Brand New Here

[[An...]]

I don't even know where to start this is terrifying to me somehow. About me: pcp poly- drugged me for 40 years, not a typo. Alprazolam 4 mg/day + Temazepam mg? at night for sleep + Percocet mg? 4 times a day for pain... I know, strange a pcp could prescribe them all then. I can't believe he didn't kill me. In 2000 pcp caught COVID & retired. He refused to refer me to anyone. I quickly found a Mental Health Nurse Practioner. He was fresh out of college, first job, telehealth appts b/c of COVID, very cocky. I was at that time 65 yo, Master's degree, just divorced, retired. I was very familiar with the  Ashton Manual & tried to explain the process to him but he wasn't interested. I even offered to buy him a copy but that seemed to irritate & threaten him. So what did he do? Yanked me down to 1.5 mg Alprazolam a day, cold turkeyed my Temazepam, & attempted to initiate a taper. Today, three years later, I am destroyed. I'll stop now, I'm crying so hard, God help me. I'm terrified I won't survive this torture.

[[Pa...]]

Hello Anne., welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I'm so sorry to hear how you were treated, and the suffering you've had to live with has been terrifying.  I know it feel hopeless, this is one of the characteristics of the drug, we're only able to access our most negative emotions.

Recovery is possible, we've had many members through the years who have suffered long past what they thought they could endure, but they came out whole on the other side and you can too.

We're here to support you through this, lean on us, we're here for you.

Pamster

[[or...]]

Hello Anne, hard to believe there is such doctors & NPs but I certainly believe you.  One thing is, you are among others that have a story to tell as well, and you'll hear a lot of hope as well.  I'm 70, definitely retired, divorced, very alone, until I got here to BB.

I took Clonazepam prescribed for anxiety and tremors, for 35 years.  I CT'd once but went back to a doctor and was prescribed the C again.  I was like a zombie for 3 or more days, can't recall exactly, this was about 2008, just not even sure about the year now.  I don't know, I'm not very experienced, but want to ask if your symptoms are non-stop, or you get some relief at times?  How long have to been on the Cold Turkey?  I'm just thinking, and others may have better thoughts on your situation, but maybe going to a psychiatrist, maybe be reinstated on something?

I was reinstated on my C and I think I'm doing fine, I feel like there is so much hope now that I know how, and I am able to taper slowly.  I do have some wd sxs, but I can't help but think reinstating "might" be the way to go if you can.  Let's see what others say, Denise

[[de...]]

Anne:

So sorry for the tremendous suffering you have endured.   You are in the right place, and will receive lots of support.   I am 62 years old, and it has been 41 months since I took my last benzo.   This can be a very, very slow process, but I am beginning to see signs of healing and hope.    You will get through this......one day at a time, and if need be, one hour at a time.   Please keep reaching out on this forum.   Also, they are working on getting a forum for protracted (over 18 months off) people.   That will be a great spot to connect with those of us who have been doing this for a while.

 

[[or...]]

I see now Anne, you have been off everything 3 years?  Ok, I'm sorry, my brain shorts out sometimes when I'm reading.  I'm glad you can cry, crying has helped me a lot.  Mostly, I'm just glad you are here, Denise

[[lo...]]

12 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I don't even know where to start this is terrifying to me somehow. About me: pcp poly- drugged me for 40 years, not a typo. Alprazolam 4 mg/day + Temazepam mg? at night for sleep + Percocet mg? 4 times a day for pain... I know, strange a pcp could prescribe them all then. I can't believe he didn't kill me. In 2000 pcp caught COVID & retired. He refused to refer me to anyone. I quickly found a Mental Health Nurse Practioner. He was fresh out of college, first job, telehealth appts b/c of COVID, very cocky. I was at that time 65 yo, Master's degree, just divorced, retired. I was very familiar with the  Ashton Manual & tried to explain the process to him but he wasn't interested. I even offered to buy him a copy but that seemed to irritate & threaten him. So what did he do? Yanked me down to 1.5 mg Alprazolam a day, cold turkeyed my Temazepam, & attempted to initiate a taper. Today, three years later, I am destroyed. I'll stop now, I'm crying so hard, God help me. I'm terrified I won't survive this torture.

HI Anne.  I am so deeply sorry for your suffering.  I was on benzos 40 years, I tapered too fast despite having the Ashton manual at home, was also on antidepressants 35 years, tapered off that too whilst in severe benzo withdrawal.  As much as you are suffering now I will try to reassure you it can get better.  At three years I was still suffering intolerable torture.  I have come through this, 69 years old now, life is not marvellous but it is not comparable to those early years.  There are others here in the same situation as you and you will get support from them.   

[[An...]]

Alzheimer's/Fall risks/Stoned grandma bullshit. My life is limited now. Let me enjoy what time I have left. *crying again*

[[An...]]

Angry, sick, neurologicallydestroyed, I do not recognize myself. But this support, especially with my age & history, well, I just cry & cry & cry.

 

[[lo...]]

21 hours ago, [[A...] said:

Angry, sick, neurologicallydestroyed, I do not recognize myself. But this support, especially with my age & history, well, I just cry & cry & cry.

I am so sorry, Anne.  We are much the same age ... crying will probably help, get those emotions out.  I couldn't do that, but was filled with rage and vented my anger plenty!!   If there is anything at all you can do to occupy the time, try to do that, it helps time to pass even if it doesn't help much.   I am sure you have found many ways to do this as you have come this far, just try to keep going and in time I hope it will get easier for you. 

[[An...]]

Thank you everyone for your sensitive understanding. Your kindness is my lifeline now. I have so much cognitive damage I struggle to even figure out how to post on this forum. As my previous posts have shown, my emotions are off the charts. I'm either sobbing or raging or can't get out of bed numb. I'm exhausted, mentally & physically. 

[[Es...]]

@[An...]

It's good temazepam is gone. Really good. It's a hypnotic. And a combo of two BZD is the worst possible idea. How about Percocet? If taken more than a month, you risk opioid-induced hyperalgesia If Percocet is still in the picture, I would first tackle it, before the lorazepam. I'm sorry for your suffering.

Take care

Paula

[[An...]]

There are church bells chiming across the street. It is raining. My shoulders have gone down. Is this a window? But here come the tears again, this time quiet, resigned, sorrowful. How did this happen.

[[An...]]

INFJ, HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), Introvert = of course (male) doctors want to control me. Enter poly-drugging.

[[lo...]]

43 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

There are church bells chiming across the street. It is raining. My shoulders have gone down. Is this a window? But here come the tears again, this time quiet, resigned, sorrowful. How did this happen.

Try not to worry about getting windows, we don't all get them, I didn't.   It was more a process of improving little by little after a few years of not much sign of any improvement.  I think the reason I was harmed was also because I had male doctors, it started a very long time agao, they didn't see that I was benzo harmed at the very start, they thought I was mentally unstable.  Hence my contact with psychiatry and antidepressants.  Benzo prescribed by neurology.  Your cognition should improve with time.  Don't worry if you find it difficult right now.   

Does anything help at all?  The one thing I found helpful was soothing music, quiet music.  I couldn't do much as was in bed mostly but music did help a little. 

[[Ch...]]

I feel the same way. I am sick from taking benzodiazepines since 2008. Please help