The Long Hold Support Group

[[no...]]

Hi all  Its good to see hat some of us are doing really well so far and others not so bad either, while some of us are in the rough, I am the latter    Today is 17 days into my hold, I am still up an down some times a bit better than others, but still fluctuating.  I have also noted where I'm  keeping a tracking record on a few occasions  ''Its shocking how things keep turning around with no warning from one extreme to another'''' more than once.

 

And also there is 30 day gap between my last hold, where I held for 6 months and this one, where I am not going to hold for that long if I find myself picking up to where I can go walking even though its at 4-5am  as I can't go later due to my hearing hypersensitivity ( Hyperacusis) when there's more traffic about.

 

I will cut again after a couple of weeks of being able to do this, or even earlier if I feel its better to do so, but being realistic I am thinking I maybe holding for one to two months, but nothing is et in stone is it where withdrawal is concerned. It has been a major task since I hit 4mg and then getting below that and going form cut an hold, to MT  where things really got stuck for 19 months  now back to cut and hold.

 

Anyway thinking about it now, going back two or more years ago before I joined BB and was doing cut and hold but didn't give it a name as on here but doing the same thing anyway.  I always held for a month or a bit longer when cutting waited for symptoms to settle then cut again. But I believe that is so brutal now as I'm in the lowed end of the spectrum it was hard on times before but nothing like this or as prolonged with such severe symptoms.

 

But I've seen others in the same position make a big turn around as the got even lowed so I'm hoping that's what's going to happen to me as I cut lower things wil ease off. I also found something written by another buddy which  I think is helpful so I've copied it and printed it of to read  along with some other stuff some my own, some written by others when things get too much. Here is the latest one by another buddy

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me share a thought with you.  What if you viewed your sxs not as a negative, horrible and awful thing but instead thought of it as what it truly is...your body returning to homeostasis?  Every twinge, emotion, quiver, shaking etc. is actually your brain and body recovering and taking back its desire to be free of what doesn't belong in its system?  What if you looked at every struggle with tapering as progress instead of fearful potential failure?

 

I'm finding mindfulness meditation to be a pure blessing because it allows me to witness the sxs without becoming attached to them, without building a story behind what I notice and instead just breathing my way through what has a beginning and will most definitely have an end, and an end much quicker if I can learn not to attach to what I witness.

 

 

 

 

 

[[Pl...]]

Hi all  Its good to see hat some of us are doing really well so far and others not so bad either, while some of us are in the rough, I am the latter    Today is 17 days into my hold, I am still up an down some times a bit better than others, but still fluctuating.  I have also noted where I'm  keeping a tracking record on a few occasions  ''Its shocking how things keep turning around with no warning from one extreme to another'''' more than once.

 

And also there is 30 day gap between my last hold, where I held for 6 months and this one, where I am not going to hold for that long if I find myself picking up to where I can go walking even though its at 4-5am  as I can't go later due to my hearing hypersensitivity ( Hyperacusis) when there's more traffic about.

 

I will cut again after a couple of weeks of being able to do this, or even earlier if I feel its better to do so, but being realistic I am thinking I maybe holding for one to two months, but nothing is et in stone is it where withdrawal is concerned. It has been a major task since I hit 4mg and then getting below that and going form cut an hold, to MT  where things really got stuck for 19 months  now back to cut and hold.

 

Anyway thinking about it now, going back two or more years ago before I joined BB and was doing cut and hold but didn't give it a name as on here but doing the same thing anyway.  I always held for a month or a bit longer when cutting waited for symptoms to settle then cut again. But I believe that is so brutal now as I'm in the lowed end of the spectrum it was hard on times before but nothing like this or as prolonged with such severe symptoms.

 

But I've seen others in the same position make a big turn around as the got even lowed so I'm hoping that's what's going to happen to me as I cut lower things wil ease off. I also found something written by another buddy which  I think is helpful so I've copied it and printed it of to read  along with some other stuff some my own, some written by others when things get too much. Here is the latest one by another buddy

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me share a thought with you.  What if you viewed your sxs not as a negative, horrible and awful thing but instead thought of it as what it truly is...your body returning to homeostasis?  Every twinge, emotion, quiver, shaking etc. is actually your brain and body recovering and taking back its desire to be free of what doesn't belong in its system?  What if you looked at every struggle with tapering as progress instead of fearful potential failure?

 

I'm finding mindfulness meditation to be a pure blessing because it allows me to witness the sxs without becoming attached to them, without building a story behind what I notice and instead just breathing my way through what has a beginning and will most definitely have an end, and an end much quicker if I can learn not to attach to what I witness.

 

Nova..... Thank you for that last quote.... I'm so much worse then I've ever been and I don't see how ill make it... Nothing in my body is working properly...

 

I never know when to call the ambulance anymore when something feels like your literally going to die..such as your muscles seizing in your chest and not being able to catch a breath or barely speak a word because your so constricted and your legs give out and you are going to faint...( it is not panic) ....

 

I don't know how to cope with this anymore....

 

I dont even belong on here....

[[Va...]]

Hi all  Its good to see hat some of us are doing really well so far and others not so bad either, while some of us are in the rough, I am the latter    Today is 17 days into my hold, I am still up an down some times a bit better than others, but still fluctuating.  I have also noted where I'm  keeping a tracking record on a few occasions  ''Its shocking how things keep turning around with no warning from one extreme to another'''' more than once.

 

And also there is 30 day gap between my last hold, where I held for 6 months and this one, where I am not going to hold for that long if I find myself picking up to where I can go walking even though its at 4-5am  as I can't go later due to my hearing hypersensitivity ( Hyperacusis) when there's more traffic about.

 

I will cut again after a couple of weeks of being able to do this, or even earlier if I feel its better to do so, but being realistic I am thinking I maybe holding for one to two months, but nothing is et in stone is it where withdrawal is concerned. It has been a major task since I hit 4mg and then getting below that and going form cut an hold, to MT  where things really got stuck for 19 months  now back to cut and hold.

 

Anyway thinking about it now, going back two or more years ago before I joined BB and was doing cut and hold but didn't give it a name as on here but doing the same thing anyway.  I always held for a month or a bit longer when cutting waited for symptoms to settle then cut again. But I believe that is so brutal now as I'm in the lowed end of the spectrum it was hard on times before but nothing like this or as prolonged with such severe symptoms.

 

But I've seen others in the same position make a big turn around as the got even lowed so I'm hoping that's what's going to happen to me as I cut lower things wil ease off. I also found something written by another buddy which  I think is helpful so I've copied it and printed it of to read  along with some other stuff some my own, some written by others when things get too much. Here is the latest one by another buddy

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me share a thought with you.  What if you viewed your sxs not as a negative, horrible and awful thing but instead thought of it as what it truly is...your body returning to homeostasis?  Every twinge, emotion, quiver, shaking etc. is actually your brain and body recovering and taking back its desire to be free of what doesn't belong in its system?  What if you looked at every struggle with tapering as progress instead of fearful potential failure?

 

I'm finding mindfulness meditation to be a pure blessing because it allows me to witness the sxs without becoming attached to them, without building a story behind what I notice and instead just breathing my way through what has a beginning and will most definitely have an end, and an end much quicker if I can learn not to attach to what I witness.

Makes me wonder about external factors sometimes nova. I'm having a relatively easy taper since the long hold but days will pop up out of nowhere where I feel like crap. No rhyme or reason to it at all. I wish this were predictable so we at leat plan ahead lol.  --V

[[no...]]

Hi all  Its good to see hat some of us are doing really well so far and others not so bad either, while some of us are in the rough, I am the latter    Today is 17 days into my hold, I am still up an down some times a bit better than others, but still fluctuating.  I have also noted where I'm  keeping a tracking record on a few occasions  ''Its shocking how things keep turning around with no warning from one extreme to another'''' more than once.

 

And also there is 30 day gap between my last hold, where I held for 6 months and this one, where I am not going to hold for that long if I find myself picking up to where I can go walking even though its at 4-5am  as I can't go later due to my hearing hypersensitivity ( Hyperacusis) when there's more traffic about.

 

I will cut again after a couple of weeks of being able to do this, or even earlier if I feel its better to do so, but being realistic I am thinking I maybe holding for one to two months, but nothing is et in stone is it where withdrawal is concerned. It has been a major task since I hit 4mg and then getting below that and going form cut an hold, to MT  where things really got stuck for 19 months  now back to cut and hold.

 

Anyway thinking about it now, going back two or more years ago before I joined BB and was doing cut and hold but didn't give it a name as on here but doing the same thing anyway.  I always held for a month or a bit longer when cutting waited for symptoms to settle then cut again. But I believe that is so brutal now as I'm in the lowed end of the spectrum it was hard on times before but nothing like this or as prolonged with such severe symptoms.

 

But I've seen others in the same position make a big turn around as the got even lowed so I'm hoping that's what's going to happen to me as I cut lower things wil ease off. I also found something written by another buddy which  I think is helpful so I've copied it and printed it of to read  along with some other stuff some my own, some written by others when things get too much. Here is the latest one by another buddy

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me share a thought with you.  What if you viewed your sxs not as a negative, horrible and awful thing but instead thought of it as what it truly is...your body returning to homeostasis?  Every twinge, emotion, quiver, shaking etc. is actually your brain and body recovering and taking back its desire to be free of what doesn't belong in its system?  What if you looked at every struggle with tapering as progress instead of fearful potential failure?

 

I'm finding mindfulness meditation to be a pure blessing because it allows me to witness the sxs without becoming attached to them, without building a story behind what I notice and instead just breathing my way through what has a beginning and will most definitely have an end, and an end much quicker if I can learn not to attach to what I witness.

Makes me wonder about external factors sometimes nova. I'm having a relatively easy taper since the long hold but days will pop up out of nowhere where I feel like crap. No rhyme or reason to it at all. I wish this were predictable so we at leat plan ahead lol.  --V

 

Hi V I'm having to deal with all sorts of stressful stuff that I shouldn't be trying to deal with right now besides the problem upstairs neighbour STILL....   AS I'm on the ground floor there's a railings outside my bedroom window supposed to keep people way from my bedroom but its being used as a bloody Rat run and a climbing frame as well a Parkour  by  kids and Teenagers.

 

 

And the bins sheds are in a fenced off area right along side my flat so their in and out of there all hours leaving the gate open and many times I've had to go out late at night in shit weather to shut it as the gate persistently bangs up against my bedroom wall and echoes through out my home like Thors hammer. 

 

 

I've had to deal with Police due to an off road bike problem we have here for the last 2 years since I began this last leg of my taper, Government Departments, the housing association I rent my home off.  Lying shits of Housing bloody officers who say one thing but do nothing to stop the ongoing problems I have here, and a LOT more than that on top  I swear to God sometimes and I got like this before, I  really feel like something dark and evil doesn't want me to heal or recover or even survive period. 

 

 

In all my life I never had to deal with the amount of crap or lots authority figures and bodies all at the same  time. And without fail, just as I think I'm getting on top of things behold!! It comes crashing down again so I'm getting no where fast, but trying even harder all the time, and I live alone and I mean totally the only contact I have is delivery people that bring my groceries once a week.

 

 

Anyway, I've now sent off for Padlocks to lock the outside gates both sides of my building as the teenagers also get behind my home and the girls next door and run in and out my  gate and the one along side her home as well. The little B***rds  have also broken the fence where they keep climbing and leaping off of it, so hopefully once both gates are padlocked they'll fk off away from here.

 

The other things still have to be dealt  with but its not as easy as ending off for padlocks, if the work out okay once I have them. I take nothing for granted no more, good or bad, withdrawal/ healing and life still have to be lived and dealt with no matter what state we're in unless we're comfortably off financially and can pay to get help , things sorted out on your behalf and even company if you want it. 

 

 

I am often glad to be alone to be honest but occasionally would like some company or just a hug not too often just now and again hugs would be painful now as well. I'm sure we would all just concentrate on getting healed and let other run our live and do the worrying  for us if we could afford it. 

 

 

I always swore and I still maintain if I came into a lot of money I would use it to do as much good as I could as I could not justify living in a world where I know money talks and not help those who need it. From a kid I always said I would build a place where all the unwanted people and animals could come and live. I still would do the same only now I'd also build and get others with money to sponsor and build as many benzo recovery centres  humanly possible before I die .

 

 

So people like us have got a place were they can go and let others sort out everything but our own personal healing, no one but us can do that we all have to live through that,. No one can get in our body and o it for us and no way would they do it even if they could  after a quick taste of what we all go through daily for an unlimited time.  Anyway fk it all, onwards and upwards troops

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[He...]]

Hi everyone

 

Now I have stomach and chest cramping. Actually  it just feels like my whole torso is cramping.

Sleep was very sporadic as usual. This time it was because I was in and out of the bathroom all night.

 

Damn! I am experiencing so many new wdfx I can't even keep track of them. I'm going to add them to my written list so I can keep track of them, and remember on which day of my hold they appeared and how long they last.

 

Looks like today I amgoing to stay at home for sure. Can't take a bathroom with me if I go out!

 

For those of you in long holds and have had your sleep affected by the med you are tapering,, how did you fix that probkem?? Or didn't you?

I have remeron but I WILL NOT TAKE IT EVERY NIGHT. I am so terrified of getting addicted to another medicine. I also hear that it can lose its effect if you take it consistently. Any truth to that?

Is there anything over the counter that can help sleep during withdrawal?

 

Thanks for any opinions.  I need sleep!

 

Heathcliff 

[[li...]]

I didn't feel better after my 6 month hold, but since going to 3 doses a day from 4 15 days ago, I see that the hold was helpful because I feel worse since this change.  Have no idea how long to wait because like I said I never felt better in the hold, just didn't deteriorate.  My body is still not acclimating to this change, but so many would say cut because the med is making you sick and, others say hold.  No idea.  Hoping to start an MT again after my birthday next wednesday which will be 3 weeks since I switched dosing.  I don't know that my brain can handle any more changes so thanks to those who said to go back to dosing 4 times a day--in fact it's changes that makes me so sick.  Love you all and so glad so many are doing well.  I think it's going to be what I feared 18 months ago--hell all the way.  So many people told me the DLMT was the answer to staying functional, then others told me the long hold, then others told me that reducing my doses a day would help.  It seems like there is no way through this without major sxs, not just blips like other people experience.  I blame myself for going down to three doses a day to try to see if that affected side effects because so many said it helped them.  I can no longer do what has helped other people.  I just have to muscle through and pray that I survive. 

[[be...]]

Hi Heath, I will tell you my first two tapers that you know failed and horrible, anyway towards the lower doses I started not being able to sleep, but since I reinstated both those times, sleep and wonderful dreams returned. Now I have noticed at the lower dose maybe within the last couple of months a decrease in sleep, and some nights looking at clock all night, no dreams whatsoever, but then a few weeks back, the deep sleep returned and some dreams, but could not remember, now I am still sleeping deeply, and now remembering dreams when I have them, not as often as I would like, I know this all has to do with the Valium and my taper, it is like all of the things I suffered before, but now it is tolerable, as it is just  blimpy in nature. everything that comes so far has been very mild in nature, and I guess that is why I have no fear when things show up because I have been there before, so I just hold on, because if I wait for a few days or less it goes away and then my tick in my eye starts , I do have the muscle ache back  of neck, mild, my hand held vibrator will take it right away, best thing I ever bought for $9.99 at Walgreen's, and it is for the back and such, but the muscle tightness and pain is nothing like having my shoulders bunched up around my neck and my head facing down during my first two tapers. believe me this is a walk in the park. Hang in there Heath I know it is hard, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. But the thing I learned this time, I went too fast and lowered too much, as my  ENT Doctor said this is how it was done, right, almost two strokes and reinstatement made me realize I had to take this ball and chain and do it my way, long before Oscar thought of The Long Support Group. So I really think that when I am having problems with my sleep that is when the Brain is repairing that part and then will go to another place, you know our Brains are very complex and this is something that takes time, all the time it needs to rebuild the damage this awful pills did to our Poor Brain.   

[[be...]]

Liza, the thing is our tapers are so different and since I held for a long time after my second failure, I believe that is why I am just having blips and remember I am going at a Turtles pace, I will not put myself through a third visit to hell. No way, but I think once again different tapers and such. Hope and Pray for you to get some Peace, and My Good Friend Free, so much pain and going through taper too.

[[li...]]

So do I need to do another long hold?  So confused.  Thanks BG

[[be...]]

Liza, the thing is, this is how I have been able to do it, and I am not sure what you should do, all I know is that I came to two big roadblocks and had to reinstate, and after the second time, I was in no shape to taper, so I stayed on and I do not know how long until I decided I was ready once again to taper, I was able to restart and cut 2.50mg from 5mg of V with very little to none problems and then I just held for a long time, like I said our tapers and everything is different. I wish I had the magic bullet for you, but I am thinking see what Valley and if others chime in to guide you, but ultimately it is always going to be your decision. What has worked for me is just getting to feeling as normal as I could feel on these  pills once again, then rethinking that if I was going to do it, it was going to be my way or the highway, my mindset is such that I have to do some work, but I also know that it is going to take as long as it takes, and so I am just sitting back attempting to get my life in order. It will become clear to you because when I was ready I was 1`000 percent sure that I was going to do it this way. I wish I could help more.   

[[li...]]

Thanks BG--the problem for me is I only felt "normal" on klonopin for about a week of afternoons after I updosed to 1.25 mg.  For the rest of the 15 months I've felt like crap.  On the Ativan, I felt 80-90% every day after 10:30 a.m..  Water under the bridge.  I guess that's why I kept holding, thinking I was going to feel as functional and normal with symptoms that everyone else was feeling and I never got there.  I got out of psychosis, but nothing much else changed.  Now with changing my dosing, I'm feeling the side effects more which is making me frantic that the fog/sedation and vision problems are worse.  God bless you all.  I'm going to leave the group because I don't have anything of value to add. 

[[fr...]]

  Liza maybe you could go back on Ativan.  I have been thinking about it myself.  I felt much better also on Ativan.  I had some i/d symptoms but I was living life etc.  Now I am in hell also and never stabilize but I am also on other meds.  I will have to ask the Dr. what he thinks but he probably will say no.  I'm in a lot of pain again I tried a small cut and it has slammed me.  Don't leave, just let us know how you are doing from time to time.  Thanks for the kind words BG.  Love you.

[[He...]]

Thanks BeGood for your reply and words of wisdom.

 

I too have had lots if sleeplessness at the beginning of my taper but it got so much better about three weeks ago during my hold. I attributed it to the hold I am doing, now end of fourth week. I also look at it as my brain healing. But being the "old, silly kid" that I am, I thought my sleep problems were on the way out. WRONG! At least you made me realize that it's just like any other wdfx and sleep too will come and go many times before this is over.

 

So you never took any over the counter sleep aids?

 

I know that over the counter things like aspirin or Tylenol don't work on  headaches, back aches,  or neck aches that are withdrawal related so I wonder if OTC SLEEP AIds would work on sleep problems that are related to withdrawal any way.

 

I know prof Ashton says not to take anything, but this not sleeping is so hard!

 

I've been drinking green tea because it has theanine in it and some people say Theanine relaxes you so you can sleep. I don't know if it is a lot of balony, but it can hurt.

 

Thanks again I hope your blips continue to only be little blips and your taper continues smoothly.

And a very big thank you for staying with us on this long hold support group. You are much needed and appreciated.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

i copied this from Nova's post

 

Let me share a thought with you.  What if you viewed your sxs not as a negative, horrible and awful thing but instead thought of it as what it truly is...your body returning to homeostasis?  Every twinge, emotion, quiver, shaking etc. is actually your brain and body recovering and taking back its desire to be free of what doesn't belong in its system?  What if you looked at every struggle with tapering as progress instead of fearful potential failure?

 

I'm finding mindfulness meditation to be a pure blessing because it allows me to witness the sxs without becoming attached to them, without building a story behind what I notice and instead just breathing my way through what has a beginning and will most definitely have an end, and an end much quicker if I can learn not to attach to what I witness.

 

 

NOVA....

Thanks fir this post Nova, I'm going to try mindfulness. This was a good thing for me to see. I try to think of my side effects as my brain healing. But mindfulness training may make things easier for me.

 

Heath

[[li...]]

FreeMe--I don't know any doctor who will work with me to go back to a shorter acting drug.  Valley shared with me that klonopin works on different receptors so we would go through klonopin withdrawal too right?  I would give anything to go back to how I felt on Ativan, but I think for me it would be more damage.  If you try it with good results, please PM me.  Love you

[[be...]]

Heath no OTC aids .Hang in there, I used that Mindfulness tape and it put me to sleep a lot, and I know there are some tapes on youtube. otherwise keep up the good work. Hello Free, bless your Heart, you hang in there too. Liza I wish when I was going through my first two tapers had known about a support group, I think you should stick around and see what Valley and others chime in with, and if you need a vaca for a bit that is OK, but Free is right on in what she said about checking in and not leaving.

[[fr...]]

  Liza, I am just thinking out loud.  Don't know if this is a good idea or not. Wonder if anyone here has tried it and it helped.  Yeah, we might have klonopin and valium w/d while crossing but I would do it if I thought it would help.  I am in agony anyway I look at it.  I don't have as many mental as I do physical s/x's and that is what makes it so hard.  I can't function as a human anymore, can't hardly make it out and everything hurts and burns etc. etc.  Dr probably wouldn't want me to do it and to be frank I would be scared but I'm scared now of how bad I feel.  This is no way to live.  IDK what will happen. I pray and know yu do also and I will leave it there.  For now.  Lets hope something changes for us soon, we deserve it.  Love you also and hanging in there with you.

[[He...]]

Freeme and Liza gal,

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I can't advise you very much. I dont know enough. But I certainly would stay here with this support group. These buddies are  full of knowledge and compassion, as you already know. I hope you get big surprises when you least expect it in the way of major wsfx relief.

 

Heathcliff

[[Va...]]

FreeMe--I don't know any doctor who will work with me to go back to a shorter acting drug.  Valley shared with me that klonopin works on different receptors so we would go through klonopin withdrawal too right?  I would give anything to go back to how I felt on Ativan, but I think for me it would be more damage.  If you try it with good results, please PM me.  Love you

Hi Liza. I am absolutely for anything that will help you through the taper process. You would withdraw from the K as you crossover but if you did it slowly I don't think it would be horrible. I even wondered about hybrid approach of using Ativan and K but most doctors won't prescribe 2 benzos. I'm thinking maybe you would do better on Ativan as you know you feel better on it. I don't want to add to your anxiety by giving my opinion but it seems you've tried everything. If you could get a doctor to cross you back, it's worth a shot. Please don't leave the group. I believe that all experiences with holding are important to post about. It gives a clearer picture of what a long hold may or may not do for someone considering it. I and I'm sure all others consider this more than just a group for holding. It's a group where you can come and get support no matter what you're going through. We're all in this together.  --V

[[Va...]]

Heath, I only had insomnia for a month in January when I came off opiates and was tapering V at the same time. I didn't use any remedies as I've struggled with insomnia for years and know for me it's a mental thing. As long as I lay in bed and let my body rest, I can still function during the day. I also know that my body will sleep eventually. I haven't had any issues with it since then and hope it stays that way. I would do whatever works for you though. If you've had a couple of sleepless nights, the remeron would definitely help. Hope you get past this bump in the road! --V

[[ly...]]

 

Liza,

 

I had wondered for a while why you were switched to begin with.  I've only, pretty much, seen switches to V.  Was Lainey also crossed from A to K?  I can't remember but I thought that you had something in common.  If I were having awful problems like you and Free I think I would do something.  They say that you have to keep trying until you find a taper that works for you.  I don't think I would continue to hold after going 6 months with no improvement if things were intolerable.  No one should be in such torture.  Could you just  add in some A and see if it helped?

[[fr...]]

  Thank you all so much for the support.  YOu are truly a wonderful group also.  I am staying but I just don't post as much here as I don't have anything encouraging to add for people but believe you me, if things do ever turn or I try something and it works I will shout it from the rooftops.  Bless you all.

[[an...]]

Hi Liza,

 

I agree with Lynn.  At this point, you have suffered long enough with no improvement. I would also have to do something after such a long time--actually 5 to 6 weeks was my limit.  Ideally, if you have access to Ativan, you could try it and see if things improve.  Ativan has a short half life, so I believe you would know in a day or two if it would be of any help. I am so sorry for what you and Free are going through.  But, I think that you need to try something at this point. You both need some relief soon.

 

((HUGS))

Anne

[[He...]]

Thanks Valley,

 

I take remeron only as a last resort, only about every 8 or 10 days, when my sleep has been really bad for a few consecutive days.

I guess I'll keep hanging in and try Not to take I it unless I am completely at my wits end.

 

The thing that disturbs me is.... An addiction specialist told me that my brain needs sleep to heal. She understands that I don't want to get addicted to it, but she said going without sleep is too detrimental to the healing process. She wants me to take it atleast once every three or four days if I don't sleep well.  I'll have to find a happy medium some where. I'll figure it out sooner or later.

Thanks for your support.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Don't want to jinx anything..... I still feel absolutely crappy in the mornings. But to day at 2:3O I gritted my teeth and went to the supermarket, and then to a Costco. Came home and put everything away by myself. I was hurting but I was also proud that I pushed through it.

Distraction does help. When I got finished with the groceries and stuff, I sat down to rest...and wouldn't you know it, I felt awful again.

 

Maybe it's just that the withdrawal fx just wont let me relax, so when I try, I just feel awful! I just cannot let go! Iam always in a state of shakes and trembles and physical pain, and if I distract, and go go go, I am almost ok, but just try to stop, and sit, and relax...?  OH NO, THE GLUTAMATE IS GOING TO GET YA EVERY TIME!

Does that make sense?

And of course it's about 7:00 pm now so I'm in the middle of a shaky wave, hope a window comes by 8:30. It has been coming for the past few days for about three hours.

 

I'm waiting!!!!

 

Heath