5 months without Klonopin and with an exaggerated fear of people

[[Ye...]]

Hello everyone! I was born and live in Spain (Europe). My name is Simon and I'm 37 years old. I'm writting here because I have not found anything convincing in my language. I will tell you my beautiful and endearing story.

 

Thirteen years ago I started taking Rivotril (clonopin for all of you) and seroxat (an antidepressant that is also valid to help with social phobia) prescribed by a private psychiatrist for a major problem of social phobia that really limited my life in the work aspect, love and friendship aspects and when relating to any human being, in absolutely everything and in a disproportionate, cruel and very unfair way.

 

With the antidepressant (seroxat) I always stayed at the same amount, but with rivotril (clonopin) I started taking 0.5 mg and the last few years I ended up with 8 mg.

In the end, I felt more and more insecure and with a growing rage towards the world. One day a person who was supposed to understand the subject and knew what he was doing encouraged me to stop the pills suddenly to get my life back. I (in my ignorance and growing despair) did so and stopped all the pills overnight.

 

The first two months were terrifying and I had many symptoms such as total insomnia the first 15 days, fatigue, weakness, difficulty thinking and remembering, mental electricity, seizures, derealization, depersonalization and many other things.

I could say that all the physical effects in my particular case were bearable and went away within 2 months, but it was the psychological symptoms that really put me (and continue to put me) at the limit. Although there was a small improvement from the first month until now, then it has remained stagnant, exactly the same.

 

It was the fear of people (much more exaggerated than I originally had before taking the pills), irritability, anger (depression), a total lack of enthusiasm and motivation for absolutely everything, that really made it very difficult for me.

 

Because of these three things, especially a fear so exaggerated that I can't handle, I live in my bed for the last 5 months of my life, which is the only place where I feel less bad and don't go outside except when I have no other choice.

 

I also have a stationary bike where I do exercise four times a week.

At the moment I can only wait for my brain to readapt and stabilize until it reaches a minimum where I can handle myself on the street like a normal person and that is still not possible for me.

Subtracting the minuscule improvement since the beginning of this process in terms of fear, there has been no progress.

 

I have the illusion and the hope of having read in different places that it is from 6 months to 1 year when anxiety and fear begin to reduce significantly.

 

I try to stay at rest and isolated and let the days go by and pass until I start to notice real improvement. But to manage the feeling of hopelessness, the damn fear, and the uncertainty of what will have happened to my original social phobia, whether it will have disappeared or remained over the course of these years (13) and how much of the fear I feel now is produced by my original social phobia or how much by the withdrawal syndrome... 

There is something that I don't quite understand and that is why I ask you. If over time the pills stop working as a result of tolerance (here are 13 years taking them) and in fact begin to perform the opposite effect for which you started taking them, how is it that in this time I have had the social phobia relatively under control, even at the end? Shouldn't the social phobia have to reappear at some point as a result of that tolerance?

I don't get it...

 

It's desperate. Crazy! The truth is that everything is very demoralizing.

 

Thank you all very much for reading and I apologize in advance, as I have tried to express myself in English as best as possible despite it no

t being my mother tongue.

[[je...]]

Hi @[Ye...]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

Thanks for sharing your story with us! Going cold turkey off 8mg Rivotril is huge and I'm glad you've recovered from the worst of the acute phase. It is normal to still have withdrawal symptoms several months after quitting. I am almost 9 months benzo free after a 2mg Rivotril taper and still experiencing symptoms. As you noted, it takes time and the duration for varies for each individual. 

Your question related to your social phobia and benzo's - benzo's are very tricky and mysterious drugs. We just don't know exactly how it affects the brain. It could be that during the years on this drug you've learned some natural coping skills in how to manage social phobia. There could be other psychological factors at play or it could be that tolerance only presented with certain symptoms and it didn't affect your original condition. It's very hard to tell.

It's good to see you are able to do some exercise and even with your symptoms you sound hopeful. I'm hoping to see some continued improvement in your recovery. We all understand what you are going through and how difficult this journey can be. But you've already pushed through so much, you should be very proud of yourself!

[[Ye...]]

14 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Hola @[ Y...]

¡Bienvenido a BenzoBuddies!

¡Gracias por compartir tu historia con nosotros! Salir de pavo frío de 8 mg Rivotril es enorme y me alegra que te hayas recuperado de lo peor de la fase aguda. Es normal tener sútomas de abstinencia varios meses después de dejar de fumar. Tengo casi 9 meses sin benzo después de un cono Rivotril de 2 mg y todavía tengo síntomas. Como equipo, lleva tiempo y la duración varía para cada individuo. 

Su pregunta relacionada con su fobia social y la de benzo: las de benzo son drogas muy difíciles y misteriosas. Simplemente no sabemos exactamente cómo afecta el cerebro. Podía ser que durante los años con este medicamento haya apreendido armas habilidades naturales de enfrentamiento sobre cómo manejar la fobia social. Podía haber otros factores psicológicos en juego o podería ser que la tolerancia solo presentara cambios en su condición original y sin efecto su condición original. Es muy difícil saberlo.

Es bueno ver que puede hacer algo de ejercicio e incluso con sus síntomas suena optimista. Espero ver una mejor continua en su recuperación. Todos entendemos por lo que está pasando y lo difícil que puede ser este viaje. Pero ya tiene hecho tanto esfuerzo, ¡deberías estar muy orgulloso de ti mismo!

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to tell me something. After so many months reading stories in this forum I decided to write mine, and I was very excited to see that someone had already told me something. I have read your answer with great attention and I am very happy to see that despite how disproportionate this experience is being you have noticed my relatively positive attitude (although my girlfriend would not agree).

I'm not having any kind of respite. From day 1 until today I have not had tranquility, it has been a small continuous hell.

You said that in your case you have been 8 months and that you still have some little thing out there. Would you say that from a certain month in your case you began to improve in a more noticeable way than the previous months?

And another question I would ask you is what symptoms were or are being the most difficult for you to carry and how long your cone took you.

Thank you very much! Best wishes and strength Jelly Baby 💪🏼

[[je...]]

I am sorry you are not having any windows or seeing improvement. I sometimes wonder if there is actually slight improvement but because every day feels like the previous day, we just don't notice it. Until one day we realise we've actually made some progress. Please don't get discouraged. It does take time, but from what we've seen the majority of people eventually recover.

My main symptoms are head pressure, headaches, brain fog, insomnia and memory loss. The problem with my recovery is that right after I jumped, I presented with a different health issue and the symptoms are very similar to benzo withdrawal. I cannot accurately track my recovery as I know most of my symptoms are also aggrevated by another health issue. Once my diagnosis is confirmed I should be able to get this health issue under control and get a better read on my benzo recovery.

I know it can sometimes feel never-ending and demoralizing. I've been on this benzo journey for more than 2.5 years now. (2 years tapering and 8 months benzo free). It is exhausting. But I know there's a great future waiting for us. What we're going through is not in vain. We're doing this so we can be free from these drugs and the side effects it causes, and live our best lives.