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Horrid wave at 9 months off


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Oof. I have not been on here in a long long time. Mostly I like to not even think about all of this anymore because the whole taper and withdrawal process was so traumatic I had to forget it all happened. Absolute nightmare. Right now something seems to have triggered a severe post acute wave. My whole body is on fire, every nerve burning and aching. Ok so nauseated I can hardly move. Sitting and watching tv to try and distract myself is painful. Agony. Ugh. It just hit me like a truck a couple of nights ago and it really just brings back the flood of memories (and ptsd) cultivated during this process. I am thoroughly convinced benzos are one of the worst drugs on the face of the earth.

 

I am in 12 step recovery and not one gets it. Thought I would post here because I know that y’all do (unfortunately). Eeep need some compassion and support. Thanks. 

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Hi Rose!

 

I’m right there with you. I jumped on 12/25/19  and the last 3-4 weeks have been horrific at times. I have some of the same symptoms you describe. I agree that benzos are the worst drugs on the face of the earth. I keep reminding myself that healing is not linear, but I never expected healing to take this long.

 

Wishing you well, Sandy :thumbsup:

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It happens! Very common and just part of the process.  Windows and waves is the healing journey. You will be okay. Just take one day at a time. Nothing is permanent.
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I honestly have no idea what triggered this. Nothing. It’s such a hellish process. It’s like as soon as I get well again I get knocked out. Can’t keep a job? Barely surviving. What’s the point? World has gotten pretty awful and that’s probably enough of a trigger for anyone.
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My daughter and I have some pretty harsh words for the year 2020, I get what you're saying.  But you're right, there doesn't have to be a trigger for things to go wrong with this process.

 

I tried to go to an AA meeting when I was hurting like you are, couldn't make myself get out of my car, I knew no one there could comprehend what I was going through.

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I think that sometimes I get a wave not as a result of a single trigger but rather a build up of day to day events that stress me.  2020 has turned out to be a really bad year and I am hoping that 2021 will be better.  The fact that you have been off for 9 months is a great thing and that means you will recover.  If this is just a wave then you must know that it will pass and you will feel better.  I hope you feel better and that your personal life problems improve and go away.
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Thanks John. I’m white knuckling it. It is amazing I made it 9 months and nothing could get me to take a Benzo ever again, that’s for certain. I never thought my taper would end. I think you’re right too many things just piled on top of one another.
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