How do you know this is working?

[[Go...]]

I’m at 6 1/2 months, and as I said before, nothing is getting better.  Are there any indicators you have experienced that let you know W/D is progressing?? I’m other words, is there any way to know the anxiety and fear are not a natural state that was masked by the benzos, and this is now how every moment will be?? There is no evidence that I will ever get better, and I can’t just have hope based on other’s success.  As I’ve said before, I am worse than anyone else with my fear of standing on the Earth.

[[hl...]]

I’m 13 months off and haven’t had any sort of inducator. I’m just as screwed as i was 7 months ago. No progress here 

[[dj...]]

Gonzo, I don’t know you personally but my guess is this purely BIND talking.  I’m 10.5 months out and am actually worse than I was 2-3 weeks out, but I’ve read enough stories to know everyone’s course is different.  Just try and remember who you were before benzos, because that’s the goal.  Yeah, you probably had anxiety and sought help like the rest of us, but if the anxiety you have right now is the same as it was before, I don’t think you’d be on this board.  At some point nearly everyone who has darkened this forum has thought they’ll never get better and they did.  
 

Some people get worse before they get better.  Some people don’t get better for a long time and then heal very quickly.  Acceptance is key. 

[[hl...]]

36 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Gonzo, I don’t know you personally but my guess is this purely BIND talking.  I’m 10.5 months out and am actually worse than I was 2-3 weeks out, but I’ve read enough stories to know everyone’s course is different.  Just try and remember who you were before benzos, because that’s the goal.  Yeah, you probably had anxiety and sought help like the rest of us, but if the anxiety you have right now is the same as it was before, I don’t think you’d be on this board.  At some point nearly everyone who has darkened this forum has thought they’ll never get better and they did.  
 

Some people get worse before they get better.  Some people don’t get better for a long time and then heal very quickly.  Acceptance is key. 

I’m just like you. 13 months off and worse than I was in acute. I think the actual truth is that we don’t heal. 
 

why do you think the protracted board is missing? People being sick 2, 3, 5, 7, and even 10 years post taper doesn’t look good…

[[dj...]]

51 minutes ago, [[h...] said:

I’m just like you. 13 months off and worse than I was in acute. I think the actual truth is that we don’t heal. 
 

why do you think the protracted board is missing? People being sick 2, 3, 5, 7, and even 10 years post taper doesn’t look good…

A lot of people have healed.  I prefer not to have the attitude that we may not.  I’ve read a lot of stories and there are people who do heal but it takes a long time.  I choose to believe I will.  It’s what keeps me going for my kids and family.  
 

The mental stuff actually has improved for me.  Less of the crazy chemical anxiety and OCD/paranoia I was getting a while back.  However, the physical stuff is what has gotten a lot worse, namely the muscle tension and pain.  That gives me a lot of anxiety because I’m so uncomfortable all the time, but that’s acceptable anxiety to me.  It’s not some complete fabrication.  Some symptoms get worse before they get better.  

[[Ha...]]

For some people there's a "switch" where things radically change. Some for instance might wake up healed. I've read of another who had a load of gas and stomach discomfort, went to the toilet and healed lol. But for most of us it's a very gradual thing. I'm sure there were a few symptoms early on that have either improved or gone. The problem is that they weren't the main symptoms you are most focussed on. You'll just notice 1 day that you haven't had symptom x for a while. The main symptoms are the ones that hang around the longest in my experience, and although it's hard to see any improvement, if you cast your mind back 6 months there are. It's hard to put it into perspective when you're in the thick of it, and unfortunately you're still only early off in this process. This fear you have of it not being WD/BIND. Do you honestly think it's possible to be this bad naturally? 

[[Go...]]

5 hours ago, [[H...] said:

For some people there's a "switch" where things radically change. Some for instance might wake up healed. I've read of another who had a load of gas and stomach discomfort, went to the toilet and healed lol. But for most of us it's a very gradual thing. I'm sure there were a few symptoms early on that have either improved or gone. The problem is that they weren't the main symptoms you are most focussed on. You'll just notice 1 day that you haven't had symptom x for a while. The main symptoms are the ones that hang around the longest in my experience, and although it's hard to see any improvement, if you cast your mind back 6 months there are. It's hard to put it into perspective when you're in the thick of it, and unfortunately you're still only early off in this process. This fear you have of it not being WD/BIND. Do you honestly think it's possible to be this bad naturally? 

I've read those "magically healed" stories as well, and that's exactly what they are:  stories.  It's just like the bright light or burning bush;  people get so desperate for healing and change, they manifest getting better.  It IS a bunch of gas.  Im looking for ANY evidence, medical not fairy tale, that there is improvement.  I have the opportunity to reinstate and I see no reason not to, other than people warning me about the benzo not having the same effect.  ANYTHING is better than this, and frankly this healing stuff only offers hope for the members along with positive messaging.  But Im looking for realistic messaging, and scientific validity that there is a healing process;  not this "aha" moment stuff.  And yes, I do believe I am this bad off without proper treatment.  There is nothing that leads me to believe otherwise.

[[Ha...]]

7 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

I've read those "magically healed" stories as well, and that's exactly what they are:  stories.  It's just like the bright light or burning bush;  people get so desperate for healing and change, they manifest getting better.  It IS a bunch of gas.  Im looking for ANY evidence, medical not fairy tale, that there is improvement.  I have the opportunity to reinstate and I see no reason not to, other than people warning me about the benzo not having the same effect.  ANYTHING is better than this, and frankly this healing stuff only offers hope for the members along with positive messaging.  But Im looking for realistic messaging, and scientific validity that there is a healing process;  not this "aha" moment stuff.  And yes, I do believe I am this bad off without proper treatment.  There is nothing that leads me to believe otherwise.

Medical evidence of healing? Are you joking? For there to be any research into what is happening to you would require acknowledgement that Benzo's cause harm in the 1st place. There's slowly more and more talk of the harm caused by antidepressants, and some emerging research. But still the vast majority of the medical field deny it happens, and AD's are far more commonly prescribed. If you don't want believe in healing, then that's up to you, nothing I can say is going to change your mind. You seem to be under the impression that nobody here knows what you're going through, regardless of the reassurance you get. If you truly believe that it's not drug induced damage that you are dealing with and in fact your natural state, then by all means try and reinstate. People can only advise you from their experiences. Hope it works out for you

[[Go...]]

24 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

Medical evidence of healing? Are you joking? For there to be any research into what is happening to you would require acknowledgement that Benzo's cause harm in the 1st place. There's slowly more and more talk of the harm caused by antidepressants, and some emerging research. But still the vast majority of the medical field deny it happens, and AD's are far more commonly prescribed. If you don't want believe in healing, then that's up to you, nothing I can say is going to change your mind. You seem to be under the impression that nobody here knows what you're going through, regardless of the reassurance you get. If you truly believe that it's not drug induced damage that you are dealing with and in fact your natural state, then by all means try and reinstate. People can only advise you from their experiences. Hope it works out for you

Sorry @[Ha...] didnt mean to be offensive.  I just want some evidence of healing that is more concrete? There has to be some medical studies that confirm W/D from benzos is beneficial, and not just a self-imposed torture.  "Why am I doing this" is the question I should be asking.  Is there any proof?  I read far too many people state they are still suffering 5-10 years out;  that's not worth it.  I would rather have 1-2 years of using and having some relief, mixed with interdose W/D, than to be like like this.  But thank you for your opinion.  I just dont see any improvement, and I think reinstating makes much more sense for me at this time.  

[[PG...]]

Also pretty much healed here after 2 years off Ativan.

My timeline went something like this:
Week 1-2: Unbearable, couldn't scrape myself off the floor, spent every day on this site looking for hope
Weeks 3-6: Bad. Better than those first two weeks, but I would have denied anything being "better" at that point. Went back to work, waves daily, still on BB almost daily
Months 3-6: Started going to therapy, started Lexapro (not sure it helped but maybe took the edge off). Day to day I didn't see any progress, but looking back at the whole span of 3 months, it was a decent change. Started getting a few hours of sleep, stopped waking up with my hands totally numb. Waves every 2-3 days.
Months 6-12: I didn't feel great but started having multiple good days in a row. Did a lot of work to address other stuff in my life, most of which were small things identified during therapy. Cut out alcohol (not that I was drinking a ton to begin with) started socializing more (nightmare at the beginning) started swimming at my local pool. Waves less common, maybe 1 per month, even less by month 12.
Month 13: went to my therapist and said "for the first time I feel.... kinda good?" and it was true, was having more good days than bad, and from there it has gotten better. Occasionally still have bad days, sometimes even have a whole bad month, but "bad" doesn't really feel like it's bc of withdrawal anymore. I have a life again.

I'm not a scientist, I'm just someone who went through the above timeline. Tried lots of little things, and I'd like to believe that those things built up over time and slowly started to make me feel "better". My "aha" moment came around month 13 but if you read the above, it didn't just magically appear. I think we tend to romanticize the "healing" process, but healing is slow and messy and never really gets you to "perfect". Those first several months, for me, were about waiting, but around month 6 it turned into work, sticking to routines when I didn't want to, going out to dinner when I didn't want to, etc. It was hard at first but eventually it stopped being so hard.

[[Ha...]]

31 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

Sorry @[Ha...] didnt mean to be offensive.  I just want some evidence of healing that is more concrete? There has to be some medical studies that confirm W/D from benzos is beneficial, and not just a self-imposed torture.  "Why am I doing this" is the question I should be asking.  Is there any proof?  I read far too many people state they are still suffering 5-10 years out;  that's not worth it.  I would rather have 1-2 years of using and having some relief, mixed with interdose W/D, than to be like like this.  But thank you for your opinion.  I just dont see any improvement, and I think reinstating makes much more sense for me at this time.  

Sorry if i sounded off mate. Medical acknowledgement is a bit of a sore point. I've been right royally screwed by the medical community. Reinstatement does work for some, and nobody can tell you what you should do. All I can say is it didn't work for me. But we are all different and that a decision only you can make

[[jo...]]

I’m in month 21 and have had NO windows.  You can see my history in my signature. Basically took 0.25mg Xanax daily for 7 months after I had fast tapered an AD. Got horrible advice from my doctor who prescribed the Xanax after I came off the AD too fast and started having bad anxiety 7 months later.

I tried to taper for 4 months and my body was on fire like gas being poured over it and lit with a match. i took the Xanax for 3 before tapering, so I basically took it for 7 months. I finally went to detox which was basically a CT. 

i still have burning brain/scalp, shoulders and legs. I also have severe leg muscle pain that came on in month 13 and has progressively increased in intensity. Indescribable pain! My legs feel like a wild bear ripping my tissues. My head feels like a thousand fire ants are there and the other burning is like acid in my veins. It’s pure torture! 

I’ve had all kind of lab work, mri, docs, neurologist, nerve conduction tests and more. I’ve spent thousands trying to find relief. Been to the ER 3 times due to pain. There is nothing to help but time. It’s just unbelievable! 

I’ve met with Baylissa several times and she has anecdotal evidence that we all heal. Some people get windows and waves, some no windows at all, some heal fast and others take much longer, regardless of dosage, polydrugged, CT, etc. She further explained that severity of symptoms is not an indicator of length of time healing will come.

Some have increased symptoms and wake up healed. It’s just inconceivable the amount of suffering, pain and mental symptoms thst can occur. I’ve had many days where I am curled up in pain begging for mercy. All I can do is pray,breathe, distract and get through each moment. I still have awful chemical anxiety but I push through. 

I run errands, go to church, appointments and drive in pain and try to swim laps each night in a cold indoor pool to trick my burning nerves. I’ve had other horrible symptoms that have eased. I still have the tinnitus (has it while tapering) and awful chemical anxiety that came on in month 13. 

I keep hoping to turn a corner soon and hope you do too.  I am alone so it’s hard not to have someone close by to encourage me, so this platform has been so helpful. I’ve had friends basically walk away; they think it’s all just anxiety; sadly, very few understand except those of us going through this horrible journey
 

Try to encourage yourself and tell yourself that healing is happening even when the symptoms seem more severe. This is the seventh circle of hell and no human should have to endure. I’m so sorry you are suffering. Take good care. Bless you. 

[[da...]]

22 hours ago, [[H...] said:

For some people there's a "switch" where things radically change. Some for instance might wake up healed. I've read of another who had a load of gas and stomach discomfort, went to the toilet and healed lol. But for most of us it's a very gradual thing. I'm sure there were a few symptoms early on that have either improved or gone. The problem is that they weren't the main symptoms you are most focussed on. You'll just notice 1 day that you haven't had symptom x for a while. The main symptoms are the ones that hang around the longest in my experience, and although it's hard to see any improvement, if you cast your mind back 6 months there are. It's hard to put it into perspective when you're in the thick of it, and unfortunately you're still only early off in this process. This fear you have of it not being WD/BIND. Do you honestly think it's possible to be this bad naturally? 

went to the toilet and healed lol - this made my day! Seriously. Thank you HAHAHA