When do intrusive thoughts stop?

[[be...]]

I am 6 months out after stopping Klonopin in January of 2023.  I took Klonopin starting when I was 20 until I was 35 at 2mg daily, did a taper for 5 months in 2022 from August to January.  I did a .25 taper every 3 weeks for 5 months.  During my taper nothing was really that extreme. Had some bouts of anxiety but nothing I couldn't handle.  As soon as I took my last dose it was like a hurricane hit me.  The absolute worst anxiety in the mornings.  The first 3 months I barely slept.  On top of depression, OCD thinking, and intrusive thoughts being the worst.  Regret for past mistakes, things I feel guilty about, memories from grade school and high school that were the worst.  Things I have not thought of in years.  Regrets about not asking girls out, regrets about what I have done with my life so far, feeling like I have made the worst decisions in regards to my life and that's why I am in the situation I am in now.  I have never felt anything like this before.  The self-loathing and self-hate is off the charts.  I've never disliked myself so much.  Continuing this seems pointless, feeling like my life is never going to be worth anything.  I honestly feel like taking a Klonopin just to feel something different than I feel now.  Windows are few and far between although when I do have them I am so thankful.  I am definitely doing much better than I was 3 months ago, actually get 6 hours of sleep a night when before I was getting 2 or 3 hours or zero sleep at all.  I know this just takes time for our brains to heal but I get so discouraged when I have constant intrusive thoughts and feel so bad about myself.  Not sure how I am going to get through this but I am trying to make myself.  Does anyone else have horrible intrusive thoughts and how long did they last.  Tired of feeling scared all the time.  Sometimes I feel like I am alone forever, this won't get any better and there in nothing I can do.  I want these thoughts to stop and distraction doesn't do much to fend them off.  My confidence is gone.  My anger and attitude is gone.  I couldn't cry or fight if I wanted to.  Just feeling scared and helpless is all I am capable of.  When does it end?  Someone please tell me.  

Edited July 26, 2023 by [be...]

[[Go...]]

Imagine everything you said, but with no windows.  That’s me.  I don’t believe this is just W/D. I just want it all to end.  There is only so much a web site can do.  Fear is constant.  Never ending stress.  I’ll die from heart attack or stroke if something else doesn’t do it first.  I’m done asking for advice.  I’m done with everything.

[[al...]]

Hey Gonzo,  when i was getting off Klonopin I had no windows either.  My w/d was extremely intense....  Fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, burning skin, unbelievable insomnia and more.  I felt like I was at the end too.  So I went and got a therapist and saw her twice a week and just kept talking and it helped. Also I reinstated back onto the Klonopin and tapered slowly over two yeas. Those things help.  Hope you find some relief

[[Gl...]]

 

I feel terrible about what you're going through and your discouragement.    I'm so sorry!

 

Whatever you do, don't take a Klonopin.  It will just destroy your progress, and you've made so much progress.  You've come so far, and if you just hang in there, things will get better. When I took Klonopin in desperation, it made me super depressed, and last time I didn't get away with it but went through worse withdrawal symptoms.

 

Have you read the success stories?   They are encouraging.  

 

I'll be rooting for you and praying for you.

 

[[Pa...]]

On 7/26/2023 at 5:05 PM, [[G...] said:

Imagine everything you said, but with no windows.  That’s me.  I don’t believe this is just W/D. I just want it all to end.  There is only so much a web site can do.  Fear is constant.  Never ending stress.  I’ll die from heart attack or stroke if something else doesn’t do it first.  I’m done asking for advice.  I’m done with everything.

Gonzo2504, bentbelly420 is asking for support, they're new to the forum and need encouragement, this thread is not about you.  Its incumbent on our members as participants of a peer support forum to support one another.  If you're not in the right frame of mind which I totally understand then please pass the thread by and let others offer their help.

Pamster

[[Pa...]]

On 7/26/2023 at 3:44 PM, [[b...] said:

I am 6 months out after stopping Klonopin in January of 2023.  I took Klonopin starting when I was 20 until I was 35 at 2mg daily, did a taper for 5 months in 2022 from August to January.  I did a .25 taper every 3 weeks for 5 months.  During my taper nothing was really that extreme. Had some bouts of anxiety but nothing I couldn't handle.  As soon as I took my last dose it was like a hurricane hit me.  The absolute worst anxiety in the mornings.  The first 3 months I barely slept.  On top of depression, OCD thinking, and intrusive thoughts being the worst.  Regret for past mistakes, things I feel guilty about, memories from grade school and high school that were the worst.  Things I have not thought of in years.  Regrets about not asking girls out, regrets about what I have done with my life so far, feeling like I have made the worst decisions in regards to my life and that's why I am in the situation I am in now.  I have never felt anything like this before.  The self-loathing and self-hate is off the charts.  I've never disliked myself so much.  Continuing this seems pointless, feeling like my life is never going to be worth anything.  I honestly feel like taking a Klonopin just to feel something different than I feel now.  Windows are few and far between although when I do have them I am so thankful.  I am definitely doing much better than I was 3 months ago, actually get 6 hours of sleep a night when before I was getting 2 or 3 hours or zero sleep at all.  I know this just takes time for our brains to heal but I get so discouraged when I have constant intrusive thoughts and feel so bad about myself.  Not sure how I am going to get through this but I am trying to make myself.  Does anyone else have horrible intrusive thoughts and how long did they last.  Tired of feeling scared all the time.  Sometimes I feel like I am alone forever, this won't get any better and there in nothing I can do.  I want these thoughts to stop and distraction doesn't do much to fend them off.  My confidence is gone.  My anger and attitude is gone.  I couldn't cry or fight if I wanted to.  Just feeling scared and helpless is all I am capable of.  When does it end?  Someone please tell me.  

Your words are bringing back some powerful memories of my time in recovery, the self loathing and regret is overwhelming, it was so demoralizing.  Please know this will pass as you recover, you've already experienced some improvements and this will be another one, in time.  Please don't believe the lies the drug is telling you, this is what it does.  

The fear is also powerful, I actually started to talk back to it, it became like a mantra for me, this isn't real, its not me and won't be me when I recover.  Use whatever tools you've had to use to get this far, this is a temporary condition, a long temporary but you can recover, as long as you stay off the drug. 

[[Pa...]]

5 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

bentbelly420, we have been communicating via messages, since my advice/thoughts is constantly monitored by admins.  Probably reading the messages as well.  I thought people were just exaggerating about the admins on this site but it's true. Especially talking to new members, they are so nice.  but if you dont agree with them, and even question the idea that everybody heals, they suspend your account and wipe your comments.  So much for free speech!

 I'll wait to see which "benzo expert" chooses to chime in or suspend me first.  There has to be a better site to communicate without these BB admins editing and critiquing everything you type, and telling you everything will be alright, "just give it time".  I haven't gotten better, and dont expect to.  

You can choose the admin's sugar coated world, or listen to the truth...... Hope to be in contact somehow(??) again.  Im done with these liars.  You dont get better.  

Gonzo2504,

I happened upon your post to bentbelly420 and it saddened me to see you attempt to end all hope for them, hope is pretty much all we have when faced with this nightmare.  I don't believe I've ever said everyone heals, I choose my words carefully, I say we can heal because I truly don't know if everyone will.

You're welcome to your opinion of the administers on this this platform but I need to correct your statement about messages, suspending accounts and wiping your comments, none of this is true.  We don't have the ability to read your messages, unless someone reports them, then and only then can we see them.  We do have the ability to wipe comments but we prefer to engage with the member in order to make it a learning experience for not only the member but for the wider community as well.  We will rarely remove a post but if we do, we will notify the member as to the reason why.

As for suspending your account, rarely have we banned anyone, in fact, I can't remember the last time this occurred.  

You're angry and you're hurting, both of which are common for this community, we understand everyone isn't at their best while going through this so we try to make allowances for behavior such as yours but your comments aren't helpful and they're disrupting this thread.  If you wish to talk about this further, please Contact the Team - BenzoBuddies Community Forum.

 

[[Sa...]]

@[Go...]

I don’t know you personally, but your posts are spreading negative energy. In recovery, hope is all I have left.
One day when you’ll be out of it, you may look back & realize the damage caused by your words to the fellow sufferers. 

I wish you luck for recovery. 

Edited July 28, 2023 by [Sa...]