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What worked for me


[mi...]

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The keyword for the improvement in my case is ACCEPTANCE. I hear many people here talking about hope. Screw hope !! Hope can only disappoint. For as long as I was relying on hope alone I was getting worse and worse. Noticing every symptom, worrying about bad days and worse days (no good days two years ago), just hoping that the next day I was going to feel better. Just to get disappointed and more scared every day.

 

Then one day I realized that even though my life seemed terrible at the moment it was the only life I had. So I had to live it regardless of the quality. Since I didn’t want to end it I had to live it. And I started living it. I went back to the gym, I took a trip here and there, I started working again as much as I could (thankfully I have my own business and I can chose when and how much I work).

 

Working out was the other thing that helped. There were days when I felt so dizzy I could barely walk – I still worked out, three hours of sleep at night – still worked out, nauseous – went to do crossfit. Many days I felt I couldn’t even get out of bed but I did. And once I did I went to do crossfit. I worked myself out to exhaustion. And I did that only because I accepted that this was my life and it was the only one I had. And every time I worked out I felt better. Not by much, but I felt a bit better.

 

And things started improving for me. I started my taper again in October 2019 (second try), jumped Feb 2020. I feel 95% healed. But I still work out religiously and every time after a workout I feel better. I meditate almost every day as I realized that meditating will keep me on the path of acceptance. You can always have a goal in mind and hope to achieve it but you should be ready to accept any outcome. Those two are not mutually exclusive. 

 

For some time now I wanted to write this post, share my experience and give people ideas how to tackle this problem that all of us at this forum are / were facing. I don’t want to put it under Success Stories as I don’t see myself there yet. One day, maybe. For now I feel that the battle is not over.

 

 

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Thanks for writing about your experience milosNY,  I saw another post this week about acceptance and agree with you that it's a powerful tool. 
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