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you all are rocking it


[ae...]

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ive got less than a day left with bb but i want to say you guys are soing a great job at whats you do. i wish i had known about you all early on and i could have maybe stayed who i was and not done the things i wake u0 to regretting everyday. if my symptoms heal i wont forget how evil they are. if i heal i wont ever not be the mom who went nuta and nearly lost her kid. i wont ever be the mom i wanted to be bc none of this was part of the plan. the strenght the severe ones have shown is something i apparently cannot muster. Traumatized80 will always be my example but even she apparently kept her tongue and her head about her and never got cops involved. she never had to beg her husband to get her out of a place that was a scam and who was deugging her further insane. never became obsessed with her own bulls@%#. she gave birth and that is heroic. she didnt get those first few yrs of precipus moments. i had those and i am thankful. i dont remember them but i know they were there. instead i got my motherhood stripped from my soul.

knowing what it was before and what it will never be again. i talked to much to people and it bit me in the a$$. poor pitiful me lol. anyway. my son didnt deserve the mom who went nuts. i cant give him what he deserves. i will never not hurt from this awful thing thats happened. just wasnt cut out for this and to go it alone.

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All of this gets better with time. If you feel like taking a break from here is a good idea, it probably is. I hope you'll take care of yourself the best that you are able and if you're feeling vulnerable and really unsure, I hope you'll pop back to see us before doing anything rash.

 

Lots and lots of people have skeletons and demons. I had more interactions with the emergency services than I would wish and more people saw my dirty laundry being aired than I would like too. Shit happens. Try not to compare yourself to others. You can't do it with any accuracy because the persona that people portray is usually crafted to conceal any major flaws and present the best view possible to the world.

 

You need to not write yourself off for the sake of your child. The prize is being healthy to be present and enjoy life with your boy. You will get there... quicker if you don't give up.

 

I'm hoping for the best for you.

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[ae...]

All of this gets better with time. If you feel like taking a break from here is a good idea, it probably is. I hope you'll take care of yourself the best that you are able and if you're feeling vulnerable and really unsure, I hope you'll pop back to see us before doing anything rash.

 

Lots and lots of people have skeletons and demons. I had more interactions with the emergency services than I would wish and more people saw my dirty laundry being aired than I would like too. Shit happens. Try not to compare yourself to others. You can't do it with any accuracy because the persona that people portray is usually crafted to conceal any major flaws and present the best view possible to the world.

 

You need to not write yourself off for the sake of your child. The prize is being healthy to be present and enjoy life with your boy. You will get there... quicker if you don't give up.

 

I'm hoping for the best for you.

 

i cuess my problem is how badly badly i did things. like its starting to feel like a bad dream but i know it isnt. i said and did those things. i thought those evil thoughts. i wish i coild forget them but i dont think i can. is a life with this pain in it worth living Bam? i mean i thought i waa going to hurt people and was told i probably would.

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You're not in for a lifetime of this pain. A bit more than a year ago, I thought it was permanent for me to. I was too messed up to even post here. As you can see, it was not permanent because I'm doing alright a short while later.

 

On intrusive thoughts, most of us are having them. Some of mine were very twisted but I know they are not a reflection of my personality. It's easier to come to terms with than you think it will be, once you start to improve.

 

The fear centre of your brain is in overdrive due to withdrawal. That there is way more than half the reason you feel how you do. Your mind is generating all of these reasons to be fearful but the majority are not valid. They're not going to stop popping up for a while most likely but if you can learn to pay them less attention, at least they don't grow any bigger.

 

If this doesn't make sense now, it will at some point. You will be OK.

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