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Stuck.......


[I ...]

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Tired of pretending I'm ok. Tired of faking it. I just want to break down and cry. I want to scream. Nothing I can do to make this better. Nowhere to turn. Just literally stuck. I thought I was doing better at 13 months off. But nope. Head symptoms are back with a vengeance. And I don't even know how to explain it. Is it pressure? Is it tingling? Is it burning? Is it all of them at once? Nerve stuff is present as well. But I'd take that any day over the head stuff. I want to live but I'm literally just stuck in this hell. I know I'm still early off and alot of symptoms have left me but i just don't believe in the it gets better with time saying. I don't see better. I just see me being stuck in this hellish place. I miss me. I'm sorry for the negativity. I'm just so tired.
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I hear you, 76! I feel the same way. It’s so hard to believe that it can take so long to heal, but it does! I get so tired of wondering what new symptom will I have today, and will I be able to go about my day without anxiety, fear and pain? But some how I manage when I accept that with each new symptom I’m healing. I find anything I can to distract myself and go on about my day. Some days are so very hard. My faith and support from my family are what get me through at almost 9 months off benzos. I have some of the same symptoms you describe and it is so hard trying to explain it to anyone who has not been through it.

 

Know you are not alone, and we will get better! Sending hugs and support, Sandy

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You're both amazing people, things just have got a little stagnant. It gives the strong illusion that things will always be like that when really it's unlikely.

 

Don't fake it more than you have to. If you're feeling a mess, then don't deny it and compensate by being as kind as you can be to yourself. My heart goes out to those forced by circumstance to bear big responsibilities while withdrawing from benzos. They are heroes who get my respect. I wish some who choose to lead a busy life who could afford not to, would chill out more because it would help more than they know. I find it strange to both be so sure that something is very wrong due to withdrawal and then proceed to try and live a normal hectic life. Whatever seems to work, I guess.

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I feel exactly feel the same way and sometime get to the point where I think this is forever but then again next day I getup and ready to fight another day. I am 7 mons off and like you some of my symptoms got better or totally gone. I have no more of any physical symptoms but my mental are torturing me everyday. The unreal type feelings, must be Dr/Dp or Dissociation whatever they are just making me think that I will never ever will have a life I had once. But we will fight though this and we all  will be better in few more months ,,,just hang in there all my BB.. :thumbsup:
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In month 13 as well and struggling.  I do not want to fake it anymore either...it’s brutal I know.  I had a little bratty moment today sort of like a temper tantrum today with a friend of mine.  She reminded me how far I’ve come and how long it took me to hit rock bottom. 

 

For me, I have no desire to go back to the insensitive self centered mean person I once was.  I am humble, and compassionate.  I am also exhibiting signs of being really sick...the symptoms are making me so miserable.  But, I am happy to know going forward I will always do my best as a human being to be especially kind to all people.  If only I could be kinder to myself, that would be nice.  The intrusive memories and annoying looping thoughts cause me to get upset with myself...I recall all the horrible things I did while I was taking ADs and benzos.  Ugh, I hope I can forgive myself.

 

Anyway, we will heal in time.  We have to be patient I suppose, and the good lord knows mine are running short like yours.  But we have no choice, we have to keep going.  Today I decided I was going to TJ Maxx with my fiancé.  I felt Like crap but figured well I would Rather feel like crap at the store opposed to laying in my bed.  So I went And actually enjoyed myself.  Pretty cool huh?  Yep, I had fun!  Oh my gosh what is that word lol FUN!  I loveD loved loved shopping.  It felt good, just good feelings were nice.

 

Okay okay shhhhhhh.

 

Love

Fiercey

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I'm 30 months off and feel basically the same with the head symptoms. Brain burning at times. Pressure. I know the head symptoms are what's causing the mental symptoms too.
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