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Having a bad night


[Po...]

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Hi BB. I guess I just need to vent. I'm 24 month off and currently in the worst wave since acute. I'm a musician, and I teach in-home lessons, plus I gig out when I can. I was feeling pretty okay for a while, and though I still had waves, it was nowhere near as bad as the one I'm currently in. I just had to lie and cancel a residency gig because of the state I'm in. I'm also considering having to put my lessons on hold as well. This is really killing me inside on top of the panic attacks. I worked so hard to build a student roster again, and I really don't know if I can make it through teaching in this state of panic. I'm hoping this will pass soon, and I can go back to a doable baseline again. Idk why I'm posting this, I guess I'm just looking for any kind of encouragement. I hope everyone is holding up okay.

 

PVibes.

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PV: the fact that you were functioning pretty good is a very good sign. I'm so sorry for your setback. I hear all the time on here of how sensitive people can be still long after jumping, and yes even years later. None of us want that to be us! Believing you will make your way back again. Take care of you.

:smitten:

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Thanks for the reply Trina. This process has been a wild ride to say the least. I appreciate the kind words. I hope you're holding okay through your journey.
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I had a workout induced panic attack at 23 months out last Sunday night while working out......thought I was having a heart attack! It should me mentioned that I had never had a panic attacks prior to this? Is there anything in particular which seems to be causing these panic attacks?
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Yo +ve,

 

You're a real cool dude, so don't even worry about that. Yeah, it is kinda soul destroying to have to restrict ourselves so much. I don't know whether it's worst to constantly think about what I can't do or to not even consider it... it's kinda sad to just put it out of mind completely. This is what recovery will be for me. When I am able to do what I want to do without consideration of any benzo related condition. I'm moving closer towards that, but it'll be a year or more probably before I can move on. It's frustrating to be stuck but at least we're heading in the right direction.

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Thanks for all the replies, and support. This morning has been slightly better, not great, but anything counts right now.

 

Tidefan, I think my reply sent as a message, but I'll respond here too. My balance has been much better. I still have it, but even in this intense wave, it's not causing me stress like it used to. I noticed a huge difference about 6 months ago on the balance getting better.

 

 

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Thanks for the reply Trina. This process has been a wild ride to say the least. I appreciate the kind words. I hope you're holding okay through your journey.

I def still have my days, but this month has been giving me "gifts" so I'll take them, but not counting on them. you know how it is  ;)

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