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Two year update


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I finished a 7 month taper two years ago and have not taken diazepam since.  It has been hard road.  I suffered depression and severe anxiety, panic attacks that was more manageable as time went on.  I also had bad insomnia for most of that time.  Now I able to sleep 7 hours a night which is good for me.  I still wake up at 2:30am but I am able to fall back asleep till 5:00am and sometimes till 5:30am.

The pandemic came last February and I had to continue to commute to work worrying about getting sick and possibly infecting my family.  I managed that and had quite a bit of anxiety and noticed that lots of other people were suffering the same.  Co Workers that are required to report to the office are suffering anxiety and resentment because most other employees are allowed to work from home and are never required to report to the office.  It’s the nature of the their jobs that prevents them from working from home.  I preferred to go to work rather than stay at home.  I think it keeps me busy and that helps my anxiety / panic attacks.  I worry about losing my job more that catching this terrible virus.

Things got better in my City and the Virus is under control.  Then I had a house fire and suffered burns and spent 3 weeks in hospital and surgery 3 weeks recovering.  It was very painful but I made it thru.  My anxiety and panic attacks were still there but under control.  Aside from my pain and injuries my hospital experience was good.  At the time there were fewer covid patients in the hospital.  The staff in the hospital were very attentive, the food was as good as can be expected.

Then a close friend died suddenly in his sleep.  He was an alcoholic and took psych meds.  I suspect he took an overdose of Xanax and was drunk when he did it.  I warned him many times but he was never interested in my suggestions that he go to rehab.  Last December I told him that he was going to die unless he went into rehab but he never went.  He had his demons and faults but he was a good friend to me.  We just buried him.

Then I had eye surgery that was planned a few days ago.  After eye surgery I am waking up at night feeling like I cannot breath and then have a panic attack(s).  I have been breathing dust from street construction in front of my home and have mucous but I am not sure what to make of it.  I had anesthesia 3 days ago and am wondering if that is contributing to my panic anxiety.  My wife has the same experience these past few days.

It is 6am and I have been awake since 1am.

That is my two year update.  I am hoping that things calm down.  That we get rid of Covid.  That there is less tragedy in my life.  That my anxiety / panic attacks go away.  That depression does not come back!

 

 

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I finished a 7 month taper two years ago and have not taken diazepam since.  It has been hard road.  I suffered depression and severe anxiety, panic attacks that was more manageable as time went on.  I also had bad insomnia for most of that time.  Now I able to sleep 7 hours a night which is good for me.  I still wake up at 2:30am but I am able to fall back asleep till 5:00am and sometimes till 5:30am.

The pandemic came last February and I had to continue to commute to work worrying about getting sick and possibly infecting my family.  I managed that and had quite a bit of anxiety and noticed that lots of other people were suffering the same.  Co Workers that are required to report to the office are suffering anxiety and resentment because most other employees are allowed to work from home and are never required to report to the office.  It’s the nature of the their jobs that prevents them from working from home.  I preferred to go to work rather than stay at home.  I think it keeps me busy and that helps my anxiety / panic attacks.  I worry about losing my job more that catching this terrible virus.

Things got better in my City and the Virus is under control.  Then I had a house fire and suffered burns and spent 3 weeks in hospital and surgery 3 weeks recovering.  It was very painful but I made it thru.  My anxiety and panic attacks were still there but under control.  Aside from my pain and injuries my hospital experience was good.  At the time there were fewer covid patients in the hospital.  The staff in the hospital were very attentive, the food was as good as can be expected.

Then a close friend died suddenly in his sleep.  He was an alcoholic and took psych meds.  I suspect he took an overdose of Xanax and was drunk when he did it.  I warned him many times but he was never interested in my suggestions that he go to rehab.  Last December I told him that he was going to die unless he went into rehab but he never went.  He had his demons and faults but he was a good friend to me.  We just buried him.

Then I had eye surgery that was planned a few days ago.  After eye surgery I am waking up at night feeling like I cannot breath and then have a panic attack(s).  I have been breathing dust from street construction in front of my home and have mucous but I am not sure what to make of it.  I had anesthesia 3 days ago and am wondering if that is contributing to my panic anxiety.  My wife has the same experience these past few days.

It is 6am and I have been awake since 1am.

That is my two year update.  I am hoping that things calm down.  That we get rid of Covid.  That there is less tragedy in my life.  That my anxiety / panic attacks go away.  That depression does not come back!

Wow such an amazing journey. How were your mornings?

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During my taper and for the 6 months after the mornings were terrible.  I had to commute and work in a stressful job.  I had insomnia which made it worse.  I had panic attacks on my way to work.  After 5 or 6 months post taper it got better.  Then 6 months after that it got better.  Now I have good days when I sleep 7 and a half hours and commute and have a normal day.  Sometimes I have bad days but nothing like when I tapered or the first 6 months after.  This past week I have a recurrence of some of my symptoms but expect that they will pass as I heal from surgery and get back to work.  Also, losing a friend and then having surgery contributed to how I feel this past week.
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During my taper and for the 6 months after the mornings were terrible.  I had to commute and work in a stressful job.  I had insomnia which made it worse.  I had panic attacks on my way to work.  After 5 or 6 months post taper it got better.  Then 6 months after that it got better.  Now I have good days when I sleep 7 and a half hours and commute and have a normal day.  Sometimes I have bad days but nothing like when I tapered or the first 6 months after.  This past week I have a recurrence of some of my symptoms but expect that they will pass as I heal from surgery and get back to work.  Also, losing a friend and then having surgery contributed to how I feel this past week.

That is promising. Did you have the fear of how you will go through the day?That reduces as the day ends and is pronounced in the early of the day.

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John you are doing great considering all the events that have marked your journey.  Our bodies and minds are made to heal. You will get there completely and hopefully I will too.  I’m 3 mo off and lots of sxs. 
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