i loved all your comments and thank you but still going to detox

[[An...]]

Good for you and I am sure it will go well.  I think the social stimulation and being with others in a similar situation will help you loads.  People to connect with face-to-face instead of over a computer!  There is nothing worse than loneliness whilst you are going through this. Good luck!

[[am...]]

don't get disheartened seeing the crack heads and meth freaks healing why you still feel like garbage,  they're on the weak stuff.  benzos is the hardcore, for warriors only 

[[ge...]]

i went to a narcotics anonymous meeting tonight and found it very interesting to meet people face to face on all sorts of stuff.I met a lady on xanax and my heart goes out to any one on this or any other what i would call harder benzo. This poor lady is having such a time and the way she is getting through it is going to this meeting every week and has been for many years.. I know once i get out after tonight that i cant look back and will use these facilities to tell other people that i am clean and that it may still be hard but there support and your support and a little help from me that i will not be beaten... WHEN my doctor told me about having HIV he could not get me on these quick enough and anti depressants and i don't even think even now that my illness has sunk in that it is incurable and i will have to be on a med for the rest of my life one day..I need a pill to save my life yet i nearly get sick putting any pill near my mouth now even though i still have to take the benzo and anti depressant so i don't get hurt...We all have our own story and it it terryinfying for all of us, but having this illness that i haven't really had time to associate myself with or grieve or what ever it may be to make myself not feel the stigma from it.  I have been put on hold while on benzo and when i got tolerant and it did not work and i finally decided enough was enough that is when i started tapering and have halved the dose but now i am starting to realise why i was put on it in the first place and now i get vivid night mares about everything and anything it is putting extra anxiety into my body...

[[ge...]]

i cant make any one but as of next Thursday i know they do have an email address and i am not allowed phones, computers reading material, but they said they can take emails and messages for me to pass onto me www.malvernprivate.com.au

 

I don't care people knowing my real name  and i hope i don't get any of you introuble but your encouragement will also help me and who knows i might special attention if this happens.. my name is john hosie

 

I hope i don't get in trouble by the modertors on here but when i am away i cant be on here and i am asking for support even though i am thousands of miles away from all of you yet  most of you i feel i can touch

[[am...]]

i cant make any one but as of next Thursday i know they do have an email address and i am not allowed phones, computers reading material, but they said they can take emails and messages for me to pass onto me www.malvernprivate.com.au

 

I don't care people knowing my real name  and i hope i don't get any of you introuble but your encouragement will also help me and who knows i might special attention if this happens.. my name is john hosie

 

I hope i don't get in trouble by the modertors on here but when i am away i cant be on here and i am asking for support even though i am thousands of miles away from all of you yet  most of you i feel i can touch

 

Are you sure you want to be in a place that will lock you away from the outside world?

 

That is something I would never ever do personally.

 

Trust me, you will want to speak to people who understand when they take you off the benzo, junkies have no idea what it is like.

[[ge...]]

I tell you what i did today i went to the hospital and picked my room and asked to be with other benzo patients as i understand they let any one on the course but i don't understand how a street junkie could be on this program cause it is private and not cheap... I have been assured that there are differant sorry of detox centres and this one is for people that pay. I hope it makes a difference, but i am determined and i respect you are looking out for me, but i am in major with drawl now and it really f------- hurts and feel very lonely,

I am not going for the masages and i am not going for the fancy food as i don't even have an appetite at the moment and now i have found narcotics anonymous where tonight there was some people on some pretty heavy shit... They told me they been to detox centres and then came out and started using again  13 out of the 15 people in the room were on drugs for recreation and heavy stuff.. i told my story of how i got on to this addiction all through listening to a doctor and now i am having withdrawal symptoms in front of you.... I SAID TO THE GUY on heroin, what did you get for your pain in  detox he said methodone and other stuff,,,, I said to the alcoholic, what did you get for your pain in detox and he said Valium.... The alcoholic said to me what will i be getting for my pain and i said buscop an fir sore stomach, stuff for diarrhea and that's about it.. The rest i have to go through so i understand  that this benzo drug is the gold medal winner for detox... I think we all suffer sometime in our life whether we plan it or not...I am prepared to suffer if that is the word to see the golden tunnel at the end which is my life back... ALL your support would be appreciated and i am not a religious person but if you believe in prayer i would love one as i reckon i will feel it some how as i am looking for a higher being right now and all my inner strength in order to enjoy the next part of my life.

[[Sc...]]

To Genuine,

 

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to say I wish ALL the best for you during this next phase of your journey.  I look forward to reading your "Success Story".  Take care!!!

 

Schatje

[[ge...]]

thank you for that as it is a big decison and as i keep saying the withdrawals i am in that if it gets worse then i am already half way there so lets endure it while supervised and see how it goes...

[[Li...]]

Hi genuinehonest!

 

just a note to say we are all here for you and support your recovery, however YOU decide to recover!

 

I will be praying for you and looking forward to an update when you come back to us.

 

Take care,

 

Lida 

[[Pa...]]

Thanks everyone for the informative comments on this thread, however the sarcasm is unwelcome.  Please take care to ensure your posts adhere to our policy of mutual respect, no matter how vehemently you may disagree with the information posted by another.  Chewing the Fat may be a better place to debate the topics brought up in this thread, with links to documentation of course. 

 

genuinehonest, I wish you the best in your endeavor to become benzo free.

[[Th...]]

Hi genuinehonest,

 

I totally support you in whatever you need to do go get better.  No one knows more than you what you are going through. 

 

I am no expert on medications and/or withdrawal.  I want you to be free of these drugs and if that is the way for you to do it, good luck and hopefully you will be benzo free in the near future.

 

 

Gail  "This too shall pass"

[[va...]]

Good luck Genuine. At least you have as much information in regards to this as you possibly could. Lastly, I have many friends going very slow and they are doing well. You've definitely had much on your plate, you are in my thoughts to be able to put this behind you one day and move forward in life.

[Guest [Si...]]

Hi genuinehonest,

 

Whatever you do, we support you.

We have to do what we have too in order to get off these pills.

You have a future waiting for you.

 

We are here if you need us.

 

S#

[[ge...]]

Again i will stress that to me i have been weening off these rotten poisonous pills long enough and every time i take them i nearly gag now...I hate them so much that this is why i took which a lot of people of people might think to extreme, but i am adamant and is that not half of the way to recovery...I am a person the more i read of symptoms then all of a sudden  i get that symptom..Is it real or is it me thinking it... Yes i am going to detox and it is going to be hard, and a few people say that i will have problems afterwards..I don't disagree but i will never take these pills again no matter what i feel when i get out...I am sure the brain soon enough realises that i don't work for it, it works for me and hopefully this theory works... The other thing is from the withdrawals i am going through now alone i don't think i can take another year of this as people say that take small doses, which i have and i am still tolerant with same withdrawals... some days great  other days rotten...I have changed my diet, i have cut out anything that could possibly start anxiety and have a CD called equisinc which i meditate twice a day.. I have trained my brain to not think of anything and accept the symptoms...Sorely there is some one on here that went to detox for a month and came out pill free and then lived to tell the tale...

 

I have an addictive personality and that's why infomercials, if it sounds good i buy it.... this time it is not addictive that has made my decision,, it is the addiction and dependency that has... I love this site a lot and hope you will all send emails to me at www.malvernprivate.com.au  and send to my name john.  It will give me more confidence no matter what the out come... THIS LITTLE YELLOW PILL WILL NOT BEAT ME Up to now it won the first 11 rounds, but it is a 12 round match and this is now my round, and i am going to punch the hell out of it and make it wish it never came out of the pill bottle...

 

 

Removed personal information per FUM

[[Co...]]

Hi GH, I went to detox, it has been very hard but Im alive. I dont have a blog and never listed my sx. The important thing now is that Im healing. You will heal either way. I understand your decision. The whole detox topic is very provocative and emotional for many of us. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, Colleen

[[ge...]]

Tonight i went to  the narcotics anonymous meeting again as i dont want to be alone untill i get in this private hospital... My anxiety was so bad that i had to ull over twice and nearly went back home... it really hurt me but i did go and it did let go for a while.. now i am baqck home i have jelly legs anxiety that causes tight chest feel of not being able to breath even though i am breathing yet my hear rate is fine and a feel of not being able to burp like indegestion.... with drawal is terrible yet this morning i fealt great and now rotten.. i just dont get it but and i feel a lot of wind for some reason... i got no idea why....

[[ge...]]

My last thread got a mixed reaction as people were wanting me to ween slow and others had done detox and said it was hell...I know it i will be but as i sit here my legs hurt like hell all joints feel funny, terrible anxiety in chest with tightness, tremors headaches,,  just not feeling good at all. and as i keep saying i am alone in my house in my bed with no one that understands except ofcorse you guys... I want my life back and if it means more pain, well i am in pain now. I do expect it to get worse and know it is not a holiday camp but it is a private hospital costing money and i just think i need it.. When i come out with you guys and of course narcotics anonymous that i have been going to nightly just to be around people with either similar stories or totally differant stories, we are all in pain and none of us want to be on this poison...When i am well i will give back especially to this site as it has been a life saver for me and i love you all very much..I don't love easy and don't trust easy as doctors have help make me this way and i trusted them with my heart... Part of recovery for me is positive thinking and wanting this, as the drug makes you dwell on the worst of everything hence then comes the terrible anxiety and so forth...

Next Thursday will be my last thread for a month and i will keep you updated but again i would love some emails sent to the hospital which is malvernprivate.com.au

 

and just put down any well wishes and the name john... the note will get to me...

 

 

[[St...]]

John, you'll be ok.

 

I detoxed from 4 mg xanax, the last week I was taking it I was actually taking 4.5 mg - that's equal to 90 mg valium and they took me off cold turkey. I made it and I'm healing. It wasn't a party but I lived and you will too.

 

I'll be thinking about you while you're away, and we'll be here when you get back  

 

 

 

[[it...]]

John,

 

I wish you the best with all my heart.  I wrote a few weeks ago that the reason I jumped k a bit early is that I could not stand all the arguments going around in my  brain. "What if?" I did not get better, or things got worse? The indecisiveness was making me crazy, but I realized it was my recovery and I had to make a move. I think you have decided as well. Sometimes we just have to try make the best choices we can for ourselves (especially in tough situations like benzo w/d) and go for it.  Know when you get out, we will all be anxious to hear from you!

 

Many blessings (and a big cyberspace hug!)

itzsweird

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi John,

 

I'm another cold turkey survivor, it hurts, but at least you're done with the drug and can get on with the healing, best wishes to you. 

 

Pam

[Guest [Si...]]

John,

 

Hoping you the best.

 

We will be here for you, if you need us.

 

Sigma.

 

 

[[ge...]]

i went to down to 10 milligrams on the 20Th which was 5 day ago and the last two days pain in my legs and arms are terrible, anxiety like nothing i have suffered, so tired it is not funny and i know it is all with drawls but if so much hurts....

I thought the reason you taper slow is to not get as many side effects but i just think the suffering is longer as i was doing the 10 percent each two weeks and now 5 days into my new cut horrible feelings like i described above..I dint get it

[[ge...]]

the other thing too does anyone wake up and feel sorta hung over, or it is a feeling like that. hard to describe, then why during day can i get a realease from it and then comes back even harder with anxiety and tiredness  i so dont get this drug

[[am...]]

Yep, the last three days I've barely been able to walk straight for 30 mins after getting up, felt hungover out of my mind.  It's another ramp on the benzo coaster.  I was actually thankful for it because I could go to work half comatose and not think about how much I hate my crappy job.

[[ge...]]

That is a great way of putting it, the benzo coaster..Four more days to go until the big go in and get clean...Funny i was at meeting last night and i just met this lady that had come out and when she went in she was on 30 milligram of Valium, and came out 28 days later and even though she was pill free, yes she was still suffering a bit...The one thing she said that no matter how bad it gets to feel that feeling of not taking this rotten poisonous pill was the best day of her life..She told me about a high being, and i am not a god person so i asked her what she meant..She said her higher being was the fact that one of her traits came back that had been hovering over her head for a few years and that was a little self esteem and confidence,I understood what she meant, as that is one of the searches i want...

 

Thursday the 30Th i go in and 28 days of pain for gain..

 

I will be back on here telling my story and giving as much support as i can if it all goes the way i plan as i know that it gonna hurt...I know it sounds sorta like a fantasy but i am ready,,, and i am going to punch the s--- out of this little yellow pill that i have swallowed so many of the past years...