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I am pissed I’m back


[Me...]

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I was doing so freaking well. 31 months out.

The symptoms were minor so I just ignored them.

But last week was the most stressful week of my entire life.

My ex is taking me to court over child custody, my job is super overwhelming, we just moved to a new house plus I have a newborn baby. On top of all that I’m super worried about Covid still.

 

So like - super duper stressful. Could that be the cause of this wave? I don’t even remember having this menthol skin sensation before - so it’s a new symptom for me. For it to appear now is totally freaking me out guys.

 

EDIT: The ONLY thing I did different yesterday was drink OJ. I’m now reading that OJ has put others into waves.....

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I am so sorry that you are suffering yet again.  ugh this whole benzo disaster is so unfair...I know you will feel better soon, the stress definitely did trigger your symptoms for sure.

 

I had a wave this week that is just starting to lift.  It was triggered by a change in my daily vitamin, I thought that it would help me and instead it completely sent me into panic mode.  It was horrific.  now, my adrenals are all pooped out which left me into a debilitating depression.

 

I do not know anything anymore, I sometimes feel like I need to be on anything to help this pain, but then I remember that all too many say the other medicines make the symptoms worse.  Which way is up?  I do not know.

 

God bless you on all of your good fortune...well enough to have a baby and a newhome.  Who cares about your ex, sounds like a poop head to me.  Glad you have all of the beauty around you that you do.

i am sure your new home is lovely, and your little peanut is wonderful too.

 

I hope you feel better soon, I cannot even give you any advice, because I know when I am in a wave it is almost impossible to crawl out.

 

take care

 

sending love and prayers

 

love

fiercey

 

 

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Fiercely,

 

 

Thank you so much for the hope. I did drink orange juice yesterday for the first time in years. I’m very suspicious now that maybe that is the cause of this madness.

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I drink oj and oranges and take vitamin c. I’m always suffering and have no idea what’s causing what anymore. All I know is chemicals make me feel the worst.
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Godismyhope,

 

I seriously wonder about the OJ. Cut it out of your diet for a few days and see if it makes a difference. Seriously this menthol feeling has never been so bad for me until moments after I drank it. I just connected it in my head. No one should have to deal with this. This is so ridiculous. Like who has to avoid OJ? Apparently me

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Don't sweat the menthol skin.  I've had this for 10 years.  It flares up when I'm stressed.  It's annoying but relatively harmless compared to the other fun benzo withdrawal symptoms.
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Maybe the acidity plus all the stress you've been under flared up the vagus nerve. Gut brain connection is definitely for real!

 

Are you still taking the beta blocker?

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Thanks K!

 

And ham, no I’m not. I took it for a few days and ended up having adverse reactions. It was supposed to help with the awareness of my heartbeat and it did, but it also gave me weird symptoms

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Thanks K!

 

And ham, no I’m not. I took it for a few days and ended up having adverse reactions. It was supposed to help with the awareness of my heartbeat and it did, but it also gave me weird symptoms

 

I'm glad you're off the BB too, honestly I'm like 45 days off after 3 weeks use of metoprolol and I am still super messed up from them, worse than anything benzos ever did to me.

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who would not be in a wave or have flare ups from old symptoms in this situation? While reading my heart started to pump faster. I am very sorry you have to deal with so much right now. Your baby is very young, congratulations! by the way :smitten:, and I think after birth and then the situation with the ex and.. well... seems to be very hard.

of course you could just react on something in the new home, I tend to react to carpets, glue in walls and so on... - but overall, of course your system just is overwhelmed. But I learned that we can cope and return to the last baseline. I have been in extra stressful times and felt like I would be back to the very beginning, but after a while my system balanced itself out again. The less I worried about how long the nightmare would continue the faster the situation became better. Sending you a hug! Go girl, you will make it.

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I was doing so freaking well. 31 months out.

The symptoms were minor so I just ignored them.

But last week was the most stressful week of my entire life.

My ex is taking me to court over child custody, my job is super overwhelming, we just moved to a new house plus I have a newborn baby. On top of all that I’m super worried about Covid still.

 

So like - super duper stressful. Could that be the cause of this wave? I don’t even remember having this menthol skin sensation before - so it’s a new symptom for me. For it to appear now is totally freaking me out guys.

 

EDIT: The ONLY thing I did different yesterday was drink OJ. I’m now reading that OJ has put others into waves.....

 

Sorry you are having a hard time Megan. What is menthol skin sensation? A lot of times in the evening hours I have a cold sensation from my stomach to my knees. Is that it?

 

PG

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I haven't been on here in ages too. I hit a wave myself about 18 months off. Also due to stress.

 

If you felt mostly healed its probably stress more than OJ

Right now the world is crazy. Add personal stress into the mix

 

Waves happen. You'll be right as rain soon.

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Meganz, any one of the things in your list is stressful enough by itself.  I totally think that is why you are having a wave.  I don't think orange juice would be the culprit, at least not compared to a child custody battle!  But then again, who knows?  The weirdest things have set me off, and you never really know if it is one or the other, or just the combination of everything. 

 

Congratulations on your baby!  I'm so glad you have been able to stay off benzos after your pregnancy. I don't know if I told you but after my pregnancy, which was 11 years ago now, I reinstated.  Only to suffer through tolerance withdrawal for years, and then taper off again, eight years later.  So I'm so glad to hear that you are actually doing pretty well, considering all the stressful things going on in your life.  :smitten: :smitten:

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Megan.. I felt stressed just reading your stress - so I'm thinking its stress:)

 

Good stress and bad stress both affect us chemically. And the whole ex thing and court - sheesh!!

 

I'm ok with OJ, but discovered I can't take claritin recently..sooooo we all know this is so not predictable.

 

Hugs..if you've been doing good I think you'll find your stability again. Use your tools:)

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I don't even know what I should still call a wave any more. Even before benzos when I had a lot of stress, old problems came up again, no matter if back pain or something else. The body just brings up what bothers us most in order to make us stop it and escape.

I know try to see these situations less as a problem of withdrawal, but more than a natural process which can be seen in normal so called "healthy people" as well. Has helped me personally .. to step out of the withdrawal / benzo / world a little bit more.

And it eases the panic which sets in then.

i hope I get a new job and this would require working a lot, lot more than I am used to. I am 100% sure that the next year would not be very nice then. Lots of new situations and overwhelming things, for sure. And then symptoms just come back to visit me. But on the other hand, we know how this goes, and that it might get better again. At least it has for me, and I have been in such a bad period for months and thought, nope, not getting better... but it did.

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I also learned to say "so be it" to myself. I tend to try to do things in a perfect way, or at least I think it has to happen in a certain way and as soon as I loose control, I am stressed. So, coming back to the idea of seeing myself working full time again, the first thing coming into my mind is "oh my god, I will not have any strength left for the dog and the household or exercise..." - and then I stop myself with "okey, then this will happen, so be it. Let it happen, I will not be able to change it anyway so let go. Let the house be a mess, the dog look like she has no ower, and accept you might not be able to do as much exercises as at the moment. "

And then I find peace, somehow. We cannot control what happens around us, but sometimes I can just live from moment to moment, asking myself, what's next? ok? right... and do something. And let the major part of things just be as it has to be.

So if you have so much to deal with right now, allow yourself to set priorities, enjoy time with your kid and baby and let the house look messy or order food which might not be 100% healthy but helps you because you dont have to spend additional time in the kitchen. Ask people to help and accept they won't do the things like you would. And if there is nothing left to change the situation .. well, then I tell myself, looking into the mirror, well, that's it - but only for now.

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Marigold, that's me too! Did this acceptance happen with a flick of a switch for you, because that's kind of what happened for me? I don't like to be so restricted in my capabilities but something clicked in my mind. I realised it made things worse to plan as if I was more capable than I am. It's better to accept my limitations but the important thing is I focus on what I can do to make things better rather than lamenting a temporary loss of freedom (and like, all the feeling like dogplop wasn't good too).
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Marigold, that's me too! Did this acceptance happen with a flick of a switch for you, because that's kind of what happened for me? I don't like to be so restricted in my capabilities but something clicked in my mind. I realised it made things worse to plan as if I was more capable than I am. It's better to accept my limitations but the important thing is I focus on what I can do to make things better rather than lamenting a temporary loss of freedom (and like, all the feeling like dogplop wasn't good too).

 

I always plan as if I was more capable. The thing I meant was that I try to stop to panic about the outcome of these plans. For me this is not acceptance, it is adopting to reality. English is not my mother language, so I assume I cannot explain it good enough, sorry... I prefer to see things in a pragmatic way cause this keeps me going and achieve things. But even when we do very well, like meganz story shows, life throws things into our way. And then we have to do what we have to do and be kind to ourselves  - and if we have experience with withdrawal or trauma it is good to make it clear that these things happen to every human, life brings problems with it. And that this horrible situation is not a setback, it is life, and we will make it through ..

 

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I just got the biggest setback of my life from a few days of gambling with friends. It was fun but stressful. This was like 2 months ago. Seriously pissed. How can this be gaba related!?
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I just got the biggest setback of my life from a few days of gambling with friends. It was fun but stressful. This was like 2 months ago. Seriously pissed. How can this be gaba related!?

 

In my opinion, gaba is just one among many other aspects of withdrawal and recovery. Stress has to be processed in many areas of your system, it does not need to be the GABA receptors only, which might responded in a way you did not want them to. I do not know what you did exactly but you said it was stress and for more than one day, I simply would assume that it was a little bit too much. Chin up..

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I was doing okay after 5 months off but I took NyQuil like an idiot and woke up to vomit and an inability to move, literally. I screamed out for help. It’s been three nights and I’m still super miserable but not as bad. I think that we can’t let our guard down when it comes to feeling better. I’m sure we will both be fine. I’ve got the menthol skin going too which I remember from acute wd. Annoying for sure. You’re a mom so I know you have the strength for this too. Hugs 
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