I'm so scared

[[Lu...]]

Thank you buddies. I'm for a shower of cold and warm water on my feet and then going to bed and breathe myself to sleep. Anything to get into tomorrow hoping I feel better.

[[Lu...]]

It's another day for me and extreme anxiety is back but I just had a cup of Chamomile tea and re-read the entire eight pages of your encouragements and suggestions. That was a booster shot. it looks like I'm going to have anxiety for a while so I'll try to accept what is. I try to do what each of you suggests to me and they are keeping me off the wine as well as from reinstated medication. Why is the anxiety so much worse in the morning as I don' t have low blood sugar. What causes the burning arms and what can be done for that? But what worries me the most is I'm so scared that taking this stuff for longer than anybody in this forum, 42 years, am I not going to get better? Could the administrators tell me has anyone recovered after 40 years or longer? Please stay with me, you're helping.

[[do...]]

Ive been on clonazepam for 7 months. dosage between 6-2 mg daily.

 

I feel mad on this thing. So after 40 years I can only imagine.

 

I pray for us all and this Thursday when i go deliver food to the homeless at my church, i will ask my pastor and church congregation to pray for us all. All of us. This stuff is bad..... so bad.

 

There is always light for those of us who seek it bad enough.

 

Giving up never helped a soul.

[[Ho...]]

Lucy,

 

While we wait for to get an answer to your question about the length of time you've been on the benzos, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. You're working so hard. Keep doing anything that helps.

[[Lu...]]

Hope, ( I love that name ) sounds optimistic like you are. I need encouragement so much today. I almost can not stand this ANXIETY!  I have trouble with meditation. It's too boring when my my body just wants to go, go, go and then I get more hyper from going and going. At my age, it should be a blessing to keep going but this is ridiculous.

[[Ho...]]

Hope..I could use a distraction today. I'm pretty good at researching things on the net. Let me see if I can find info for you about being on benzos for 40 years and how the w/ds go for others. I'll get back as soon as I learn something.

[[Ho...]]

I know you must have heard of the Ashton manual. It's sort of the bible of benzo withdrawal.  Dr. Ashton says that even long term users (more than 20 years) feel better when they come off them. She's never known any of her patients, and she's had thousands, to stay in withdrawal forever. The duration for long term users can be anywhere from 6 months to 18 months. The longer you've been on them the longer it will take your brain to get accustom to not having them. But it WILL heal. There are people who have only been on benzos for 9 weeks that have a really hard and long withdrawal. And others who have been on them for well over 20 years that don't have any trouble at all.

 

The bottom line is everyone is different. Expect that these symptoms will go on from anywhere between 6 months and 18 months...but as each month goes by they will get better. You will have windows of time when you feel more like your old self..like when you drove home after dropping your husband off at work.

 

Look for these windows. They may only last 20 minutes but the fact that they are there is a sign your brain is healing.

 

Remember...Dr Ashton has treated hundreds (maybe thousands)  of people and none have been in withdrawal forever. The brain always heals itself. It just may take more time because you were on them for so long. Even the elderly, one woman was 80 and had been on them longer than you I think, and came through withdrawals fine. It took time but she says it was well worth it.

 

Lucy...I CAN tell you this from what I've been experiencing in the days I've been in withdrawal....your own anxiety will make your symptoms appear magnified. I suggest you try to ignore the symptoms (they are just your brain rewiring itself) and concentrate on lessening your anxiety with the anxiety management info from this thread. Read it every day if you have to. You said it helped to read it again..so read it as often as you need to.

 

And you'll be seeing the new alternative doctor...there is some hope right there.

 

I wish you could get a regular therapist. I think you need cognitive therapy. I was very depressed and anxious 15 years ago and eventually found a therapist who taught me cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy is all about putting things into perspective. Like when I say to remember that the sensations you're feeling are only sensations and can't hurt you....that's cognitive therapy. It took me about 16 weeks to learn and it changed my life. It changed the way I think.

 

In the mean time....read the success stories here on benzobuddies, read this thread over and over. Read the anxiety boards. Try to be still and concentrate on your breath twice a day as I suggested in an earlier message.

 

Hold on Lucy. You're going to get through this and you'll be so proud of yourself.

 

 

[[ki...]]

Hi Lucy,

 

Congratulations on deciding to come off the benzos! I came across your post today and read a little of it.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with anxiety. My anxiety spiked too recently, so I'd thought I'd share what I do if I get really uncomfortable with anxiety.

I meditate in the bathtub laying down with my ears underwater. Let the water go into your ears and relax there and listen to your breathing. You may also hear your heartbeat. Relax and be mindful of your breathing, and listen to your heartbeat. I find myself becoming more relaxed with each breathe. After you get use to doing this in the tub, you may find it easy to do laying down on the bed or sitting in a chair.

Don't put too much water in the tub where it will cover your mouth or nostrils. Be very careful getting in and out of the tub.

 

I was on benzos, probably over 25 years and I understand your concern with how that will affect your taper.

I think worrying about it, is going to be the biggest hurdle.

 

I see Hope is giving you alot of wise advice. I currently see a therapist once every two weeks.

She is sympathetic and helps me understand that this is a process.

She gives me alot of advice and puts things in perspective, and just lets me know I am where I should be and things will keep improving!

 

Although I'm not where I want to be, I thank God I'm not where I use to be!!

 

Wishing you healing, peace and rest...

Kim

[[Lu...]]

Dear Hope and Simba, Thank you, Thank you. I will try the tub thing tonight then I will try it before sleep on the bed.  I also downloaded a free  7 minute breathing meditation on my iPad but like I said before, as of now I' m too hyper to follow it good. I'll keep trying. But my anxiety has become a runaway train 24/7 . I still have to wait until April 28th to see the new internal medicine/ alternative doctor and I'll ask her for a therapist. I' m petrified to see the one that wanted to give my risperidol just because I couldn't sleep. Could I be reading too much of these scary stories of the others asking for help here? I feel my anxiety is getting out of hand. Please continue to help me no matter how repetitive you have to be.

[[Ho...]]

Even for those who aren't particularly anxious beginning any sort of meditation program is difficult, Lucy. It takes practice. Try every day and you will find that it gets easier as the days and weeks go on. Don't give up on it.

 

Still here,

 

Hope

[[Ta...]]

Hey Lucy,

I've been working on learning to meditate for a few weeks now, and I agree with Hope, it takes a while to get the hang of it. Even then, there are many times I'm just too keyed up to do it. At those times, I listen to a guided meditation, like a 'body scan'. I even just like listening to audio tapes about anxiety or learning to meditate. Listening to the rhythm of someones voice on your headphones helps you focus on something other than how crappy you feel. I like Bodhipaksa best.

But keep working at the meditation a little every day. I figure it will be a handy thing to know even when I'm all better.

-Tanya

[[Lu...]]

I still can not do meditation. I went on uTube and followed a guided one and I always get so far into relaxation and I get jolted awake. It scares the daylights out of me. I also did the breathing thing numerous times and I just feel the same anxiety when I get done. It's so frustrating. Everyone else seems to relax doing these. Why can't I. Does being 5 1/2 weeks off benzos make it harder? Since I take melatonin at night to sleep and it does help, can I take it during the day to relax as well? Chamomile tea doesn't help.

[[Ho...]]

Lucy,

 

First of all...not everyone relaxes with they meditate. I don't yet. That's why I say I "practice" meditation. It's all a learning process.

 

I understand the feeling you're talking about. That feeling of being jolted awake. It's frightening. You might want to try something that wont actually make you fall asleep. I used something on my iPod. It's Tibetan singing bowls. They make a lovely sound and you focus on that sound. You concentrate on the sound. It's hard to fall asleep when you're focusing on a sound but it will still give you the benefits you seek. It will take you away from your concerns and run-away thoughts..even just for a little while. But don't expect it's going to cause your anxiety to go away. It's just one process that will take time. Unfortunately, all this takes time, Lucy..which sucks when you feel so horrible.

 

So, just go on youtube and search "Tibetan singing bowls meditation". Don't try to meditate to them the first time...just watch and listen and don't expect so much of yourself, Lucy. I know you're anxious to feel better. We all are. That's why we come here because we know it's going to take time and in that time we can count on each other for support.

 

Always here,

 

Hope

[[Ho...]]

How are you doing today, Lucy?

[[Lu...]]

Thanks Hope for checking up on me. How are you doing??? I  had a bad day yesterday because of family stresses so this when I woke before 5 a.m. I went outside to watch the sunrise, I felt relatively calm for about a half hour or so before the anxiety came back. I felt so good and I pray it was a "window" and not because I was alone. I think I understanding that in withdrawal, my reaction to things is escalated enormously therefore the least little aggravation will bother me A LOT. Yesterday I freaked out and I feel a bit stupid about it now but it was if I could't control my reaction. I hope I calm down soon.

[[Ho...]]

I'm finding that too Lucy. I cry more easily at the moment and stress feels much more stressful as well.

 

I'm so glad you watched the sunrise and to feel calm for an hour is wonderful! I'm willing to be that was a window. I find being in nature is very powerful. Watching something as beautiful as a sunrise or even sitting under a beautiful tree is very relaxing and spiritual.

 

I have a lake behind where I live and I love to walk around it. Later in the summer there are the most gorgeous waterlilies that grow there. Every year there are more and there are wild roses. ~sigh~ I find that is very relaxing. I look at everything. Things seem to change at the lake every day. It is my favourite place to be.

 

If you can keep making the effort to see things that inspire awe in you, I think that could be very powerful.

 

 

I got your message this morning. Thanks for writing, Lucy. I have such a good feeling. I truly think things are on the mend for you. Just remember things never get better in a straight line. Two steps forward and one step back still gets you to the end.

 

Hope

[[Ta...]]

Hi,

I totally agree with you Hope about the healing power of nature. I have a large front window and I would spend hours lying on the couch watching the tree in front of our house. It was soothing.

I think being able to cry is a good sign of healing. After my last cut, it was a good month before it even occurred to me to cry.

You guys are doing great!

-Tanya