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18 months benzo free


[J ...]

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Here I sit 2 years 5 months (April 23, 2018) after beginning this journey of ridding myself of clonazepam. 11 months after ending my taper on March 14, 2019 I was at zero benzo. As of September 14th I am 18 months benzo free and now I do not take anything other than a Tylenol/Advil.

 

Beginning around month 16, I unequivalently acknowledge this is the best I have felt in 30 years. My problems are still there but I can deal with them much better, however I do not deal with stress that well. My sleep is much more consistent and restful as I sleep well most of the time. I can turn my thoughts off when I lay down to sleep. My thoughts and cognitive abilities are much improved. Colors are the clearest I have seen in a long time. I have emotions now and my laugh is back, it is not a forced laugh but one that comes naturally. People I know will say to me there is something different about me. Well yeah!

 

Anyone that read my one year mark up to my 16-month story could see how dark I was. I do not feel that darkness now. I am beginning to date after a failed marriage in which I feel the benzo played a role. I am more aware of my social presence and more aware in my communications with others.

 

I was given a second chance at life and I don’t want to ever go back into that dark world ever again. It feels great to feel great.

 

I lost almost 30 pounds (13 kg for my metric friends) in the last nine months. I went from 240 (109 kg) lbs. to 210 (95+ kg) in 9 months where 205 is my goal (I am a big guy). I make the effort to eat healthy. I go to the gym two to three times a week where I do the elliptical for 20 to 30 minutes and lift medium weights. I have gotten stronger the last month. I socialize at the golf course with others and, more importantly, my golf swing is much improved.(LOL) I do projects around my house and, crazy enough, I enjoy them. I can drink beer in moderation.

 

We all know there is no magic cure to be found in our journey to be “normal” again; time and hope are all we have. During the taper and post taper, I would read the “benzo free celebrations” stories here on BB always looking for a new one. Now I seem to read more of the “success stories” as I feel like I am in that phase. I message a few BB friends to share my lessons learned and to encourage those still in the fight of their lives. I pray for those still hurting.

 

To those in the fight, never lose hope. There are many success stories on BB and in time we all get better.  Never lose HOPE. God Bless everyone.

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Thank you for sharing this inspiring account of your recovery journey!  The details of how much you've healed are wonderful.  I used to think people were exaggerating about colors becoming clearer and more vivid but I know now that it's real.  I'm so happy for you.  Looking forward to your Success Story!

:thumbsup:

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Thank you so much for all the positives and encouragements. Really need this badly in these tough times. I am just like you 20 yrs benzo user and now almost 7 mons off but struggling with Dp/Dr and unreal type feelings. I feel like it’s never going to get better but hoping that I am wrong
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J, this is a wonderful post of Healing and Hope, thanks for letting us know that time indeed is the Healer. Enjoy your life and know that new beginnings can be all that you hope for and more. 💖 Peace and Healing. :smitten:
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JRBenzo,

 

Hang tough buddy! It gets better I promise. Not every day will be a benzo downer but the days and nights improve. I would have weeks where I felt pretty good and would think wow this is nice. Then they got even better. I think we get so used to feeling we have under the spell of the benzo we forget what its like to feel almost normal.

 

My advice is to try to stay busy, find a project or something that takes a few days try to focus on completing. Time is the key IMO. I think moderate exercise is a must if you can find the energy. Eat well and stay away from anything that is not needed like other meds or off the shelf products.

 

Hang in there my friend. You will get better!!!

J

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