Please keep me strong

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I’m heading to the end of my taper and things are getting incredibly difficult. I’ve had 4 no sleep nights this week, I’m absolutely struggling. Is there anyone else out there struggling with this at the end of their taper? I really need some support I feel so alone x

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I may not be at that point any more, but I am definitely still in withdrawals.  Therefore I can tell you from experience that insomnia is a temporary symptom, it really sucks and it will get better in time.

  I am currently headed back down the insomnia road with the similar to Benzos, Paxil withdrawals on top of my recovery from Klonopin.  It helps having the knowledge that not sleeping won’t kill you or shatter your mind, this time around.  Micro sleeps are very real and you will not know they are happening but they are.  They slowly turn into minutes of sleep you aren’t sure really happened, then slowly progress from minutes into hours.  I got to where I didn’t sleep awesome but I slept 5-8 hours with dreams that were not terrifying and then waking without the terrifying cortisol surge.

  I made that progress while very much still actively in Benzo withdrawals.  It is absurdly non-linear in sequence of symptoms, but it seems that we all spend some time on most of them and for some they have to hit than fever pitch for a bit before we get to the other side of a symptom.

  It is ok that you feel like crap and can’t sleep.  You are still traveling through the storm and healing while doing nothing but getting through each progressive minute/day.  Time passing is forward progress.

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Thanku myke. I really appreciate ur story I’m sorry ur struggling too. All my other symptoms have gotten better but the insomnia just stops me really healing. How did U get off z drugs? I was doing well but not sure where I went wrong this week

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I was totally unaware of BB, tapering, Ashton or that I had been in progressively worsening interdose withdrawals for many years.  Things got bad when I quit drinking alcohol and the accumulated benzos in my body were able to be fully metabolized.  I was cut by psychiatrist who had prescribed and maintained the addiction that I was unaware of when she was forced to start removing patients from benzodiazepines.  I got into a wreck and broke my back 2 weeks into acute withdrawals.  I went completely crazy and I think I stayed at the dosage I had been cut to for quite awhile before a lot of other addiction consequences also tore my family apart. It is very hazy and I cannot put that period of time into a chronological order.

  I finally found BB at the very end of my eyeballed broken pill taper and discovered all the crazy making symptoms.  Along with that I also realized that I had been in interdose/tolerance withdrawals for many years and acquired a stack of BS diagnosis.  I am somewhat unsure what my health situation really is or who I really am supposed to be right now.  I have been through a lot of symptoms and heading back down that road with the Paxil sucks.

  It does get better though and you have to just remember that it sucks now because your system is reestablishing system levels.  Homeostasis is painfully happening while sitting and just persevering.  Craziest part is that despite feeling like you will have lifelong PTSD due to going through all this, you will forget the tippity top level of your extreme pain in awhile.  You will remember it was really bad, but you won't feel that crap through every fiber of your being when you think of your suffering, after some time recovering.

 

 

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God u have been thru hell. I know what u mean about diagnosis, I’ve been diagnosed with a bunch of things too, had so many blood tests I was seriously worried about whether my veins would collapse permanently. I had no idea about interdose withdrawal either. I knew something was up and thought it was the sleeping pills but my dr said “highly unlikely “ yeah well. After searching the internet I found slot of people struggling just like me. All had tones of tests, misdiagnosis. Polydrugged, then once they are off everything they get better. Did u have heaps of trouble with insomnia?

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Insomnia was periodic over the years on Benzos.  I always had Xanax or alcohol to boost my Klonopin levels back into effective range.  Obviously that just made the whole house of cards stay up longer and hurt even more when it inevitably fell.

  I would have random periods where I would be awake for a few days, but I worked welding/fabricating 10-15 hours a day and exhausted myself.  After I lost my career and was put on disability I started having insomnia more often.

  During acute withdrawals while tapering and jumping, I had about 1-2 months of no discernable sleep.  It got better and was definitely improved to a tolerable level before my last Paxil cut.  Now I get about 3-4 hours and am thankful for it because it could just as easily be zero hours.  Doesn't matter that I know insomnia doesn't stop my healing, it still really sucks and helps drives the health Anxieties that I know aren't true but still ruminate on.

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Thanks myke for sharing ur story. 3-4 hrs is doable I can cope with that too. I’d be so greatful for that

 

Do u have much more of ur reduction to go on Paxil myke? I know how difficult withdrawal from ads is unfortunately have done it many times myself x.

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Sorry just saw 15mg of Paxil. You are so close myke, that’s a low dose. How are ur other symptoms are they better since u jumped?

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I really think power of story hits home with what you have said today. Thank you so much myke. It helps you feel less crazy when u know others are suffering too. You certainly deserve every success with ur taper. U have truly been thru enough x

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  I did a typical fall flat on my face after I jumped and ended up taking a tiny crumb 2 weeks later to reduce severe muscle rigidity and tearing.  It worked and while it was still really bad I managed to push past the symptom peak when it came around again 2 weeks later.  Since then most of my symptoms have been slowly, but steadily improving.  There are still new ones and persistent ones from my years of incurring them, but there was a pretty good trend towards baseline improvement.

  I really had no clue that the Paxil was going to bring me crashing down like this.  After the major Paxil withdrawals a couple weeks ago I feel like this drug needs to be eliminated if I really hope to heal fully.  I’ll get back on track after I am done with the Paxil.

  If I am honest I will say that I am scared but I am not giving up. 

Keep your goal forefront in your mind and when actively striving for it is just to miserable, just wait for time to pass and let the healing continue to happen.

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I am so glad to have spoken to you myke. That is great advice Thanku. I’m scared too. I look at my dose and it’s crumbs compared to what others may have left, then I feel silly worrying about it. I haven’t been on paxil but I was on a few others. Lexapro is same class as Paxil. I reduced a quarter of a pill every week, as instructed by pdoc. It was definitely hard but nothing like zopiclone. You have overcome so much myke that you will be able to achieve this too. We definitely need to keep our eyes on the prize. Where do u live? Must be Southern Hemisphere coz it’s the middle of the night  I’m in oz. x

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Washington State, U.S.

  I was put on many many meds when I had my tolerance withdrawals diagnosed as bipolar.  I was put on and ripped off all the fun nasty drugs.  I think her records still have me listed as having all sorts of things like extreme agoraphobia, that have now mostly vanished.  One of the reasons I want the last med gone is so I don’t ever have to interact with that nasty, scary, incompetent, heartless monster ever again. 

 

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I’ve been on them all too myke. Diagnosed ptsd agoraphobia adjustment disorder anxiety depression. Never had any issues before Benzos. Do u ever think about legal action? I was with a therapist today that says I have a case. But going up against a dr or pharma would break me financially. I pray for the day you can go into her office med free and well so you can show her what she’s done and that you were right all along. There needs to be a point this stops. It’s madness.

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There was never any informed consent even once during all the years of thinking she was helping me.  I have lost my benzo rage anger and while I want to cause positive change in the awareness of constant flagrant Idiocy in prescribing of drugs, I don't want a stressful fight.  I absolutely agree with legal action because money is the only way to get all these doctors prescribing dangerous drugs they don't understand, into compulsory education. 

  As a victim and consumer I will absolutely spread the truth about

her role as a dangerously incompetent drug dealer, every time I get the chance.  If I have to fight because of that then so be it

  In the future I think lawyers will start to hunt benzo cases when they become money makers.  It is purely the insurance companies that you will be fighting, not Doctors or Pharma.  The Benzo pullbacks I think we'll see will be dictated by insurance companies that see benzos prescriptions as costing them money in the not too distant future.  The insurers have to stay miles ahead of trending medical law and they scatter when too many lawyers sniff around new medical information, laws and favorable case law.

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Also wanted to clarify that I actually had improved to 7-8 hours of sleep before tripping over the Paxil withdrawals and being just recently reduced back to 3-4 hours.

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No me either, never told any of this was possible. My dr still doesn’t believe it’s what’s happened to me. The saddest part is I may never trust another dr as long as I live. I think drs are just not given enough time with their patients actually listening to them and trying non drug methods first. And who are we to disagree with them! I wonder if I had a dr who had listened and knew about Benzos if I would be here today. I’m sure once Paxil is out of ur system sleep will improve. I have a friend who’s trying to withdraw from effexor and she’s starting to have trouble sleeping too.

There was never any informed consent even once during all the years of thinking she was helping me.  I have lost my benzo rage anger and while I want to cause positive change in the awareness of constant flagrant Idiocy in prescribing of drugs, I don't want a stressful fight.  I absolutely agree with legal action because money is the only way to get all these doctors prescribing dangerous drugs they don't understand, into compulsory education. 

  As a victim and consumer I will absolutely spread the truth about

her role as a dangerously incompetent drug dealer, every time I get the chance.  If I have to fight because of that then so be it

  In the future I think lawyers will start to hunt benzo cases when they become money makers.  It is purely the insurance companies that you will be fighting, not Doctors or Pharma.  The Benzo pullbacks I think we'll see will be dictated by insurance companies that see benzos prescriptions as costing them money in the not too distant future.  The insurers have to stay miles ahead of trending medical law and they scatter when too many lawyers sniff around new medical information, laws and favorable case law.