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Vivid Memories


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So, I have posted about this before. During interdose and withdrawal, I have been having vivid reminders or flashbacks of my past. Before when I posted, it was mainly ex-boyfriends, and then that went away for a couple of weeks. But, seeing certain things will bring back memories that I never even knew registered in my subconscious. For instance, today I was watching a tv show and a female character was wearing a plaid skirt. It brought back memories of how when I was little, my mom bought my twin sister and I matching plaid school girl skirts with matching turtleneck sweaters. These memories are almost nonstop and it is really heartbreaking. It is a past I mourn for and didn't even realize I would miss so dearly one day.
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Yes, I've had this. Are the memories bringing on anxiety even if there is a good memory?

Like it's a very unpleasant feeling along with the memories?

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Yes, it does bring with it anxiety. Mainly because I miss being healthy, happy, and normal and now I feel like I've lost control of my body and mind.
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I have been off benzos exactly 2 months and 16 days. When the memories started during interdose withdrawal, I thought I had a tumor because they were so vivid like those described by tumor and cancer patients. Anxiety and unease was so bad that I would cry.
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I had this during my taper. It was very uncomfortable and I had to hold at the dose I was at. After a few weeks of this, eventually it did stop and when it did, I felt improved all round. Like, better than I had been in years, since before the benzos and antidepressants. I hope it signals a good spell for you too.
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Find the vivid recall of my past life from before I got ill in 1996 very hard to deal with.

The grief is overwhelming.

I can remember exactly who I was and what it felt like to be me before I got ME

I can remember what it felt like to get up and go to work and drive and go out with friends.

My ex’s are there a lot. My dead cat turns up... I hear her bell etc.

I dream that I am back with ex before I  got ill and then wa,e it.

It breaks my heart.

 

And, as you say everything reminds me of the past.

 

This is so hard.

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