electric shock pain all over my body and my DP/DR is unbearable. I don't know what to do. The obvious choice would be to come off Mirt but thats going to take months and I feel like changing my doses this rapidly is doing more harm than good. I never had an issue with Mirtazapine before my benzo withdrawal. Should I just continue to take the 7.5 for the month? 

I'm scared messing with my doses has caused my CNS to go into overdrive or shut off completely and I'm scared I'm going to have a seizure or go blind or die.

Any sort of advice would be appreciated guys.

[[am...]]

hey guys is there somewhere else i should post this

[[de...]]

Would it be possible for you to put your history with Valium and Mirtazpine in the About Me section of your profile?  This is so helpful when trying to answer your questions.

[[de...]]

I am not familiar with Remeron withdrawal, but my guess is that it should also be tapered very slowly.   Your system is still very sensitive and any changes in medication, especially if they are rapid, could possibly cause distress.   I would suggest that you not make any changes to your Remeron, continuing the 7.5 dose,  until you have stabilized, and then get a plan for tapering.   

[[Fa...]]

Hi, @[am...],

I agree with @[de...] regarding the 'History' section of your profile.  I don't know the time frames exactly you were on doses of mirtazapine either, but it sounds as if you were fairly stable on 3.75mg prior to upping the dose.  I would assume your CNS has not fully recovered from you cold turkey of valium and is still fragile (hence the drastic changes and symptoms when you change dosage of mirtazapine).

If you have been at the 7.5mg dose for a period of weeks, I agree you need to stabilize at said dose and then proceed with a slow taper.  You may post to the attached thread as well with members whom have experience with withdrawing from mirtazapine (in addition to benzos):