When does this nightmare end

[[la...]]

One of the struggles I am dealing with right now is that it's all in my head.

I've gone through a rough time with medication this past year. Docs put me on about 8 medications including Zopiclone. 

I am now not working at living at my parents. 

I am now 24 days clean of zopiclone...I unfortunately experienced interdose withdrawal and ended up taking about 10 a day just to feel normal. This didn't last long though...we have very strict guidelines here in NZ fortunately with Doctor shopping so I was unable to continue. They ended up detoxing me on valium at 50 mg a day over 3 weeks. Didn't do the Ashton Taper though. 

I wake up every day just wanting to die. I'm depressing to everyone else around me. 

Physical symptoms are: Burning in my feet and arms, depression, anxiety, inner restlessness, suicide ideation, muscle ridigty to name a few. 

Is this all in my head? I keep trying yo snap out of it and put on a brave face but I am so so so tired and honestly just want to end it all.

Someone please reassure me if they have a similar story and that it gets better. 

I feel I have been permanently fucked by all this medication that I will never be me again.

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello lauzza2, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I know its rough, but this isn't all in your head and you can't just snap out of it.  Your brain is doing its best to repair the disruption caused by the Zopiclone but it takes time.  

What you're experiencing is normal for your situation, Zopiclone is a nasty drug and not being given the chance to do a proper taper means you're going to feel symptoms more intensely but this will change and they'll begin to lessen.  You'll still feel them but you'll be able to manage them better.

What works for many is distraction, these symptoms aren't all in your head but they get in your head so the best thing you can do is push them out by finding something that distracts you.  We have to develop tools to get ourselves through this so look around and talk to our other members and find what works for you.

You can recover from this, I took massive amounts of Ambien, another z-drug and quit it cold turkey and I recovered and you can too.  

Pamster

[[la...]]

Thanks Pamster that means so much.

I go to AA but it's hard as I don't feel they understand me but I guess we all go through a detox don't we. 

I've been addicted to Zopiclone before and it took me a month to feel right again so I guess I am comparing that with this but it's different this time.  

I feel very alone but actually have a lot of support around me. I'm just not seeing it. 

How long did it take you to feel right again?

[[Ra...]]

Lauzza

It’s definitely not in your head. It’s real and it’s very difficult. Then better than difficult. A lot of people here Can relate and give you good support. Keep your chin up!!!

Ranch 

[[Pa...]]

My story is different from yours, I quit Klonopin cold turkey then a few months after that I started taking Ambien, not my best decision.  Anyway, it made things worse and delayed my recovery so all in all, it was 14 months of misery.  

This doesn't have to be your story but I believe your previous experience with Zopiclone has set you up for a rough recovery.  There is a theory called kindling I happen to agree with and it could apply in your situation.  If you are kindled, it doesn't mean you can't recover but it would explain the intensity of your symptoms and needs to be a warning to you if you choose to use Zopiclone in the future.  I don't know about you, but my experience scared me and I never want to put myself in this position again.

Kindling - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition (benzoinfo.com)

[[al...]]

Ambien screwed me up bad... After about a week on it I started getting severe inter dose withdrawal symptoms too.  It took me a few days to even realize it was the ambien. nasty drug. I developed severe inner restlessness and ended up going to a 7 day detox using Valium which worked for me.  I was fortunate.  Z drugs can do a lot of harm

[[be...]]

Welcome to BB @[la...] I know it is so hard what you are going through, but like all have stated, it is not in all in your head, your Brain is trying to adapt to the many changes, hang on and try the best you can to distract and do not allow thoughts to bring you down. What you are going through, is par for the course for many here, it takes time...and more time for the Brain to calm down. Feed your thoughts with positive and funny YouTube or the TV, light and not overwhelming. Watch your breathing and try to calm yourself, it will take time, but you will come through this. Stay Strong.💖 Peace and Healing.

[[le...]]

Lauzza it’s not in your head. I was actually fine on zopiclone took tiny dose 1/4 of a pill, being made go cold turn triggered intrusive thoughts, then put me on anti depressants all hell broke loose. You were taking huge amount of zopiclone and very high dose of Valium, and nit been off meds very long, so early days yet. Have you thought about having therapy, I’ve just started, I have emotional PTSD from my toxic family which is part of the  problem, therapy is helping. The acute stage is hell, sadly I’m not recovered yet, can’t comment on physical symptoms, but mental def not in your head. I never felt like this before being made to go CT. I do still get some very bad days, don’t try to put on a brave face, you can’t help feeling like this. The intense feeling of hopelessness every day will ease.

[[la...]]

Thank you everyone. I have good days and bad days. 

Yesterday was a good day.

 

Today is shit. I just don't know if it's these meds that have fucked me up or my time in the pysch ward

[[Pa...]]

You mentioned being placed on many different medications, what are they and why were you placed on them?  Did you have these thoughts or feelings before taking these medications?  I'll typically blame the benzo or z-drug but there could be a lot of factors playing into your situation. 

Just so you know, its typical for our symptoms to wax and wane, change and morph from day to day and sometimes minute to minute. 

[[la...]]

Hi Pamster

I was on quite a few meds.

Now down to: 

Currently on Venlafaxine 115mg and Mirtazipine 30 mg and Promethazine 75mg

 

One thing in really struggling with is intrusive thoughts. Like thoughts I wouldn't usually think.

 

They are not nice.

 

 

[[Pa...]]

These thoughts are normal, well, its difficult to use that word to describe anything about this process.  I thought mostly about the past and how many mistakes I've made but members have reported some very disturbing and graphic thoughts so whatever they are, its all part of this.  These thoughts will leave as you recover, thank goodness.

I wanted to let you know I tried to go into an AA meeting when I was going through my cold turkey and I couldn't make myself go in.  This experience is nothing like stopping alcohol, I sadly thought it was when I quit, nope.  No one gets this who hasn't been through it, its too horrific, its too long and demoralizing. 

I don't see any of your other medications causing what you're feeling, I'm going with the Zopiclone which by the way is in my opinion, the worst of the z-drugs.  Its the closest to a true benzo and for our members, the worst to taper and recover from, again, in my opinion.