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Feeling very defeated


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I know that this process isn't linear and that my symptoms at this point are much better then alot of people's but I'm finally starting to get decently long windows and then bam suddenly out of nowhere I'm thrown right back into a wave. I use to get short windows followed by short waves and it would bounce back and forth like this. Now I'm getting really nice long windows followed by waves just as long that are absolutely terrible. It's like the longer the window I get, I know the wave that follows is just going to be as long (or longer) and brutal. Someone please tell me this is a good sign? Anyone experience the same? I know I'm only 10 months off but I'm starting to feel like I'll never truly feel normal for any prolonged period of time again....
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What you describe is one of the hardest parts of this miserable experience - you have a delicious, beautiful window, you think you've finally broken free from this monster and BAM you get slammed with another wave.  It's unbelievably cruel. 


But let's flip the way we look at this for a moment.  You're experiencing windows!  This is such a good sign of healing!  I don't know that a longer window will always mean a longer wave for you.  I suspect your waves will get shorter and your windows longer. 


I understand about feeling discouraged that you'll never be able to trust that feeling good will last.  Just about every Success Stories describes feeling despair about getting well.  But people do heal.  We have to hold on to that hope and belief that those windows you experience are harbingers of what's ahead for you.  Healing is happening.  Stay strong and stay positive.  You'll get there.

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