Please, I need hope. Can you heal on OTHER meds?

[[bl...]]

Hi,

I am 15 months out from my jump and believe I am in a wave or setback. I’m not 100% sure what triggered it but I’m guessing stress.

In November I started an AD and mood stabilizer. I felt they weren’t working because I was so miserable from month 8-11 and before. No windows.

however, I turned a corner around month 11 and my symptoms were pretty much GONE. I was in what I think was a window from this past March to early July. I was thriving and so happy.

But now, my symptoms have returned at month 15. They’re all mental - the early morning panic that oozes in and wakes me up, convincing me that life is dread, depressing, and will never be the same ever again. It’s strong fear, despair, and my legs have been throbbing.

 

so my question is - was it the meds that helped and suddenly stopped? Was I genuinely in a window for a few months? Has this happened to anyone else? Will I be okay??

main question: is it possible to heal on other meds? I reallly cannot handle negativity at this point because it is triggering. Of course I want to wean off the AD/mood stabilizer but I am absolutely terrified when I think about it and perhaps suffering more from THAT withdrawal.

Can someone help? Will I/can I heal on meds? I am so scared I’ll never be okay again. Have I only been making progress because of meds??

[[Br...]]

Please be reassured that many of our members have recovered after adding other meds to help cope with withdrawal symptoms.  It also seems to me that it's very unlikely both the antidepressant and mood stabilizer pooped out at the same time.  

I think you're probably on the right track in suspecting your current uptick in withdrawal symptom is related to stress.  We see this all the time and I've personally experienced it.  It seems that anything that adds more stress to your nervous system can upset your equilibrium.  Stress can come in many forms: a bad cold, increased responsibilities or worries, overdoing things like exercise, etc.  Have you experienced an increase in stress?  

To return to the question of how your AD and/or mood stabilizer factor in,  these can really help cope with withdrawal symptoms.  We generally advise caution when considering adding new meds or supplements because they can made it hard to assess how the withdrawal is going.  But the fact that you had a long window lasting several months indicates there's good healing going on. I understand your worry - I'm guessing just about every member here has worried that they will never be okay again.  The worry itself is very characteristic of benzo withdrawal.  What I would caution you about is the timing of any taper you plan for the AD and mood stabilizer.  We generally advise against tapering more than one med at a time.  Further,  I would wait several month after you feel stabilized to begin another taper.  This will help allow your highly sensitized CNS time to settle down before challenging it again.  You'll get through this.  It takes time and it can be a winding path with glitches along the way like you're experiencing but healing Is still happening and you're on your way to recovery.

[[bl...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Please be reassured that many of our members have recovered after adding other meds to help cope with withdrawal symptoms.  It also seems to me that it's very unlikely both the antidepressant and mood stabilizer pooped out at the same time.  

I think you're probably on the right track in suspecting your current uptick in withdrawal symptom is related to stress.  We see this all the time and I've personally experienced it.  It seems that anything that adds more stress to your nervous system can upset your equilibrium.  Stress can come in many forms: a bad cold, increased responsibilities or worries, overdoing things like exercise, etc.  Have you experienced an increase in stress?  

To return to the question of how your AD and/or mood stabilizer factor in,  these can really help cope with withdrawal symptoms.  We generally advise caution when considering adding new meds or supplements because they can made it hard to assess how the withdrawal is going.  But the fact that you had a long window lasting several months indicates there's good healing going on. I understand your worry - I'm guessing just about every member here has worried that they will never be okay again.  The worry itself is very characteristic of benzo withdrawal.  What I would caution you about is the timing of any taper you plan for the AD and mood stabilizer.  We generally advise against tapering more than one med at a time.  Further,  I would wait several month after you feel stabilized to begin another taper.  This will help allow your highly sensitized CNS time to settle down before challenging it again.  You'll get through this.  It takes time and it can be a winding path with glitches along the way like you're experiencing but healing Is still happening and you're on your way to recovery.

Thank you so much. I am really struggling and I'm so scared because I felt normal for the first time in maybe decades. I've struggled my whole life with my moods, I think I was using benzos to extinguish that fire, and now that I'm off it feels like nothing else will ever work for me, or I'll never figure out the reason for how I'm feeling. I am also in trauma therapy trying to get to the bottom of it.

Do you know why the suffering is so immense in the mornings and how to overcome it? You don't think my "windows" were because of meds that pooped out very quickly?

[[Br...]]

This can be a rough ride, no question.  I understand about struggling with moods and how hard it is to be hit by a wave.  I'm sure it feels especially unfair and discouraging since you were feeling so good - it's like the rug was pulled out from under you.  It's only my opinion but I don't think it's likely that both your meds pooped out so quickly.  It's possible but I think it's unlikely.  Was there an increase in your stress levels?  

It's very hard to get through withdrawal symptoms when we have spent many years popping pills to cope - we have to find other ways to cope. Things like eating a healthy diet, drinking plenty of water, moderate exercise, yoga, meditation, deep breathing exercises, and others. Avoiding alcohol and caffeine, and minimizing sugar can help.   In the long run these things will support us for years to come but it's a challenge in the short term.  We find that finding ways to distract yourself from your symptoms is the best tool there is.  So if you can find something to absorb your attention it will help relieve your suffering - it can be things like walking in nature, cleaning your house, organizing your closet, painting and drawing, cooking a new dish, etc.

Here's a link to a thread on morning anxiety: https://benzobuddies.org/topic/26921-understanding-morning-anxiety/