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Is this Worth the Suffering? Has anyone reinstated after 6 months off ct?


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After having been in tolerance withdrawals for 18 months and now ct of 6 months, I have been suffering for 2 years!  And when I mean suffering, I mean BEDRIDDEN and agoraphobic where I never leave my bedroom, let alone my house.  :(

 

Out of the 100 symptoms of withdrawal, I have EVERY SINGLE ONE of them except for the hallucinations and seizures.  Is there anyone out there who is in month 6 and in a very bad wave?  I have only had ONE window and that only lasted for a day about a week ago. And when I say window, I mean a very tiny miniscule where I wasn't dp/dr quite as bad.  The burning skin and extreme sweating, severe dp/dr, extreme nerve and all over body pain, anxiety, depression, loss of balance and vision, memory deficits, horrible insomnia......everything.....having to continue to lay in bed day after day, with no relief in sight has gotten to the point where I cannot take it any longer!

 

I have actually saw some posts on a FB group I am on that some who were 6 months and longer off ct reinstated.  I so don't want to do this, but for them, they got some sense of normalcy back.  And, of course, the doctor who put me on these damn things over 20 years ago would gladly agree to put me back on them.  Please....I need some hope or encouragement.  Thank You.  :'(

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I can tell you're exhausted and discouraged because you've been suffering for so long but your recovery clock didn't start until you quit cold turkey, so unfortunately, you're very early in recovery.  I know you don't want to hear this but it's the reality of your situation.  I'm so sorry to hear how bad you have it, I quit cold turkey too and experienced all of the symptoms you are, but I was able to leave my house, even though I was fearful.

 

I had one window too and it only lasted for a few seconds but it gave me a 'window' into my future, just as yours gives you a peek into yours.  I know you can't tell you're healing but you are, every minute away from benzo's is time on your side and time is what we all count on to heal us. 

 

I didn't reinstate either, I've seen many members try it with varying results with most, at least from my observation, regretting it.  I hope you can stay strong and believe in your body's ability to repair the damage done by the drug. 

 

What tools are you using to make it through each day, are you trying to distract yourself, are you eating healthy, are you trying to do some mild exercise, are you trying different ways to calm yourself?

 

Keep talking to us, we're here to help.

 

 

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Just want to validate your experience...I too was in tolerance for over a year and did not know it till the end of it..then I had a very rapid taper.

It can feel endless when you've already suffered for so long.

 

A few weeks ago I had this intense wave, crying I yelled" A year and 7 months!!! Seriously!!". It can be grueling.

 

Day by day. Moment by moment.Read the success stories like they are life itself. Cling to the hope.

Theres actually some good and hopeful you tube videos from people who have healed.

 

:smitten:

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IMO, I would NOT reinstate.  As others have said, your healing clock only started when you jumped CT.

 

I jumped CT too.  I thought about reinstating all the time as the symptoms and insomnia were brutal.

 

By month 10 I started to get some decent windows that lasted for most of the day and then things slowly got better, but were up and down too.

 

You can do this.  It might not feel like it, but you ARE healing even if you can't see it, recognize it, or wrap your mind around it.

 

Read this success story on why it's worth it!

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=245591.0

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I would not reinstate. There has been some evidence that doing that may make things a lot worse.

 

I can only tell you what worked for me. I ent CT off a 30 year history of nightly benzos. All hell ensued. My first 2 years were purely awful. I thought I had gone insane. But I hadnt. It was all benzo wd.

 

My best advice to you is to fight back. Your life is worth saving. You have to get out of your bed and start moving, just to protect your muscles and ability to work, etc. Benzo wd is NOT an illness! It is a temporary condition. By lying in bed all you are doing is making things worse. Havent you noticed that while you lie there, your mind ruminated only on how bad you feel? Of course you do.

Make yourself get up and move. Learn to distract yourself from your miserable symptoms. Most of us know how bad you feel. I sure do. When you first start getting up you may feel tired and discouraged, but its key to fight back with this. Do some chores, simple ones. Do some sort of exercise, simple stuff too. Find other ways to get your mind OFF benzos. Remain positive no matter what, even if you have to fake it.

Our brains are already wired to heal us. But you cannot just sit back  - you have to do whatever you can to encourage healing. And that does mean distraction. Acceptance is key too. Accepting that this IS going to get better is important. Start trying to help others here. Reach out and try to be helpful...this will help heal you, too.

Let me know what you do, please. I am concerned about you.

east

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  • 2 weeks later...

A lot of people who reinstate go on to regret it. The problem is that we don’t know how things would have worked out had they not reinstated. I regret not reinstating because I have not healed I have only got worse. Much much worse. I am very physically Ill. If I could go back I would take my chance with reinstating.

 

The only constant is regret because we are suffering, but I have read stories where they say reinstatement saved there life.

 

And yes Reinstating can cause kindling. And that scared me away from reinstating too but guess what? I got kindled anyway by taking supplements because I was so desperate, and dint realize how seriously  reactions could be to what I thought was just harmless vitamins.

 

Also the thing about your healing clock. You are healing as you taper, otherwise there would be no point to tapering.

 

I am in no way saying that you should reinstate. I am just telling you what happen to me and giving you my perspective.

 

 

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[be...]
Since my setback happened right as I was about to jump from my last taper, I regret not reinstating right then and there, when it was safe to do so. Reinstating far out is a gamble, but is sometimes the only way.
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