I need help please, I'm desperate

[[Lo...]]

Take Clonazepam for three and a half years, between 2mg and 6mg a day. I have 13 months of cold turkey. My worst symptom is paranoia, I'm tired of walking around my house paranoid thinking that someone is always watching me, this makes me not leave my house because I think that all people are looking at me. ¿Is it normal for this symptom to last so long?.

[[Pa...]]

Hello Lookingforhappiness, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I dealt with paranoia too, and I did a cold turkey from a similar dose as you, and yes, this is normal.  Are you still experiencing physical symptoms?  

What have you tried to combat these feelings, have you tried forcing yourself out for short walks maybe at dusk, I used that and it helped me.  

[[Lo...]]

Thanks for the welcome. Believe me I'm tired of dealing with paranoia, my mother lives in the background and when I go to her house, I get the thought that the neighbor next door is watching me (the neighbor isn't even there) and when I leave My mother's house, I feel constantly watched by my mother, this never happened to me, not even when I was taking benzos, nor before. In addition, when I leave my mother's house, if she is sitting in the dining room, her image remains engraved in my brain, it must be because of my bad memory, I want to believe, because also when I see a person or a car, The image of the car or the person stays with me for a few seconds. Sometimes I don't know whether to take a psychiatric pill for this symptom of paranoia but I keep holding on as best I can because I never felt like this. I rarely leave my house, mostly at night and by bicycle. If I go walking, I start walking fast when there are people walking behind me, because I feel like they are going to persecute me and do something, besides feeling observed and judged, it is a This is crazy, ¿How long did your paranoia last? I read cases that this feeling of feeling observed lasted up to two years. My biggest fear is if I'm going to stay like this forever and I get sad.

I have many physical symptoms, feeling short of breath, lack of balance when walking that makes me feel clumsy when I walk, involuntary movements with my hands and arms, completely blurred vision, strong palpitations mostly in the morning when I wake up and in the evening. night, my molars and teeth creak, I have no focus with my vision, I can't focus my gaze on anything.

[[Pa...]]

How long any of our symptoms are going to last is an unknown we all wish we knew the answer to, I recovered at 14 months but I'm one of the luckier ones around here.  The fact you're still dealing with physical symptoms lets me know you've still got a ways to go but I've rarely seen paranoia be the last one to go, it wasn't for me.  

Its difficult to make sense of what this process does to us but what I found is that when I recovered, everything went back to normal for me.  No lingering thoughts or symptoms and no PTSD of this experience, only gratitude.

I would sometimes talk to the fears, I'd tell them this isn't real, its not me and it won't be me when I recover, this took away a bit of their power.  

[[Lo...]]

Thanks again for responding.

I paid many psychologists and no one understands this abstinence thing, no matter how much Ashton's manual shows them, now I no longer go to any psychologist, also I can't pay because I'm not working.

I think the same thing, the fact that I'm still dealing with so many physical and psychological symptoms, because it's not only paranoia, it makes me think that I'm still healing and at some point, the paranoia will disappear. I have dp/dr, a lot of anxiety that I can't concentrate on anything, fear of everything (At night I have to close the kitchen and bathroom doors because I think someone is going to persecute me, anger, too many obsessions, phobia. Question Why when I'm walking down a sidewalk and a person walking or more people comes in front of me, it causes me discomfort, fear, I get nervous, ¿Is it agorophobia?.

 

[[Pa...]]

I think we suffer from many symptoms that mimic real conditions, that's why so many of us pick up labels and more Rx's when we visit a doctor with our symptoms.  The key thing you've mentioned here is that you didn't suffer with any of this before this experience and in my opinion, you won't when you recover.  

You're dealing with a brain injury and it takes time to heal, no one truly understands how these drugs affect us, that's why so many of the commercials we see on TV say, this drug is thought to act on this, no one really knows what they can do. 

Have you seen this?  

 

[[Lo...]]

 

In 2 days it will be 14 months free, CT of K, I took benzos for 3 and a half years. ¿Can someone tell me if paranoid thoughts really go away? I'm thinking that I'll develop a mental disorder with paranoia I don't know how much longer I'll hold on guys, I'm thinking that all the people are watching and judging me 24/7.

Here is a list of the symptoms that I still have.

•Depersonalization/Derealization

•Severe anxiety

•Severe paranoia

•Agoraphobia

•Irrational fears

•Feeling short of breath 24/7 •Tachycardia-Panic attacks

•Completely blurred vision

•Gonna

•Head shaking

•Memory problems

•Focus problems

•Unwanted thoughts, obsessive thoughts •Intrusive memories

•Anhedonia

•Akathisia

•Irritability

•Stiff neck and legs

I have many more symptoms, I only put the worst.

 

[[Br...]]

@[Lo...]  Withdrawal symptoms like the ones you describe can go on for many months.  Have your symptoms become more intense recently? Or have they been the same for a while? Have you had an increase in stress in your life?  We know that increased stress and the appearance of new stressors can lead to more intense withdrawal symptoms or waves.  

Healing can take way longer than seems reasonable and many of us have felt discouraged about our own recovery.  You have been strong through this journey so far and that same strength will help you as you move forward.

[[Lo...]]

 

A little over a month ago, my grandfather passed away, that made the fear and paranoia more intense to the point of being afraid inside my own house, now not anymore. But now the symptoms are back to the way they were before my grandfather's death. My question and great doubt is, ¿Is it normal to have all these symptoms at 14 months? The one that worries me the most is paranoia. ¿Are there cases of people who had severe paranoia for more than 14 months? I'm tired of thinking that everyone is looking at me, I feel schizophrenic.

 

[[Br...]]

Everyone's withdrawal is different.  There's a very wide range of how long recovery can take.  For some people symptoms can remain for many months.  It isn't unusual to suffer with withdrawal symptoms at 14 months.  Paranoia is a symptom that comes up on the forums.  If you do a search by entering "paranoia" in the Search box upper right you'll find posts mentioning it.  

It has only been a short time since you lost your grandfather.  Was he ill before he passed away?  We know that stress can make withdrawal symptoms more intense. 

Again, it can take a long time for our central nervous system to repair itself from the changes caused by benzos.  As you probably know, the fear center of the brain has to work hard to find equilibrium again.  Put simply, the destabilized fear center sends out alarm signals wildly and there's almost never any real threat.  But over time, with healing these alarm signals start to ease up.

[[Lo...]]

 

Before my grandfather passed away, I was very sick, my symptoms were very strong, just now I am noticing an improvement but very slowly, crazy things happen to me, like for example, listening to the noise of the birds singing when it is getting day light, It gives me an inexplicable feeling of well-being that I haven't felt for years, not even the years I've been taking benzos, I guess that's a sign that I'm healing.

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by [Lo...]

[[Br...]]

12 hours ago, [[L...] said:

for example, listening to the noise of the birds singing when it is getting day light, It gives me an inexplicable feeling of well-being that I haven't felt for years, not even the years I've been taking benzos, I guess that's a sign that I'm healing.

Yes, I think it's so good to take notice of small signs like this.  Your story reminds me of a time when I was in the middle of rough withdrawal.  I saw a hummingbird hovering over the flowers in my yard.  I saw and felt a sense of awe at how miraculous and beautiful the little bird was.  It was the first time in months I had seen something beautiful and not been overwhelmed by a sense of tragedy and doom.  It's horrible that we go through this but we are all heading toward recovery.

[[Lo...]]

 

Hay días que me siento más o menos bien a lo largo del día o de la tarde/noche, hay una mejoría respecto a meses anteriores, esos días que me siento un poco bien, ¿son días que tengo ventanas? o ¿Para que haya ventana los síntomas tienen que desaparecer? Me gustaría saber eso.

¿How long did it take you to feel normal?.

 

Edited August 31, 2023 by [Lo...]

[[Br...]]

@[Lo...] I put your post through Google translator and this is what came up  ( I wish I knew Spanish!) - please let me know if it's accurate:

"There are days that I feel more or less well throughout the day or in the evening/night, there is an improvement compared to previous months, those days that I feel a bit well, are they days that I have windows? o For there to be a window, do the symptoms have to disappear? I would like to know that."

Windows can be different from one person to another.  I don't think symptoms have to disappear for you to have a window.  I think for some of us a window can just feel closer to the way we normally felt before benzo withdrawal, but not necessarily free of symptom.  Windows can last an hour, a few hours, a day, a few days, a month, months.  As you see, there's wide variation.  The common thread is that there is some lifting of symptoms and there is a glimpse of what recovery may look like.  

You won't be surprised to hear that recovery can take longer for some of us than others.  Some will heal in a matter of months.  Other will take significantly longer.  But most lie somewhere in between.  

The best thing we can do is to take as good care of ourselves as we can and try to distract ourselves from our symptom.  Distraction is a powerful tool to lean on during withdrawal.  Distraction means pouring yourself into an activity that absorbs your attention.  This helps shift your attention away from your symptoms and helps give you some relief.  Activities can be all kinds of things like walking in nature, listening to music, watching a funny show, drawing/painting, cooking, and so on.  

[[Lo...]]

 

 

I was wrong and published in Spanish, sorry!. But yes, that is the post I made.

 

It is difficult to distract myself by going for a walk alone, when I feel observed by everyone, even at home the same thing happens to me with my family, feeling observed at all times, the few times I leave my house, it is by bicycle.

 

¿Is it paranoia that happens to me from thinking that my neighbor is looking at me every time I walk down the hall of my house or is it a hallucination? Because the neighbor isn't even here, anyway I feel constantly watched by him, it seems like a mixture of depersonalization, paranoia and extreme anxiety, I never experienced this madness. And if my neighbor is there, I also feel observed, I even usually wait for my neighbor from outside his garden to go to the back of my house, so he doesn't see me. As soon as I wake up every day, this thought activates me, "When I go to the back of my house, I'm going to feel watched by my neighbor", then when I go to the bathroom, that thought reappears and so on throughout the day. ¿How could I call these thoughts? It's as if my brain anticipates something that is going to happen, unwanted thoughts, maybe they are intrusive thoughts, I don't know what to call it, I hope these thoughts will disappear sometime, my biggest fear is thinking that I'm going to stay like this all my life.

 

 

 

 

[[Br...]]

I'm so sorry - this is a terribly unfair kind of torture you're going through.  Your nervous system has been through so much.  Benzo withdrawal is one of the hardest things many of us will ever experience - so not only are you recovering from that - it is even harder because stopped by cold turkey.  As I'm sure you know CT can significantly destabilize your nervous system and for many people it can take a while to heal from it.  And on top of that you lost your grandfather while you were in withdrawal.  This is all very hard stuff and unfortunately it makes sense that your withdrawal symptoms are intense.  Many of us have thought we would never feel like ourselves again.  It was true for me, but healing happened - it was slow, but it happened.  You will get through this.