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When do we heal?


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[67...]

Hey BBs,

 

I am still struggling considerably and want to achieve healing.  I am constantly wondering who I am as a person?  What is my purpose?  Apparently, Eckhart Tolle talks about how a trauma can be an awakening.  This is an awakening for sure, life is certainly beautiful without benzos, I appreciate everything so much more.  The fulfillment I have today compared to the dark empty hole I was in...the benzo use created a void that I could not fill, now I am overflowing.  But the fear, the weird thinking...makes me question who am I ?  What energizes me?  What drains me?  Maybe I have the rest of my life to figure that out...I long for the day the racing thoughts slow down and intrusive memories completely fade.  Maybe I could work again...I miss being a part of something. 

 

I long for normalcy, I think I have to be more accepting of now and continuously practice being present.

 

Sending love and prayers BBs

Fiercey

 

 

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How to rebuild right? We lose so much of ourselves in this! I've been having  some soul searching conversations in my head too.

you know what i did today Fierce? I made a vague 5 year plan. I was so annoyed that I feel like crap today (and feeling a bit lost..) that it inspired me to do it. I've always needed direction and focus...a goal. I know its a very fluid plan due to how I may be feeling, but I guess it was an attempt to capture some vision in my life again. I made it to be small, attainable, sustainable.

I need something. Having a void just kind of adds to the benzo emptiness. I'm attempting to get back to work part time. Not sure how to handle the waves but I said, " screw it - I'll figure it out!".

 

Just wanted to validate you bc what you wrote resonates with me and I wrestle with it too.Hope you figure it out soon:)

Hugs! :smitten:

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[67...]

Awww Trina thanks so much for sharing!  I like that idea...a five year plan.  That’s super awesome you are considering going back to work part time.  Go you!  Yay yay!

 

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