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Am I actually Getting Better?


[qw...]

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I'm approaching six months since my jump from a fast taper off 2mg Xanax for about 20 years. I hope this gives hope to some and I hope to get some advice form others.

 

My waves have been getting much much less intense, shorter in duration and sometimes barely perceptible. I still have intense periods but they are very bearable and temporary. my struggles usually come in the evening and sometimes the panic attacks crash on my while I'm sleeping. Mostly I'm getting strange mucus production in my nasal cavity and a tightening of my throat/palate area, some tingling sensation in my left arm and periods of head pressure and/or high blood pressure that works itself out in anywhere from 2-12 hours. Thee SXS waves used to be almost constant but are definitely subsiding slowly.

 

I've also noticed recently that windows are getting longer and longer. I almost feel normal at times. I felt like myself tonight for the first time in a long time. I took my family out to eat then for a walk and my personality was actually there. I mean laughing and joking with the kids. Cutting up and being goofy as a dad. Tesing my wife and just enjoying my time with my family.

 

I am very grateful for the changes. I know this is positive in the moment, but is it a sign of more permanent recovery or should I be looking over my shoulder waiting for the next batch of craziness? 4 weeks ago I was considering leaving my career to recover fulltime, but I've been going strong in my job as an educator and am beginning to look hopefully at the future. Trying to be realistic without missing the moment.

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I think if you are seeing improvement and enjoying moments with your family you are heading in the right direction. Im two years out and also an educator. I found that teaching actually was beneficial to me. It served as a distraction and kept me from sitting at home constantly analyzing my symptoms. Too much idle time was not good for my anxious mind.

I have found that I am continuing to heal at 2 years out and, like you, I still have waves that are shorter and less intense than early in withdrawal.

I believe that we continue to improve at a very slow pace, but improve we do.

I use to want to be healed tomorrow, but I have come to accept that even though I still have some symptoms, I am seeing gradual improvements month by month and as long as I am heading in that direction  I'm good with the process, no matter how slow or how fast.

Take care,

Fp

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Also, I know how you feel about worrying about the next wave and if you will fully heal. I feel the same way at times. I just posted about the same thing earlier today, but as the day went on Im feeling better. I think it's natural, but the more I think about it, I know I'm healing. I feel better every month, even if I don't feel 100%, I'm heading in the right direction and you are too.

Fp

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