I'm so scared

[[Ta...]]

Hey Lucy,

try listening to this;

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=13549.0

If you like this kind of guided meditation, there is a wide selection available on itunes or amazon. I would recommend anything by Bodhipaksa. You might want to listen to an audio book by Claire Weekes (Pass Through Panic), that helped me a lot in the early days. I listened to it until I had fully internalized it.

I played a lot of solitaire the first month as well as this free website for puzzles;

http://www.digitalpuzzle.net/

Don't forget to eat healthy and regularly. Drink LOTS of fluids.

-Tanya

[[Lu...]]

I try to eat good but I don't drink enough fluids. My tension is causing muscle spasms just about everywhere. My throat muscles are tight and it's causing difficulty swallowing. I Was checked out for this and everything is ok. Just TENSION!!! But oh such misery. Can't even write. I do have the cd version

Pass Through the Panic but it doesn't help much because I can't apply it. I have such low self esteem that I just don't want anyone to see me like this. I fear everything, people, nighttime, my terrible symptoms, going out of the house.... I will look up the relaxation tapes by Bodhipaksa. Something has got to click. I never mentioned this before but something happened the first time I saw the LPN therapist. My husband drove me because I haven't been driving but time was short and I had to drop him off at work and drive home. For some reason I was feeling really good and did it fine. But that night, all the fear came back. Am I doing this to myself? Thanks for all the help!

[[Ta...]]

It's not you Lucy, it's the withdrawals. There are mental side effects as well as physical. I still deal with fear. Usually something about my health. When I have a window where my symptoms abate, I can see how silly these fears are. So I know they are from the withdrawals. But they feel very real. Just know that it isn't you, and it will go away just like the physical stuff.

I still have throat tension. It is such a drag, but you actually do get used to it. It comes and goes now, and someday it will just not be there anymore. Don't let it stop you from eating well though. It's important to keep those nutrients coming in. Just take smaller bites and eat a bit slower. I used to let the throat tension effect my choices of what I ate, but once I went back to eating 'normally' the tension eased up quite a bit. It was as though I was making the tension worse by catering to it.

Try drinking herbal teas, like chamomile. Fluids are just as important as eating well.

Unfortunately nothing is going to help as much as you wish it would for this first rough patch of recovery. But any little help is all good.

Here's one of my favourite quotes by another guy on this forum who has fully recovered, "If you find yourself in Hell, just keep walking".

-Tanya

[[Be...]]

I try to eat good but I don't drink enough fluids. My tension is causing muscle spasms just about everywhere. My throat muscles are tight and it's causing difficulty swallowing. I Was checked out for this and everything is ok. Just TENSION!!! But oh such misery. Can't even write. I do have the cd version

Pass Through the Panic but it doesn't help much because I can't apply it. I have such low self esteem that I just don't want anyone to see me like this. I fear everything, people, nighttime, my terrible symptoms, going out of the house.... I will look up the relaxation tapes by Bodhipaksa. Something has got to click. I never mentioned this before but something happened the first time I saw the LPN therapist. My husband drove me because I haven't been driving but time was short and I had to drop him off at work and drive home. For some reason I was feeling really good and did it fine. But that night, all the fear came back. Am I doing this to myself? Thanks for all the help!

 

Hi, Lucy.  

 

I think that in w/d, there are both physical and psychological causes for most of what we experience, including fear.  For instance, when I noticed my heart was racing and I was sweating, I could think this is fear and panic or that it's just a symptom of withdrawal and doesn't mean anything more.  Over time, I learned to counter the fearful thoughts with more positive and accepting ones and my fear almost disappeared. I still had the same physical withdrawal symptoms but I was interpretting them differently.

 

When I started tapering, the only time I would leave the house was to go to the mailbox and I only did that at night when no one would see me.  How sad is that?  I worked up to going to the grocery (still at night) and again in baby steps, started getting out more and more.  Sometimes I would be so scared when I was in the grocery store parking lot that I would just have to sit in the car and do some positive self talk.  At the beginning, I'd go in and buy one or two things and leave but it didn't take long for me to find out that I could handle being there and everything just got better from then on.  I still had the withdrawal anxiety/nervousness but I didn't interpret it as anything other than what it was: stupid withdrawal.    I came across a quote yesterday that seems to fit:  "A thought is harmless unless you believe it,"  

[[Lu...]]

Tania and Beeper, please help me now. I'm home alone. What can I do instead of calling 911 ? It's 1o'clock in Wisconsin. May I ask where are you? I wish someone was here for me!!!! I'm scared!

[[Be...]]

Hi, Lucy.

 

It's after 3 pm where I live (Florida).  It sounds like you are really wound up.  One of the threads on the Anxiety Board that I used a lot (printed it out) is here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=13001.msg180729#msg180729

 

Hope it helps.

[[Lu...]]

Beeper, I was doing a body scan relaxation cd when I got so far into relaxation that my body jumped very quickly awake. it scared me BIG TIME and I walked around the house very fast. Then I came here and you had sent the anxiety thing to me. it was a Godsend. thanks. it calm me down somewhat but I'm going to read it until....... Tonight I'm going to watch Am. idol and try to think about that....... And my BB. Please stay in touch.

[[Cr...]]

Hello Lucy,

 

I have had that problem too with deep relaxation meditation!  You get so relaxed and lost in yourself that the slightest noise can really jolt you.  Heck at one point during my cd the guy stops talking and tells me to just enjoy the sounds and feelings for a little bit.. and I do.. but then he starts talking again and it catches me off guard and I jump!

 

And that link that Beeper gave you does indeed have very helpful tips.  A lot can be hard to put into practice but if you do them long enough they do become habit.

[[Lu...]]

Crono, You quit Klonopin the same day I did, April 24th. This is a nightmare but I'm happy to have company on the same journey. I don't have a alcohol problem but my son is going through that at the same time. I know a little bit of how difficult it is by my son's struggles. He could not stop until he got picked up for DUI. He is taking Effexor for that and it seems to be helping. I really wish you well because I know the evils of both. I'm glad I got the link on anxiety.

[[Lu...]]

I'm back but I' m not much better. My anxiety has become worst. I went to see my doctor to talk about results of tests done and everything in the physical department is pretty good. No heart attack, blood work alright, CT chest scan shows no rumors, no cancer no abnormalities. But my anxiety just won't leave. The day I saw her I went home, took the rest of the day to calm down but that night I only slept two hours. Now it seems like I can't even go out of the house. I do remember that was beginning to happen even while I was on Klonopin I wake up from sleeping in a jolt, start sweating, start panicking, arms burning and it's very difficult to go back to sleep. If I do manage to, the same thing happens again. I'm beginning to fear going to bed. My husband suffers lack of sleep but I wish he wouldn't get mad at me because that makes me worse. What can I do??? I made a appointment with another internal medicine doctor that uses alternative medicine because I lost trust in the therapist that want me to take risperidol for sleep.  Now I have to put my trust in someone else and that is scary. Please BB tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes.

[[Pa...]]

Everything you describe sounds like withdrawals and if this is the case, then there isn't much another Dr can do for you, only time can help you.  I'd hesitate to take Risperidol for sleep, you know it's a drug used to treat schizophrenia, right?  Please read the Ashton manual, chapter 3 and see each of your symptoms listed there, and the explanation for why we feel them, this might help you fear less. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

 

I'd be wary of alternative medicine as well, some have found that there are remedies out there which can exacerbate the symptoms.  If you do decide to try something, only add one thing at a time so you'll know what's what if you begin to have problems.

[[Lu...]]

Thanks, Pamster, for getting back to me. This doctor is one that pushes mind/body relaxation instead of drugs.  My guard is up ever since the first therapist,a LP nurse in a psychiatrist office told me to take Risperidol. She also the same one who got me on Klonopin. Also from my doctor's reaction this week when I told her I was hurt that she had told me through care provider email, I couldn't email her office anymore with anxiety related problems, she said she never did that. Well, guess who did ? All this is increasing my anxiety because I do not know who to trust. All I want to do is FEEL BETTER and then help others do the same.

[[Pa...]]

Okay, good to hear they'll help you with mind/body relaxation, that won't have side effects at least.    I'm glad you're wary of anymore drugs in your current situation, we're so sensitive during this process, and adding more drugs is really hard on us. 

 

You sound pretty frustrated to be shut out by your Dr and I don't blame you.  The thing is, is that this is not normal anxiety, this is super anxiety caused by the drug.  I'd never felt this kind of anxiety until I became tolerant to and withdrawing from the drug given for anxiety.  What a mess! 

[[Lu...]]

If I get any good ideas to try, I'll be sure to post them. But how do I get out of the house if I get that super anxiety after I get back home and then have to fear going to bed?  It is very scary when I jolt awake from sleeping.

[[Pa...]]

I became agoraphobic and it was a struggle to go out each day when I only wanted to hide.  I don't remember thinking it was anxiety about going out, more like a dread or fear.  I dreaded going to bed because I couldn't sleep when I did and the night would stretch out forever.  I heard lots of people talking about getting jolted awake.

 

Have you checked out the anxiety board Beeper gave you the link to?

[[Lu...]]

It's morning time for me and I had a restful night but I woke scared to death. I went to the basement to exercise but I'm more hyper. I realize I'm SCARED to go out of the house. I went to get the morning newspaper from the driveway and I barely made it there and back. HELP! HELP! HELP! What is wrong with me? I don't want pills to run my life.

[[Pa...]]

It's not you, it's the drug and all of these symptoms will go away when you heal.  Here is a list of symptoms from the Ashton manual, please check out this link to see that you're not alone and what you're feeling is common.  http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm

 

Morning it tough for a lot of folks, it has to do with low blood sugar and high cortisol.  Make sure you eat something upon awakening.

PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS

      Excitability (jumpiness, restlessness)

      Insomnia, nightmares, other sleep disturbances

      Increased anxiety, panic attacks

      Agoraphobia, social phobia

      Perceptual distortions

      Depersonalisation, derealisation

      Hallucinations, misperceptions

      Depression

      Obsessions

      Paranoid thoughts

      Rage, aggression, irritability

      Poor memory and concentration

      Intrusive memories

      Cravings

 

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS

      Headache

      Pain/stiffness - (limbs, back, neck, teeth, jaw)

      Tingling, numbness, altered sensation - (limbs, face, trunk)

      Weakness ("jelly-legs")

      Fatigue, influenza-like symptoms

      Muscle twitches, jerks, tics, "electric shocks"

      Tremor

      Dizziness, light-headedness, poor balance

      Blurred/double vision, sore or dry eyes

      Tinnitus

      Hypersensitivity - (light, sound, touch, taste, smell)

      Gastrointestinal symptoms - (nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea,

      constipation, pain, distension, difficulty swallowing)

      Appetite/weight change

      Dry mouth, metallic taste, unusual smell

      Flushing/sweating/palpitations

      Overbreathing

      Urinary difficulties/menstrual difficulties

      Skin rashes, itching

      Fits

 

 

 

[[Lu...]]

Do I force myself to go out? I'm so shaky and dizzy. That alone is scaring me. Today is Memorial Day. I should be thinking of others and not myself.

[[Pa...]]

You don't need to force yourself to go out if there is no reason to, only if you need to run some errands.  This is not a mental illness that you're dealing with, this is the result of the drug and it will go away when you heal.  I was worried that if I didn't fight it, if I didn't force myself to go out, that it would become permanent, this is not true.  It will go away, just as all of the other horrible symptoms will when you heal.

 

 

[[Lu...]]

I went out today but it was terrible. My arms were burning, my legs felt like rubber bands, and I basically felt drunk. Logically I knew I was being foolish but it came on anyway. I know everyone is different but on the average, how long before these acute feelings torment a person. It seems I'm even too scared to cry about it. it would help if I could. Please tell me how to deal with it. What can I think about when I'm in the store and just want to run to the nearest exit?

[[Be...]]

At the beginning, I had the hardest time just going to the grocery store.  We don't have any delivery service here so I knew I had to learn to manage my excess anxiety.  I did a lot of mental preparation beforehand, even drove to the store but didn't go in the first time I tried; just getting used to the anxious feelings without freaking out.  They are just feelings after all.  I also practiced controlled belly breathing which I could use any where to calm down almost instantly.  Then when I was in the store and feeling overwhelmed, I'd stop what I was doing, concentrate on my breathing and tell myself that I could leave anytime I chose to.  After a few times of choosing to stay with the anxious feelings, they stopped bothering me.  I don't know if they were truly less intense or I had learned to accept them but either way, I was able to go to the grocery store without a lot of angst ahead of time.  I hope you find some combination of relaxation techniques and taking control of your thoughts that will allow you to get out more and more each week.

[[Lu...]]

I really tried hard yesterday trying to act as normal as I could. But the longer I was out of the house going out with my husband the worse I became. I'm ruining his life as well.  :'(I'm sleeping better at night because of the melitonin so I urge people to try that for sleep. This morning I have all the same symptoms back, full blown, dizzy, shaky, jumpy etc. I'm trying to understand what you are telling me. Is it my anxiety causing the symptoms or just going off the Klonopin? It's like trying to figure what comes first, the chicken or the egg??? I seem to fear both. Help!!!

[[ge...]]

I found a great site on u tube which is hypnosis for anxiety and depression and there is a particular good one that goes for 19 minutes  great music and the ladies voice is very soothing...If you Can find the time and a good set of head phones give it a go as before it i was so stressed and anxious and i followed all her commands and the body changed    i am not sure if it was hypnosis but maybe the power of suggestion,,,,

 

I will do anything to stop the way i am feeling and i empathise with you as we all going through this....I had to go and getshampoo the other day and i made it to the shopping centre and then it was all over from there.. I could not do it.....

 

I am a motivational speaker in Australia in the car trade standing in front of hundreds of people every day now i cant even have the dog in the room...

 

I know how you feel

[[Lu...]]

How can you be a motivational speaker and still have all these symptoms? You must be doing something right. I can' t even be around one person outside of my husband or I will freak out. how do I get to the U Tube post?

[[ge...]]

go to utube and where it says search  type in hypnosis for anxiety    the one you re looking for is 19 minutes long....