Please, Someone,

[[Pa...]]

Hi xenofears,

 

It sounds like you already know what you want to do, no daily reductions in a two week time frame.  Honestly, if you want to get off of the drug this quickly, it doesn't really matter how you do it, you're going to hurt no matter which you choose.  This is truly the rock and the hard place, and neither one of them is going to be comfortable.  I'm glad I quit cold turkey, this decision making while we're so compromised is torture.

[[xe...]]

Hi xenofears,

 

It sounds like you already know what you want to do, no daily reductions in a two week time frame.  Honestly, if you want to get off of the drug this quickly, it doesn't really matter how you do it, you're going to hurt no matter which you choose.  This is truly the rock and the hard place, and neither one of them is going to be comfortable.  I'm glad I quit cold turkey, this decision making while we're so compromised is torture.

 

Yeah, Pamster, I feel completely crazy today and unable to make a rational decision. Yesterday was a horrible physical day, toDAY is mentally looney bin stuff. I paced around this decision back and forth in my head a million times today. It would be easier on me stress wise if I didn't have to worry about what the other people in my life think, my gf and the friends I've made on here and could just make the decision for myself alone and not care what anyone else thinks.

 

I'm really convinced at this point you are going to suffer getting off this stuff if you are meant to no matter what you do.. there is no easy way. I'm done trying to figure it out. I just really want the peace of mind of being benzo free while I'm insane at this point. Hopefully my gf will agree tonight, we'll talk about it.

 

Thanks all of you.

 

EDIT: Typo.

[[xe...]]

Ok so Pamster, anyone else, you think a two week taper of the rest of the K would be worthless, I'm going to wind up suffering the same amount in the end either way?

[[Pa...]]

Yes, I feel like you're going to hurt no matter how you do this.  I know there's no scientific evidence that those who stop and start benzo's many times suffer worse than those who don't, but from what I've seen here, I have to wonder.  Talk it over with your girlfriend, then make your decision, this is your life, and we'll support you no matter what you decide, that's what we do. 

[Guest [CM...]]

Peter,

My advice is to NOT make a decision in a wave, but that's just my opinion.

I support you no matter what......

Reading this thread, I'm not quite sure what you've decided today one way or another, but I do know that you're hurting. I can hear it, I can feel it P. I just want to see you well, I want to see all of us well. There's no easy way, no guarantees, it's all a guessing game. Go with what YOUR intuition tells you OK. Speak to E about it and make a decision together. As much as we are suffering, those who love us suffer as well. Maybe get thru today, because that's what we do in withdrawal, we make it thru today. I have a feeling that you're going to get some much needed rest tonight. Evaluate tomorrow with a clear head.

I support you no matter what.....

Red candle, set the intention tonight Peter before bed.

I support you no matter what....

Be well,

x Melo

[[...]]

hey,

 

nice talking with you today in chat.  you can do it! 

[[xe...]]

My intuition is telling me that I'm SO unstable I'm just further teasing my brain by continuing to dose at this point, and might even take longer to heal up if I continue doing this.

 

Nearly certain I'm jumping and I already took my last dose. Need to talk it over to be sure of course.

 

I'd actually rather jump on a day that begins well then a day that begins bad...

 

Christine... I know you don't want to see me suffer... we'll talk soon.

 

Thanks Leslie!

[[Kc...]]

You go Xeno, benzo warrior! I support you no matter what path you choose. I agree with Pam. I'm sure you'll get some slack around the forum if you choose to jump, but don't let them get to you, this is you're choice and what works for some doesn't work for others. I personally wish I had of done a faster taper, I feel I prolonged the agony at the end trying to make sloppy cut's. I finally jumped at .125 and some people consider that a ct but I disagree.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Peter,

 

I just saw your thread and read through it, and want to send good wishes your way: for your decision, and for your healing...

 

Warm regards,

 

Grace S~

 

 

[[dr...]]

Xenofears:

 

Whichever path you choose, you will heal either way.  Feel better.

 

Draftsman

[[mi...]]

I'm at <0.35mg K. I had jumped off 3mg, made it a month, and reinstated at 1mg.

 

The past week has been absolutely brutal. The past few days have been as bad as the worst c/t moments. I've only slept a handful of awful hours in 2 days.

 

I feel like I am just slightly teasing my brain by continuing to taper at this point. Marlene thinks I should jump. Most other people say "noo!!! never stop tapering!"

 

I really am ready to say goodbye.

 

Please, someone, tell me you think it's the right thing to do.

 

Xenofears this is mishi.... I feel for you so much...I want to jump so bad myself...We suffer while we are tapering and then after what is the point of all of this.  You are my friend.  I want you to be well.  You are there for me.  I am there for you.  I just started titration xenofear at 1.5  after 3 days of it I feel horrible.    Jumping now sounds good but I know what the consequences are.  What do we do....Be well and take care of yourself

[[xe...]]

Thanks Mishi...

 

So I'm sent into horrid w/d again, mostly physical again this time. Possibly because I drank a shake made up of ice cream, peanut butter, and ensure in a desperate attempt to gain weight, who knows.

 

My gf is on board, she really just doesn't want to see me suffer. I'm ready to jump. But quite frankly, I'm terrified right now of the even worse agony that awaits me, that is going to be even worse than my first c/t from a much higher dose (unless, well, I get super lucky and the w/d from jumping now isn't all that different than the worst I experience on a daily basis.) I know there is absolutely no going back no matter how much agony I am in. But, well, that's how this stuff goes. Final decision in the morning, feel free to drop any final thoughts.

[[Cr...]]

I wish I knew what you were in for... but I do feel that even if the sxs do get a lot worse when you jump that this time you will get past it and make it out on the other side.  You jumped off at 3mgs and lasted 3 weeks?  My gut tells me that your sxs will get worse within the first couple of weeks... but not as progressively worse as they did when you jumped from the higher dose.  This could be something you thank yourself for doing in a month or two from now... or it could be something you wanna kick yourself for doing (except you won't reinstate). 

 

So I guess.. jump or at least commit to 1 or 2 more reductions with a definite jump-off date in mind.  I really hope whatever you choose turns out to be the best for you symptom-wise.

[Guest [CM...]]

Ok Peter,

I'm getting ready for bed and saw your last post.

I wanted to wish you and E a wonderful night.

Please try to get some rest, just tell yourself that you don't need to make a decision until tomorrow.....so need need to dwell anymore tonight. In Benzo Land we just have to be thankful

that we've made it thru another day.... Here we all are, still breathing, and with any luck the anxiety of the day has burned off.  

 

Give your mind a little rest... You'll know what to do tomorrow.

Be well

Melo x  

[[sa...]]

Peter,

Hope its ok to use your name even though I don't know you..... you are in my thoughts tonight.

I have thought of you often since reading your posts.

 

I wish you the best on the rest of your journey.

I hope healing is quick to come.

 

 

[[xe...]]

Guess what I have right now?? TINNITUS! I have NEVER had Tinnitus! It's mild but.. gahh!

 

I would say that I am benzo-free today, but I slept (very badly) by an open window, and my throat hurts a little.. want to make sure I'm not sick. You'll find out soon.

 

Yeah, Crono (thanks for your advice, I miss seeing your wisdom in chat, you are a smart guy,) I can only hope I'm feeling this bad because I fast-forwarded the w/d a bit...

[[Mi...]]

Hi Xeno.

 

I see you jumped off but then reinstated.

 

How are you feeling?

[[xe...]]

I only made it like 8 hours (past my 24 hour normal dosing point)... the vomiting I never had before would have probably killed me, I'm already on death's door with my weight. So I didn't really jump and reinstate more than just had a taste and ran while I could, as I knew if I kept waiting I could not reinstate.

 

I'm holding at .34mg for like a week hoping for some improvement before continuing slower. I think there is some, but it's really hard to tell in this state, the gf says I seem a bit better.

 

It's absolutely impossible for me to believe how jumping off .34mg can be so much worse than jumping off 3mg. But it was, without a doubt. There was no distracting myself out of the acute of what I was experiencing, during the 3mg c/t I could pull it off most of the time.

 

Please, however you go about getting off this stuff the first time, stick with it, it only gets worse the next time....

 

Thanks Missy...

[[ve...]]

Hi Peter.   I hope you get some relief soon.  I think you've made the best decision you can.

 

Hang in there,

 

Vertigo

[[Cr...]]

We will all support your decision.  At least you were able to test the waters a little bit.  Maybe once you get a little lower on your dose the water will be a little bit warmer when you jump.  And I definitely know what you mean about the 2nd time being the hardest.  I didn't really taper the first time but I managed.  Once I got benzos back in my system again I had much more horrible mental symptoms as well as practically no appetite for several weeks shortly after stopping.  I know Missy had a decent first taper and a horrible 2nd taper    

[[ve...]]

I had very undesirable symptoms off my c/t.  The taper was better even though there were points during it that I could pull out my hair.  No comparison to the first time and intensity of symptoms although there were points in the taper where I had to hold for fear of things going down hill from there.  I think it's the difference between buggers and vomit.  Both suck but which would you rather eat?  I'd take the buggers even though the  might make me wanna throw up .

 

V

[[Mi...]]

 

It's absolutely impossible for me to believe how jumping off .34mg can be so much worse than jumping off 3mg. But it was, without a doubt. There was no distracting myself out of the acute of what I was experiencing, during the 3mg c/t I could pull it off most of the time.

 

 

It boggles the mind, doesn't it?

 

I'm sorry you felt so horrid and I hope today is much better for you.

[[xe...]]

Wow this topic really got buried. I almost couldn't find it.

 

I'm surprised no one suggested holding. It worked... along with splitting my doses up throughout the day... certainly can't say I'm wonderful, but well enough to continue with daily reductions at a slower pace, which I began yesterday. Unfortunately, sleep has not really come back, I'm still only sleeping a few hours a night and laying in bed in terror for at least a few hours before giving up and getting out of bed.

 

I held on for DEAR LIFE not to updose the past two weeks, and I'm really glad I did and proud of myself. That most certainly rose to the level of acute w/d... while taking the drug! Absurd.

 

Much of this thread was a lot like "you don't know what c/t is like"... trust me, to all you c/t folks, you taper too fast, your symptoms can be just as severe as a c/t. I can say this having done both. In fact, I would go out and say -- if you gotta c/t, you gotta do what you gotta do, if you know what you are in for and are absolutely determined to get off these drugs -- I certainly wish I stuck out my c/t that's for sure, BUT, a rapid taper, seems to have even worse results to me from all I've seen on these forums.

 

The only sx's that I didn't have in the past 2 weeks that I had from c/t was severe hyperreflexia and full-on panic. Some other sx's were even worse!

[[Kc...]]

Hi xeno...I'm so glad you've found yourself some type of a balance in you're taper. It can be really hard to figure out what works best for you with all the competing theories around benzo WD. It's such an individual process that takes some trial and error it seems for most. I'm so glad you're feeling a little bit better and have found a way that's works for you, those acute type symptoms are pure hell to go through I remember them well. You should be really proud of yourself and what you've managed to go through so far, a true benzo warrior you've tested the waters and found you're way. I hope that the rest of you're taper continues in this less severe fashion and that you continue to heal without being shot back into those horrific ct type and acute symptoms. I'm really glad you've found a way that is easier then what you were going through before, I was worried for you.

[[ca...]]

Glad you are feeling a little better Xeno and making progress on your taper. It absolutely is an individual process and what works for one person may not work for another. Just listen to your body and take it at your own pace, hang in there.