The Long Hold Support Group

[[an...]]

 

 

Heath,

 

What time do you eat?  I have this sometimes in the week or two after a cut.  Food (often ice cream!) tends to fix me up.  Sometimes I have a cup of decaf and that seems to help.  I think my problem is a combo of being tired and needing some food.

 

Lynn,

 

I find the same thing.  I usually eat something sweet when I feel an uptick in symptoms, and it really does help.  A while back, I decided to give up sugar.  All went well for a few days and then the symptoms ramped up.  I ended up eating a piece of chocolate and felt much better.  Funny about the sugar.  Some say they cannot tolerate it, but I do not have a problem with it.

 

Heath, maybe try eating something in the afternoon when symptoms ramp up.  I usually carry a small bag of peanuts and raisins in my purse. 

 

((HUGS)))

Anne

[[ly...]]

 

 

Anne,

 

It's weird isn't it.  I was never a sweet eater prior to this taper but I do crave sweets now at times.  I get this general feeling of being unwell sometimes in late afternoon and I always feel better after something with sugar in it.  Sugar has never bothered me during this taper - quite the opposite.

[[Sh...]]

Anne, I haven't had my sfxs influenced by anything really the whole way. Sugar and diet doesn't seem to make a difference. I thought it was, so I stopped all sugar for a week but it didn't make a difference. Nothing seems to do much. Exercise doesn't seem to help me a great deal either.

[[Sh...]]

Does anyone know what I mean by I dont know who I am anymore? I'm waiting to get better, and have improved in the last 3 months, but I've honestly forgotten what normal feels like. It's been a year pretty much of mental symptoms. I'm feeling better now than I have in a long time, but still, if this is as good as it gets that I'm not doing great. Has anyone else genuinely forgotten what they are trying to feel like?

[[an...]]

 

 

Anne,

 

It's weird isn't it.  I was never a sweet eater prior to this taper but I do crave sweets now at times.  I get this general feeling of being unwell sometimes in late afternoon and I always feel better after something with sugar in it.  Sugar has never bothered me during this taper - quite the opposite.

 

Lynn,

 

I never craved or cared for sweets until a couple of years ago.  Now, barely a day goes by that I don't eat either cake,  ice-cream or some chocolate--not dark, but milk chocolate.  My father was the same.  He started with the sweets in his 60's.  Anyway, I am happy that foods do not have any effect on my taper.  I feel for anyone that has sensitivities to foods during this process.

[[He...]]

 

 

Heath,

 

What time do you eat?  I have this sometimes in the week or two after a cut.  Food (often ice cream!) tends to fix me up.  Sometimes I have a cup of decaf and that seems to help.  I think my problem is a combo of being tired and needing some food.

 

Lynn,

 

I find the same thing.  I usually eat something sweet when I feel an uptick in symptoms, and it really does help.  A while back, I decided to give up sugar.  All went well for a few days and then the symptoms ramped up.  I ended up eating a piece of chocolate and felt much better.  Funny about the sugar.  Some say they cannot tolerate it, but I do not have a problem with it.

 

Heath, maybe try eating something in the afternoon when symptoms ramp up.  I usually carry a small bag of peanuts and raisins in my purse. 

 

((HUGS)))

Anne

 

You know, you might just have something there. I will try eating something sweet or some protein  before the sfx ramp up and see if it helps.

I usually eat around 11:30 or 12:00 so maybe I do need some  kind of nourishment around 2:30.

Thanks for the suggestion.

 

Heath

 

[[an...]]

Anne, I haven't had my sfxs influenced by anything really the whole way. Sugar and diet doesn't seem to make a difference. I thought it was, so I stopped all sugar for a week but it didn't make a difference. Nothing seems to do much. Exercise doesn't seem to help me a great deal either.

 

Hi Shamo,

 

Same here.  Exercise actually causes me to have an uptick in symptoms.  I always loved working out, but now a days I just cannot do it.  So, between eating sugar and not exercising as much as I would like, I have gained a few pounds over the last year or so.  I cannot wait until this is over.

[[an...]]

Does anyone know what I mean by I dont know who I am anymore? I'm waiting to get better, and have improved in the last 3 months, but I've honestly forgotten what normal feels like. It's been a year pretty much of mental symptoms. I'm feeling better now than I have in a long time, but still, if this is as good as it gets that I'm not doing great. Has anyone else genuinely forgotten what they are trying to feel like?

 

Yes, I can relate to this.  I had several weeks where I felt great, and then one day it dawned on me that I actually felt normal.  It was an incredible feeling.  On that particular day, I was very busy and I was under quite a bit of stress.  But, I felt great!! Any anxiety I had was normal anxiety and not the dreaded chemical anxiety.  It had been several months since I had that feeling of normalcy.  Anyway, I am looking forward to feeling that way again soon.  You will also get to that point.  You have been off the benzo for a few months now, and you are seeing improvement.  That is certainly a good sign.  I have no doubt that one day very soon, you will get back to that feeling of normalcy.  Believe me, it will come back to you.

[[Va...]]

Does anyone know what I mean by I dont know who I am anymore? I'm waiting to get better, and have improved in the last 3 months, but I've honestly forgotten what normal feels like. It's been a year pretty much of mental symptoms. I'm feeling better now than I have in a long time, but still, if this is as good as it gets that I'm not doing great. Has anyone else genuinely forgotten what they are trying to feel like?

I'm guessing you'll feel perfectly normal at 6 months or maybe even before.  --V

[[Sh...]]

God I hope so. I really dont know if I can keep going. Definitely didnt sign up for such a long journey. If i knew this was going to go on for so long I would have just stayed on valium.

[[Va...]]

God I hope so. I really dont know if I can keep going. Definitely didnt sign up for such a long journey. If i knew this was going to go on for so long I would have just stayed on valium.

Lol. You definitely don't want to stay on V. After 4 years on it I was a mess and had no idea it was the V. Eventually you hit tolerance and your life goes downhill from there. Thousands in needless medical tests, adrenal shut down, inability to function more than half a day, electolyte imbalance, dizziness, fainting, etc. I had all these while on my full dose. I hate the withdrawals but I truly hate what my life had become even worse. I finally had the aha moment in December after doing the research that all of it was benzo related. You avoided the big pitfalls of staying on long term and thus dodged a bullet. Be proud of yourself!  You made it off and you will heal! 

[[Kg...]]

Shamo: Valley Um said it well -you dodged a bullet.  So just hang in there and I am with you my buddy.  We need to just take this one day at a time.  We are healing.  And as I have told you I am feeling much better off the poison than on it - so don't even think about going back on these poisons. 

[[no...]]

God I hope so. I really dont know if I can keep going. Definitely didnt sign up for such a long journey. If i knew this was going to go on for so long I would have just stayed on valium.

Shamo    '' Targin'' The Opiate you took isn't just oxycodone it a combo opiate of Oxycodone/naloxone https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxycodone/naloxone

 

Naxolone is used to treat opiate addiction and also mixed with ''Buprenorphine'' to make the drug  ''Suboxone'' all 3 drugs individually are used to treat Opiate addiction and naxolone is also used to treat Alcoholism. I'm honestly not trying to kick you when your so low and feel awful bringing  this up but  truth is, your problem isn't just the Benzo, you yourself compounded it.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buprenorphine/naloxone

 

Not just by taking opiates but you also admitted you've drank and taken Ecstasy as well  while on this journey and against all sensible advise you were given regarding doing this to yourself, and the consequences of your actions. No wonder your feeling really FKD up, your now given your self a 'poly withdrawal' to deal with, while your CNS was already broken you threw more injurious substances at it, and this is the result.

 

To be honest your really lucky to be alive with the interactions of all the different drugs you put into your ailing body, at any given second your respiratory  system could have shut down  leaving you dead or so brain damaged you were left in a vegetative state for life.  But it never and your not thank God, the universe, whatever you believe. And your  a lot stronger than you care to admit or even know, any one else would not being a fit state to post on here after doing that. 

 

And I'm sat thinking about in my present state of being and mind. if had I done  what you did I would be feeling fkn suicidal well, knowing all the withdrawal symptoms that come with all of those drugs, yes Alcohol is a drug too, I wouldn't expect anything else as the end result. Now lesson learned the hard way, and I'm saying this with love and caring about you very much but here it is. STOP SELF SABOTAGING YOUR RECOVERY!!!!!!! Look after yourself properly from here on in, stop hurting yourself and this wil  get better as soon  as you allow it to 100%

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

[[Sh...]]

Thank you for the concern nova!

 

Hmmm. I do hear what youre saying. And you are correct that I drank a few times early in my taper and even took ecstasy once in january when I was in a bad place. However, a month after that I was completely stable and had 0 side effetcs...so i dont see how that is playing any part in my symptoms now. Or has poly withdrawn me.

 

Yes targin does have that ingredient in it which helps with constipation and other things. However, I have only used this once or twice a week and gone long spells without it and not felt an increase in my symptoms. If anything I have improved in the last 3 months as previously stated. once again, not sure how that could have poly drugged me.

 

These things have only been used to help ease the mental suffering from this benzo withdrawal. Anyway, you have a right to your opinion! Even if I do feel its well off the mark.

[[no...]]

Thank you for the concern nova!

 

Hmmm. I do hear what youre saying. And you are correct that I drank a few times early in my taper and even took ecstasy once in january when I was in a bad place. However, a month after that I was completely stable and had 0 side effetcs...so i dont see how that is playing any part in my symptoms now. Or has poly withdrawn me.

 

Yes targin does have that ingredient in it which helps with constipation and other things. However, I have only used this once or twice a week and gone long spells without it and not felt an increase in my symptoms. If anything I have improved in the last 3 months as previously stated. once again, not sure how that could have poly drugged me.

 

These things have only been used to help ease the mental suffering from this benzo withdrawal. Anyway, you have a right to your opinion! Even if I do feel its well off the mark.

Shamo  our Central nervous systems  are so fragile right now things that would have been over with in a day, a week, whatever has long reaching effects and profound fall out on us now, look at the mess lots of people on here end up in after just one drink or a drag on a joint? And their a few years out in some cases, but most of them are a lot further out in recovery than you, don't underestimate the impact these things will an do have on us now.  Act In Haste Repent At Leisure is the saying except there's nothing leisurely in going through this hell

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Sh...]]

Im not sure why youre bringing this up now and mentioning things that happened in january and talking about how if it were you then youd commit suicide...not really helpful in this situation.

 

We are talking about how we are feeling today and the progress we've made.

[[Sh...]]

God I hope so. I really dont know if I can keep going. Definitely didnt sign up for such a long journey. If i knew this was going to go on for so long I would have just stayed on valium.

Lol. You definitely don't want to stay on V. After 4 years on it I was a mess and had no idea it was the V. Eventually you hit tolerance and your life goes downhill from there. Thousands in needless medical tests, adrenal shut down, inability to function more than half a day, electolyte imbalance, dizziness, fainting, etc. I had all these while on my full dose. I hate the withdrawals but I truly hate what my life had become even worse. I finally had the aha moment in December after doing the research that all of it was benzo related. You avoided the big pitfalls of staying on long term and thus dodged a bullet. Be proud of yourself!  You made it off and you will heal! 

 

Thanks vallyum. Thats interesting. So was it doing its job until you got to 4 years on it? I guess cause I was only using it 3-4 times a week and didnt really have bad sfx from it I dont have any bad memories of it. But from what Ive read it does seem to go south in a lot of ppl that use them long term.

[[no...]]

Im not sure why youre bringing this up now and mentioning things that happened in january and talking about how if it were you then youd commit suicide...not really helpful in this situation.

 

We are talking about how we are feeling today and the progress we've made.

I am not saying that what I'm trying to explain is the effects and time span these thing will have on us. nearly 2 years later I'm still trying to recover from a 1 and a 1/2mg  cut I did in December 2104. And a few mils of Vodka in 200mls of water took me ages to recover from I couldn't believe how hard that tiny drop hit me in all that water or how long I was rough for after it or the freaky sxs it caused, unreal. 

 

I felt as if I actually had a full glass of vodka and I could drink a LOT with no problems or hang overs but that really did a number on me. I was shocked that I'm so fragile as I was practically super human I was an elite Athlete and unbelievably strong for a woman with the constitution of an OX. The other day I had a weak cup of Chamomile tea and it did a number on me and I used to drink it by the gallon a until January last year when I stopped, that shocked me as well, and took a few days to wear off.

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[Va...]]

God I hope so. I really dont know if I can keep going. Definitely didnt sign up for such a long journey. If i knew this was going to go on for so long I would have just stayed on valium.

Lol. You definitely don't want to stay on V. After 4 years on it I was a mess and had no idea it was the V. Eventually you hit tolerance and your life goes downhill from there. Thousands in needless medical tests, adrenal shut down, inability to function more than half a day, electolyte imbalance, dizziness, fainting, etc. I had all these while on my full dose. I hate the withdrawals but I truly hate what my life had become even worse. I finally had the aha moment in December after doing the research that all of it was benzo related. You avoided the big pitfalls of staying on long term and thus dodged a bullet. Be proud of yourself!  You made it off and you will heal! 

 

Thanks vallyum. Thats interesting. So was it doing its job until you got to 4 years on it? I guess cause I was only using it 3-4 times a week and didnt really have bad sfx from it I dont have any bad memories of it. But from what Ive read it does seem to go south in a lot of ppl that use them long term.

I hit tolerance at 2 years in but didn't know it. That's when I had adrenal shut down and was never the same after that. I actually feel better on my taper after holding than I did while on the full dose once I hit tolerance. Go figure lol.  --V

[[Ki...]]

Hey all- I know everyone is different, but any suggestions welcome. Once I crossed from X to V I did pretty well doing a microtaper, sticking to the avg around .5 mg a month. Now after 4 mos I seem to be having symptoms ramp up mainly UGH insomnia. I usually cut .001g every other day which would be a total of a 2 year taper ( which after 16 years on X and ambien, oh well). I guess Im going to hold for a while and see if I stabilize. The reason I started this junk was lack of sleep, and it was fabulous sleeping again when I was on the higher dose. Im already on a turtle taper so maybe just giving it a rest will help. Anyone else have that happen? Probably most of you

[[Va...]]

Hey all- I know everyone is different, but any suggestions welcome. Once I crossed from X to V I did pretty well doing a microtaper, sticking to the avg around .5 mg a month. Now after 4 mos I seem to be having symptoms ramp up mainly UGH insomnia. I usually cut .001g every other day which would be a total of a 2 year taper ( which after 16 years on X and ambien, oh well). I guess Im going to hold for a while and see if I stabilize. The reason I started this junk was lack of sleep, and it was fabulous sleeping again when I was on the higher dose. Im already on a turtle taper so maybe just giving it a rest will help. Anyone else have that happen? Probably most of you

Hi Kitty. Insomnia was brutal for me when I started my hold. It seemed to resolve about a month into my long hold.  By that I mean I actually sleep pretty well but still wake every few hours and am able to go back to sleep pretty quickly. I'm sure it will be like this until I'm off. I did have a night of total insomnia this week but it has been months since that has happened and was just the one night. I would guess holding for a bit will take care of it for you.  --V

[[Ki...]]

Thanks V! I hope so. I take unisom and it helped for a while but now its just a tough time. Maybe a hold will let it come back. It was the best sleep I had for over 16 years! Maybe it will come back. TY❤️

[[...]]

Hello  everyone,

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I think I am on a different time zone, or somethin, than the rest of you because I seem to come into the forum after everyone has finished their conversations. Oh well, no matter, I am here now.

 

I have had  many more good days lately.  I attribute it to my hold.

 

But even with good days, lately, more often than not,  I wake up feeling ok, but at about 3 or 4 o'clock, like clockwork, I begin to feel side effects ramping up. They remain moderately bad for about 4 hours, until about 7 or 8 pm and then they go away again or deminish grately, and usually stay away for the rest of the night.

What is it about the late afternoons that make everything worse?

I don't get it.

Is it because I am just tired out at this time of day?

Is it just the nature of the beast?

 

Does this pattern occur with any else here? What's going on?

 

Heath  

 

BeGood,  now you have a picture of shoes by your name. NICE SHOES. I'd like a pair like that but they'd probably kill by feet!glad you are back to feeling good again.

 

Lynn, BeGood, Anne, When I start to cut again, I'm going to make my micro taper really really very micro just like you friends (even just small cuts probably will still slay me) so teeny tiny micro is how I will go.

 

Easy going and peace to everyone!

 

Heath

Hi Heathcliff.... I have this same pattern every day, I dread 3 pm ish coming around. Not siege it's food r elated for me as I often eat around 2 pm.

Could be a cortisol drop, for me anyway, I have weak adrenals .

 

Still holding my 8.5 V hoping things will improve .... I'm ok, but not what I'd call good ! Woke up at 4.30 am with a rush of something ... Horrible. I feel like some thing pours into my stomach and burns it, it's very weird. Scares me. And then I'm wide awake for , well, hour or hour half.....

 

[[Sh...]]

Very interesting. Whats adrenal shutdown?

[[He...]]

[quote author=MiYu

 

Heath

Hi Heathcliff.... I have this same pattern every day, I dread 3 pm ish coming around. Not siege it's food r elated for me as I often eat around 2 pm.

Could be a cortisol drop, for me anyway, I have weak adrenals .

 

Still holding my 8.5 V hoping things will improve .... I'm ok, but not what I'd call good ! Woke up at 4.30 am with a rush of something ... Horrible. I feel like some thing pours into my stomach and burns it, it's very weird. Scares me. And then I'm wide awake for , well, hour or hour half.....

 

 

 

 

Hi MiYu,

We seem to be having late afternoon wd sfx in the same time frame. Maybe it is he drop in cortisol as you said. Today I got so dizzy and unbalanced at about 4:00.  It started to go away at 9:00, but this time it came later than usual. It usually happens at Round 2 or 3 o'clock. And this time it's not all gone. So I'm wondering what tomorrow will bring, ugh! I hate being dizzy and unbalanced.

 

Today was a bad day in general. I had been having really good days for about four days and now I seem to be going backwards. I am having really bad days.

I am at the end of five weeks and holding. I though I'd be seeing improvement in my w sfx by now, but no such luck. So holding , holding, Holding!

 

About the waking up with a rush of a burning in your stomach, I also have that. Only I get it right before I fall asleep. It wAkes me up  just as I am just about asleep it wakes me up. I thinkt is some kind of anxiety related because if I don't get up right away when this hsppens, I start to get reAlly intrusive and negative, anxious thoughts. I absolutely hate it. I usually get up, read and drink some tea for about twenty minutes then go back  to sleep.

I hope you have a better day today MiYu. Keep up the fight. I get depressed when I think it is going to still take many more months or more to win this war.

 

Let's be strong!

Heath