totally broken

[[am...]]

I'm 12 months off and not sure how much longer I can do this. My head pressure is insane, I'm agitated, confused and depressed and I'm burning all over my body still. I'm C/T off Valium after 3 years and was made to take antibiotics the week after withdrawing because they thought I had an infection. I'm only just learning this may have been detrimental to my healing and I could be permanently damaged. I have no idea what to do anymore. My family and friends don't understand whats happening to me and I'm so isolated (I live alone) I can't live like this anymore. Nothing has helped. No doctor has been able to help. I'm at the end of my rope and I just dont know if it's going to get better. Has anyone recovered from C/T withdrawal WITH antibiotics? 

[[ma...]]

You must keep going, ambspaws, you will get better, I know it doesn't feel that way but you will.  I  didn't C/T but i know many have and they have recovered, you will too, I do not believe you are permanently damaged.   I did a taper, nothing changed for me in the first 12 months, I was losing hope like you, I wasn't totally alone, I had my husband, but no one believed me.  I am sure a few months further on you will see a difference, around 14/15 months symptoms started to lift a little and at 18 months I was feeling great.  Hang in there, keep distracting, you will come through this.

Magrita

[[be...]]

@[am...] I am so sorry that you are suffering, I wish that things would even out and get better soon. I did not CT, but I know that post tapering it takes longer than we think to heal, you hang on and try to do the best you can each day, that is all one can do while going through a really hard time. Maybe try to distract by watching something silly or going to YouTube and watching puppies and kittens, they can make you laugh. People may not understand your suffering, but I know that regardless you are worthy and life is precious, please if you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on to that, that is a quote I read somewhere. You matter, and life matters, never forget that even in our darkest days, there is Hope, always. Stay Strong.💖 Peace and Healing.

[[he...]]

I'm so sorry you're suffering, @[am...]. You are not permanently damaged, but healing can take a long time. Which antibiotic were you given?

[[ph...]]

@[am...] Hey. I understand how you’re feeling right now. A year is a really long time in your life and when you’re feeling at your worst after so long it just gets exhausting. Beyond frustrating. I get you.

I started feeling this way even 4 months off. Feeling like there was no way I could hold on any longer. I wanted to give up. I was ready. Reaching out was one of the most helpful things I’ve done. We’re all here for you.

Please try not to focus on the antibiotics too much. Benzo withdrawal is volatile no matter what. There are people who’ve abused benzos along with alcohol, opioids, stimulants, you name it. All at once. I’m one of those people. And I’m absolutely healing. Please don’t worry about the antibiotics.

You mentioned you live alone and are feeling isolated. Please, please feel free to message me any time. I would even prefer if you did. You are not alone. I’m here to help you. I want to help you. I want you to feel better. I know what you’re feeling and it’s no fun at all, but you don’t have to feel like this. I’m here if you need anybody to talk to.

You’ve made it a full year. You have no idea how much strength that takes. Well, actually, yes you do!!! It’s absolutely okay to be completely and utterly done with it all. Because you only have so much more time to push.

Please keep pushing for me okay? I want nothing but the best for you. I want to be able to read when you post how much better you’re feeling.  I’m here for you.

[[Su...]]

12 hours ago, [[b...] said:

watching puppies and kittens

Yes! I watch a YouTube show of a girl that grooms pets. It is so relaxing to me.  Before withdrawal I never would have watched so much of this type of video. I think the key is finding something mentally neutral?...

[[am...]]

14 hours ago, [[m...] said:

You must keep going, ambspaws, you will get better, I know it doesn't feel that way but you will.  I  didn't C/T but i know many have and they have recovered, you will too, I do not believe you are permanently damaged.   I did a taper, nothing changed for me in the first 12 months, I was losing hope like you, I wasn't totally alone, I had my husband, but no one believed me.  I am sure a few months further on you will see a difference, around 14/15 months symptoms started to lift a little and at 18 months I was feeling great.  Hang in there, keep distracting, you will come through this.

Magrita

Thankyou so much for the reassurance and kind words, it really means alot. <3  I'm glad youre feeling better 

[[am...]]

3 hours ago, [[p...] said:

@[am...] Hey. I understand how you’re feeling right now. A year is a really long time in your life and when you’re feeling at your worst after so long it just gets exhausting. Beyond frustrating. I get you.

I started feeling this way even 4 months off. Feeling like there was no way I could hold on any longer. I wanted to give up. I was ready. Reaching out was one of the most helpful things I’ve done. We’re all here for you.

Please try not to focus on the antibiotics too much. Benzo withdrawal is volatile no matter what. There are people who’ve abused benzos along with alcohol, opioids, stimulants, you name it. All at once. I’m one of those people. And I’m absolutely healing. Please don’t worry about the antibiotics.

You mentioned you live alone and are feeling isolated. Please, please feel free to message me any time. I would even prefer if you did. You are not alone. I’m here to help you. I want to help you. I want you to feel better. I know what you’re feeling and it’s no fun at all, but you don’t have to feel like this. I’m here if you need anybody to talk to.

You’ve made it a full year. You have no idea how much strength that takes. Well, actually, yes you do!!! It’s absolutely okay to be completely and utterly done with it all. Because you only have so much more time to push.

Please keep pushing for me okay? I want nothing but the best for you. I want to be able to read when you post how much better you’re feeling.  I’m here for you.

Thankyou so much for the reassurance, I always forget that there are other people who who were on multiple substances at once. I'm going to try to give myself the benefit of the doubt that I can heal. Thankyou again for the reply and reaching out to me when I needed/need it <3

[[am...]]

14 hours ago, [[b...] said:

@[am...] I am so sorry that you are suffering, I wish that things would even out and get better soon. I did not CT, but I know that post tapering it takes longer than we think to heal, you hang on and try to do the best you can each day, that is all one can do while going through a really hard time. Maybe try to distract by watching something silly or going to YouTube and watching puppies and kittens, they can make you laugh. People may not understand your suffering, but I know that regardless you are worthy and life is precious, please if you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on to that, that is a quote I read somewhere. You matter, and life matters, never forget that even in our darkest days, there is Hope, always. Stay Strong.💖 Peace and Healing.

Hi - thankyou so much. It's hard to see any joy in life when it's like this. I'm going to try my best to distract myself. Thankyou so much for the reply <3

[[am...]]

12 hours ago, [[h...] said:

I'm so sorry you're suffering, @[am...]. You are not permanently damaged, but healing can take a long time. Which antibiotic were you given?

Hi! I don't remember as it was a year ago but I believe it was amoxicillin.

[[jo...]]

@[am...]
I’m so sorry you’re suffering and I understand your despair. I was a CT detox and have felt many of the things you are. I have the burning brain/scalp and burning nerve pain in my legs, arms and shoulders like hot lava. I’ve spent thousands on docs, labs, neurologist, mri, nerve conduction test and more. All tests normal. I’m so sorry you have the burning as well. It’s just absolutely inconceivable miserable pain. 

I am 21 months off and have never had a window.  I too am alone, and have lost some friends who don’t understand. Docs aren’t really helpful.  Being a part of this platform has been so helpful. Just keep coming here for encouragement.

You will get through this. I remember thinking I wouid be healed by 6 months, then 12 months, I never imagined it wouid be longer, but we are all so different. I’ve read that the optimal time for healing can take a few years but some heal much sooner whereas some can take longer. It’s hard not to loose heart as time goes on, especially when we have physical pain, but we just have to keep holding on and trusting that our healing will come.

I’ve had to take antibiotics throughout this ordeal (including amoxicillin for a tooth extraction) and I did okay but everyone is different. I was in such a bad state at the times I took them so I don’t really know if they revved me or not. Be sure to take a good probiotic since the antibiotics can affect the flora in the gut. 

You may find horror stories about the antibiotics usage, but most do okay or may have a few days of symptoms intensifying.  The only antibiotics you need to stay away from are the Fluoroquinolone’s type. 

Try to read success stories.  I’m still struggling with the unbearable burning and the chemical anxiety but we just have to keep hoping that our CNS is working hard to restore us to homeostasis.

To trick the burning body. I try to swim laps at an indoor cold pool each evening. It’s a good distraction and gives a little relief.  I use nylon ice packs around me at night when I sleep. I put a frozen water bottle under my leg when I drive and place a small frozen water bottle inside my waistband. I end my showering with cold water. Maybe some of these tricks might help you. 

Perhaps you might want to reach out to Baylissa and have a session with her, she is a great encouragement and has helped over 13,000 people with Benzo withdrawal. She advises that the anecdotal evidence is that everyone does heal. 

I hope you start feeling better soon. You could turn a corner any day. Remember you are not alone.

 

 

[[be...]]

9 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Yes! I watch a YouTube show of a girl that grooms pets. It is so relaxing to me.  Before withdrawal I never would have watched so much of this type of video. I think the key is finding something mentally neutral?...

[[he...]]

@[am...], I was given amoxicillin for strep throat last fall, but it didn't knock it out, and it came back, so I was given cefdinir. These ABs are in different classes but are both beta-lactams and can cause issues for those of us tapering or recovering from benzo injury, though they seem to be better tolerated than other ABs. Each seemed to rev my symptoms some while I was taking them. I just tried to supplement with fermented foods a few hours after each dose of antibiotic to try to maintain my gut health. Gut health is super important for brain health, so I just did the best I could. Once I was done with both courses and my strep went away, my symptoms went back to my baseline.

Hope that's helpful for you.

[[ia...]]

On 24/08/2023 at 06:40, [[a...] said:

I'm 12 months off and not sure how much longer I can do this. My head pressure is insane, I'm agitated, confused and depressed and I'm burning all over my body still. I'm C/T off Valium after 3 years and was made to take antibiotics the week after withdrawing because they thought I had an infection. I'm only just learning this may have been detrimental to my healing and I could be permanently damaged. I have no idea what to do anymore. My family and friends don't understand whats happening to me and I'm so isolated (I live alone) I can't live like this anymore. Nothing has helped. No doctor has been able to help. I'm at the end of my rope and I just dont know if it's going to get better. Has anyone recovered from C/T withdrawal WITH antibiotics? 

 

@[am...] Hi love. I'm so sorry for your suffering. That sounds terrible... I cannot offer much in the way of burning sensations, but I do have some potentially good news about the head pressure you’re experiencing.

I've tapered off benzos twice, my most recent taper finished just two weeks ago when jumping off of Alprazolam. My symptoms after jumping at different times (most recently this year. The prior time – ten years ago) were wildly different - this most recent time coming off benzos was WAY EASIER.

One of the things I've been doing THIS time around that I did NOT do last time, is eat really clean - no processed foods AND... I started taking NIACIN. Benzodiazepines are vasodilators - meaning, when we TAKE them, blood vessels RELAX and open. When we WD, they constrict creating lots of pressure in the head and tightness in the bod! When we WD, they constrict creating lots of pressure in the head and tightness in the bod! Niacin is a natural supplement and acts as a vasodilator - OPENING the blood vessels.

When I tell you this supplement has CHANGED my life – I mean it. I have almost no pressure in the head anymore. And when I DO get some I take the niacin and it’s relieved. I hope it can work for you too. Keep us posted… hang onto hope. We’re here to support you.

 

[[Es...]]

@[am...]

Maybe your head pressure has something to do with elevated blood pressure? Do you check your BP at home? I also used to have head pressure when I was off ADs. Certain ADs, like fluoxetine (Prozac) that I'm now on. But other ADs like buproprion (Wellbutrin) or even sertraline (Zoloft) gave me terrible head pressure. 

I'm not sure if BZD WD causes head pressure, as I never did BZD WD without an AD. Here is the list of possible BZD WD sxs. I'm not fond of such articles, they make me suddenly get all the sxs listed. They talk about headaches... Another article from Wikipedia, they mention about elevated BP. 

Yes, I think that @[ia...]'s explanation makes a lot of sense. I even found an article on niacin, it's here: The treatment of migraines and tension-type headaches with intravenous and oral niacin (nicotinic acid): systematic review of the literature

"More than 30 mg niacin consumed as a dietary supplement can cause skin flushing."

This is from Wikipedia. I think I had this side effect with niacin, but I generally suffer from hot flushes. And I have a whole gamut of substances which could be causing them (first of all vitamin D (rather deadly hypothesis😆). You know, we react differently to different vitamins and substances. Niacin belongs to the B3 group, you could give it a try.

I think the most important factor is your blood pressure, as it rises with BZD WD. I have naturally low BP and really panicked when noticed this sxs with BZD WD. I take propanolol 5 mg prn, which is a beta-blocker effective for anxiety. In order to bring down my BP, which is already low. But I have obsessive fear of a stroke...

What antibiotics did they make you take? I'm allergic to everything except amoxycilin. I can tolerate clindamycin but it makes my BP spike. Antibiotics can wreak havoc on your system.

There is plenty of herbal remedies you could try. Like lemon balm, hops, passion flower. I'm a great believer in herbal treatment. Aren't two most potent drugs on Earth, heroin and cocaine - just herbs?

Then there is a whole range of vitamin treatments, starting from group B vitamins and magnesium. The most important being B6. There are calming amino-acids like L-theanine.

The last resort are psych meds. I'm sorry for your suffering, but there are good pdocs out there, who can help you. Not all doctors are idiots. Doctors are also open to education.

Some people here will instill the general fear of pdocs in you and it's very wrong. Don't listen to them. Doctors saved my life. With psych meds. While other doctors ruined it. Also with psych meds. Doctors are HUMAN and prone to make mistakes. But avoiding them altogether is nonsense.

Take care

Paula