The Long Hold Support Group

[[He...]]

Thanks for your explanation Anne!

 

I am going to try to hold until I stablize so I have very little side effects once I start to cut again.  I am already having a hard time. I was at 1.25 in June and here it is the middle of September and I am only at 1.2 because of many bad and lingering side effects.

 

VallyUm thinks my problem is that I had cut too big and too fast at the earlier part of my taper, and all those cuts with very short holds, have just caught up with my CNS.

I think he is right! I've been holding for a while and I am already having some really good days (mixed with bad ones)

 

I hope I feel stable  enough to cut in another month, but I know I have to be patient.

 

Here's  to an easier time for everyone who is suffering and good times ahead for  all of us.

 

Heath

[[be...]]

Heath I agree with all the advise you are getting, you can keep a month agenda, but do not rely on a Time too much, go by how you feel, your body will tell you, just mark your calender for a month and then when that comes, decide, but in the meantime, get that month outta of your head, so that like all of us here, no matter how long it takes, we will all be able to walk gently off of these  Benzo's. The thing that keeps me going this time is this mantra, when I am wondering, which I do not usually do, anyway, "I am doing this and I do not care how long it takes, just do not care, I am going to make it this time".

 

Hi Anne I am doing fine so far, I know you will reach your Recovery, but sorry it is bumpy for now.

[[no...]]

Hello all  I am now on day 23 of my hold and very rough still, but its only 2 days past the normal hold line after a cut so its early days yet.  I think I will be holding for 2 months as a ball park figure for now, as my crystal balls not working and this crap is unpredictable anyway.  And I am having waves of feeling seriously tragic then suddenly bad but bearable, or okay as it not no symptoms but feeling a bit more normal for a little while then BOOM!! again   

 

Like yesterday for instance I really felt like I was on the way out and worse than ever but later on I managed to make a home made soup, then by the evening I was in a right mess again. I am cycling from terrible to bearably terrible and I have symptoms that I never realised had left me ages ago come back again, and some breath taking new ones arrive as well. And I cry and its like a river of fire coming out of my eyes man! the burning an dgetting blinded by it is awful.

 

Like I already said it never ceases to amaze me how this can drag out then suddenly turn around again with no warning or reason either for good, bad or even worse This morning I was struggling to try get up and move about for some time then it turned in a nano second and I can move about in lots of pain and mentally not great but able to move and do something. I am also looking like Quasimodo as my back is  locked and hunched ...again as this is another symptom that comes and goes and the wonderful 'Benzo flu' so slowly and gently does it today. Moan, moan, moan and more moan ....

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[ly...]]

 

Heath, Anne and V,

 

I had new wd sxs come on out of the blue at 5 wks into my recent 4 month hold.  Thoughts swirled about whether the hold was failing and that maybe it was time to cut.  I was able to beat back the doubt and came to the conclusion that more time was needed - not less.  It worked out for me and I am truly hoping that the holds do their job for all of you.

 

Cuts after my 4 month hold were not symptom free.  I doubt that this is possible in a taper - certainly not for me.  I can report that the sxs were and are far milder with the cuts after that long hold.

 

I am now on day 3 of my latest cut (13 or 14%?) and awoke to my old companions - neck tightness/pain, elevated tinnitus and an uncomfortable stomach.  We'll see how things go from here.  I am not debilitated or down.  Just normal, expected problems...so far.

[[Va...]]

Hello all  I am now on day 23 of my hold and very rough still, but its only 2 days past the normal hold line after a cut so its early days yet.  I think I will be holding for 2 months as a ball park figure for now, as my crystal balls not working and this crap is unpredictable anyway.  And I am having waves of feeling seriously tragic then suddenly bad but bearable, or okay as it not no symptoms but feeling a bit more normal for a little while then BOOM!! again   

 

Like yesterday for instance I really felt like I was on the way out and worse than ever but later on I managed to make a home made soup, then by the evening I was in a right mess again. I am cycling from terrible to bearably terrible and I have symptoms that I never realised had left me ages ago come back again, and some breath taking new ones arrive as well. And I cry and its like a river of fire coming out of my eyes man! the burning an dgetting blinded by it is awful.

 

Like I already said it never ceases to amaze me how this can drag out then suddenly turn around again with no warning or reason either for good, bad or even worse This morning I was struggling to try get up and move about for some time then it turned in a nano second and I can move about in lots of pain and mentally not great but able to move and do something. I am also looking like Quasimodo as my back is  locked and hunched ...again as this is another symptom that comes and goes and the wonderful 'Benzo flu' so slowly and gently does it today. Moan, moan, moan and more moan ....

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

I hope the hold time of 2 months works for you nova!  At least you're making progress.  --V

[[Va...]]

 

Heath, Anne and V,

 

I had new wd sxs come on out of the blue at 5 wks into my recent 4 month hold.  Thoughts swirled about whether the hold was failing and that maybe it was time to cut.  I was able to beat back the doubt and came to the conclusion that more time was needed - not less.  It worked out for me and I am truly hoping that the holds do their job for all of you.

 

Cuts after my 4 month hold were not symptom free.  I doubt that this is possible in a taper - certainly not for me.  I can report that the sxs were and are far milder with the cuts after that long hold.

 

I am now on day 3 of my latest cut (13 or 14%?) and awoke to my old companions - neck tightness/pain, elevated tinnitus and an uncomfortable stomach.  We'll see how things go from here.  I am not debilitated or down.  Just normal, expected problems...so far.

I'm getting the same sxs lynn. They were milder when I started cutting again and seem to be increasing in intensity. I'm starting to think cutting smaller and holding was better for me than the daily cuts.  I don't know why as I'm cutting the same amounts with both methods. I wish there was a set of rules that applied to all tapering lol.  --V

[[ly...]]

 

 

V,

 

I am doing well with staying the course on the cut and hold method that I have used from the beginning.  I will not change this unless things go seriously sideways.  I think that I would find that a daily micro taper would just force this ridiculous process to the forefront of my mind.

[[Va...]]

 

 

V,

 

I am doing well with staying the course on the cut and hold method that I have used from the beginning.  I will not change this unless things go seriously sideways.  I think that I would find that a daily micro taper would just force this ridiculous process to the forefront of my mind.

I believe you're right lynn. 

[[be...]]

Lynn, what you say about having some symptoms is so true, I am agreement that when we all walk off or this long walk, it will not just be easy pleasy, to expect not to have some bumps or blips or anything out of the norm is very rare, the Brain is working hard to heal, and if there are some that glide off, I am happy for them. We accept what we must and deal with it the best we can, and you and Valley are doing this, everyone knows that I have had the mental anguish and today I have the lazy bone mentality I for the life of me can not get out and walk, just dragging my feet, oh well it gets me to the next spot. Perhaps after lunch I can go, but it has been really hot, do you see a theme here, I need to face it, that maybe today I need to hide out. Blips ugh, but in the scheme of things, it could always be worse.

 

Nova, I know exactally how your back feels hunched up, my first two fast tapers I had that constantly, it was horrible, I was truly the hunch back of Notre Dame, I hope things get better, and when I speak of my little blips I am ashamed of myself, for the many that are suffering so, I just will never understand these evil drugs, ever and I like all here will not go down without a fight if I need to. Will be thinking of you "Sista"  

[[ly...]]

 

 

Begood,

 

Do not be ashamed of the "little blips".  We are united here in this battle and anyone's good news is good news for all of us.   We all know of your horrific prior tapers.  You have taken charge of this one!  And your good results (while still having bumps along the road   ) are just as informative as the trying times so many have.

 

Don't get down if you can't get out today.  Sometimes we need to just have a day of rest!

[[Va...]]

Begood,

You described me perfectly yesterday. I didn't want to do anything at all so I just did the bare minimum. Then today I feel great so far. This is the most mind bending experience I've ever had lol. It's hard to plan anything as you don't know how you'll be from day to day or hour to hour. At least I wasn't naive that it would be completely painless but so far it has been doable since I started up again. Just need to remember the hold mantra. I find myself falling into the trap of wanting to cut faster when I feel crappy but absolutely know it is the worst thing to do and is a "benzo lie" that makes us think that way. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm staying on the turtle pace. Hope your day gets better! --V

[[no...]]

Lynn, what you say about having some symptoms is so true, I am agreement that when we all walk off or this long walk, it will not just be easy pleasy, to expect not to have some bumps or blips or anything out of the norm is very rare, the Brain is working hard to heal, and if there are some that glide off, I am happy for them. We accept what we must and deal with it the best we can, and you and Valley are doing this, everyone knows that I have had the mental anguish and today I have the lazy bone mentality I for the life of me can not get out and walk, just dragging my feet, oh well it gets me to the next spot. Perhaps after lunch I can go, but it has been really hot, do you see a theme here, I need to face it, that maybe today I need to hide out. Blips ugh, but in the scheme of things, it could always be worse.

 

Nova, I know exactally how your back feels hunched up, my first two fast tapers I had that constantly, it was horrible, I was truly the hunch back of Notre Dame, I hope things get better, and when I speak of my little blips I am ashamed of myself, for the many that are suffering so, I just will never understand these evil drugs, ever and I like all here will not go down without a fight if I need to. Will be thinking of you "Sista"

Hi Sista'  The body needs as much rest as exercise so have a nice lazy day and enjoy it . I spend more time still than I'd like to but that's just the way it is right now and has been for quite some time. I get out for a walk if and when I can but at 4-5am in the morning as I can't handle sound even with ear plugs in and I'm sun intolerant as well, and we got LED street lights here and it freaks my brain out .

 

I can't handle anything bright even bright colours  Anyway its good that your only blippy and although your having symptoms its nothing you can't handle So just chillax and go with the flow,and just be  

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:  

[[be...]]

To My Wonderful Friends here, Lynn, Anne, Valley, Nova, Heath, Free, please know that you being here close to me means the world to me, now Lynn knows that I was on the top of my game, this morning, and right after breakfast this veil of  Benzo invaded my space, how dare it, but it did, playing games with my mind, as for now that seems to be its target, yes I believe Valium is a culprit but so is the Benzo lies, I am going to shut down for a while and fixing me some chicken legs, sorry Gard in my Air fryer and I am going to get this  outta of my hair, I will not give him a lot of space, but I do think that this is going to be a rest day for me. You all are so kind and the thing about our tapers, we are not alone, sometimes we feel that way, but no indeed we have many here, names I did not add, but know they are here. I will check in later.

[[fr...]]

  Feel better BG, we love you.  A day of rest is great for you.  Chicken sounds good also, I'll try to get over to eat some.  Love all your reports of just blips, it gives us hope so never change how you relate exactly what is going on.  Love you girl and all others here also, V, Lynn, Nova, Ed, and all others I am forgetting.  :smitten:

[[He...]]

I agree with you Buddies!

 

Major pains and even blips can get you down when you least expect it, like in the middle of a run of good days. And they certainly do come out of no where by surprise.The back pain and neck pain are still my biggest discouragers. They don't want to ever go away! Tried self massage, vibrating massage, heat, cold. Nothing works.espxceot a neck collar when my neck is very weak.

 

Nova, sorry you are also suffering with your back. No fun at all!

 

Silly me posting I hope some of us will glide right off At the end of our tapers..  I realize now that it is almost an impossibility except fo a very rare few.

So I'll keep hangin in with you guys, blips or bombs, whatever the case may be. There is no getting around it. So, as BeGood says, we have to just accept what we can not  change and fight through it. And one day WE WILL walk off!

 

BeGood, yes I will go through my log and pull out the symptoms by dates . Put it on a spread sheet or something that makes it easier to spot a pattern of symptoms, and good and bad days,

 

By the way, you changed the picture by your name! I like it!

 

Heath

 

[[...]]

Lynn, what you say about having some symptoms is so true, I am agreement that when we all walk off or this long walk, it will not just be easy pleasy, to expect not to have some bumps or blips or anything out of the norm is very rare, the Brain is working hard to heal, and if there are some that glide off, I am happy for them. We accept what we must and deal with it the best we can, and you and Valley are doing this, everyone knows that I have had the mental anguish and today I have the lazy bone mentality I for the life of me can not get out and walk, just dragging my feet, oh well it gets me to the next spot. Perhaps after lunch I can go, but it has been really hot, do you see a theme here, I need to face it, that maybe today I need to hide out. Blips ugh, but in the scheme of things, it could always be worse.

 

Nova, I know exactally how your back feels hunched up, my first two fast tapers I had that constantly, it was horrible, I was truly the hunch back of Notre Dame, I hope things get better, and when I speak of my little blips I am ashamed of myself, for the many that are suffering so, I just will never understand these evil drugs, ever and I like all here will not go down without a fight if I need to. Will be thinking of you "Sista"

Hi Sista'  The body needs as much rest as exercise so have a nice lazy day and enjoy it . I spend more time still than I'd like to but that's just the way it is right now and has been for quite some time. I get out for a walk if and when I can but at 4-5am in the morning as I can't handle sound even with ear plugs in and I'm sun intolerant as well, and we got LED street lights here and it freaks my brain out .

 

I can't handle anything bright even bright colours  Anyway its good that your only blippy and although your having symptoms its nothing you can't handle So just chillax and go with the flow,and just be  

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

e

 

 

NOva1 - I'm in the same place as you, I'm in bed pretty much all day every day this last month. Can barely talk to anyone . At night after dark I take a short walk if I can. Finding it really hard to resist the temptation to cut. The Valium itself seems to be making me feel so sick.

Fed up with this.... Will it really change if I keep holding? What's depressing is I've hardly begun my taper.

So need to feel holding will improve things otherwise I'm just prolonging the agony....

I haven't been able to do anything energetic for a very  long time. I was really sick from the steroids, but even before that I was sick, hormonal and trauma .... What a slow process this healing is . Feeling scared.

Sorry you are suffering too

[[He...]]

MIYU,

 

I know how it is to be scared on top of being miserable with wdfx.  I get scared easily too. And with the anxiety, things can get mighty upsetting.

One thing I learned to get rid of the fear and anxiety is to keep saying out loud., "it's only the Benzos and it will go away tomorrow". And then distract  yourself with something else to do. Watch tv, read a book, knit a scarf, do some kind of craft that you like, etc. just don't lie there and let the scary thoughts fill your mind. Often the intrusive thoughts will go away if you don't dwell on them and instead distract. I hope this helps somewhat . It has helped me many times.

 

Hope you begin to feel better soon. I know you are having a hard time.  Be strong!

tomorrow may be your turn around day...you never know when things will all of a sudden make a turn for the better with this crazy benzo stuff! 

 

Heath

[[He...]]

BeGood,

 

I'm sorry you are having an intrusive day. You have often told me to distract and I find that it works! So I hope you will try to distract.The chicken legs sound good!I hope all else is ok and it is just a blip. Just like Free, I'd say, just let the lazies take over too. Everyone needs to be lazy every so often.

I hope your day gets better tomorrow. And I think it will. Hang in there girl! You are so strong! (Play the fight song!)

 

Heath

[[an...]]

 

Heath, Anne and V,

 

I had new wd sxs come on out of the blue at 5 wks into my recent 4 month hold.  Thoughts swirled about whether the hold was failing and that maybe it was time to cut.  I was able to beat back the doubt and came to the conclusion that more time was needed - not less.  It worked out for me and I am truly hoping that the holds do their job for all of you.

 

Cuts after my 4 month hold were not symptom free.  I doubt that this is possible in a taper - certainly not for me.  I can report that the sxs were and are far milder with the cuts after that long hold.

 

I am now on day 3 of my latest cut (13 or 14%?) and awoke to my old companions - neck tightness/pain, elevated tinnitus and an uncomfortable stomach.  We'll see how things go from here.  I am not debilitated or down.  Just normal, expected problems...so far.

I'm getting the same sxs lynn. They were milder when I started cutting again and seem to be increasing in intensity. I'm starting to think cutting smaller and holding was better for me than the daily cuts.  I don't know why as I'm cutting the same amounts with both methods. I wish there was a set of rules that applied to all tapering lol.  --V

 

Same here Lynn and V.  I have always used the daily cut method.  Lately, I can only cut for about a week and then I have to hold.  It took me almost a month to cut 5.6%.    I used to be able to cut every day with very few holds for a total of about 20% a month. This is quite discouraging.  I really thought at this low of a dose, I would have an easier time like I did for my first taper.

[[an...]]

To My Wonderful Friends here, Lynn, Anne, Valley, Nova, Heath, Free, please know that you being here close to me means the world to me, now Lynn knows that I was on the top of my game, this morning, and right after breakfast this veil of  Benzo invaded my space, how dare it, but it did, playing games with my mind, as for now that seems to be its target, yes I believe Valium is a culprit but so is the Benzo lies, I am going to shut down for a while and fixing me some chicken legs, sorry Gard in my Air fryer and I am going to get this  outta of my hair, I will not give him a lot of space, but I do think that this is going to be a rest day for me. You all are so kind and the thing about our tapers, we are not alone, sometimes we feel that way, but no indeed we have many here, names I did not add, but know they are here. I will check in later.

 

BeGood,

 

I am so sorry.  Just take it easy and know this will pass.  The chicken sounds good. 

 

Rest days are important during this process.  Enjoy it and feel better soon.

 

((HUGS))  Anne

[[Va...]]

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well. I believe it's time to hold again. With the recent anxiety and now the insomnia is starting to rear its ugly head again (haven't had that since January) I believe it's time to take a break. I feel better in some ways though like I am becoming more myself with each series of reductions so it's really a mind game right now. The jury's still out on MT for me. In ways it's better and in other ways worse than c/h. 

 

I'm just trying to plan my next move (which I know should be a hold) but just wanted to update regarding the taper process after a long hold. For the most part it's been pretty smooth and only recently has begun to escalate somewhat. I know it's anxiety causing me to even post as I've avoided posting my struggles for the most part. It's proving the point that questioning the need to let your brain catch up is actually a symptom of withdrawal. I'm really having to slow my thinking down and get out of the rush, rush, hurry, hurry mindset. It's driving me nuts lol.

 

Won't we all be so glad when this is over and we can just walk off! --V

[[ly...]]

 

 

V,

 

The frequent "rush, rush" refrain is something that swirls around in my head far too often.  I don't understand the pull we all encounter.  I do know that I didn't have these thoughts during the first year of my taper...I wasn't on BB then and the thoughts just did not enter my mind.  I was just meandering along at my own pace with a vague notion of not stressing my brain too much and taking "vacations" to have some fun.

 

I found myself again questioning my lengthy taper just last night as I read yet another post denouncing long holds.  I'm sure that I could have tapered much, much faster.  What I am very unsure of is the damage that this type of taper may have caused.  Perhaps I wouldn't have faced protracted...who knows?  That, however, is not something I choose to risk.  We each have to do this in our own way and, unfortunately, there is no science to instruct us.

[[Va...]]

 

 

V,

 

The frequent "rush, rush" refrain is something that swirls around in my head far too often.  I don't understand the pull we all encounter.  I do know that I didn't have these thoughts during the first year of my taper...I wasn't on BB then and the thoughts just did not enter my mind.  I was just meandering along at my own pace with a vague notion of not stressing my brain too much and taking "vacations" to have some fun.

 

I found myself again questioning my lengthy taper just last night as I read yet another post denouncing long holds.  I'm sure that I could have tapered much, much faster.  What I am very unsure of is the damage that this type of taper may have caused.  Perhaps I wouldn't have faced protracted...who knows?  That, however, is not something I choose to risk.  We each have to do this in our own way and, unfortunately, there is no science to instruct us.

Good point lynn. There has been a rash of anti hold posts lately. I don't even like to post anymore suggesting a hold as I get flooded with the anti hold crowd. What I notice is that those posting that holds don't work have never held long enough for the benefits. It actually makes me feel sorry for many who will continue to cut in the face of intense withdrawals due to the encouragement of others. Some posting that holds don't work are in the ct category so it leaves me with the question of wth?  It really is all about staying functional, avoiding the post acute and protracted withdrawal IMO.  --V

[[ly...]]

 

 

I, too, am reluctant to suggest a hold - but I do chime in occasionally.  It does seem that most of the "experts" have zero experience with holds.  It was a c/t buddie who pushed my fast taper earlier this year.  I finally woke-up to the fact that last year's hold helped me greatly and I just needed to do my own thing and disregard the "noise".  Still... blocking things out is difficult at times.

[[ly...]]

 

 

Anne,

 

I think it's pretty universal that things get much tougher at the lower doses - and you are very low!  As long as you feel well it doesn't matter how long it takes.