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Worse at 1 year off WTF??!!!


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Good morning guys. Or afternoon or evening wherever you are. I am in hell. I could really use some feedback maybe some messages from friends that I made on here since I’ve been on benzo buddies

I am about 13 months out from jumping. I tapered pretty slowly. I feel like I’ve gotten worse. The paranoia and intrusive thoughts and terror are through the roof. I can barely go to work and I have been able to work throughout my entire taperI have no clarity of thought. I am just in constant fear. I have all kinds of weird physical pain‘s that have no underlying cause besides withdrawal.

I went on a date with my partner last night and felt terrified the entire time but felt like I couldn’t say anything. I feel like I’m pretending to be a human being. This morning I’m sitting in my backyard with my dog and my cat and the birds singing and beautiful weather and I feel like I want to jump off a building. There is a surge of constant electric energy moving through my body. My feet and toes are tingling, and my lower back is killing me. I have a day off and all I can think about is I wish I could just sleep. But I can’t. My insomnia has been horrible the last few days and I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night. Like I said my primary symptoms seem to be the obsessive looping negative thoughts, and paranoia and absolute terror. I can’t watch a show on Netflix I can’t read an article I can’t play the guitar I can’t read a book. I am afraid of everyone and everything. I even feel afraid of my dog! I’ve had this throughout withdrawl but it feels like it’s getting worse and I thought it would be better at 13 months out. Can anyone help please?

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Good morning guys. Or afternoon or evening wherever you are. I am in hell. I could really use some feedback maybe some messages from friends that I made on here since I’ve been on benzo buddies

I am about 13 months out from jumping. I tapered pretty slowly. I feel like I’ve gotten worse. The paranoia and intrusive thoughts and terror are through the roof. I can barely go to work and I have been able to work throughout my entire taperI have no clarity of thought. I am just in constant fear. I have all kinds of weird physical pain‘s that have no underlying cause besides withdrawal.

I went on a date with my partner last night and felt terrified the entire time but felt like I couldn’t say anything. I feel like I’m pretending to be a human being. This morning I’m sitting in my backyard with my dog and my cat and the birds singing and beautiful weather and I feel like I want to jump off a building. There is a surge of constant electric energy moving through my body. My feet and toes are tingling, and my lower back is killing me. I have a day off and all I can think about is I wish I could just sleep. But I can’t. My insomnia has been horrible the last few days and I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night. Like I said my primary symptoms seem to be the obsessive looping negative thoughts, and paranoia and absolute terror. I can’t watch a show on Netflix I can’t read an article I can’t play the guitar I can’t read a book. I am afraid of everyone and everything. I even feel afraid of my dog! I’ve had this throughout withdrawl but it feels like it’s getting worse and I thought it would be better at 13 months out. Can anyone help please?

 

 

Hi Foolscapfire,

 

I never come on this thread, just read your post.

I am myself 4,5 months after tapering off Oxazepam.

What helps my anxiety that arose about two months post taper, is Barry McDonagh’s book DARE.

It comes with an App you can download.

There are many people suffering and getting so much help through this approach.

it is an incredible support, you can purchase a Rapid Anxiety Relief plan.

It teaches you to deal with anxiety and intrusive thoughts and all these terrible symptoms.

 

Have you read Baylissa Fredericks Recovery and Renewal?

She writes exactly about this suffering you are dealing with.

I wish you Courage and Strength!

Conafetto

 

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Looking at your medication history, you were on clonazepam, one of the most dangerous benzos for 23 years. That alone is more than enough to cause miriad of problems in itself. In addition to that you were on a ton of other drugs over the years, which can cause who knows what problems that benzos were perhaps masking. For example, electric zaps you mention are frequent antidepressant withdrawal symptom. I say you are doing great all things considered. Stay strong. Rome wasn't built in a day. This damage wasn't done in a year, so it might take more than a year to fix.
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Looking at your medication history, you were on clonazepam, one of the most dangerous benzos for 23 years. That alone is more than enough to cause miriad of problems in itself. In addition to that you were on a ton of other drugs over the years, which can cause who knows what problems that benzos were perhaps masking. For example, electric zaps you mention are frequent antidepressant withdrawal symptom. I say you are doing great all things considered. Stay strong. Rome wasn't built in a day. This damage wasn't done in a year, so it might take more than a year to fix.

Thank you for the perspective. Yeah I’m strong as hell. I was put on clonazepam at 27 because I was diagnosed with panic anxiety disorder. I now know that it actually was complex posted up traumatic stress disorder from a severely abusive childhood. I’ve been misdiagnosed my whole life and therefore put on all kinds of psycho tropic’s in a typical anti-depressants. I’ve been able to work and support myself throughout all of this whole including addiction to alcohol and cocaine. But this by far is the worst torture I’ve ever been through. I will go through 100 of my childhood to spare myself this experience. Thank you for the perspective. Yeah I’m strong as hell. I was put on clonazepam at 27 because I was diagnosed with panic anxiety disorder. I now know that it actually was complex post Traumatic stress disorder from a severely abusive childhood. I’ve been misdiagnosed my whole life and therefore put on all kinds of psychotropics and atypical antidepressants.

I’ve been able to work and support myself throughout all of this whole including addiction to alcohol and cocaine. But this by far is the worst torture I’ve ever been through. I would go through 100 of my childhood‘s to spare myself this experience. But I’ve got good friends and a great partner and a good job, and to be honest writing right now, after getting some clarity from your response, I feel really grateful that I’m even alive. Thank you.

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Hang in there.  Months 6-14 were brutal for me!! It wasnt until 14 months that I started to feel healing was happening. It has been up and down since then. Although I still get bad waves, my windows are getting better and better. Its crazy, its just like one day you wake up and feel amazing! It doesnt last forever but it gives you so much hope.
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Good morning guys. Or afternoon or evening wherever you are. I am in hell. I could really use some feedback maybe some messages from friends that I made on here since I’ve been on benzo buddies

I am about 13 months out from jumping. I tapered pretty slowly. I feel like I’ve gotten worse. The paranoia and intrusive thoughts and terror are through the roof. I can barely go to work and I have been able to work throughout my entire taperI have no clarity of thought. I am just in constant fear. I have all kinds of weird physical pain‘s that have no underlying cause besides withdrawal.

I went on a date with my partner last night and felt terrified the entire time but felt like I couldn’t say anything. I feel like I’m pretending to be a human being. This morning I’m sitting in my backyard with my dog and my cat and the birds singing and beautiful weather and I feel like I want to jump off a building. There is a surge of constant electric energy moving through my body. My feet and toes are tingling, and my lower back is killing me. I have a day off and all I can think about is I wish I could just sleep. But I can’t. My insomnia has been horrible the last few days and I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night. Like I said my primary symptoms seem to be the obsessive looping negative thoughts, and paranoia and absolute terror. I can’t watch a show on Netflix I can’t read an article I can’t play the guitar I can’t read a book. I am afraid of everyone and everything. I even feel afraid of my dog! I’ve had this throughout withdrawl but it feels like it’s getting worse and I thought it would be better at 13 months out. Can anyone help please?

 

Totally get what you are saying, I am normally a strong person but feel I have absolutely no control over my brain or thoughts. That is the most frightening thing. Logic tells me the thoughts are untrue but it's like somone has flicked a switch in your brain. Been 11 months since started the AD like you feel I'm getting worse even though stopped them about 3 months ago. You aren't alone my friend. Just wish I find  something positive to say to help you but sadly in the same boat as you 😢

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Hang in there.  Months 6-14 were brutal for me!! It wasnt until 14 months that I started to feel healing was happening. It has been up and down since then. Although I still get bad waves, my windows are getting better and better. Its crazy, its just like one day you wake up and feel amazing! It doesnt last forever but it gives you so much hope.

Thank you. This is the worst experience I’ve ever had. I’d rather have the crap beat out of me daily than this. So you’ve been off for how long now?

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Good morning guys. Or afternoon or evening wherever you are. I am in hell. I could really use some feedback maybe some messages from friends that I made on here since I’ve been on benzo buddies

I am about 13 months out from jumping. I tapered pretty slowly. I feel like I’ve gotten worse. The paranoia and intrusive thoughts and terror are through the roof. I can barely go to work and I have been able to work throughout my entire taperI have no clarity of thought. I am just in constant fear. I have all kinds of weird physical pain‘s that have no underlying cause besides withdrawal.

I went on a date with my partner last night and felt terrified the entire time but felt like I couldn’t say anything. I feel like I’m pretending to be a human being. This morning I’m sitting in my backyard with my dog and my cat and the birds singing and beautiful weather and I feel like I want to jump off a building. There is a surge of constant electric energy moving through my body. My feet and toes are tingling, and my lower back is killing me. I have a day off and all I can think about is I wish I could just sleep. But I can’t. My insomnia has been horrible the last few days and I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night. Like I said my primary symptoms seem to be the obsessive looping negative thoughts, and paranoia and absolute terror. I can’t watch a show on Netflix I can’t read an article I can’t play the guitar I can’t read a book. I am afraid of everyone and everything. I even feel afraid of my dog! I’ve had this throughout withdrawl but it feels like it’s getting worse and I thought it would be better at 13 months out. Can anyone help please?

 

Totally get what you are saying, I am normally a strong person but feel I have absolutely no control over my brain or thoughts. That is the most frightening thing. Logic tells me the thoughts are untrue but it's like somone has flicked a switch in your brain. Been 11 months since started the AD like you feel I'm getting worse even though stopped them about 3 months ago. You aren't alone my friend. Just wish I find  something positive to say to help you but sadly in the same boat as you 😢

Isn’t it crazy the thoughts? It’s like these horrible thoughts just decide they’re going to start flowing and they come at like 1,000,000 miles an hour and there’s no stopping them.

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Hang in there.  Months 6-14 were brutal for me!! It wasnt until 14 months that I started to feel healing was happening. It has been up and down since then. Although I still get bad waves, my windows are getting better and better. Its crazy, its just like one day you wake up and feel amazing! It doesnt last forever but it gives you so much hope.

It’s like every bad thought I’ve had about myself, or bad thing my parents said about me or bad ways that they made me feel are all just magnified times 50,000 and they all seem real.

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I feel like I’m pretending to be a human being.

 

This morning I’m sitting in my backyard with my dog and my cat and the birds singing and beautiful weather and I feel like I want to jump off a building.

 

I have a day off and all I can think about is I wish I could just sleep. But I can’t. My insomnia has been horrible the last few days and I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night.

 

Like I said my primary symptoms seem to be the obsessive looping negative thoughts, and paranoia and absolute terror.

 

I can relate to everything you said in here. What is making you scared of your dog? Just the sight of your dog?

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Now developed insomnia to add to the party, have had a coup,e of rescue doses zopiclone, know they advise against it but can't cope with severe mental problems on top of insomnia as well. Things going from bad to worse no end to it!
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