Trazodone reinstatement and taper? Time Sensitive

[[Me...]]

Short version: curious if I should reinstate Trazodone and do a taper.

 

Long version:

My primary symptom has been debilitating insomnia since cold Turkey off of xanax almost 1.5 years ago. I had been taking Trazodone and Gabapentin for sleep for the first 9 months but at the new year had a window that allowed me to abstain from both for a month. Because I was off for a month, I joined a weekend long Ayahuasca ceremony (middle February) which was incredibly helpful for my symptoms and brought my baseline up. The medications are contraindicated for the experience otherwise.

 

I had such success that I did another weekend long ceremony about a month later (end of March). It further brought up my baseline and I was very happy with where I was at. Toward the end of May, I started to have some rough patches here and there and instead of powering through with the abstinence of sleep meds, I started using Trazodone here and there. This is where I start to really kick myself. I should’ve stayed away. I think I had gotten so enamored with my new baseline of functionality, I wanted to keep up with being “normal” again. Throughout June, I was using it a lot, between 25 and 75 mg most nights. I realized I was getting bad again.

 

I joined a waitlist for a ceremony (this weekend) but the list was so long, I didn’t expect to be admitted. On Sunday, I was offered a spot. Eager for more great results, I joined, forgetting I had been taking Trazodone.  I informed my practitioner I had been taking it, wouldn’t take it for the remainder of the week, and that I planned on doing at least one if not two sessions of Kambo in the days leading up to the ceremony for its detoxification purposes. She said because I was planning to do the Kambo, I should be fine.

 

For the last few days that I haven’t been using Trazodone, my sleep issues have been severely ramped up in a way that they have not been in a very long time. I’m not sure if I were to let this play out, if this would be a blip on the nonlinear trajectory, or a debilitating set back.

 

I’m torn because I’ve seen the consistent positive results from this experience and I know that it would help with where I’m at, but how much given how ramped up my sleep symptoms are? Will it bring me back to the baseline i was at before the new year because I’ve brought myself to such a low point with stopping Trazodone abruptly? Or should I reinstate for a taper in hopes I arrive more at the baseline of this earlier summer/spring and hope that doing another ceremony eventually continues to add to that? And that’s all making a lot of  assumptions of the outcome of either scenario.

 

The ceremony is in less than 24 hours (I’ve done my two kambo sessions). If I pull out, I believe I eat the deposit cost. But my greatest concerns is that I don’t want to miss an opportunity with something that has consistently brought me great healing… I just don’t know if I’ve put myself in a significant setback that I still have the opportunity to resolve if I reinstate… or at least I believe. I’ve never tapered or reinstated for a taper before. I know little about it. But I have cold Turkey we before and suffered the consequences.

 

I greatly appreciate any insight.

 

I also was very shy about posting this for fear of backlash about psychedelics and unconventional ordeal medicines. I have been wanting to post a nuanced, unprovocative, detailed post about my experiences with year and other similar experiences over the course of my benzo ordeal but have not done so yet. I still plan to do so but in the meantime need this more immediate advice on reinstating/tapering. I hope that anyone who reads this clearly sees that I am not promoting these methods to anyone else; I am simply aware that they work for me and my physical and mental well-being (with a trusted, well respected group in a location where it’s decriminalized). Any response to that side of things, I will have to respond to at a later date as I am completely concerned with making an informed, last minute decision about reinstating/tapering.

 

Thank you for considering where I’m at.

 

Respectfully.

[[Hu...]]

Personally I think whichever you do, you need to commit. You can't keep using it a little and then stopping. That way you're getting all of the cons and none of the pros.