Six Months Off!

[[op...]]

There used to be a "milestones" board, but I don't see it anymore so posting here - I hope this is ok!

I just hit 6 months off benzos. Generally speaking, I'm doing well. I have 2-3 symptoms left that are still working their way out. I am trying various things to address them with slow success. Things are going in the right direction.

My symptoms left right now are mostly physical, though I'm still sensitive to emotionally stressful situations. My intellectual capacities are completely back and have been for several months, and I have significantly LESS anxiety than I ever did while taking benzos. My year of tapering (and before that, the six months of being incredibly ill while in tolerance withdrawal) feels like a blur. I did keep up my life as much as possible during that time, but I don't remember a lot of it, and the stuff I do remember has a weird tinge to it, like it was some kind of bizarre and super unpleasant acid trip. That said, I managed to maintain most of my relationships, keep working/pay my rent, and complete a graduate degree (I graduate in 8 weeks). I don't know how. (It helped a lot that all of my work and school was virtual as a result of the pandemic.) I will say that I relied a lot on skills I already had firmly built before this happened, and that helped a lot. I leaned on the things I did well automatically. I was single and lived alone with just a fur child the whole time. If you're doing this on your own, my heart goes out to you - and you can get through it! 

I didn't think I would ever recover but I am about 90% recovered. Every day, I find a few minutes to be grateful for the gains I've made. I do experience some grief if I think about it too much, having lost those years of my life because of poor advice given to me by a doctor. I know we all experience this grief and I will probably do some ritual this fall to support the integration of this grief. The PTSD is real. But that doesn't mean we can't also grow from it.

I'm going to wait till I'm more fully recovered until I post a success story, but I wanted to give folks hope. I definitely did heal as I tapered and since I stepped off, it's been more or less the same stuff, slowly trickling out. You will get there! Keep going!

 

 

[[du...]]

I am extremely happy for you and thanks for posting a “feel good” post to help those of us who are struggling! I’m in a very similar situation as you… i am just starting a taper plan with my doctor of 5mg of Valium x2 a day and to titrate according to the AM. I have 8 months until I graduate and am hoping I can hang in there enough to finish it and around that same time finish my taper. If you don’t mind me asking what benzo were you on and for how long? 

[[Ob...]]

Wonderful news openroad!  What was your benzo and dosage.  And how long were you on it?

[[ji...]]

So happy to hear you are doing well openroad!    

[[op...]]

Thanks, everyone. If you go to my profile, under "about me," you'll find my whole taper schedule. It used to appear under our posts, but now it's in our profiles.

I was on a teeny amount of valium (less than 3mg/day) on and off for maybe 2 years. My journey is complicated b/c I was given more benzos before I realized the problem was the benzos. But my taper started in Jan 2022 at 4mg Valium (and 7.5mg mirtazapine to help with severe acute sxs). It took me a year to taper off the 4mg, which I ended in Jan 2023. I am almost done with the mirtazapine - below .5mg and due to be off in appx 2 months. 

I had severe symptoms, including akathisia, head squeezing, insomnia, chemical fear, burning ears, SI, massive digestive issues and distension, fear of people, hypersensitivity to sound and light, histamine blowouts, crippling nausea ...  it was rough! BUT  it's all gone. Just some abdominal stuff I'm still working through. Everything else went away completely. Stay strong! 

[[gr...]]

As I have expressed before, I wish now I had tapered instead of going cold turkey. But I simply did not know the hell I would go through! Then, I was on them for years. Still, I am so glad I am off the grey cloud. So many poor choices and blank afternoons. Now, I am awake - really feel life - good and bad. 

[[wi...]]

I am so glad you are in my life Open Road, if only virtually.  You provide such hope and kindness! Thx xo

[[op...]]

Aw, thanks Widesky! I've been there and I'm happy if I can help at all!