Thought I was doing ok

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8 days since I c/t. I was feeling a bit better. Had a good couple of days but didn’t feel “normal”. Had a good day shopping today where i almost felt normal. Came home and and the panic and dp/dr set in hard to the point where I was scared even looking at my family. Why?! Why is this happening to me. I feel like this is never going to end. What do I do?!

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  Oftentimes the initial sickness a few days after a cut or CT can be mistaken for the brunt of the WD symptoms.  For me with longer half-life Klonopin the real acute withdrawals reach critical mass about 2 weeks later.  It is pretty unique to the individual as to when acute begins and ends. 

  You can continue to ride the storm out, as you may not have very far to fall.  Or you can reinstate and taper off to reduce the impact of hitting the benzo withdrawal wall.  I know neither choice sounds even remotely good, but those are your most basic choices without whitewashing it. 

  It won’t last forever.  That sensation is but another symptom.  Whatever you choose to do now, you can and will make it out the other side.

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sounds very familiar. I remember I had my last dose on a wednesday (had been jumping between valium and xanax) and felt fine thursday/friday/saturday then sunday i woke up feeling weird, and proceeding to have a 3 day DP episode

 

i've had new symptoms pop up for months

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  Oftentimes the initial sickness a few days after a cut or CT can be mistaken for the brunt of the WD symptoms.  For me with longer half-life Klonopin the real acute withdrawals reach critical mass about 2 weeks later.  It is pretty unique to the individual as to when acute begins and ends. 

  You can continue to ride the storm out, as you may not have very far to fall.  Or you can reinstate and taper off to reduce the impact of hitting the benzo withdrawal wall.  I know neither choice sounds even remotely good, but those are your most basic choices without whitewashing it. 

  It won’t last forever.  That sensation is but another symptom.  Whatever you choose to do now, you can and will make it out the other side.

 

 

 

Thanks Myke. I definitely don’t want to reinstate. The last week of usage was hell (even more than I’m in now). I don’t know if the alprazolam just stopped working altogether as an updose didn’t help and the less I took, the better I started to feel until now. I have been feeling the dp/dr for the last week but the panic was at bay. Now It’s like a switch flipped and I’ve been in panic mode for the last 12 hours. I was on Benzos for panic/anxiety But this feels worse than before I took the meds. Ugh. I just don’t want my mind to be damaged forever. My kids need me and I need them 😭

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Thank you maccaz! I just read all of your updates and we do seem similar in our journey. My muscle twitching has also amped up since yesterday. That doesn’t bother me so much. The last week on the meds I had terrible insomnia. I slept well this last week until now. It is now 5am here and I have slept for an hour. I really hope this “blip” doesn’t last long and this panic subsides soon. The last week on I had horrible anxiety/panic/crying. When that subsided my brain literally felt numb for a few days. Which was welcomed after feeling sheer terror 24/7 for a week. I cannot wait to be on the other side of this. I hope and pray I get there. I hope you’re having a good week!

 

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I just wanted to let you know that you're doing better than OK for what you're going through. I believe in your ability to weather this storm but encourage you not to obsess over getting back to normal. You went shopping 8 days after your CT... that would be beyond what many people can manage at the same stage.

 

Realistically, if you're so poorly now, you will likely have to put up with this sort of intensity for another few months at least. If it relents in just weeks, you can count yourself lucky. It's not a good idea to completely go into our shells and avoiding doing anything but you might consider taking it easy for a short while. Rather than fighting through, accept the situation as it is, avoid stressful activities and try to live clean and healthily. The kinder you can be to yourself and the better you can take care of yourself, the easier this becomes (although it's never going to be easy, exactly) and the sooner you're likely to get back to normal (although it's still going to take a while).

 

Being a mother makes it harder to do, so I'm sorry if my advice seems unrealistic. What I do know is that benzo withdrawal doesn't care that you're a mom. I understand the feeling of urgency to get back to normal but if you give that feeling too much weight, it's more likely to hurt you than help you. Desperate decisions tend to be bad decisions and bad decisions are magnified when we are so vulnerable. Obviously it's good motivation for you to keep going and I encourage you to make use of it.

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Thank you Bam. Your comments are always so encouraging. I’m going to get through this come hell or high water. I’m glad I have the fight in me even though some days are beyond terrible..

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I feel you. I’m on day 9 c/t from Xanax after a few months usage. My good intentioned family doc tried to put me on lexapro & Wellbutrin  after  Going through a horrid stressful few years with my 2 college age daughters getting serious medical problems at the same time while my FIL spent a year in hospital. My girls were in college out of state and I was running around flying around for kids surgeries and tests and taking care of them and I pretty much had a breakdown in my doc office when I went in for a UTI.

He tried putting me on lexapro, horrible reaction, even worse anxiety stomach probs, I made it 3 weeks and quit he switched me to Wellbutrin and gave me Xanax. I completely quit sleeping on Wellbutrin it was like taking speed. I went back and he gave me Ambien ... could not sleep with even Ambien. Decided to quit everything as I felt worse than I ever had, I moved into a bedroom upstairs where I stayed up all night with anxiety and panic attacks crying for months. 

This should have scared me away from ever taking anything again but Recently my complete lack of sleep And anxiety and Overall stressful time prompted me to start taking Xanax and lunesta for sleep again - ugh huge mistake

I only had a month of Xanax usually took .5 before bed and ran out so c/t for me and never expected to get hit with this kind of withdrawal, didn’t realize it could be this bad after short term use. I’m waking up with nausea, panic is worse in mornings prob cause I took it mostly at bedtime to sleep, I’ve had stomach intestinal issues, I feel shaky like low blood sugar. I’ll be ok, then wham and then the panic and anxiety take over  and crying. I’m so mad I took those Xanax again, I should have known better it was a short term feel better now with long term consequences.

It took me a few months before to recover ... gosh I hope it’s not that long this time, but after spending some time on BB I’m scared.

Trying to keep up with the Fam and have what looks like a normal days is so hard when all I want to do is curl up in a ball in my closet and cry all day.

 

 

 

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I use the calm app - I do breathing, mediations, and listen to sleep stories. I’ve used it daily for 2 years and I love it.

I have also tried jumping rope ... weird I know, but I saw a story on Kelly clarkson show and there was nurse that said she started jumping  rope as an outlet to deal with covid stress on the job. It will definitely temporarily Take your mind off other stuff. Lol

I got sent to cardiologist awhile back (due to high HR, hello I have constant stress and anxiety) and she told me I need to find away to burn off extra cortisol, so the jump rope theory makes sense. I also got put on a low dose beta blocker. I actually only take half of the lowest dose a day  It helps me not have full blown panic attacks. I think I have some PTSD after a horrid time-I went through menopause, had some health problems, while ,y kids were sick and my in-laws were sick and it was overall the worst time in my life. I was just trying to recover when covid hit and 2 kids moved back home and all the stuff goes with that.

I still feel panic but my HR stays down Which helps me. 

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I'm so sorry and we all understand..this process can be so rough. A c/t is such a shock to the system, and for some reason healing from these meds is truly non- linear...to feel "okayish" for a span of time and then feel intense symptoms again - hence the "windows" and "waves". Focus on those gone before us who have healed - knowing that there is hope.

I did a rapid taper end of Feb this year. I can honestly say I've experienced windows, but waves are real too. This journey is challenging, but now that I see what benzos have done, I am glad to be free of them - even on the days where I've been brought to my knees.

I try to focus on the window days, knowing that if I felt them before ..I will feel them again..and see them as a taste of my future.

 

you are still you...you're just in the heat of acute. You can do this.

 

 

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If you CT and were able to go shopping I's say you're doing very good! Obviously there will be times you're not going to feel great but just the fact you could go into public and function is amazing.