I need guidance 🙏 I'm super struggling

[[Br...]]

I can't tell if my symptoms right now are klonopin or ocd or if the klonopin is aggravating my ocd. I was having really bad symptoms last month at the beginning of the month for a few days and then I undosed after learning I was moving way too fast. Idk if I felt better after that because of the drug or that I knew there was a reason why I was feeling so shitty, or both. The last few days I've just been thinking it has been ocd, like a ton of ruminating and no hope to the point I had to text a crisis line today because I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. This is all very terrifying to me and I need support. As someone with ocd I guess I'm not supposed to ask for reassurance (I just learned this) but it feels different for this? 

Symptoms: nausea, inability to eat, diahrea, insomnia, unbearable thought patterns, tight chest.

These are all symptoms I've had at one time or another because of anxiety, but the onset of a big episode like this has usually started from a change in medication. 

The symptoms have gotten bad the last 3 or 4 days and seem to be getting worse. I haven't changed my dose in a few weeks so that's why I'm confused. I'm thinking about updosing again because I can't handle this. 

 

Tapering off of .5mg klonopin after 3.5 years of use, using a water taper, taking approximately .0125 with a tablespoon out of 300 mL of water then 150 mL. Not the most accurate method, I know. 

 

3-18 .475

 

3-21 .45

 

3-27 .425

 

3-31 .4

 

4-5 .375

 

4-10 .35

 

4-13 .325

 

4-16 .3

 

4-22 .275

 

4-26 .25

 

4-30 .225

 

5-5 .2

 

5-9 .175

 

5-12 .15

 

5-15 .25 (accident)

 

5-21 .125

 

5-24 .2

 

5-26 .15

 

5-28 .125

 

6-1 .1

 

6-7 .2 (all the symptoms hit me a few days after the june first, people here said it was a delayed reaction to how fast I had been going and then the accident and how I tried to remedy that accident, by going even faster. I updosed because my physical and mental symptoms were unbearable.)

 

7-8 .175 

[[Br...]]

 

Hello Brisa4 .

I had OCD symptoms in an exaggerated and literally catastrophic way. When we're stuck with these symptoms everything becomes too much for our senses... Thoughts, smells, sights. It triggers the thoughts of panic and fear that we are going crazy like an endless loop... When I had this I was petrified but I tried to calm myself down and one way to alleviate these past guilt feelings was to search the BenzoBuddies forums and other forums. I found abstinence coach Jennifer Leigh, who has several posts about OCD, ruminating on the past, or intrusive thoughts. Here are links to various posts about it:

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/for-bwd-bind-sufferers/coping-skills/ten-things-to-do-when-you-have-intrusive-memories/

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/for-bwd-bind-sufferers/coping-skills/coping-with-intrusive-thoughts/

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/for-bwd-bind-sufferers/recovery/how-to-cope-with-intrusive-thoughts-in-benzo-withdrawal/

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/for-bwd-bind-sufferers/coping-skills/intrusive-thoughts-revisited/

 

 

[[or...]]

Hey,

Those links look very good to me, and I'll go ahead and add the one that really helped me understand what the Clonazapam (generic for Klonopin) does to my brain.  It's a long article, but maybe just taking it piece-meal, a little at a time Breeze, it may help you as well.

The whole 35 years I'd been on C I never knew, or really looked into the drug itself.  I got real curious (desperately curious) after 2 way bad times of trying to get off my puny 1 mg tablet which is all I was ever prescribed, figure all I needed.  I still have OCD but not near as bad and I'm only into 4 months of a dry taper. I also have anxiety, depression, and what I call the "terrors" where I, for no apparent reason, just start feeling afraid, and I don't honest know of "what".  But all my symptoms are getting better, no super bad wd sxs except lack of sleep occasionally and weird, but not nightmarish dreams.

Here's the link I talked about that helped a lot, and there are more I will send you here if you want them Denise

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/223403-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/#comment-2944995

[[PE...]]

That terror, afraid for no reason i have too. I try to embrace it like a annoying friend. 

[[or...]]

It seems to pass very quickly, but it can be frightening for sure.  If I can just remember it's the benzo messing with my brain, and it's a liar, then I can overcome a lot of my symptoms.  I am very fortunate not to have any sort of physical pain.

 

[[or...]]

I just wanted you to know that after a really bad taper my MD put me on, which was way too fast, he also told me going back up to 1 mg was best.  So I updosed as well, and things were pretty bad until I found BB and got into reading a lot of stories here, articles, success stories, tapering methods. 

I am now tapering by using a single edged razor blade, a tiny scale I payed 17 dollars for, and I cut off my taper each morning.  I hold that amount for usually 2 weeks at least, then cut again.  I am very slow like the Turtle, and am just down 30% so far of my 1 mg tablet but I have had such amazing luck doing it that way.  Oh, that's taken me about 3 months but getting close to 4 months now.

I guess it takes patience, which I'm not the most patient person, but I just had to avoid wd sxs if at all possible Denise

[[Br...]]

So you're going down about 7% a month? I updosed to .25 today from .175 because I just can't take it. I'm gonna stay there for a while though I worry that I went up too much? But I went from .1 to .2 recently too. I was just feeling really horrible this morning and I need relief. I think maybe if I stay at .25 for a few months I can work on therapy to get a more robust inner support system. I didn't feel anything on my taper until .1 and then everything hit me so I'm hoping I can do some work before I go back down again. 

[[or...]]

You're good with numbers, my brain gets really over-loaded when I first tried figuring my taper.  7% per month sounds about right, according to some things I've read for slow tapers.

I know that it is best to hold, well, general consensus seems to be.  I thought I was updosing, which I did 3 times and mentioned here, but I was doing what "they" call rescue doses, so I quit doing that totally.  Before I did the rescue doses, I felt a sick feeling and very shakey and that's how I would feel if I missed a regular dose of my C for more than a day back before I found BB.

Forgot to mention a rescue-dose is one where you go up on your dose, then next day go back down to where you left off your taper, instead of holding the higher dose for a time.

I guess with rescue-doses, if I did that too often, it could mess up my healing process in my brain.  Just paraphrasing, cut Ashton talks about it, I'll see if I can find the post one of the mods did, or maybe it was just a buddie, I can't remember now.  Anyway, so I just do it super slow and it's really payed off for me so far.  I've also read that when we get down to lower doses even if we go slow, we can maybe have more wd sxs.

Everyone is different though, and only you can gage what feels the best taper amount for you Breeze.  I hope you have a willing doctor that lets you taper the way you know what works for you.  I'll look for that link Denise

[[je...]]

Hi Breeze4

I'm not sure if I'm commented on one of your previous posts, so please forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I don't think you need to be concerned that 0.25mg is too much of an updose. Just to give you some context: it took me approximately 6 months to taper from 0.5mg to 0.25mg at 7.5% every two weeks. You went from 0.5mg to 0.125mg in two months. (I know everyone is different and not me, but this is just to give some type of reference). To recover from this, I think you need a sufficient updose and enough time. Hopefully the 0.25mg will do the trick. But please don't stress about the 0.25mg. That would be the minimum I would suggest for an updose. Let's see how it goes. I hope you stabilize soon. 

[[Ma...]]

Don’t worry you will be fine