The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ma...]]

Think of me like a hawk swooping down and snatching that brownie right away from him.

 

I can just see Dan jump when you walk up behind him. 

 

Intend, I am trying to learn to just copy a part of a quote.....I can get it posted on the next page but I can't get it to highlight and then find the quote button, does that make sense?  Help me 

 

It makes sense Mary. I can’t do this on my iPad at all, but I do it on my computer. I will have to look at this on my computer. Seemed like begood was giving someone on this sort of thing. I tried what she said on this iPad, and it didn’t work.

 

So maybe she uses a computer to do these sorts of things. I need to check.

 

I know, having an IPad makes it hard.  She sent me some directions I will work on tomorrow, so don't waste your time til I scream help!    Love ya, Mary 🌹🌹🌹

[[Ma...]]

Good night LHSG, sleep well. Love you all,  Mary 🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

[[Ca...]]

Thanks for your thoughts Guys..  -Interesting days here.. my brain is glue and everything feels surreal... Just slept 12 hours with only a slight intermission...

Esp, I realy relate to your description of the after fatigue.. Mine is usually day 2 bad, day 3 a total wipe-out, day 4 bad, day 5 improving... -it varies a bit depending... It got much better as I could do more when WD eased right off around low dose V and its jump... (before tapering more meds again)

It can make one think things are going to be so hard for so long when looking at the future from that perspective, but it is a fantastic boost to our outlook when it eases up...While its good to keep gently pushing on with "life", -I did learn that for me at least, its not one to push too hard at or try and break through with brute force... Its pretty personal, as some find pushing activity is great for things like anxiety etc..

From my meds, I just think I dont have any "Reward for effort" chemistry working.. Probs a lack Endorphines and the like... Do what you can/want, but allow for the rest time... -perhaps..

 

I have a memorial beach camp this weekend, and then a slightly interstate gathering over easter to contend with, and its got me a bit worried, so im taking the swag and a hammock, but it will be interesting to see how my body responds both physically after so much down time, and mentally to a fresh environ... (and actual humans that arent my kids)..!!

Fingers crossed for some stability first..!!

Rest up Mate...

 

Sorry its hard days for many of you, my thoughts Are with you... Keep the eye on the prize...

 

If im quiet for a bit, dont worry, I will try to update my blog atleast once a week when things are bad or hectic... -not that I expect anyone to have to seek it out and read..

-Im just gunna play it by ear...

 

My best to All...

 

 

[[...]]

It has been many months since I've been on BB. I think about it often but life has been really crazy. Just as I started to get back into posting my MIL passed away and things have been really rough. I held from October through February and then did a couple of tiny tapers but ended up in a bad wave so I stopped. Then low and behold a lovely window did appear. I decided to make a cut, which I don't usually do. I wanted to get to 1mg of clonazepam. I've been aiming for it since November of 2016 when I first started tapering. So cut I did. Now back to holding. If not for this long hold support group I don't know what I would have done. I do miss the fun we used to have.

 

I did a 3% cut, I know it was still small but for me it was huge. I made the cut on March 23 and I've been holding since then. The symptoms have been up and down. Riding the waves as we all do. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to try another DLMT or another cut for my next adventure. Right now I'm holding until everything calms down so I have a lot of time to decide. Hopefully I'll feel better for my anniversary. I should, it's a little over a month from now.

 

MiYu, I'm sorry to hear you are in pain. I'm glad some of the emotional sxs have gotten better though. I do miss talking with you. I don't know if I ever found out how you decided to proceed with your taper. I've been gone sooo long.

 

Can't I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time too. We just need to surf those waves until we reach that calm area. Surfing at least sounds fun.......How is the weather down under?

 

My brain really isn't working very well right now. I've had a really rough day. I hope everyone can find some peace today.

 

Big hugs,

 

T

 

hi T 

I'm so glad I caught your post . I've thought about you and wondered how you are doing . Thanks for coming and giving an update .

I'm very sorry to hear things have been difficult with your MILs passing...losing people is very hard at the best of times

 

you had a window , that's wonderful , give shoes doesn't it. ? Not that I've ever really had one !but I have days when I feel a bit better at least , here and there . I have been managing about 3% month since last October ... And like you , that amount is huge for me ! I am holding now too probably for the month of April as I have some things I must do .

Today was really rough!

Seems like it was rough for many , I wonder  why that is .....

Just a really sucky day with the worst kinds of symptoms .

Cant, Stut , sorry you are both in the trenches too , and Gilly ... Anyone else ? 

 

Well T , so glad to hear from you , I'm not here all the time ,and I can't keep up with all the posts ! But I do stop in and give little updates and  see whose here and how everyone is doing.

 

Lots of love to you and I hope things level out soon .

Miyu 

 

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Good morning LHSG, rise and shine, even if its just a little  .  We have quite a few people coming back to LHSG and it is so good to read their posts and be able to gain some knowledge.  I wish we were all healed, but since we aren't and are here togethe it makes me feel better overall.  I hope everyone has a good day.  Please post if you can .  Love you all, Mary.  🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉.    🐕🦉

[[Ma...]]

Mary and I are used to hot weather, but this is going to seem, extra hot this early.

[[4G...]]

Bad news. I am stuck in bed feeling ill. The chemist changed my brand of tablet. Hope everyone else is okay.  Love and Hugs to All. xxx 💟💟💟

[[Sc...]]

Hi guys, it’s been a long time. Had to go focus on MS stuff & also depression. But here I am still in a depression-worse & no benzo progress at all, maybe regression rather. Not that I’ve ever truly been capable of helping anyone, unfortunately, just needing, & unintentionally self absorbed as I’ve been sick so long with mental health issues. Oh I want to spill my guts, & need guidance, but am afraid I’ll be judged & also don’t want to say anything self incriminating.

Also, just reading back a couple posts it seems there are many suffering on here right now so I don’t want to post & seem selfish. I’m sobbing, unstable. If anyone remembers me & would like to help or hear my current status, please let me know. I hope you’re all doing well. Thanks, SC

[[Ma...]]

Bad news. I am stuck in bed feeling ill. The chemist changed my brand of tablet. Hope everyone else is okay.  Love and Hugs to All. xxx 💟💟💟

 

They changed your brand, damn it, they should at least tell you when they hand you the damn meds    That is the least they they could do.  I am sorry English, hoping it eases soon.  Love you girlfriend, Mary 🐱🐾.      🐝🌼🌻🌷🌺🍄🦋

[[AZ...]]

Good morning everyone! 

 

So far today seems like a good day.  The really hard thing about the roller coaster ups and downs is it makes it so hard to ignore symptoms— I just don’t trust how Im gonna feel on a given day.  I have to repeat to myself that I’m pretty stable now so nothing horrible is going to happen.  Only a couple days ago I was feeling horrible but now I’m starting out not too bad.  I should be able to be functional and push through symptoms at this point.

 

The other wildcard is I’ve been taking lexapro since last September.  I think it is working, but I take 12.5 mg and have to cut the pills.  I never get a very accurate cut, so I started wondering if that was causing symptoms for my hyperactive CNS.  I bought a scale and have started taking an accurate dose by weight.  Maybe that will help or maybe not.  Can’t hurt right?

 

I know many are suffering.  Hang in there and take it Day by day.  It’s amazing how a window could be just around the corner and you can feel radically better.

 

Bill

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Good morning everyone! 

 

So far today seems like a good day.  The really hard thing about the roller coaster ups and downs is it makes it so hard to ignore symptoms— I just don’t trust how Im gonna feel on a given day.  I have to repeat to myself that I’m pretty stable now so nothing horrible is going to happen.  Only a couple days ago I was feeling horrible but now I’m starting out not too bad.  I should be able to be functional and push through symptoms at this point.

 

The other wildcard is I’ve been taking lexapro since last September.  I think it is working, but I take 12.5 mg and have to cut the pills.  I never get a very accurate cut, so I started wondering if that was causing symptoms for my hyperactive CNS.  I bought a scale and have started taking an accurate dose by weight.  Maybe that will help or maybe not.  Can’t hurt right?

 

I know many are suffering.  Hang in there and take it Day by day.  It’s amazing how a window could be just around the corner and you can feel radically better.

 

Bill

 

Morning Bill, glad you are feeling pretty well.  Yes, I think most of us are suspicious of what sxs might pop up out of the blue.  Tapering and wd suck.  Scale was a good idea. It's good to have you here and posting.  I like having new people to learn from and you never know what someone says that will click with you, and the light bulb comes on.  I read all over bb, except things that might trigger me, looking for those tid bits.  Hope you have a good day, love ya, Mary 🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉. Are you a Game of Thrones fan? 

[[4G...]]

Thank you Mary and Bill for the encouragement. Love, Gx

[[Ma...]]

Hi guys, it’s been a long time. Had to go focus on MS stuff & also depression. But here I am still in a depression-worse & no benzo progress at all, maybe regression rather. Not that I’ve ever truly been capable of helping anyone, unfortunately, just needing, & unintentionally self absorbed as I’ve been sick so long with mental health issues. Oh I want to spill my guts, & need guidance, but am afraid I’ll be judged & also don’t want to say anything self incriminating.

Also, just reading back a couple posts it seems there are many suffering on here right now so I don’t want to post & seem selfish. I’m sobbing, unstable. If anyone remembers me & would like to help or hear my current status, please let me know. I hope you’re all doing well. Thanks, SC

 

Sorry Scardie, I was napping.  You are welcome on here anytime and no one would judge you, that's not why we are here.  We want to help in any way we are able.  So,please post . I am up now.  Love Mary 💜

 

[[es...]]

Scardie, we are a “no judgement” group here. I know how painful the depression is. Most of us do. This is a hard journey and just doing it is a triumph. Don’t feel you have to do it with a big smile on your face. I am not smiling much these days and when I do, it is usually fake. Thank you, Can’t, for your support. I am like you, no reward system in my brain now. Intend, Dan is lucky to have a wife who takes such good care of him. Love to all, Esperanza

[[AZ...]]

Thanks Mary, you are indeed all over BB!  Always helping.  I think you are a real blessing to us. 

 

I am not a Game of Thrones fan,....  yet.  We got a full set of (some number of seasons) episodes on DVD, but can never get up the ambition to find and set up the player!  We do want to start watching just cause it's so popular it must be good!

 

Intend, the 3 doses seem to be ok but I do get some pretty intense WD near dose times when I'm in a wave.  Especially the noon dose.  To be honest tho, in those waves I'm symptomatic almost the whole day anyway so it's not that much different, and when I'm doing better it's more manageable.  Usually the Lorazepam effective time for me was around 8 hours so I'm pretty much covered.  Dont know how that's going to play out yet in the taper yet, but I think when I've stablized and stronger it should work out ok.

 

I tried tapering when I was very unstable back in January.  I'm really now trying to stabilize on a constant dose, which I've been doing since early February.  Many things have gotten a lot better, but I'm still getting pretty strong waves.  I'm using ValleyUm as a model and going to continue to hold for the foreseeable future.  I'm guessing a couple more months will be much stronger.  It is hard though sometimes.

 

Hang in there everyone, we'll get through this.

 

Bill

 

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi guys, it’s been a long time. Had to go focus on MS stuff & also depression. But here I am still in a depression-worse & no benzo progress at all, maybe regression rather. Not that I’ve ever truly been capable of helping anyone, unfortunately, just needing, & unintentionally self absorbed as I’ve been sick so long with mental health issues. Oh I want to spill my guts, & need guidance, but am afraid I’ll be judged & also don’t want to say anything self incriminating.

Also, just reading back a couple posts it seems there are many suffering on here right now so I don’t want to post & seem selfish. I’m sobbing, unstable. If anyone remembers me & would like to help or hear my current status, please let me know. I hope you’re all doing well. Thanks, SC

Hey Scardie,

I remember you,! Sorry to find you in such a state. I think you and I had pm'ed at one time so I may know some things. I have to go back and look but it may have been deleted at your request. My memory isn't all that great so I could be mixing you up with someone else. In any case I'm very sorry that you're hurting so badly.

 

We're all here and we'll support you.. Hang in there.. This too shall pass even though at the moment it doesn't feel that way.

 

Trish ❤️

[[Ma...]]

Scardie, we are a “no judgement” group here. I know how painful the depression is. Most of us do. This is a hard journey and just doing it is a triumph. Don’t feel you have to do it with a big smile on your face. I am not smiling much these days and when I do, it is usually fake. Thank you, Can’t, for your support. I am like you, no reward system in my brain now. Intend, Dan is lucky to have a wife who takes such good care of him. Love to all, Esperanza

 

Hey Cuz, that would be so hard and strange having no reward system.  So, on Saturday night Tim and I have something really fattening, like chocolate cake with lots of icing, and I always look forward to it. Or loving on Sly, or really just Tim coming home from work.  So you don't feel anything.  Gosh, that must really make this hard to get through.  I want that to go away for you, Stut, and Can't.  You are all so full of life and loving.    :(

[[Sc...]]

Thanks Mary & Esperanza,

Well I updated my signiture so hopefully that will help. I crossed over  solco clonazapam when teva was discontinued & haven’t really been the same since(not to scare anyone if you look at my signiture you can see there are many variables at play with me). My depression is worse than ever though. I think I really messed up. My doc allowed me some scripts of Xanax instead of clonazapam, as it can really calm me down & even help with my depression, but my plan was always to return to k pin for tapering, as it’s what I’ve mosly taken all along & has a longer half life.

 

I’m really only 2 days off the Xanax & think I screwed up & now am in Xanax withdrawal-crying soon after waking & crying all day, especially if I try to talk, aching, tired, jaw tremors.

Also, I stupidly as far as timing goes decided to ask the pharmacist to make part of my clonazapam fill with actavis this time, as I think they’d be able to dry cut better & start preparing me to be able to when the time comes(depression stabilizes more) so now I’m trying to I think just stabilize from stopping the Xanax-can’t trust myself not to bust out crying at any moment & I have these actavis mixed in with my solco @ 1 dose per day. I tried the first actavis last eves dose & i thought I was going to fall asleep, until it came time to take sleep dose, then woke up again until that kicked in.

I can’t imagine taking an actavis during the day & wonder if I’m really messing myself up doing things this way....ugh solco don’t cut, they crumble & I can’t do scales, liquid etc. maybe if someone helps me at that time, but would like option of dry cutting, thus the actavis.

 

Am I going to mess my head up worse by trying to do another crossover? I may have enough solco to abandon that plan until my depression stabilizes & im through Xanax withdrawal.

 

If anyone knows, if I’m in possible Xanax withdrawal, how long do you think that could last?

 

Hope I made sense.

 

All thoughts welcome. I really think I messed up. Thanks & warm wishes to all

[[Sc...]]

Thank you Trishy. It probably was at my request. That’s my mo with certain PMs... my memory is very bad, but I remember your name & your kindness.

[[Tr...]]

Sending my love to all my buddies suffering today.. I'm not so  great either, too much worry. I'm seeing my old therapist that I've not seen since September of last year this coming Monday. She's good about giving me homework so to speak, In other words things to do to help me cope. I think I'll continue to see her as I whittle my way down off this poison.

 

Hello Bill, are you on Ativan? We're closely related if so lol! I'm on xanax. The mother of all benzos 😔 short half life and I dose 3 times a day. 7 , noon and 9 is my schedule. I'm pill Splitting at the moment. I wish you well, I see you're under 1 mg. But I'm far from a genius in math actually pretty challenged in that area .. Anyway good luck with your taper.

 

Love to all,

Trish ❤️

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Mary & Esperanza,

Well I updated my signiture so hopefully that will help. I crossed over  solco clonazapam when teva was discontinued & haven’t really been the same since(not to scare anyone if you look at my signiture you can see there are many variables at play with me). My depression is worse than ever though. I think I really messed up. My doc allowed me some scripts of Xanax instead of clonazapam, as it can really calm me down & even help with my depression, but my plan was always to return to k pin for tapering, as it’s what I’ve mosly taken all along & has a longer half life.

 

I’m really only 2 days off the Xanax & think I screwed up & now am in Xanax withdrawal-crying soon after waking & crying all day, especially if I try to talk, aching, tired, jaw tremors.

Also, I stupidly as far as timing goes decided to ask the pharmacist to make part of my clonazapam fill with actavis this time, as I think they’d be able to dry cut better & start preparing me to be able to when the time comes(depression stabilizes more) so now I’m trying to I think just stabilize from stopping the Xanax-can’t trust myself not to bust out crying at any moment & I have these actavis mixed in with my solco @ 1 dose per day. I tried the first actavis last eves dose & i thought I was going to fall asleep, until it came time to take sleep dose, then woke up again until that kicked in.

I can’t imagine taking an actavis during the day & wonder if I’m really messing myself up doing things this way....ugh solco don’t cut, they crumble & I can’t do scales, liquid etc. maybe if someone helps me at that time, but would like option of dry cutting, thus the actavis.

 

Am I going to mess my head up worse by trying to do another crossover? I may have enough solco to abandon that plan until my depression stabilizes & im through Xanax withdrawal.

 

If anyone knows, if I’m in possible Xanax withdrawal, how long do you think that could last?

 

Hope I made sense.

 

All thoughts welcome. I really think I messed up. Thanks & warm wishes to all

 

Do you have any xanax so you can come off a little slower, you are in wd and xanax wd is bad.  And since xanax is fast acting, you are going to be I wd several times a day, that's one reason for your ups and downs.  Do you have any left?

[[Sc...]]

Hi guys, it’s been a long time. Had to go focus on MS stuff & also depression. But here I am still in a depression-worse & no benzo progress at all, maybe regression rather. Not that I’ve ever truly been capable of helping anyone, unfortunately, just needing, & unintentionally self absorbed as I’ve been sick so long with mental health issues. Oh I want to spill my guts, & need guidance, but am afraid I’ll be judged & also don’t want to say anything self incriminating.

Also, just reading back a couple posts it seems there are many suffering on here right now so I don’t want to post & seem selfish. I’m sobbing, unstable. If anyone remembers me & would like to help or hear my current status, please let me know. I hope you’re all doing well. Thanks, SC

Hey Scardie,

I remember you,! Sorry to find you in such a state. I think you and I had pm'ed at one time so I may know some things. I have to go back and look but it may have been deleted at your request. My memory isn't all that great so I could be mixing you up with someone else. In any case I'm very sorry that you're hurting so badly.

 

We're all here and we'll support you.. Hang in there.. This too shall pass even though at the moment it doesn't feel that way.

 

Trish ❤️

Trishy I wrote a reply below. But do you have any thoughts on me crossing from clonazapam to Xanax & tapering off of that instead, even with its shorter half life? It helps my anxiety & depression seemingly much better than clonazapam, I’m no doubt quite tolerant to clonazapam. I don’t know I just need to get better. And I can’t even dry cut these solco pills. Are you dry cutting?

XO thanks

[[Tr...]]

Thank you Trishy. It probably was at my request. That’s my mo with certain PMs... my memory is very bad, but I remember your name & your kindness.

Yes it was Scardie. I have a few PM's left from you but I do remember one specific one I deleted at your request.

 

I'm sorry you're not any better from when we last spoke. I have and am currently tapering Xanax and I had a really horrific wd from cutting too much the first two times which were at the time Dr forced. His way, his amount.. read my sig, it's short. But it took me 7 weeks to get functional again.

Do you have a specific question about Xanax wd? How much are you on for how long and are you CT' ing it or tapering down from it, if so by what amount?

 

Trish

[[Tr...]]

Scardie, I wouldn't recommend trying to cross from Clon to X. Xanax is a rough benzo to taper from. It's a hell of a drug to taper from because of the short half life. In my honest opinion I would highly suggest you Don't but that's just my opinion and my experience with this drug. I won't do a cross over bc I'd rather deal with the devil I know so to speak. But I can't stress enough how hard it is to taper this particular monster, it is as I say the mother of all Benzos, very potent, very short acting and hard to taper from.

 

I hope that helps..

 

Trish ❤️

[[Sc...]]

Thanks Mary & Esperanza,

Well I updated my signiture so hopefully that will help. I crossed over  solco clonazapam when teva was discontinued & haven’t really been the same since(not to scare anyone if you look at my signiture you can see there are many variables at play with me). My depression is worse than ever though. I think I really messed up. My doc allowed me some scripts of Xanax instead of clonazapam, as it can really calm me down & even help with my depression, but my plan was always to return to k pin for tapering, as it’s what I’ve mosly taken all along & has a longer half life.

 

I’m really only 2 days off the Xanax & think I screwed up & now am in Xanax withdrawal-crying soon after waking & crying all day, especially if I try to talk, aching, tired, jaw tremors.

Also, I stupidly as far as timing goes decided to ask the pharmacist to make part of my clonazapam fill with actavis this time, as I think they’d be able to dry cut better & start preparing me to be able to when the time comes(depression stabilizes more) so now I’m trying to I think just stabilize from stopping the Xanax-can’t trust myself not to bust out crying at any moment & I have these actavis mixed in with my solco @ 1 dose per day. I tried the first actavis last eves dose & i thought I was going to fall asleep, until it came time to take sleep dose, then woke up again until that kicked in.

I can’t imagine taking an actavis during the day & wonder if I’m really messing myself up doing things this way....ugh solco don’t cut, they crumble & I can’t do scales, liquid etc. maybe if someone helps me at that time, but would like option of dry cutting, thus the actavis.

 

Am I going to mess my head up worse by trying to do another crossover? I may have enough solco to abandon that plan until my depression stabilizes & im through Xanax withdrawal.

 

If anyone knows, if I’m in possible Xanax withdrawal, how long do you think that could last?

 

Hope I made sense.

 

All thoughts welcome. I really think I messed up. Thanks & warm wishes to all

 

Do you have any xanax so you can come off a little slower, you are in wd and xanax wd is bad.  And since xanax is fast acting, you are going to be I wd several times a day, that's one reason for your ups and downs.  Do you have any left?

I do. But I’m taking clonazapam around the clock & don’t really know when it wears off & thought it best to just cut it cold and get back stable on the clonazapam. I did sort of taper it down for a few days. I take .5 K & I was only taking .25X & amazingly, for the most part, it worked at that dose, until the last day. I started sobbing much etc. I was taking Xanax during the day & clonazapam at bed, so as to keep the clonazapam in my system & come back to it for tapering. The Xanax just sometimes almost made me feel like a normal human...