Please Pray for Me & Send Good Energy + Hope

[[Es...]]

3 hours ago, [[S...] said:

no sleep last night and still horrible anxiety.

I can't function.  I feel I'm the only one with this anxiety.

Very little sleep, me too. About 4 hrs. Insomnia sucks.

I have anxiety in the form of another hot flush today.

Still so many things to do. I wish I could just sleep...

[[Ma...]]

@[Es...] What herbal supplements do you use for nausea? Instead of Ensure I drink the NAKED Protein drinks as they have more calories-just a thought.

[[Fa...]]

5 hours ago, [[S...] said:

no sleep last night and still horrible anxiety.

I can't function.  I feel I'm the only one with this anxiety.

Anxiety is probably an understatement.  Many of us live our days in a fight/flight state.  You are not alone, Simona.  As time passes, it will ease.  I know it’s very hard to function and to find patience in coping with it.

I’m not dealing with nightly insomnia.  I feel for you, and many are experiencing it as you are.  I may have my turn as some point, too.  It’s really par for the course as the body learns how to sleep again without the benzo.  But, sleep will return. There are many posts about insomnia.  You may want to read some of those to read of others’ experiences.

[[So...]]

Oh wow, I've missed so much!  I'll try to catch up as much as possible. 

 

@[Ma...] yes I deal with moodswings as well.  One minute I am hopeful, the next minute the world is ending.  I feel like I probably sound really dumb when i talk to people too but i think its way more in our heads.  I think WE just think we sound strange.  & yes as faith said- not damaged, injured!  Are you still tapering or off?

 

@[Fa...] yeah the dpdr sucks a lot.  I don't know if this ties into it but i am having irrational fears the past few days too.  Like, yesterday i was in the car with my husband driving & I really thought he was gonna wreck for no reason.  Then today I thought I would fall down the steps.  It's just so random & irrational.  I also know what it's like to cut while unstable too, I think you're pretty much just hoping things don't get worse when you cut, not that they will stablize.  It's a crapshoot but I think you're doing the right thing.  I also feel like I have no affect in my tone.  It's just monotone doom & gloom.  Although, I try for my husband's sake.

 

@[Es...] aww what a freaking CUTE kitty!!! Im so glad you have him/her!  I have three cats & two dogs, they're like my children.  Proud of you for drinking ensures, try to keep getting them down okay?  It's really important we stay fed & hydrated.  Are you off the benzo or still tapering?  

 

@[wi...] you know, it's funny bcuz you are not the first one ive heard that driving helps ease the aka, i feel the same way.  I wonder if its something about the fast movement that calms our brains.  Idk.  I have a massage pad that kind of helps that too, it was like $100 but well worth it, I can send you the link if you want?  I have a different opinion on the apartment.  I know you say it isn't in the best part of town but I say if it's affordable & at least semi safe then to do it.  You can always upgrade when this mess is all over, ya know?  My house isn't in the best part of town but nothing bad has ever happened minus a few sketchy people ringing the doorbell at times & my shed getting spray painted.

 

@[Si...] I promise you that other people really do feel that anxious and bad.  I know it's easy to think you're the only one or the worst case but as humans we are not all that different.  Deep breathes & remember the improvement you just told us all about!

 

Today is probably a 7/10.  I am feeling really scared & paranoid but aka is not too bad.  I am having some heavy dpdr still but pushing thru bcuz I know it won't hurt me.  I'm scared ill lose control, but so far that hasn't happened.  I'm probably silly for cutting my antidepressant thru all this, but I have the feeling its going to suck either way & I would like to get it out of the way.  I think by 2024 I will be off all meds so that's what I'm looking forward to ❤️

[[So...]]

Also, have you guys tried knitting or anything?  I have been making blankets this whole year to keep myself occupied.  It's pretty mind numbing & it's something to do with my hands, which helps the pent up energy get out a bit.  It's hard bcuz my hands are always really cramped & rigid lately but it's worth it for the distraction!  

 

I also would like to report that I am really not saying this to make anyone jealous but I am a bit concerned.  I am sleeping like 12-16 hours a day?? Is this normal?  I don't think this is normal at all bcuz most ppl have insomnia but this is the most I've ever slept in my life.  I'm worried there's like something really wrong with my brain that it is making me sleep so much bcuz I know people with TBIs sleep a lot like this?? I'm not complaining as at least it is a hefty escape but I am really concerned.  No one can really wake me up either it's a really deep sleep full of super vivid dreams.  Sometimes I even have aka in the dreams which is really really scary.  & then I wake up super disoriented & sick 😫 

[[Es...]]

3 hours ago, [[M...] said:

@[Es...] What herbal supplements do you use for nausea? Instead of Ensure I drink the NAKED Protein drinks as they have more calories-just a thought.

I'm not in the US. I'm in Europe. The brand names won't tell you anything. It's a herbal mix: powdered dandelion root, cumin, peppermint (especially effective), milk thistle. The other is lemon balm in pills. Peppermint with valerian root. Yet another: powdered acidum dechydroholicum and black radish. Sounds fascinating.

I also have thietylperazinum in case I’m about to vomit. The latter you need Rx for. I can vomit up to 12 times a day if I have food poisoning. But these are nerves. I vomit bile.

Nestlé’s Resource Protein is my baseline food. I think it is called Ensures in the US. You know, my GI tract is particularly screwed up by years of Eating Disorder.

Only the GI doctor will know what works for you.

[[Es...]]

@[So...]

Glad you like my Kitty. It's her. Boss Lady. She's incredibly cute. I had periods when I slept a lot. Now all the worries have accumulated and I gravitate toward insomnia...

Just enjoy it while it lasts and don't ask why...

[[Fa...]]

@[So...]  Wow!  You’re sleeping that many hours?  I don’t think it would concern me.  I think I would just think my body needed to sleep and recover/heal.  You can do a search on the subject and see if anyone else has experienced that.  Go to Google and type in:

site:benzobuddies.org sleeping a lot

Type it in exactly like that.  Must be a space between ‘org’ and the search topic.  Use for any question.

I think it’s your body doing what it needs to.  See what others have to say.  It is unique!  I know the waking up is not fun, but to know you are getting more than enough sleep is quite something.

Technically, it is a ‘brain injury’…not a concussion or head trauma, but the brain is repairing itself.  It may not be common to be able to sleep that many hours, but pretty sure some people do.  If you are concerned after reading about others who have experienced the same, you can always get it checked out.

That was the word I was searching for…’affect’.  Sounds silly, but it was bugging me that I couldn’t grab onto the word.

I am amazed at how functional you are.  I know all you are going through, and getting out with your husband is amazing.  I realize it’s more than likely not easy, but you’re still getting out!  I keep saying this, but you are strong! 

 

 

[[So...]]

@[Es...] I have always had GI troubles too but mine are due to an elongated colon & anxiety.  Ever since I was little I got nauseated every singe day & just grew up thinking that was normal.  I have it semi under control now limiting dairy & gluten but I am still throwing up a lot.  I know how awful it is.  In bad episodes of it I have spent weeks hugging the toilet.  I also get afraid to travel or work in public bcuz of how bad my gut is.  When I worked fast food sometimes I would disappear for an hour in the bathroom & management would get really pissed off..  idk how you can really prevent something like that or explain it to others without it being really embarrassing lol.  

 

@[Fa...] okay I'm gonna google it.  I have seen others mention fatigue but never the excess sleeping.  Maybe I will come up with some results tho!  I would be really hesitant to go to a doctor about this either.  Also, thank you ❤️  we just went out & got some frozen yogurt but I still had fun.  I think I wholly have to give how functional I am to my family rather than to inner strength.  I tell them all I need to be bed bound & yet they say I have more fight in me than to keep going.  I get annoyed at them but I'm sure I will look back & be grateful they didn't give up on me even when I gave up on myself.  I also get scared I will have an episode in public & just have to start flapping my arms or something but that hasn't happened.  If it does I'm afraid someone will 302 me (put me in psych!)

[[Es...]]

@[So...]

I'm sorry. The worst problem is when all hell breaks loose at work, isn't it? I used to work for the government and had always to vbe presentable, smiling etc. Pretending was such an ordeal. Some people are good at it. I'm not😿

I agree with @[Fa...]. I loved to go out and about with my Husband. We were unseparable. Unfortunately, we got divorced, cause Mother didn't approve of him. He wasn't rich. That's where all the real trouble started.

Luckily, my Kitty filled the void and now I love her more than anyone in the world. If someone told me 9 yrs ago, that a cat would bring so much happiness and serenity into my life, I would never ever believe them.

As to sleep. Not only quantity, but also quality. I get next to none REM and deep sleep, no matter how long I sleep. I wear a Fitbit to bed and it measures my sleep stages.

[[hl...]]

13 months off klonapin. Dealing with akathisia and it’s seemingly getting worse 

[[So...]]

Aww @[Es...] I'm SO sorry to hear about your divorce but in all honesty if you want my advice I would absolutely not let your mother micromanage your life like that.  That's a road to being unhappy for a long time.  I'm sorry.  Do you have healthy boundaries w her now? 

 

I do not think the sleep is good quality, I haven't been wearing my watch but when I was it said only like 1 hour was REM sleep.

 

@[hl...] oh no I'm SO sorry to hear you are dealing with this ungodly symptom as well.  Just hold on, okay?  Are you on any other meds?

[[hl...]]

2 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Aww @[Es...] I'm SO sorry to hear about your divorce but in all honesty if you want my advice I would absolutely not let your mother micromanage your life like that.  That's a road to being unhappy for a long time.  I'm sorry.  Do you have healthy boundaries w her now? 

I do not think the sleep is good quality, I haven't been wearing my watch but when I was it said only like 1 hour was REM sleep.

@[hl...] oh no I'm SO sorry to hear you are dealing with this ungodly symptom as well.  Just hold on, okay?  Are you on any other meds?

No I don’t take anything, which makes this whole thing even more frustrating. I don’t take anything so I see no reason why I’m getting worse. No meds, no sugar, no caffeine, nothing!

[[So...]]

@[hl...] hmm its probably just a wave then & itll pass .. thats so good tho you wont have to worry ab tapering anything else!  Have you tried propanolol or anything like that?

[[hl...]]

5 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

@[hl...] hmm its probably just a wave then & itll pass .. thats so good tho you wont have to worry ab tapering anything else!  Have you tried propanolol or anything like that?

I took 10mg of propranolol and it didn’t do anything. 

[[Si...]]

hillaya I just took 40mg propranolol -  I don't take every day and sometimes it may help a bit, others not. I was told I could take 80 or even 120mg...

I had some kind of window last night and went to the gym across the road for 3 minutes, then was able to go online and even tried 5mins of tv.  I slept and woke up with less anxiety.  I don't know.  now it's getting bad again but I've done a tiny walk and repeated the gym.  

estee your kitty is gorgeous.  here's mine

[[Fa...]]

@[Si...]  This is good news!  Very positive!

Your cat is sweet!

Love to hear the improvements as they happen.  Thank you for sharing.

❤️

[[Es...]]

16 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Aww @[Es...] I'm SO sorry to hear about your divorce but in all honesty if you want my advice I would absolutely not let your mother micromanage your life like that.  That's a road to being unhappy for a long time.  I'm sorry.  Do you have healthy boundaries w her now? 

I do not think the sleep is good quality, I haven't been wearing my watch but when I was it said only like 1 hour was REM sleep.

@[hl...] oh no I'm SO sorry to hear you are dealing with this ungodly symptom as well.  Just hold on, okay?  Are you on any other meds?

@[So...]

I’ve been “limited contact“ with her for some time. She also separated me with a long-time boyfriend when I was at the uni. It’s all a very painful subject to talk about. She has always been very authoritative, critical and controlling. Told me men in my life were ugly and stupid, while everyone was saying the exact opposite. Ended up with no man in my life, just to make her get off my case. And there were plenty of men who wanted to be with me.

My ex-Husband still does. I just want peace and quiet. She is very charming and manipulative with people. She cannot be with my Kitty, cause an animal has an infallible instinct. My Kitty hates her.

Husband blames me for the divorce till this day, although I was the one asking him to come with me to court with me and withdraw the divorce papers. Which we finally did, only too late. Cause his suffering almost made him insane.

I was telling him that they made me sign the papers, hired an army of divorce lawyers, that all I wanted was separation. In vain. It was like talking to a deaf person, who was just screaming and screaming at me.

I was too weak. Problems at work, health problems. For her it was mainly about the money. But  he also protected me from her. He was fiercely loyal. About a week after our divorce, his Father drank himself to death.

[[pi...]]

Hello everyone,

It has come to our attention that this thread no longer meets the parameters for this board. I realize that some of you have found friendship and companionship during what can be a challenging process. 

However, many of the posts are more suited to blogs, Off Topic or even the Chat Room (which will be active again very soon). Photos and other images also belong on one of the areas I mentioned.

We would like this board to specifically deal with tapering and withdrawal. I see some posts about insomnia. Remember, we have a board that deals with this issue.

We are striving to have BenzoBuddies be inclusive. Once a thread like this starts, it tends to exclusive to just a certain subset of the membership. We would like to encourage members to post according to the board topic and offer and ask for support from the membership as a whole.

Thanks,

pianogirl

[[So...]]

@[hl...]  

Okay thats fine @[pi...] thanks for giving us a heads up.  If we wanted to continue this thread then where could we continue it?  Also, can we keep it open long enough to find a way to continue communication with each other?  Thanks! 

[[Co...]]

Hi @[So...]

This thread is sprawling in subject matter. It is too much like our old Buddie Blogs, which were, in part, responsible for the siloed structure and feel of the community before the change to this software. The problem with Buddie Blogs was that they (inevitably) felt cliquey and unwelcoming to newer members. And established members tended to park themselves there. This thread, like Buddie Blogs, has wandered into a sprawling personal support thread. It can fell fun and comforting for the member who 'owns' the thread, but it is not good for the community as a whole.

Of course, this is just one thread - hardly a problem by itself. But if allow one, we will be expected to allow others - this is when it becomes a problem.

There is probably nothing in this thread which is unusable for this community. But discussion should be narrower and thread-specific. Oh, and of course we can leave this thread open for now - no problem at all.

In a few minutes, I will re-enable the chat room. The chit-chat element of this thread can certainly go there.

[[So...]]

@[Co...] yeah I can see where you guys are coming from, I apologize if I made anyone feel excluded or left out- that was the opposite of my intention! 

 

Thank you & thanks again for making this platform in the first place, it helps a lot! 

 

Wishing everyone a speedy recovery & a great day! ❤️

[[Co...]]

Hi @[So...]

You did nothing wrong. But because of dwindling activity, we decided on a different approach. No one - including me - anticipated where Buddie Blogs and the thread-based 'groups' would lead. Of course, quite a lot of members feel they have lost something - we really do understand this - but I think more and more of them have come to understand why it could not continue. Before the change, community activity was about 20% of our peak from about 9 years ago - and it was still getting worse. The lack of interaction between old and new members was the cause - once we fully understood this, how we should move forward was quite clear.

I really do appreciate you understanding why we have implemented these changes.

[[Ma...]]

@[Co...], @[pi...] just said this board is only go tapering and withdrawal. I’ve asked before about post withdrawal and recovery. Is that no longer included?

Thank you,

[[Co...]]

@[Ma...] Sorry. I don't quite understand. Would you please rephrase.