Exhausted and can’t stop crying

[[De...]]

I’m exhausted and can’t stop crying. How do I get through this? 

[[Pa...]]

This process is so crazy, I couldn't cry and you can't stop.  What are you using for distraction?  Believe it or not, you can actually minimize what you're feeling by redirecting your thoughts, it doesn't last long but even a few moments of relief can help.  

I found I had to stay busy, I couldn't sit still so I kept moving doing house and yard projects and taking easy walks.  Some find puzzles helpful, or meditation, games, coloring books, anything that can take your mind off of how you're feeling.  

[[De...]]

I try to distract but find it so hard. My mind keeps coming back and obsessing over how I’m feeling. I’ve been trying to garden, play with my kids, crosswords, Netflix, my Mom will take me out as I won’t drive, laundry. It is so hard to fill a full day. I’m not working right now so the day is long. I dont feel like I’m emotionally stable enough to work. 

[[Es...]]

@[De...]

Are you off the BZD? Any other meds?

I'm crying a lot. I'm actually crying my eyes out. But I had to RI the diazepam, which is "the most depressing med on Earth". Plus I'm diagnosed with PTSD and dysthymia, among others.

What is the reason for your crying?

I'm unwell physically, yes exhausted for sure, suffer from insomnia and hot flushes.

OCD doesn't make me cry but takes away 80% of the energy.

I cry because I feel unloved and rejected. I only feel loved by my 12 years old Kitty.

I'm aware it could be my imagination, cognitive distortion. It's common in PTSD.

@[Pa...] here suggests distraction. It works wonders for some folks.

I would suggest practicing mindfulness, journalling (handwriting your thoughts in a notebook), being in Nature as much as you can (it has a healing power), practicing gratitude.

Doing house projects makes sense, like doing exercise - but it requires energy.  Even bibliotherapy - listening or reading to self-help books, requires energy and focus.

I'm sorry - this post reminds me of my own tears. Do not overuse the internet or TV. You need to stay in touch with yourself and your family. If there are any toxic people in your life, you need to cut them out, even if you love them. Animals have a huge healing power. I'm alive thanks to my 12 yrs old Kitty. I talk to her, she listens. She sleeps by my side. She's my best Friend.

She gives me the power to go on, despite all the suffering.

Take care🤍

Estée

[[du...]]

@[Es...] out of my own curiosity is Valium a “more depressing of a benzo” compared to its counterparts? I switched over from Ativan like a month ago and am more depressed than I have ever been and it’s for me feeling really down.

[[PG...]]

6 hours ago, [[D...] said:

I try to distract but find it so hard. My mind keeps coming back and obsessing over how I’m feeling. I’ve been trying to garden, play with my kids, crosswords, Netflix, my Mom will take me out as I won’t drive, laundry. It is so hard to fill a full day. I’m not working right now so the day is long. I dont feel like I’m emotionally stable enough to work. 

"Filling the day" really takes me back. It's hard, I remember those days and how long they felt. But I also remember them getting further and further apart. Take advantage of the windows, and keep getting creative with ways to "distract". Eating, showering, taking a nap can all be distractions. It sounds like you're doing a lot already (way more than I was doing on my bad days) which is great, so make sure to give yourself credit for the things you're already doing.

Anything more specific you're struggling with?

[[De...]]

@[PG...] are you healed? How did you cope with the chemical anxiety? If I’m not anxious I’m so tired and crying. I can’t get a break. 

[[De...]]

@[Es...] the “humorous” graphic is no t humorous for us fighting to get through this and scared as hell we will never heal. 

[[PG...]]

3 hours ago, [[D...] said:

@[PG...] are you healed? How did you cope with the chemical anxiety? If I’m not anxious I’m so tired and crying. I can’t get a break. 

I'm about 2 years off Ativan and I would say generally "yes", and I say that because it really helped me when I was just starting after I went cold turkey and on this site every day looking for hope that things would get better.

They didn't get better immediately and I hesitated to even say "yes" because most people will tell you that they still have bad days but for me those bad days slowly (very slowly) started to get further apart. I think it's really hard to remember any good days/windows when you're in the middle of a bad day/wave. For me I had to keep a calendar where I marked any good day or window. I remember looking at that calendar later in tears and seeing that I had marked 2 good days and I didn't believe it. "I had never had those good days, I've only ever had bad days, I don't know who wrote that on this stupid calendar but it wasn't me". Make sure that the version of you that has good days leaves behind lots of reminders for the version of you that has bad days, because that version of you won't want to believe you've made any progress even if you have.

Have you had any good days recently? (I have to believe you've had at least one if you've had the mental strength to do a crossword, which would have sounded impossible to me on my bad days)

[[Es...]]

@[De...]

Sorry if you found it offensive. To me it was dark humor, which saves me from total despair in the darkest moments of my life. Laughter through tears.

“Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

[[De...]]

@[PG...] I call a good day a symptom free day. I think I have had about 5 or 6 of those in the last year. I push like hell everyday through all the symptoms. I do the crossword puzzles in an attempt to distract for even 1 minute from the extreme chemical anxiety rushing through me. I have so many strange head sensations - fluttering eye lids, fluttering tongue, tinnitus, stiff neck, head pressure, ear pressure, but I still push. I don’t know how else to survive. I am weaning slowly after an ill advised cold turkey. I have to pray and hope I will get better for me and my family. I know people heal, I have been in contact with some of them.