The Long Hold Support Group

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2 weeks into my hold and feeling disheartened as I don't feel any better 

I know it hasn't been long , but I hate putting this amount of V in my system every day and not reducing it. Of course have the fear that everyone must have , what if holding makes no difference and I end up worse off because I'm on longer?

I seem to feel worse AFTER I take my doses.....

One of my worst symptoms is burning .... I feel like I'm being stuck all over with hot needles, it's relentless, specially in my stomach and back. I have muscle pain too, but that makes sense to me somehow, the muscles tightening up with an , even tho small reduction in my V dose overall, it is a muscle relaxant. But the burning scares me... I haven't found anyone who has it like I do .

I feel so tired all the time too and everything , the smallest thing is so stressful I have to be alone most of the time and don't go out hardly at all . I thought people who CT end up like me , but I haven't done anything close to that.

I was so hopeful that V would make my tapering easier, but it's not! And I haven't made any large cuts, started MT from the beginning.

Depressed feel like I really am going to be the tortoise that comes in last and meanwhile will suffer horribly for years ! Having a grumble and could use some encouragement , thanks 

Glad to some people having Windows here tho.....

 

[[He...]]

So happy for you all BeGood, Lynne, Anne, Valley, and anyone else I forgot. Good news is so good to hear. I hope it all continues smoothly for you all!

 

Wish I could say the same, but I'm with MiYu. Sorry you are having bad days MiYu! Hang in there. It WILL get better. Sounds silly me telling you to hang in there when I am am seeking,begging for ebcouragement. And support myself. But that's because although I am feeling like crap, in my heart I know it will get better... But hose windows are just not coming quickly enough! So don't give up!

 

And Lzagal, I just read your post too. Hang in there!!I wish we could all go to the corner and scream together!

 

I am at 16th day hold of "corrected"  1.2 mg dose.

 

I had THOUGHT I WAS AT 1.2 back at July 26, but I was dosing wrong. I corrected it on August 20 by dropping .08

 

I'm such a dummy. Had I measured correctly, I'd be at about five weeks of my 1.2 hold by now. What a waste of time! Especially because I remember it was about the five week time in my previous hold that I started to feel much better. I could have been there now!

 

I'm hanging in but having really bad days. Neck pain won't let up. Wearing neck collar 24/7. Lower back may be a bit better on some days. Beginning to get windows for short time around 8 PM but only for the parathesia.

 

Really feel like my initial Valium prescribing Doctor has ruined my life. I'm In the middle of a self pity party which I know is not good. I know it's all basically my fault for not getting better informed before taking the drug in the first place. Still wake up each morning wondering how I did this to myself. Will I wake up and be all better? Is it a dream? Nightmare I mean?

 

I'm so sick of feeling sick and not sleeping well. There is no relief! Not even in sleep!

I hope I start to feel better soon. I know it's not even a month but my wdfx are really getting to me during this hold. It seems like forever with no progress.

 

Has any one heard from Pleasebehere? . I know she was in the hospital a few days ago, but she hasn't  been on this board for a few days, and she is usually here very often.

 

Pleasebehere, are you ok? Please let us know. We all care about you and wish you well!

 

I'm thinking about you and hope you are felling better!

Heathcliff

 

[[li...]]

Went from four doses of K down to three at the end of my six month hold this week, hoping it would help with side effects. Feel like I've taken a major cut. I can't believe I'm so stupid. Everyone else is doing so well. I didn't realize until today that the hold DID help-I was dealing with side effects. So glad you are all well. I'm ready to run down the street screaming again. Havdnt had that frantic brain since before the hold. Had no idea my brain would react this way. Thanks V for your support. Really scary stuff.

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Lizagal....can you switch back to your four doses? Do you think it might help? I remember when I split my K from 2 into three doses I went through hell.... Body doesn't seem to like these changes ....

Hope you feel better. 

 

Heathcliff , sorry you are having a hard time too. Horrible to be so sensitive isn't it ? It's just not believable really. I can't get my head around this whole thing , it really does feel like a bad dream that somehow there must be a way to wake up from. Hope you feel better ! 

 

[[be...]]

Thanks Lynn, V, Jr60808, Anne, Heath, and others. Yes today I feel Wonderful, but it is not a guarantee that it will be that way everyday, but I am grasping on to the good feelings, sometimes it is fleeting, blips so far. 

[[li...]]

MiYu--sorry you are struggling. I've been advised to wait a week and see if it gets better. Every move I make ends in disaster.

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lizagal... I feel the same way 

[[Va...]]

Hang in there Heath, Miyu and liza. I hope things turn around quickly for all of you!  We will make it through this.  --V

[[ly...]]

 

 

I'm sorry so many are suffering.  This whole thing is so unbelievable.

[[fr...]]

  MiYu, Heath, I also have the horrendous burning. It is mostly my mouth, urinary area, and feet but can also be ankles, hands, lips etc.  It is truly horrible i know first hand. Only thing Dr. gives is meds like gabapentin etc. and i am trying to hold off adding yet another med into the mix.  I keep hoping for things to get better also.  All we can do is either hold or keep on cutting.  I made a tiny cut over a month ago and things got a little worse but not really much difference.  Hopefully when we get low enough on our dose we will feel some better.  I pray for you all to have a better day today and that soon our s/x's let up enough to have some sort of life.  So happy for the ones who have had success with the long hold.  Great news for them.

[[an...]]

MiYu, Free, Heath, and Liza.  I am so sorry you are still suffering so.  I hope that things turn around for you soon.

 

((HUGS))  Anne

[[He...]]

MiYu,FREEME, Lizagal,

I am so sorry you are all having such a hard time. I am too This is so very hard. I just don't know how people hang on for so long with these long holds and appear to be so cheerful. I guess it's because they are going through good windows.  I too am cheerful when I get a window here and there, but when the long bad, daily waves start coming constantly, it is so hard and discouraging.

 

I hope I keep the strength to keep up this fight, it gets harder every day and when I think of the still long journey ahead I want to cry.

Thank goodness I found this site.

 

I am now doing  a hold bec of  w/Sfx  from a .08 drop. I am at the 16th day of the hold and probably have at least a month or more before my wS/fx begin to ease up. Maybe two months or more!!!

 

  My last hold was for two months. I am going to try a .08  or .1 cut this next time. Up until my last cut, I have only cut .05 bec my side effects were so bad from going too fast in my taper.

 

But if I do a hold for another 6 weeks or two months , or even more, and not cut until I am stable, then when I cut, I may be able to go for another .08 cut. I guess listening to my body will tell me what is safe to do and when to do it.

It's a hard decision to make.

 

I know the lower you go in a dose, you have to make smaller cuts, so in two more cuts I'll have to go back to Less than .1 cuts anyway and keep it a 10% or less.( much less for me!)

 

I'm rambling, sorry. Wish my neck ache would go away so I could get rid of this neck collar. It's a real bummer.

 

Curious if you guys are able to work. I am not.

 

Really hope you are all feeling better today.  Keep up the fight!

 

Heathcliff   

 

 

[[Va...]]

MiYu,FREEME, Lizagal,

I am so sorry you are all having such a hard time. I am too This is so very hard. I just don't know how people hang on for so long with these long holds and appear to be so cheerful. I guess it's because they are going through good windows.  I too am cheerful when I get a window here and there, but when the long bad, daily waves start coming constantly, it is so hard and discouraging.

 

I hope I keep the strength to keep up this fight, it gets harder every day and when I think of the still long journey ahead I want to cry.

Thank goodness I found this site.

 

I am now doing  a hold bec of  w/Sfx  from a .08 drop. I am at the 16th day of the hold and probably have at least a month or more before my wS/fx begin to ease up. Maybe two months or more!!!

 

  My last hold was for two months. I am going to try a .08  or .1 cut this next time. Up until my last cut, I have only cut .05 bec my side effects were so bad from going too fast in my taper.

 

But if I do a hold for another 6 weeks or two months , or even more, and not cut until I am stable, then when I cut, I may be able to go for another .08 cut. I guess listening to my body will tell me what is safe to do and when to do it.

It's a hard decision to make.

 

I know the lower you go in a dose, you have to make smaller cuts, so in two more cuts I'll have to go back to Less than .1 cuts anyway and keep it a 10% or less.( much less for me!)

 

I'm rambling, sorry. Wish my neck ache would go away so I could get rid of this neck collar. It's a real bummer.

 

Curious if you guys are able to work. I am not.

 

Really hope you are all feeling better today.  Keep up the fight!

 

Heathcliff   

Hang in there Heath. I worked through the worst of it. It wasn't easy but it did give me good distraction.  --V

[[be...]]

To those who are struggling so, I want you to know that I am thinking of each of you and so very sorry, for the continued problems you are having. Most of you know my story, this is my third taper, the best one and the last one I was doing holds long before I came to BB, I have taken all the time I felt necessary and does this mean I am going to walk off at zero into the sunset, no it does not, I do not know that, until I completely finish, this time is only blips, meaning the things I feel are tolerable and I am able to function, it was not so my first two times, I did not hold at all I suffered so bad I wanted to end my life, but my Brain could not take the fast and big cuts, and I almost had a stroke twice and had to reinstate. So I know how you all feel. I am so sorry if any that are suffering feel I have negated their suffering by being Cheerful and being happy to feel normal for a change, so from now on out, I will contain myself in respect for those suffering and not seeing any good times. I will still come on and post, only a few here post to me anyway, so just know that I am so very sorry that the suffering continues and if I had a Magic Wand I would use it for those having such a tough time. I was going to mention one other thing I see over and over on this site, but it is just not worth mentioning. So Hang in there and hope things get better soon for all."The Turtle".  Ps, Heath this has nothing to do with what you said, I do not want you to fret about it, so please do not take my post to heart.

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  BG, YOu are a good and caring person.  I don't think anyone wants to hear doom and gloom all the time, you and others that are doing well and feel good give the rest of us hope so please keep things just as they are.  Never apologize for feeling good.  YOu have had your terrible time and are only posting the truth, that this long hold and turtle taper is what is working for you and for lots others.  If all we read about was trouble, pain, and no windows we would probably want to die.  Never change, you have a wonderful giving heart.  Love you and all on here try to help are brave also in your own way.  :smitten:

[[be...]]

Thanks My Friend.

[[an...]]

Thanks My Friend.

 

BeGood,

 

I agree with Free.  You are a very caring person.  Everyone should be honest about how they feel.  If people did not write about doing well with their taper, there would be no reason to taper.  Most would be too afraid to read all negative posts.  As Free says, it gives others hope when they read a positive post.  Keep on posting.  Actually, I am feeling pretty good lately as well.  I held for a few months and just started cutting again.  Slow is the key.

 

((HUGS))

Anne

[[Va...]]

I agree with everything that's been said. We're in this through the good, the bad and the ugly. It's nice to have a mix to show the ups and downs of benzo withdrawal. So glad that many take the time to post here!  --V

[[an...]]

I agree with everything that's been said. We're in this through the good, the bad and the ugly. It's nice to have a mix to show the ups and downs of benzo withdrawal. So glad that many take the time to post here!  --V

 

:thumbsup:

[[ly...]]

 

 

I wouldn't have a reason to be here if holds helped no one...and that's all that was posted here.  Isn't the hope here that holds will help when other things haven't?  If people don't post about doing well, being happy or having even a brief window - what is the point?  I am sorry if anything I post is upsetting. 

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Thank you everyone for your posts and encouragement ..... Hang in there 

[[jr...]]

 

 

I wouldn't have a reason to be here if holds helped no one...and that's all that was posted here.  Isn't the hope here that holds will help when other things haven't?  If people don't post about doing well, being happy or having even a brief window - what is the point?  I am sorry if anything I post is upsetting.

 

 

I dont post here often because my hold is over, but I still read all the posts and they are a help to me. It gives me comfort to see people doing well and it gives me comfort that it is not all roses. I would hate to think I was in this alone. Just Saying.......

[[ly...]]

 

 

:smitten:

[[be...]]

Thanks all, will be back soon. :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

[[ly...]]

 

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