Do people work when they are tapering?

[[Je...]]

I’m going through some major withdrawls from tapering. Went to rehab to get off opiates and was cut pretty hard on the benzos.  Realized I need to go slower.

 

I want to get my PhD in addiction.  I have struggled half of my life with every drug out there.  37 now and think the only way I can keep going is if I make use of all the shit I’ve been through.  I don’t want all of this to go to Vain.  If I can make a difference somehow then I can make this all worth it. 
 

I’m just wondering how I can do this? I see everyone here struggling and I wonder can we work or study?  I just hit such a bad wall and I finally realize why I was put here but how the hell do we accomplish things when it’s hard enough to drive to the store? 
 

Is it possible to taper enough that we can work? Sorry I don’t mean to be negative, I’m crying right writing this. 
 

I guess I’m just looking for some hope that this is just another lesson that can be used for something later in life.  
 

😊

[[Je...]]

Dear Jeffgarvin12 (Can I call you Jeff?)

I'm kind of new here - was on BB before years ago and now, alas, I'm back, older and, I hope, wiser. I believe, absolutely, that this is a lesson you can use to build your life. One of my favorite quotes is:

You can't go back to the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~ CS Lewis

I believe that. And I so much admire your desire to take this perceived negative in your life and turn it into a positive helping other people. That is just a wonderful goal. And you can do it! It may not be easy, but it also might not be as difficult as you think it might be. The only way you'll know is to try. And if you fail then you try again and fail better. (I'm shamelessly paraphrasing Samuel Beckett.) Failing is not the same as giving up. It's OK to fail. That's how we learn. I think it's important to keep that in mind. I have to remind myself that a lot, actually.

Just take the first step, if you haven't already. Then revel in your accomplishment. It doesn't all have to happen today. There is a reason we say the first step is the most difficult - that's because it can be - but then each successive step can become easier and easier. Is there something small you can do to further your dream? If there is, go do it. Even if it's just making a short list of things you need to do!

Right now, you may have to do your work during your windows, but hopefully you'll have more and more of those.

When I started my chemo treatment, my sister got me a bracelet that said, "Be Stronger Than the Storm". I think that applies to our benzo situation, too. Our goals, our dreams, need to be stronger than the benzos. 

And Good for You getting off the opiates! None of this is easy! See! You're already strong!

 

 

[[Fa...]]

Jeff and Jessamy,

This post and the reply brought tears to my eyes.  You are both already such inspiration to me.  I am having a hard time with a reply...

Jeff...you do not sound negative at all.  Your aspirations and desires are full of service to others, and that is beautiful.  I think that maybe a better question is if we taper at a reasonable pace and listen our body as we do so, will it be possible to work through our taper?  Many people can, and many can't.  And, we are all so individual in this.  And, with the onset of symptoms you have experienced lately, you now know you want to slow things down.  If you can continue to listen to your body as you continue moving forward, anything is possible!  

Before the upgrade of the site, we could all see each other's medication history and tapering schedules.  They are working on that, but for now, we are all 'blind' to each other's situations.  I know you have been through a lot based on what you have shared.  And, keep that in mind as you taper.  Keep in mind that your body has already been working hard at discontinuing other meds/drugs.

I know this is not what you wanted for yourself at this time, and it probably feels as though it is one thing after another...when will you catch a break?  You can do this...and, you can do it well.  Listen to your body...let it calm for a bit, as you said...and, expect the best possible outcome.  I'm sure you know that coming off opiates is very different than coming off of benzos.  Slow and steady wins the race.  If you could see my history, you'll see that I made many errors along the way.  Eventually, histories will be available to view again.

Jessamy...you amaze me with your strength and fortitude as well.  And, I just love your reply.  'Be Stronger than the Storm'...I love that.  I resonate with that so much.

Jeff...be gentle with yourself.  Something I find challenging myself...but, you most certainly deserve your own compassion and empathy.  You've accomplished so much already.

Warmly,

Faith

   

 

[[Je...]]

You can call me Jeff  

I really don’t know what to say.  Both of your replies brought me to tears.  When I was in rehab I met the most kindest people.  Everyone who was working there was all recovering.  Is it that those who go through the most painful experiences somehow find the silver lining in the struggle?  
 

Im so sensitive to everything.  Ever since I was a kid I never understood the world and felt all the pain and suffering.  It’s like I took on everyone’s pain.  
 

All I want to is help others so they don’t have to go through what I’ve been through.  I guess that’s the what experiences are for right?  
 

Both of your words are so strong and wise.  I think just starting a class and if I can’t finish it oh well.  I’ll try again the next semester.  If it takes me 10 Years at least I did it right!

 

I love those quotes.  It reminds me of Hemingway’s quote “the best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.” 

I love how honest and brave and open you both are and I will look forward to reading your journeys.  It gives me so much hope that I can push through this and accomplish something greater than myself. 
 

I’m going to read both of your replies as I’m still crying.  It made me feel a lot better though, I don’t know what else to see but from the bottom of my heart I thank you!  
 

I’m looking for classes I think it’s best to try! I want to be a speaker and I guess these are all lessons that will help me ☺️

[[Je...]]

44 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Jeff and Jessamy,

This post and the reply brought tears to my eyes.  You are both already such inspiration to me.  I am having a hard time with a reply...

Jeff...you do not sound negative at all.  Your aspirations and desires are full of service to others, and that is beautiful.  I think that maybe a better question is if we taper at a reasonable pace and listen our body as we do so, will it be possible to work through our taper?  Many people can, and many can't.  And, we are all so individual in this.  And, with the onset of symptoms you have experienced lately, you now know you want to slow things down.  If you can continue to listen to your body as you continue moving forward, anything is possible!  

Before the upgrade of the site, we could all see each other's medication history and tapering schedules.  They are working on that, but for now, we are all 'blind' to each other's situations.  I know you have been through a lot based on what you have shared.  And, keep that in mind as you taper.  Keep in mind that your body has already been working hard at discontinuing other meds/drugs.

I know this is not what you wanted for yourself at this time, and it probably feels as though it is one thing after another...when will you catch a break?  You can do this...and, you can do it well.  Listen to your body...let it calm for a bit, as you said...and, expect the best possible outcome.  I'm sure you know that coming off opiates is very different than coming off of benzos.  Slow and steady wins the race.  If you could see my history, you'll see that I made many errors along the way.  Eventually, histories will be available to view again.

Jessamy...you amaze me with your strength and fortitude as well.  And, I just love your reply.  'Be Stronger than the Storm'...I love that.  I resonate with that so much.

Jeff...be gentle with yourself.  Something I find challenging myself...but, you most certainly deserve your own compassion and empathy.  You've accomplished so much already.

Warmly,

Faith

 

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

Dear Jeffgarvin12 (Can I call you Jeff?)

I'm kind of new here - was on BB before years ago and now, alas, I'm back, older and, I hope, wiser. I believe, absolutely, that this is a lesson you can use to build your life. One of my favorite quotes is:

You can't go back to the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~ CS Lewis

I believe that. And I so much admire your desire to take this perceived negative in your life and turn it into a positive helping other people. That is just a wonderful goal. And you can do it! It may not be easy, but it also might not be as difficult as you think it might be. The only way you'll know is to try. And if you fail then you try again and fail better. (I'm shamelessly paraphrasing Samuel Beckett.) Failing is not the same as giving up. It's OK to fail. That's how we learn. I think it's important to keep that in mind. I have to remind myself that a lot, actually.

Just take the first step, if you haven't already. Then revel in your accomplishment. It doesn't all have to happen today. There is a reason we say the first step is the most difficult - that's because it can be - but then each successive step can become easier and easier. Is there something small you can do to further your dream? If there is, go do it. Even if it's just making a short list of things you need to do!

Right now, you may have to do your work during your windows, but hopefully you'll have more and more of those.

When I started my chemo treatment, my sister got me a bracelet that said, "Be Stronger Than the Storm". I think that applies to our benzo situation, too. Our goals, our dreams, need to be stronger than the benzos. 

And Good for You getting off the opiates! None of this is easy! See! You're already strong!

 

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

Dear Jeffgarvin12 (Can I call you Jeff?)

I'm kind of new here - was on BB before years ago and now, alas, I'm back, older and, I hope, wiser. I believe, absolutely, that this is a lesson you can use to build your life. One of my favorite quotes is:

You can't go back to the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~ CS Lewis

I believe that. And I so much admire your desire to take this perceived negative in your life and turn it into a positive helping other people. That is just a wonderful goal. And you can do it! It may not be easy, but it also might not be as difficult as you think it might be. The only way you'll know is to try. And if you fail then you try again and fail better. (I'm shamelessly paraphrasing Samuel Beckett.) Failing is not the same as giving up. It's OK to fail. That's how we learn. I think it's important to keep that in mind. I have to remind myself that a lot, actually.

Just take the first step, if you haven't already. Then revel in your accomplishment. It doesn't all have to happen today. There is a reason we say the first step is the most difficult - that's because it can be - but then each successive step can become easier and easier. Is there something small you can do to further your dream? If there is, go do it. Even if it's just making a short list of things you need to do!

Right now, you may have to do your work during your windows, but hopefully you'll have more and more of those.

When I started my chemo treatment, my sister got me a bracelet that said, "Be Stronger Than the Storm". I think that applies to our benzo situation, too. Our goals, our dreams, need to be stronger than the benzos. 

And Good for You getting off the opiates! None of this is easy! See! You're already strong!

Whoops I meant to quote both of you in my reply above, hopefully you got it! 😌

[[Je...]]

Hi Jeff!

I have to start with a silly thing I saw - your first sentence made me think of this - it was a meme that said something like, "Never judge another until you've walked a mile in their shoes - then you're a mile away and have their shoes!" Ha!

I think you are right in your observation, that people that have gone through the most painful experiences can find the silver lining. That's resilience. Not everyone has it, but the people that do really get it. And they can be AMAZING - so much wisdom and support! 

It sounds like you are an Empath - a person who naturally can feel what other people are feeling. You can really empathize as well as sympathize with them. That is such a gift, but it can also be incredibly difficult because you FEEL other's pain. I imagine that sometimes that can become crippling. And wanting to help others is just Amazing! YOU will be a Gift! (You already are, actually. Just by being here.)

Absolutely, yes! Start a class, and if you can't finish it - then you start it again! When I was in school I had more than one class that I had to take over (true story) and I'm still here to tell the tale. It is NOT the end of the world, not even close, if you have to take a class again. Another thing, sometimes if you give yourself permission to quit or not do something - then you relieve yourself of a LOT of stress and find out that you're more motivated to finish what you started. Self-imposed stress due to expectations can sometimes make it HARDER to do something. It's a mind game we play with ourselves. I'm guilty of it. I think we all are, really. Just another part of being human.

I wanted to tell you, too, since we no longer have "signatures" as Faith pointed out, that when I was tapering the first time, I was tapering four drugs: two benzos and two antidepressants. I sort of understand being poly drugged. And it was SO much harder for me to taper. I'm actually surprised at how well it is going this time!

Faith is on the money, too. Listen to your body. If you're struggling, then maybe just go slower or hold longer. It's certainly not a race. You want to feel as good as you can while you're doing this!

Jeff, you are so strong. Listen to your intuition. I'll be checking back!

Jess

 

[[ia...]]

 

Hi Friend, Your post/thread resonated SO deeply with me. Like you... I've withdrawn from Opioids and struggled with many chemicals most of my life.

Regarding your question on working/education here are my thoughts:

While everybody is different, speaking for myself, I would not be able to do the kind of work I do, during the ACUTE phase. I work as a compensation/HR consultant and would not be able to perform my duties. I’m on a slow taper trying to avoid as much of the acute phase as possible (although I know this will come when I jump to some degree). I’ve worked the entire duration of my taper – some days are harder than others. But again I’m not in acute. If I were performing manual labor/construction I *think* I could work some, but not a 10-12 hour day.

I agree with our other buddies- listen to your body. Listen to your intuition. Slow and steady wins this race. And you WILL win. IF you’re able to go slower (not suggesting you should – this is for you to discern) the WD symptoms might let up and you might be able to engage in work/education.

Thinking of you! Hang in there.

 

[[op...]]

Jeff -

I asked a very similar question when I first was hit with acute benzo withdrawal almost 2 years ago. I was already in grad school plus working for myself 3/4 time (luckily all remote) and I suddenly got extremely ill. I realized it was the benzos, so stopped taking them, and got even sicker. I eventually went back on and started a taper, and here we are (I'm 6 months off now and doing fairly well.)

Pamster helped me a lot in the early days, when I thought I'd lose my whole business, telling me to take it one day at a time. I had to take some time off from school, and also from work. But once I stabilized, more or less, I found work and school to be incredibly grounding and focusing. I also had so much sadness around the realization of how long healing would take and it comforted me to think that I could use this time to finish my degree. 

All of this is to say that everyone is different, but I did work and go to school through nearly my entire taper. It was hell, but it was going to be hell either way, and it was good to stay busy. I feel proud of getting through all of that. Now, I graduate in 8 weeks. I'd say I'm about 85% healed. And I'm getting back to living my life.

Do what you can do. And just keep going. 

[[PE...]]

I run my own business. Graphic designer anf freelance print designer and artist. No.. I wouldn't be able to have a regular job on steady times. I been vomiting, cascade style, sometimes several time a day. That alone would make it impossible to have a regular job.

[[al...]]

Depends on the severity of your symptoms whether you can work through a taper….  I wasn’t able to 

[[Je...]]

Thanks for all the replies everyone!  It makes me feel as if I am not alone.  It hurts to see everyone smiling and happy at the beach enjoying their friends and family and I’m just trying to make it through the day and get out of bed.  
 

It’s the isolation that is killing me.  I realize I need to do something with my time and maybe start small as others have suggested.  And see how I do and go from there.  As I sit here waiting to be healed it seems as if it will go on forever.  And that rumination of dark negative talks turn into shame and regret and further fuels the disappointment about the situation I am in.  
 

But it gives me so much hope to see others here that we’re able to do it.  And the support here is so amazing!  So glad I found this forum and the lovely people here.

 

I am such an empath and every has been a battle even without drugs.  Now adding in tapering off benzos, dam im really being tested.  I hope it goes to something amazing! 
 

thanks everyone! 

[[Je...]]

@[Je...]

You wrote: It’s the isolation that is killing me.  I realize I need to do something with my time and maybe start small as others have suggested.  And see how I do and go from there.  As I sit here waiting to be healed it seems as if it will go on forever.  And that rumination of dark negative talks turn into shame and regret and further fuels the disappointment about the situation I am in.  

With regards to the isolation, I notice that for myself, just going outside and sitting on the porch or deck with a cup of tea makes me feel better. I like watching the birds and the insects, maybe even see a squirrel now and then. Feel the sun on my skin. A soft breeze, if there is one. Just getting OUT of the house helps me tremendously.

Your rumination: I think we need to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves while we go through this. (Through anything, really.) I believe that we all make the best decisions we can with the information we have and the situations we are in at that time. As the saying goes, "hindsight is always 20/20." Looking back, maybe we think we made poor choices, and we can imagine the things we did or said and just cringe. That's natural. Everybody goes through it. But I don't think that is being fair to ourselves. It's not fair to judge the past through the lens of the present. But we can learn from it and change our present - and I believe that is exactly what we're supposed to do. 

If you hadn't gone through what you have, perhaps you wouldn't - most likely wouldn't - have the desire and the personal experience to help others with addiction. And what a Gift You Are. 

It's kind of like people who have never had cancer telling me how I should feel or what I should do - I know they have good intentions, and it comes from a place of love - but it is far more meaningful - more helpful - to me when I talk to another person who has actually had cancer. Or gone through benzo withdrawal. You will be so helpful to people because you get it!

I truly hope you will stop feeling shame and disappointment and realize you have been given the amazing tool of experience and a desire to use it to serve. Really, that is amazing. Finding your purpose is a gift. It makes me think of Colin and all our administrators and moderators. If they hadn't gone through what we're all going through, this site wouldn't exist, and what a gift it is!

Jess

 

[[Je...]]

This is exactly what my mom says.  She keeps saying, “how will you help others going through benzo withdrawal unless you have gone through it yourself?” She keeps telling me it’s research haha. 
 

I guess that is a good way to look at it and you are right.  Looking back it’s so easy to say I shouldn’t have done this and that.  
 

I guess right now it’s so hard to get out of bed when all these emotions come flushing in.  Just making it through the day is a struggle.  I want things to be proud of.  Like I feel I’m not making any progress and I know I am so hard on myself and I’m going through the worse drug on the planet, but I keep comparing myself to other people my age and things they accomplished and I’m barely able to get up.  
 

Maybe I need to just give myself credit for making it through the day.  Being able to take my dog to the beach?  
 

I just feel I’m making no progress as I need to change my perspective to I’m in the process of healing?  

My psychiatrist says,”you will be the top of your class.  You already know addiction in and out.”  I just wish I could focus on this experience being a learning lesson instead of being something that is being looked at as a mistake. 
 

Thanks Jessamy! I’ve never gone through something this hard before and I’ve gotten off every drug and nothing comes close to this, I guess this is just another lesson

 

My mom also says,”would you expect a cancer patient to be doing normal everyday tasks or would you just expect them to work on healing.”  
 

I know addiction and cancer aren’t the same but I guess deep down I feel like addiction isn’t a disease when it is.  I relapsed 3 days out of rehab after spending 20 days throwing up and sweating and not getting any sleep.   
 

Maybe I need to look at it as I have this disease which I am trying to treat? And you are totally right.  The people who went through the struggle ended up creating something so beautiful that ended up helping thousands of people.  Without going through that, this site wouldn’t exist.  🤔

[[Je...]]

On 7/25/2023 at 10:56 PM, [[o...] said:

Jeff -

I asked a very similar question when I first was hit with acute benzo withdrawal almost 2 years ago. I was already in grad school plus working for myself 3/4 time (luckily all remote) and I suddenly got extremely ill. I realized it was the benzos, so stopped taking them, and got even sicker. I eventually went back on and started a taper, and here we are (I'm 6 months off now and doing fairly well.)

Pamster helped me a lot in the early days, when I thought I'd lose my whole business, telling me to take it one day at a time. I had to take some time off from school, and also from work. But once I stabilized, more or less, I found work and school to be incredibly grounding and focusing. I also had so much sadness around the realization of how long healing would take and it comforted me to think that I could use this time to finish my degree. 

All of this is to say that everyone is different, but I did work and go to school through nearly my entire taper. It was hell, but it was going to be hell either way, and it was good to stay busy. I feel proud of getting through all of that. Now, I graduate in 8 weeks. I'd say I'm about 85% healed. And I'm getting back to living my life.

Do what you can do. And just keep going. 

This is so refreshing and exciting to hear!  It sounds like going through it made you much stronger wouldn’t you say? 
 

I’m feeling like I’m going through hell I might as well try and take my mind off it and see what I can accomplish while going through it.  See how much I can accomplish.  Because these dark thoughts keep rushing through and I have no floodgates to stop them.  
 

It seems like having something to focus on gave you the motivation to push through.  When I think that I might be going through this a whole year or more, it’s so disheartening.  Waking up i feel like what’s the point, another day of a long journey like this. I need to steer those thoughts away from that mentality.  
 

thank you for this 😊

[[Je...]]

On 7/25/2023 at 4:35 PM, [[i...] said:

Hi Friend, Your post/thread resonated SO deeply with me. Like you... I've withdrawn from Opioids and struggled with many chemicals most of my life.

Regarding your question on working/education here are my thoughts:

While everybody is different, speaking for myself, I would not be able to do the kind of work I do, during the ACUTE phase. I work as a compensation/HR consultant and would not be able to perform my duties. I’m on a slow taper trying to avoid as much of the acute phase as possible (although I know this will come when I jump to some degree). I’ve worked the entire duration of my taper – some days are harder than others. But again I’m not in acute. If I were performing manual labor/construction I *think* I could work some, but not a 10-12 hour day.

I agree with our other buddies- listen to your body. Listen to your intuition. Slow and steady wins this race. And you WILL win. IF you’re able to go slower (not suggesting you should – this is for you to discern) the WD symptoms might let up and you might be able to engage in work/education.

Thinking of you! Hang in there.

Thank you! So glad to see it’s possible with a slow taper!  I think I just had a really bad reaction to the last 10% drop and the symptoms just came on really hard!  
 

My psychiatrist said we could go slower and I’m hoping these symptoms will eventually come down as I hold.  It’s been 3 weeks since I dropped and I haven’t had any reduction in the symptoms.  Which I’m trying to be positive and hoping my brain will catch up and heal.

Thank you so much for the kind words!  Means so much to me!

[[op...]]

53 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

This is so refreshing and exciting to hear!  It sounds like going through it made you much stronger wouldn’t you say? 
 

I’m feeling like I’m going through hell I might as well try and take my mind off it and see what I can accomplish while going through it.  See how much I can accomplish.  Because these dark thoughts keep rushing through and I have no floodgates to stop them.  
 

It seems like having something to focus on gave you the motivation to push through.  When I think that I might be going through this a whole year or more, it’s so disheartening.  Waking up i feel like what’s the point, another day of a long journey like this. I need to steer those thoughts away from that mentality.  
 

thank you for this 😊

If you have the mental and physical capacity to get something done during this time that you think will be worthwhile, I would definitely encourage that. Some people start a garden, other people exercise or focus on benzo recovery advocacy ... i worked and completed a grad degree. Also, as I started to feel better, I repaired a number of relationships, including going to therapy with my mom for six months. It was a sucky two years, but I don't feel like they were a waste. 

[[ia...]]

23 hours ago, [[J...] said:

Thank you! So glad to see it’s possible with a slow taper!  I think I just had a really bad reaction to the last 10% drop and the symptoms just came on really hard!  
 

My psychiatrist said we could go slower and I’m hoping these symptoms will eventually come down as I hold.  It’s been 3 weeks since I dropped and I haven’t had any reduction in the symptoms.  Which I’m trying to be positive and hoping my brain will catch up and heal.

Thank you so much for the kind words!  Means so much to me!

I am SO happy to hear your psychiatrist is amicable to a slow taper. One thing I'm learning about this process is that... we go can slow, and have less intense 'pain/symptoms' and draw it out longer OR, we can go quick and be in absolute HELL for a shorter period. I know it's not quite this simple, but having experienced different types of WDs, I decided for me the longer less intense version would be best that way I COULD work. 

 

Your brain WILL catch up to your last cut. Symtoms will improve. Hang in there... I can't wait to hear about your milestones! They will come!

[[Je...]]

12 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I am SO happy to hear your psychiatrist is amicable to a slow taper. One thing I'm learning about this process is that... we go can slow, and have less intense 'pain/symptoms' and draw it out longer OR, we can go quick and be in absolute HELL for a shorter period. I know it's not quite this simple, but having experienced different types of WDs, I decided for me the longer less intense version would be best that way I COULD work. 

Your brain WILL catch up to your last cut. Symtoms will improve. Hang in there... I can't wait to hear about your milestones! They will come!

Aww thank you so much for this.  I’m having such a hard time accepting that this is going to be my be my new normal.  
 

It’s so hard to wake up and know you have to go through it all over again 🥲

[[Je...]]

On 7/27/2023 at 11:53 AM, [[o...] said:

If you have the mental and physical capacity to get something done during this time that you think will be worthwhile, I would definitely encourage that. Some people start a garden, other people exercise or focus on benzo recovery advocacy ... i worked and completed a grad degree. Also, as I started to feel better, I repaired a number of relationships, including going to therapy with my mom for six months. It was a sucky two years, but I don't feel like they were a waste. 

Thanks for this.  Sounds like you powered through some battles!  This gives me hope.

 

I am fresh out of rehab and I want a new start at life.  I guess I just needed to see that others were able to work or go to school when dealing with this.  
 

🙏 

[[Je...]]

On 7/27/2023 at 10:29 AM, [[J...] said:

This is exactly what my mom says.  She keeps saying, “how will you help others going through benzo withdrawal unless you have gone through it yourself?” She keeps telling me it’s research haha. 
 

I guess that is a good way to look at it and you are right.  Looking back it’s so easy to say I shouldn’t have done this and that.  
 

I guess right now it’s so hard to get out of bed when all these emotions come flushing in.  Just making it through the day is a struggle.  I want things to be proud of.  Like I feel I’m not making any progress and I know I am so hard on myself and I’m going through the worse drug on the planet, but I keep comparing myself to other people my age and things they accomplished and I’m barely able to get up.  
 

Maybe I need to just give myself credit for making it through the day.  Being able to take my dog to the beach?  
 

I just feel I’m making no progress as I need to change my perspective to I’m in the process of healing?  

My psychiatrist says,”you will be the top of your class.  You already know addiction in and out.”  I just wish I could focus on this experience being a learning lesson instead of being something that is being looked at as a mistake. 
 

Thanks Jessamy! I’ve never gone through something this hard before and I’ve gotten off every drug and nothing comes close to this, I guess this is just another lesson

My mom also says,”would you expect a cancer patient to be doing normal everyday tasks or would you just expect them to work on healing.”  
 

I know addiction and cancer aren’t the same but I guess deep down I feel like addiction isn’t a disease when it is.  I relapsed 3 days out of rehab after spending 20 days throwing up and sweating and not getting any sleep.   
 

Maybe I need to look at it as I have this disease which I am trying to treat? And you are totally right.  The people who went through the struggle ended up creating something so beautiful that ended up helping thousands of people.  Without going through that, this site wouldn’t exist.  🤔

@[Je...] Your Mom sounds amazing! So supportive!

And, yes, addiction is an illness. I don't think you should feel ashamed - look at what you're doing! This is not easy! And to pick yourself back up after a relapse and try again... that is something you should be proud of. You're still going. You're not giving up. This. Is. Hard.

Absolutely you should give yourself credit for making it through the day. I do! Heck, yeah!

You've probably figured out I'm a fan of quotes, but when the shoe fits ... "Comparison is the thief of joy."  Theodore Roosevelt wrote that, and I absolutely believe that. Please try not to compare yourself to others - that's not fair to yourself, plus we're all on our own journeys. I've seen people that I thought had it all together come completely unglued and people that I thought had their head in the clouds really come into their own. We're on our own path and what other people are doing - or aren't doing - has nothing to do with us. 

It's your journey. There has never been anyone exactly like you and there never will be. You are enough. Truly.

Jess