yikes! kindled for disaster???

[[cl...]]

Looking at some past emails I discovered I must have mis-remembered something that could be very significant......... 

 

In my BenzoBuddies Introduction I said I had gone from occasional 1/4 pill Klonopin use this spring, to one 1/4 pill a day in late spring, to two 1/4 pills (0.125mg) a day in June or July, to three 1/4 pills a day in July.............. at a current total of 0.375mg daily, which I've arranged in a schedule of 6 doses of 0.0625mg each.

 

Last night I discovered I forgot something that could be very significant.  In July I cut my dose of two 1/4 pills a day back to one 1/4 pill a day.  That was a 50% cut, and I got hit with huge panic attacks that felt like seizures.  But instead of going back to two 1/4 pills a day after that, for one day only I went up to five 1/4 pills, evenly spaced out through the day!  A pharmacist friend advised to make it four 1/4 pills a day, for a total of 0.5 mg (one pill.)  Okay, but what I don't remember is how I got to a total of three 1/4 pills a day, which has been my dosage all throughout August.  That is, 0.375 mg daily.  I don't recall making another cut.  Could all this be why I've been suffering such painful anxiety and panic attacks throughout August?

 

SINCE all these stupid mistakes I discovered BenzoBuddies (thank god for you guys), so now I know how carefully and sensitively one must taper!  Have a plan, keep a log!

 

Three days ago I started a very modest taper, cutting one of the six 1/8 mg doses of my 0.375 mg total daily dose to 1/16th mg.  If things go well, my plan is to cut a dose by 1/16th every 2 - 4 weeks. 

 

HOWEVER, having discovered these stupid blunders I made in July, I'm wondering if it is okay to continue this plan at all.  Would I likely be kindled for disaster?

 

Please advise!

 

thanks,

 

clearbluesky

[[Pa...]]

Its my understanding that kindling has been studied quite a bit in relation to alcohol, not as much for benzodiazepines, so while many would agree it fits the same pattern for us, we can't get discouraged if we've made mistakes in the past.  I feel severe cases of kindling can occur when a person completely starts and stops benzo's multiple times, not so much for dose reductions or erratic dosing.  The reactions to these instances we can probably just chalk up to withdrawal symptoms not the phenomenon of kindling. 

 

I'm not minimizing your distress, you've suffered enough to be worried about what happens now but I don't feel your use qualifies as being kindled so you can proceed with your plan which sounds like a great one by the way. 

 

 

[[cl...]]

Yea!  I'm so glad to hear that, Pamster.  Thank you.  I really want to continue this taper. 

[[Pa...]]

Hey, since you've done such a great job of documenting your drug history perhaps you could put it in your signature so other members can see where you're at, it helps us figure out how to help at a glance.  Here are the instructions. Add your history/signature 

[[Ma...]]

Looking at some past emails I discovered I must have mis-remembered something that could be very significant......... 

 

In my BenzoBuddies Introduction I said I had gone from occasional 1/4 pill Klonopin use this spring, to one 1/4 pill a day in late spring, to two 1/4 pills (0.125mg) a day in June or July, to three 1/4 pills a day in July.............. at a current total of 0.375mg daily, which I've arranged in a schedule of 6 doses of 0.0625mg each.

 

Last night I discovered I forgot something that could be very significant.  In July I cut my dose of two 1/4 pills a day back to one 1/4 pill a day.  That was a 50% cut, and I got hit with huge panic attacks that felt like seizures.  But instead of going back to two 1/4 pills a day after that, for one day only I went up to five 1/4 pills, evenly spaced out through the day!  A pharmacist friend advised to make it four 1/4 pills a day, for a total of 0.5 mg (one pill.)  Okay, but what I don't remember is how I got to a total of three 1/4 pills a day, which has been my dosage all throughout August.  That is, 0.375 mg daily.  I don't recall making another cut.  Could all this be why I've been suffering such painful anxiety and panic attacks throughout August?

 

SINCE all these stupid mistakes I discovered BenzoBuddies (thank god for you guys), so now I know how carefully and sensitively one must taper!  Have a plan, keep a log!

 

Three days ago I started a very modest taper, cutting one of the six 1/8 mg doses of my 0.375 mg total daily dose to 1/16th mg.  If things go well, my plan is to cut a dose by 1/16th every 2 - 4 weeks. 

 

HOWEVER, having discovered these stupid blunders I made in July, I'm wondering if it is okay to continue this plan at all.  Would I likely be kindled for disaster?

 

Please advise!

 

thanks,

 

clearbluesky

 

It is totally irrelevant what happened in the past, just forget about it. Kindling, tolerance withdrawal, etc. are totally useless words

The question is whether you feel stable or not. If you do, then you can consider tapering. Modest is good. Tapering is best if based on symptoms.

[[di...]]

A past dose reduction might account for why you are feeling bad. If you're not well, hold where you are until you are stable and then make a cut. We've all done things that are less than healthy out of ignorance. This is the wake up call to be a bit more careful. I've had cold turkey attempts in my time, past alcohol use too, but I am sure that I am healing. It would not be a disaster if I didn't get better than this but I think I've still got some improving to do. If you find a way to get through the withdrawal process, you'll be well on your way to putting this behind you. Give extra thought to what's best for your health, give up some unhealthy pleasures, put a little extra into self care... Do these things and you're going to cope better.

[[...]]

Yes, that could definitely be the reason you felt so bad. But, I’d just move on ahead. I don’t think it’s going to affect your taper. Just hold until you feel stable and then go forward!

[[cl...]]

Thank you all for your support!  It means so much to me that you understand and care.  I guess I should just hold, but it's a miserable place.  I'm anxious, depressed and stuck with a 2:30 am dose that I can't go back to sleep after!  I don't know what I was thinking with a 6 dose a day schedule, but I'm leery of messing with it now.  Would changing to 3 doses a day, at the same total daily dosage, screw me up worse?  I'm wondering cause I really need sleep.  But I can't afford to screw myself up worse either.....

 

The night before last, along with my 2:30 am Klonopin dose, I took 3 mg Melatonin, hoping to get back to sleep.  I kind of drowsed in and out the rest of the night, aware of my heart racing a few times. In the morning I went for my morning walk kind of woozy, dizzy, with a headache, but unusual sense of calm.  I assumed the Melatonin just hadn't worn off, that's all.  But after my walk I checked my oximeter and found my O2 was just 82........way down in the danger zone.  The rest of the morning struggled to get my O2 back up to a normal 95-98, where it finally stayed that afternoon.  When I called my doctor to report this he said it could be a blood clot......if it happened again, go to an ER.  When my O2 dropped to 89 that evening, I did.

 

My blood pressure, heart rate, O2, blood tests and the D-Dimer blood clot test......all turned out normal.  I think the 02 drops were probably because I've been run-down by weeks of wrenching anxiety, panic attacks, painful chest tightness, insomnia.  To distract myself and use nervous energy I had dedicated myself to a number of physical tasks these past weeks, and I think I've worn myself out.  I need sleep, but will never touch Melatonin again. 

 

It amazes me that everyone here seems strong enough physically to go through all this.  Here's to you guys.  Hope I make it right along with you!

 

clearbluesky 

[[di...]]

I know people say to be careful with changing dose schedules especially when feeling withdrawals but 6 times a day is unnecessary and I'm not surprised it's inconvenient too. The last thing you need is something to wake you up through the night. For peace of mind, 3 doses per day is enough.

[[...]]

For 14 years I was on 5 doses a day all spaced out. I think back on it now and I can't believe I thought this was a normal way to live. Anyway, when I first started tapering, I cut one dose completely.

 

I'm on Xanax which has a shorter half-life so I've kept the other 4 doses and have been cutting those doses down. For my next cut, I'm going to eliminate another dose completely. That will have me at 3 doses per day. There is an adjustment period and of course, I have a lot of side effects for the first couple of weeks but eventually, my body gets used to the new dosing schedule and amount.

 

I just recommend going slow. They say Klonopin has a longer half-life so I would think it would be fine to take it 3 times a day.

[[cl...]]

You guys are right.  A 2:30 a.m. dose is crazy.  I usually fall asleep fine but if I wake up during the night I can't get back to sleep.  So setting my alarm for a 2:30 a.m. dose every night definitely isn't working for me.  But now that the benzo beast is used to being fed at 2:30 a.m. every night, how do I get rid of that dose painlessly?

 

This is my schedule as is:

7 am

10:30 am

2 pm

5:30 pm

9 pm

2:30 am

 

All doses are 1/8 of a .5 Klonopin (0.0625 mg) except for 2 pm which is 1/16, since I started a taper.

 

Is there a way to cut out the 2:30 a.m. dose without setting off a bad reaction???  Load the 1/8th to the doses 9 pm and 7 am doses?  Or???

 

Please advise.  I need the sleep!

[[Pa...]]

I'd load the extra onto your 9 pm dose unless you suffer from morning anxiety like many members do, in that case I'd load it onto the 7 am dose. 

[[cl...]]

Thanks Pamster!  Terrible morning anxiety here.  But would I be less likely to wake up at 2:30 am if I split the dose with 9 pm? 

[[Pa...]]

I didn't consider splitting it, you might as well give it a shot and adjust when you know how you're going to react.

[[cl...]]

Thanks Pamster.  I'll try it in a few days when I have no morning obligations.