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my apology


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i am so sorry. im sorry to anyone i bothered. anyone i was rude to. anyone i was cruel to. anyone who i said didntnunderstand. anyone i offended. i may never be releassed from this hell i created. Just know i was a good person. now i dont know who i am

all i know os what they said about me. anyway. im sorry to anyone i upset. pamster if this doesnt go here please help me figuee out where

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Your post is fine where you posted it boymom, but you sound so defeated, I wish you could find a way to have some hope.  This process is all about fear,  pain and negative emotions, but when we recover these terrible feelings fade away.  You can be benzo free and reclaim your life, I promise you it's worth it. 
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I'm not sure what your apology is about but I'll just say that I can relate in the sense that I'm always quick to get jumpy and upset. I sometimes snap at my husband even though he's just trying to be helpful. It's tough going through all of this but I do think that we are all human and are doing the best that we can!  :)
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Your post is fine where you posted it boymom, but you sound so defeated, I wish you could find a way to have some hope.  This process is all about fear,  pain and negative emotions, but when we recover these terrible feelings fade away.  You can be benzo free and reclaim your life, I promise you it's worth it.

i am defeated. im healing but i cannot say some of yhe stuff i have said and done here on the forum. its inexcusable. not like the old me at all. i have to look at my son and know all of this awful and try to smile for his sake. i lost my career i worked hard for and have nearly lost my son and husband too. got my own self tortured in the hospitals and researched more than i should have. my apology is to people i have met mostly through fb and sa as i havemt really met anyone here, who i asled too many triggering questions to and repeatedly told them they couldnt understand how i felt. i am healing but i was so much sicker and i became toxic to anyone who came in contact with me. you dont get second chances with strangers

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This is a unique and understanding community.  A LOT of us come here with struggles that spill out into our posts.  We know where those outbursts come from, and we all understand, support and forgive those outbursts. 

 

So let's not rue the past and instead let's come up with a plan to move forward.

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boy mom: you are among friends, and we extend grace bc we know what its like to " not be yourself".  I haven't seen you be offensive - I just see you are in pain and struggling. This process is exhaustive to say the least.

 

I'm glad to hear you say you see you're healing. Sometimes its hard to see it.

 

Life can be renewed and restored. Even after a raging forest fire, life and plants emerge again..bright green and flourish.

 

:smitten:

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Hey boymom,

 

That's a really nice thought. I doubt that it's necessary but it's cool that you care so much. I hope you won't beat yourself up about this, though. The truth is that practically everybody who posts here is at least a little emotionally unbalanced. We're bound to get under each other's skins.

 

Here's an admission from me. It is extremely frustrating to see someone suffering with serious withdrawal symptoms beating themselves up on top of it. I think I can help some people with this but I don't know who until I try. Sometimes you just have to say it a few different ways until it clicks. Because I'm still in withdrawal myself (although I am doing well), I sometimes find it difficult to find the right words to say it how I mean it. Sometimes, it makes me appear harsher than I intend. Things can escalate and sometimes we just get too wrapped up in things. We're in benzo withdrawal and we're human. This is forgivable.

 

Seriously, I've read a few of your posts and all I'm getting is that you're confused about what's happening and desperate for it to stop. I really feel for you but I promise promise promise that you'll come back from it. I was completely psychotic when I tapered too quickly. I'm alright now.

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