Too soon to work?

[[Ha...]]

So after 5 nearly 6 months off work I agreed to go back 50% yesterday. Anxiety was through the roof before I got there. When people are talking to me my mind is all over the place and can't concentrate. I'm physically exhausted, in bed at 5pm last night. Today was slightly better, mind still wandering and having trouble concentrating, and am now on my sofa DR/DP tinnitus, aching and not even enough energy to get in the bath.

 

I'm not sure whether I should push through as maybe it's doing me good, or am I just hurting myself? I really don't know what to do for the best.

 

Any thoughts?

[[Br...]]

This is a very hard decision.  Decision making is hard in withdrawal - our fear center is so activated it makes it hard to evaluate situations or trust our gut.

 

There are pros and cons to working (putting aside the issue of income!).  Many members comment on how the structure and distraction help them get through withdrawal.  On the other hand, working can put a lot of additional stress on an already highly sensitized CNS.  In my view it's not that it would delay healing so much as make symptoms harder to deal with. 

It seems possible that like any new adjustment you'll get used to working - the first day back is always rough no matter what- and you'll settle into a routine.

 

[[Ha...]]

This is a very hard decision.  Decision making is hard in withdrawal - our fear center is so activated it makes it hard to evaluate situations or trust our gut.

 

There are pros and cons to working (putting aside the issue of income!).  Many members comment on how the structure and distraction help them get through withdrawal.  On the other hand, working can put a lot of additional stress on an already highly sensitized CNS.  In my view it's not that it would delay healing so much as make symptoms harder to deal with. 

It seems possible that like any new adjustment you'll get used to working - the first day back is always rough no matter what- and you'll settle into a routine.

 

Thanks for the reply. I thought and sort of still do that interaction with people would be good, and trying to use my brain would also help. I can't decide if it's my brain adjusting to new stimulation or I'm just not ready. Difficult to know. The income isn't a problem luckily I'm insured for 90% which is enough, so no added stress there.

 

Maybe another day or 2 and things will become better or worse, and I'll know either way

[[Pa...]]

I found work to be a lifesaving distraction, tough but helpful, of course I didn't think so at the time but when I compare what I went through while working with the poor souls here who can't get out of bed, I feel incredibly fortunate. 

 

The hardest part of my work experience was being around people, having to fake it put more stress on me than the work did.  Was I holding my mouth normally, could anyone see the inner trembling going on inside of me, trying to form words with a mouth that felt stiff and awkward. 

 

I agree with Brighterday in that first days are rough, if I were you, I'd try to stick it out a little while longer, getting back to normal is our goal and you have an opportunity to take steps in that direction, even if its only at 50%. 

[[Ha...]]

It's 50% for 3 weeks. Telling myself to man the F up and get on with it, I think it's mainly anxiety but never had it before, well at least not where my head is just spinning with random thoughts and I can't concentrate. Obviously all my colleagues think I've been milking it as had an argument with my boss 3 weeks after CT and not been back to work since 😂

 

If it is just anxiety hopefully it will die down in a week or so. Oh how I miss being able to open a bottle of wine and put my feet up and not think constantly about the mess I'm in. Hopefully 1 day

 

And thanks again for the support Pamster, I'd be done without this forum I think

[[Pa...]]

Its not "just anxiety", it's anxiety on steroids caused by the benzo's so don't compare what you're feeling with the typical anxiety people get, this stuff is rough.  It may calm down in a week or it may continue but what you can change is how you acknowledge it. 

 

If you can view what you're feeling as a product of the drug withdrawal perhaps you can distance yourself from it.  One of the worst aspects of this process is fear, so in the context of fear, are you asking yourself, is this me, am I broken, will I be like this permanently?  These thoughts could be exacerbating the anxiety, it's a viscous cycle.

 

About your co-workers, let them think what they will, trying to convince them that any of this is real is an exercise in futility and really, who cares what they think as long as you can do the job (you can) and you're doing your best (you are).  Your skills, cognitive abilities and confidence will return as you heal, hang in there and maintain the life you've built for yourself. 

 

P.S. Glad you're staying away from the wine, I don't drink but I've seen many members be able to go back to the pleasures they left behind. 

[[tr...]]

Ive wrestled with going back to work part time ( I literally had to let go of my job). I had this pretty decent window almost 2 months ago that made me apply to a few jobs and I even had interviews. I'm actually on hold for a position at a place when one opens up. So I'm kinda glad its on hold bc I've def needed the extra time.

I have been able to do some side hustles during this (painting, cleaning) which has been very hard, but has kept me sane bc being home everyday is a crazy maker for me. But honestly I've sobbed at job sites while working bc of symptoms (thankfully I was alone at them!). And I've never arrived at the site before 10 am bc its just too hard ( you know how mornings go..)

 

but going back to my profession where I deal with people non-stop is going to be challenging I know. I am fortunate that I have no problem interacting with people, Its just I'm having brain processing issues and get severely fatigued lately (not to mention other symptoms ugh). I think if thats all I had to do I might figure it out..its just having to come home and jump into parenting and household stuff that the combination might put me over the edge!

 

I think if you do work it is wise to not do more than part time right now..it gives you a kind of buffer and less stress as you heal more.

Any new change is going o be stressful right now. But new habits develop new neural pathways so in theory it should get easier with time in spite of symptoms.

[[Ha...]]

Ive wrestled with going back to work part time ( I literally had to let go of my job). I had this pretty decent window almost 2 months ago that made me apply to a few jobs and I even had interviews. I'm actually on hold for a position at a place when one opens up. So I'm kinda glad its on hold bc I've def needed the extra time.

I have been able to do some side hustles during this (painting, cleaning) which has been very hard, but has kept me sane bc being home everyday is a crazy maker for me. But honestly I've sobbed at job sites while working bc of symptoms (thankfully I was alone at them!). And I've never arrived at the site before 10 am bc its just too hard ( you know how mornings go..)

 

but going back to my profession where I deal with people non-stop is going to be challenging I know. I am fortunate that I have no problem interacting with people, Its just I'm having brain processing issues and get severely fatigued lately (not to mention other symptoms ugh). I think if thats all I had to do I might figure it out..its just having to come home and jump into parenting and household stuff that the combination might put me over the edge!

 

I think if you do work it is wise to not do more than part time right now..it gives you a kind of buffer and less stress as you heal more.

Any new change is going o be stressful right now. But new habits develop new neural pathways so in theory it should get easier with time in spite of symptoms.

 

Hopefully it's just the brain adapting, and it will die down, been sat on my own for months and started to feel pretty good lately ( bar a little relapse on the wine) just a bit of a shock to the system probably, and starting work at 7, I only come good at 10. And the fatigue, wow.

 

Anyway I'll try to push through, if I can't I can't. Just need to tell my head not to keep thinking about it now!

[[Ha...]]

So phoned in sick again, anxiety was unbearable couldn't take it. Will try again in a few weeks, hopefully heal a bit more in the meantime

[[Br...]]

It's so important to listen to your body and respect its signals.  It will tell you when it's okay to push or pull back.

 

I'm so sorry you're in the grip of terrible anxiety.  It was my worst symptom too.  I hope it lets up soon.  Meanwhile, distraction is the best remedy I can think of.

[[Ha...]]

It's so important to listen to your body and respect its signals.  It will tell you when it's okay to push or pull back.

 

I'm so sorry you're in the grip of terrible anxiety.  It was my worst symptom too.  I hope it lets up soon.  Meanwhile, distraction is the best remedy I can think of.

 

Thanks brighterday,

 

Feeling a bit better already, I won't be rushing back. Hopefully I won't lose my job, but if I do I do, I need to concentrate on my health first

[[Pa...]]

Most say mornings are the worst for them, is the case with you as well?

[[Ha...]]

Yes seems to be at the moment. I was starting at 7, and couldn't think straight till 10, just stressed me out and put me in a wave. I didn't think it would be that bad as was feeling pretty good. Obviously getting ahead of myself

[[Pa...]]

I don't know if this will help you because it doesn't specifically address benzo anxiety but it has some tips on why we have it and tips for dealing with it.  Understanding Morning Anxiety