Tapering From .5 Clonazepam

[[Fl...]]

I wish I could have my sense of smell, as these past few weeks I am not sure what I am smelling. Had a bit of a window where I was able to pick up the scent of honeysuckle on my bike path...nothing now. I actually did a few experiments at home to confirm this...

 

This scent thing continues to boggle my mind. The only way I know how to describe it is that it is like when you are looking at a picture where everything is completely out of focus except for the subject of the picture. Or a video where they use that new technique to selectively remove all but one color, so someone's shirt just pops off the screen. That's what it is like when my nose wakes up and I get these moments where certain scents seem to hit me upside the head.

 

 

[[tr...]]

 

This scent thing continues to boggle my mind. The only way I know how to describe it is that it is like when you are looking at a picture where everything is completely out of focus except for the subject of the picture. Or a video where they use that new technique to selectively remove all but one color, so someone's shirt just pops off the screen. That's what it is like when my nose wakes up and I get these moments where certain scents seem to hit me upside the head.

 

 

 

FloridaGuy

 

I don't get it either. Until you mentioned this, I was completely oblvious to it all. Then it became quite obvious that things were not right. Everything is muted now, every scent is barely there. Now that I am more aware of this, it is driving me crazy. Mowed the lawn and I can't smell that sweet smell of cut grass. Heck, yesterday as I went for my usual bike ride...city workers were mowing the fields and parks around my house. This is an expansive area...I'm talking miles of protected parkland. City worker after city worker mowing the lawns in the afternoon...with a cool breeze and I got nothing. I am eating a vanilla yogurt at this moment, and still no scent which makes things taste slightly off. Smell and taste work together, so I wonder if this is why for the past several years that I have been on this crap...if this is why food loses its flavour once it reaches my mouth? I don't know what it is...I hope its just paranoia...but I know my sense of smell is askew. What else is there left that this drug does not pervert or take away from us? If this drug affects the CNS so effectively...what is it in the human body that isn't attached to these nerve bundles?

 

[[Pa...]]

My sense of smell was in overdrive, it was so acute I could smell everything too much, I was miserable. 

[[ok...]]

Having another good day today.  I hope this continues.  Washed and waxed my car and went for a ride with the top down.  What a beautiful day today.  I have started to become really aware of floaters in my right eye.  This is very difficult for me to deal with.  After I had lasix eye surgery about ten years ago I developed a really large floater in my left eye.  It would continually float across my eye and make my vision blurry.  Before I figured out that it was a floater I thought the lasix surgery had ruined my vision.  I got very depressed and that was the first time I was prescribed anti-depressants.  When I found out it was a floater I was relieved but was bothered by it every day.  After a year had passed I found an eye doctor on the east coast who was able to treat my eye with a laser and basically blew the floater apart.  Haven't had any other real issues since.  Now this has happened. 

 

Has anyone developed eye floaters in w/d and if so, did they ever get better?  I'm not sure how they could because once they are there you're kind of stuck with them.

 

Travuz,

 

Sounds like we are on a similar sleep schedule.  Just wanted you to know that last night I picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time and played through three blues songs.  I haven't lost much but I just wasn't all that interested to keep playing.  I am going to try to pick it up at least a couple times a week.  I encourage you to dabble in your arts as well.  You might be surprised.

 

Susie,

 

Thanks for checking in.  Great to hear from you.  Look forward to watching your success.

 

Pamster,

 

As always, love hearing from you.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

Hey Kelly

 

I am happy to hear that you are having a good day. I am knocking on wood and praying that you continue to have many more great days.

 

I am on your sleep schedule. Not that I am trying to emulate you, but if I go to bed early then I will wake early. The day is to long as it is and I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Like I said me and motivation are like oil is to water...just don't mix that well. I hope this resolves because sometimes I think it has become engrained and I really want to reivent myself...if that is possible at this junction of my life. I can remember the last time I picked up a piece of paper to draw on...that was 7 years ago and I had just popped Paxil and Clorazepam. From there on in...I stopped to care or even think about anything. But that's awsome news...I am really glad to hear you are feeling more alive.

 

Today was a good day...the burning in the pit of my stomach has eased and so did the burning in my legs. I was a bit more energetic also. Took advantage of the sunny day and rode my bike for a couple of hours. We have a great natural trail...plus I get to meet a lot of nice people along the way. 

 

Much success to you and continue the good fight. I know you will make it through this.

 

 

[[ok...]]

Hooray, I have made it to the halfway mark today.  .25mg liquid clonazepam, five more weeks to go.

 

Fathers Day was pretty miserable.  It started out bad before I woke up and continued bad through the time I went to bed that night.  This floater thing in my eye is driving me batty, but I gotta believe it will get better.  Had a higher level of depression and anxiety throughout the day as well as the rapid heartbeat stuff.  Also getting headaches from the strain on my eyes.  Have noticed over the past two days that I now start getting anxiety around 10PM.  I have found that if I go off to my music room and play my guitar for about half an hour that the anxiety has passed.  I have always done this for anxiety in the past, I'm glad it still works.

 

All in all I am encouraged with my progress and glad that things aren't worse.

 

Hope you all are well.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

Congratulations Kelly

 

I am happy to hear that you have reached the halfway mark...feeling a bit jealous here.

 

Sorry to hear that father's day did not go well for you.  I suppose Clonazepam manages to get its dirty mitts in all aspects of our lives...it seems like a living entity that knows exactly when to strike...just to ruin those days that should be our happiest moments. Keep fighting and keep yourself busy...that's what I attempt to do when depression hits out of the blue. Keep it up...your almost there.

 

Not feeling that good today myself...but I am joyful to see how far you have progressed. You have a lot to be proud of.

[[ok...]]

Thanks Travuz,

 

Did you get out and ride your bike this weekend.  I bet you have some beautiful trails around where you live.  Where I live is really hilly.  Very difficult to ride very far because your always going uphill or downhill.  Uphills the hardest   I have a hill cheater bike.  It's a e-bike made by Lee Iococa about ten years ago.  It's a regular bike with 10 gears but has a 36 volt electric motor that you can use whenever you need it.  It allows me to get up those steep hills without passing out.  I hadn't ridden for so many years that I had to send the charger to NY to be repaired.  I figured now that I have so much time on my hands I need as many distractions as possible.  Still waiting for the charger to be sent back to me.  I can ride from my house to the beach on a great paved bike trail, just need to have a little help up the hills.

 

Also glad to see your continued progress.  Just keep chipping away at it and you will soon be there.

 

Thanks for your note.  Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

I did get out to ride this weekend and it was spectacular...lots of smiling faces and that alone lifts my moods and gives me reason to push forward with this taper. We have a great path...it goes for miles and is very well paved and maintained. The best part of the ride is that I reach a point where paved road hits gravel trail. Once you reach that point of the ride...it is like you enter another world. It is more wilderness and leaves society far behind. I go nice and slow...so that I don't over do it.

 

This is my little getaway really...a sanctuary of sorts. I sit out there; this is the spot where I find a bit of peace. My mind stops thinking or ruminating here. The little creek and the soft cascasding sounds it makes calms my anxious thoughts. The best part is for the past few rides; there have been deers that actually wander into view. I have seen a buck and a doe. Another few days later there was a doe and its fawn. While today I almost rode straight into a doe, as it was walking out of the woodland. Those moments brings a bit of relief and thoughts that life will be OK and that whatever we go through...it is worth it, to continue seeing nature in all its glory.

 

No cheaters bike...I shift gears where I don't have strength and though it is pretty level trails; we do have a few big uphills. Unforunately I might actually need a motor, if this fatigue continues to get any worse. Strange isn't it, a few months ago before tapering, I was speeding along on the highest gear and now I am struggling and gearing down constantly. I shouldn't complain though...the weather is great...the air is cool and this is the nicest summer that we have been having. It's well worth it.

 

Thanks for your encouragement. It means a lot to me.

 

I wish you the best. Continued success in your taper.

 

 

[[St...]]

Hi Kelly, I'm glad to see you doing so well in your taper, and half way there!  

 

I got those eye floaters too, they were really annoying but they've pretty much cleared up now. I've heard other buddies talk about them too so it must be another wonderful withdrawal symptom.  

[[Ma...]]

Kelly,

 

I was reading through these posts and you have certainly come a long way!! thats great man   Even though I finished my taper at the beginning of June, your posts give me hope!  I have been having some major ups and downs. The past few days have been rough and I have been reading all the postive things I can find, and I really enjoy reading your progress. Keep up the great work my friend! You are sooo close to being FREE!  GREAT JOB!

[[ok...]]

Susie,

 

Thanks for being my buddy.  I always enjoy reading your posts.

 

So have you started to adjust to the V yet?  I know you are doing the right thing and that life will bring you much joy when you make it through this.  Heck, it might even throw you a scrap of joy every once in a while just to confuse you.

 

I am so sorry to hear that you had such a terrible loss in the past.  I understand why you accepted the K from you doctor.  What I don't understand is why he gave you more that two weeks worth since that is about all that should be prescribed to avoid addiction.  I am still trying to figure that out from my doctor as well.  He gave me 30 .5mg then in a couple weeks he gave me 60 1.0mg.  I am long past harboring resentment but it still puzzles me.

 

Today has been a difficult day for me.  My only escape during the days and nights has been to get on my computer.  Now with this eye floater stuff every time I shift my eyes or move my head I see them dang things floating across my eye and making things blurry.  I can feel it causing stress in my body from continually dealing with it.  But I hear they may very well go away one day and that helps.

 

So glad to hear from you and I look forward to watching you take your life back.

 

Warmest regards.

 

Kelly

[[ok...]]

Mark22,

 

So good to hear from you again.  I remember back when you were down to 3.5mg back in May.  I am so glad to hear that you finally finished your taper in June.  I have just decided that all lingering symptoms go away within the first month being free.  So you can expect a clean bill of health shortly, or your money back. 

 

There are so many things that we can choose to worry about.  I am so tired of that.  Each night when I finally fall into bed I expect the next day to be smooth.  I have gotten pretty good at shutting my mind off except every now and then when I just don't seem to have any control over it.

 

Now that I am over half way I just keep doing the same thing every day and it seems to work.  My life has slowed down to a crawl but I know I will really appreciate everything so much more when I am back on top.

 

Please keep in touch.  May the force be with you.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[ok...]]

Travuz,

 

Hope all is well with you today.  I read your story about your bike path, the stream and the deer.  You have such a good knack with writing.  I felt like I was there and could feel the cool breeze and hear the gurgling stream.  It's always good to see smiling faces isn't it.  I was walking my dog Dudley the other day.  He is a puggle, half beagle and half puggle.  A little boy was peddling towards me on the sidewalk and he couldn't have been more that five or six.  He stopped in front of me, put down his kickstand, took off his huge helmet and got down on one knee to pet Dudley.  He was so sweet and pure.  He also has a puggle and he wanted to tell me all about it.  He had a bit of a stutter but he was able to get out the work rambunctious in describing puggles.  He was off in a flash but it was a moment of realness that left me with great joy.

 

Keeping myself so isolated most of the time it is good to start getting out and watching as life continues to go by.  Keep riding that bike and looking for smiles.

 

I hope this day finds you symptom free and happy.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[ok...]]

Star104,

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement about the floaters.  I had one a few years ago that was so large I couldn't bear it.  Ended up flying to Virginia for a risky laser treatment to blow it up and help dissipate it.  Because I suffered for about a year with almost constant blurry vision in one eye the fact that I have another floater issue hits a raw nerve.  It's like, ok universe, good move, you've made a painful situation worse.

 

Fortunately, the floaters bothering me now are not as bad as the other one and I expect it to go away just like you said.  Sometimes a little hope can go a long way towards making things more bearable.  I have heard that sometimes they will settle below the line of vision.  That's cool with me.

 

Hope you are doing well and thank you again for your kind words.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

Hi Kelly

 

Today was not a good day. I got smacked upside the head with that real dark depression and palpitations. It's been a day filled with a lot of tears and asking the usual questions to the Big Guy up above...why me? I woke up ruminating right of the bat, filled with this anger, hatred and resentment that I just could not shake. It's been a real challenging day today. Had to run out of the house to get some air, but even the bike ride; it accomplished nothing. The depression was sticking onto me and no matter what I did...it would not let go of my tired mind. Today my ride was filled with grumpy old people and loud, obnoxious teens who were wrecking signs, and breaking saplings. Funny how when I am down...the weather is not so great, people all look unhappy and the kids I come across...need a good lesson in manners or a swift kick.

 

Thank you for the compliment about my writing. It's funny that I can write so much but when it comes to talking...I never know what to say or it sounds forced and contrived.

 

I must say it does make my day...whenever I see a smiling face; just wish it was me who could smile. I forgot what that feels like. Whenever I look in the mirror, all I see is this tired, weary, broken wreck of a men with a frown frozen on my face...though I must say, I do have a great tan because of all this biking.

 

Thank you for your wishes. They mean a lot.

 

Hope you continue to be well and that you are never visited by the spirit of depression.

 

[[ok...]]

Travuz,

 

It is good to hear from you, even though you are in pain.  I am hoping that the few moments that we spend communicating with one another keeps us from feeling so bad.  I am visited by the spirit of depression of a regular basis.  He is never welcome but sometimes just walks in.

 

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling.  Your honesty is appreciated.  Your day sucked plain and simple.  Let's hope tomorrow is better OK?

 

May you sleep well.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

Thank you Kelly

 

Yes the spirit of depression...anger and resentment. I am told those are the three spirits that bypassed Scrooge and somehow made their way to our doorways. What lessons we learn from them...I do not know, but I pray they are good things. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...right?

 

Sleep well my friend. You are far to kind.

 

I will pray that you come off these toxic substances much stronger, more healthier, and that forevermore, life will only bring you and all of yours much happiness.

 

You are at the home stretch...I know you can do this.

[[ok...]]

Just wanted to check in.  Had a rough couple days but today seems a little better.  I am currently at 23mgs of clonazepam and have reduced my .5mg dose by 54%.  Things feel a little more difficult now that I am below .25mg but it could just be the ups and downs of withdrawal (i hope so)!

 

Done a lot of reading on the site tonight and came across two threads that made me feel better.  One thread was buddies listing their withdrawal symptoms.  Some of these lists were very long and scary.  I am thankful that I only suffer a handful of symptoms.  Makes me believe I may have an easier time with it.

 

Also read a thread by cherokeerose from a couple years ago where she chronicled her 3 week taper from Ambien.  She kicked the A's butt and seemed to come out on the other side without too much trouble.  Gives me hope for the future.  Sometimes hope goes a long way towards making this journey a little easier.

 

Hope you all have a good night and an easy day tomorrow.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[Guest [my...]]

Hi Kelly,

Just reading your thread.  I liked your story about you and Dudley and the little boy.  would love to get back to the simple things like that that make you feel good inside.  But I'm still very very numb inside.  I do the same thing you guys do.  I try to stay up at night so I can sleep my mornings off.  sometimes I can't though because of the anxiety. 

 

I am coming off 1 mg of K.  I use a  200 ml. cylinder and remove a ml. everyday.  I saw where you said 1 ml of k is removing .1 of k everyday. so I guess that is what I am doing. I never thought about it like that.  I'm NO good with math. so they helped me.  Some people on here suggested this for me.  By using 200 mls instead of 100 they said it would keep me under a certain percentage.  at least under 10.  but they say once near the end percentages don't even matter anymore. Supposed to take me 200 days, If I don't lose my mind before then. 

 

I'm sorry to hear about your floaters.  Especially since you had that cleared up at one time.  It sounds like you are doing pretty good.  I hope it stays that way for you.

 

Sincerely,

Mamie

[[ok...]]

Happy 4th of July to everyone!

 

I just finished week seven, have cut 70% of my dose and am right now at 15mgs.  Symptoms seem go wax and wane.  Been keeping very busy doing some manual labor for the past couple days.  It feels good to at least accomplish something.

 

Three more weeks to go!  I am so ready to be done with this crap.  Each time I take a dose now it makes my symptoms worse.  Tempting to just jump but I don't want to have any regrets.  I am going to proceed according to plan.

 

My wife and daughter have decided a family vacation to San Francisco is in order.  I had to let them know they are going to have to go without me.  I am just not prepared to be too far from my comfort zone.  I am going to be very lonely when they are gone.

 

That's it for now.  Have a safe holiday.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

[[tr...]]

Happy 4th of July...Kelly

 

You're almost there...the finish line is still way over the horizon...but you are almost there. You can just taste victory.

 

I think it's wise to take it slow, as this crap can cause untold misery. Jumping off to early, it is not worth the aggravation or the increased sx that come along for the ride. Weird isn't it, that as we decrease our dosages...the w/d and sx grow in strength. I am "overjoyed" for you but at the same time I thoroughly envy you because of the fact you are almost off this sorry excuse for a medicine. Take it slow and easy my friend...I don't want to find you posting something along the lines...where you lost patience...went too quick, and that you are suffering excessively.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going to spend this holiday alone. This drug continues to find ways to take away the joy in life, ruin the small moments we have with family, just to make our days that much more miserable. I had to do the same...though my brother in law invited me to his chalet near Georgian Bay, I began to obssess about everything that might go wrong, the sx and finally my dosages. By the end I was so exasperated, I decided it best that I stay at home...close to my comfort zone, and so that I didn't end up ruining their plans. It's a crappy way to spend the festivities...alone with nothing to do. But on the plus side...once this is over...you can make up for all the time we lost.

 

Make sure that you enjoy this time anyway. Though your family is not there with you physically...they will always be in your heart. You have a reason to fire off fireworks of your own...you are at 70%...celebrate this achievement. Enjoy a refreshing glass of cold lemonade...without sugar of course, have a small barbecue..play some music...hold a ceremony to your freedom. Independence Day...marks a countdown, where this will soon end for you. You will soon enough gain your own idependence...free from tapering this horrifc medicine and free to enjoy life again as a whole person...with your wife and child. Cheers to you and all those you love. May you find the means to enjoy this day, and continue your fight...to a victorious day of Independence from Clonazepam.

[[te...]]

Travuz: I love what you wrote to Kelly You guys are "da bomb!"...wonderful support! T2

[[ok...]]

Travuz,

 

Thanks for your 4th of July message.  You really lifted my spirits.  Sorry so long is responding.  I have been working with my next door neighbor for the past week and yesterday went out a did a home renovation job with him.  We went out and installed safety rails on the staircase and in all the restrooms for a couple in their mid-'80s.  The husband had just returned from the hospital after recovering from a fractured hip.  Since we had to custom-make the stairwell railings the job took us about 12 hours. 

 

It was a little bit difficult spending the entire day in that environment.  Day nurse, sickness, alzheimers and a very sweet couple rounding the last turn in their lives.  Made me realize how fortunate I am to be younger and healthier.  Even their sweet cocker spaniel was old and only had one eye.  The husband was an engineer at Rockwell for most of his life and was an ardent sailor.  Now he's struggling to even get up and walk.

 

12 hours was a long time to be pushing myself.  At the end of the day I was pretty miserable and run down.  This morning I woke up feeling like I have caught another cold and have felt like crap all day.  I tried laying down mid-day but felt like I was always on the edge of a panic attack.  I laid there and just concentrated on the sound of the fan in the room.  Finally got up to get something to eat and have made my way to my computer.  Today I am at .121 mg and have cut my dose by 75%.  I had a good three or four days around the holiday but I think today has been my hardest day of my taper.  I pray tomorrow will be better.

 

Thank you for all your kindness,

 

Your friend, Kelly

 

T2,

 

Travuz and I have gotten a lot of support from each other.  Good to hear from you again.  I hope your taper is going well.

 

 

[[tr...]]

Hey Kelly

 

It's good to see that you are up and around, and that you've progressed so far in your tapering. I am glad you kept yourself busy and distracted by helping your neighbour. I think during these trying times that is very important. Plus you get those feel good endorphins pumping...you give them a little workout...by doing something positive, and by giving yourself purpose; you're not sitting at home where you have so much time to think, ruminate or feel sorry for yourself. That pretty much all I did these past few days.

 

I know it must have been difficult, but you should look at the positive...you did something for people who can't escape their lot in life. They can't taper off of this destructive malady. My grandma had dementia; before she died she barely knew who some of us where. She would hod my hand when I talked to her...sometimes she petted my hand. I thinks she did recognize me because she would only do that with my mum and I. She would never do the same with her other daughters. So I know how difficult that can be...but you've been a great help to those poor unfortunate souls...I am proud of you. You rolled with the punches, and you did a job well done...what more can we ask from one of our own. Even though you were not in the best of health...you cared enough to help those in need. Be proud...you still have a good heart. These drugs did not destroy your inherent, good qualities.

 

I hope you feel better today...I also have to apologize for not responding. I made my latest cut, which has brought on a few new sx's I wasn't prepared for. During the night, my muscles began to twitch, while my feet...it felt like there were worms crawling from the inside ofmy skin. As I touched the bottom of my feet, I could feel this weird sense of quick rippling...obviously my muscles were undulating...creepy none the less. Burning started up...left eye twitched, but the worst was my mind. I cannot explain the sensation...there was a pounding of sorts, a loud sound of hooves within my skull and this strange wavy like feeling...something going in and out...in and out. It took every effort not to freak out. I lay their with my eyes closed and refused to open them. Then depression hit hard again...I've been crying a lot these past 4 days. Of course there is this ever pervading rage. It takes even more effort to control this anger or to focus. And two more people I trusted backstabbed me and my family...so I continue to feel like this streak of bad luck will never come to an end.

 

Take it easier in the next few days. Try to get some rest. Certainly, do whatever you can to keep yourself busy; but 12 hours of labouring under such stressful situations...it sounds like you did over extended yourself. That's OK though...it was the right thing to do. You aided those people, who cannot get around by themselves. Then get yourself some good hot soup...a bone broth is the best medicine for whatever ails you, plus there is no need to worry about side effects, w/d or sx. It does wonders for me. It just tastes good and warms over your tired soul. I had a cold several weeks ago...helped me a great deal and it's easy on the GI, and I felt a bit more energetic.  I am sorry to hear that your taper has become more difficult...it does get worse as we taper more and more. I've been told and I still cannot believe that the more we take off...the worse things get. Be strong...just hold on and don't let yourself be dissuaded. You are near to the prize...this is almost over, and then the other meds will follow. From then on in...you WILL heal, and you will regain the life we are all reaching out for. Take good care of yourself. I hope you are better. I continue to pray for you.

 

Please do take care of yourself.

Your friend Travuz.