How do people do this?

[[Ha...]]

I give up, can't do it anymore. Nothing helps, took magnesium 2 weeks ago, a week in agony, a week going crazy... Finally thought I'd cracked it yesterday, felt good...

 

Today has been awful again, mid panic attack, had a beer now my hands are numb, reved me up!!

 

Can't even reinstate to do a proper taper because it makes me ill

 

I can't go on like this, it's too much

[[Ha...]]

Feel free to delete that. Was freaking out, needed to vent.

 

Can't seem to delete it myself

[[di...]]

Sorry you've been to that place. It's awful. It's perfectly acceptable to vent every now and then, no need to apologise.

 

Personally, I'd focus on the "why?" rather than the "how?". The "why?" for me is because my diazepam dependency was from my perspective a nasty accident. I never needed to be medicated, I took an SSRI for situational depression, which started a chain of events. It was a bad decision that I made at a vulnerable time. I had the means to get out of the situation that was depressing me but I didn't know it was the right thing to do. I know I'd have quickly improved. Being trapped on diazepam has been by far the most depressed, the least myself I have ever been. A year ago when I was experiencing psychotic symptoms amongst other nasty withdrawal symptoms and everything was going wrong in my life, I had no idea how I would get through this but I knew that I would because I knew why I was doing it. I want my life back.

 

One foot in front of the other, you have little influence over how, you can only respond to the challenges as best you can. Seek inspiration and motivation over negativity. You can do this.

[[Ha...]]

The problem is I'm going through this because I'm unable to tolerate any medication whatsoever, even magnesium has sent me into hell.

 

If I could take any sort of benzo without it making me ill I would, and take my time with a slow taper. It just seems there's no way out.

 

Going to go back to the psych clinic today, there must be some way to do this without killing myself. Physical symptoms are back again today after a stupid beer, and keen feel my head turning building for another panic attack

[[jo...]]

The problem is I'm going through this because I'm unable to tolerate any medication whatsoever, even magnesium has sent me into hell.

 

If I could take any sort of benzo without it making me ill I would, and take my time with a slow taper. It just seems there's no way out.

 

Going to go back to the psych clinic today, there must be some way to do this without killing myself. Physical symptoms are back again today after a stupid beer, and keen feel my head turning building for another panic attack

 

There is. Right when you think there is no way out, a trap door will open - you will see.

 

Can you / Are you exercising? it sounds dumb, but it is actually profound. Your brain must send powerful signals to actuate those muscles, and this can really help divert the energy and calm your system. I started walking, and then running and then weights over a period of a few months. I could not have predicted the huge positive impact it had.

 

How is your eating?

 

Remember this (put it on your wall if it helps - I did):

 

No feeling is forever

-Rumi

[[Ha...]]

Thanks Joed,

 

Was walking/riding miles a day for the 1st few months as it was the only way I could get my thoughts together. Since my little magnesium setback tho I couldn't walk further than 10m is was in so much pain. Then fatigue for a week, mostly spent in bed, no apatite. I do have good days, it's just this constant dizziness which feels like my brain trying to recalibrate, and the 2 hour panic attack in the afternoon where all seems lost.

 

Try and get out on the bike today, because it was helping

[[di...]]

The problem is I'm going through this because I'm unable to tolerate any medication whatsoever, even magnesium has sent me into hell.

 

If I could take any sort of benzo without it making me ill I would, and take my time with a slow taper. It just seems there's no way out.

 

Going to go back to the psych clinic today, there must be some way to do this without killing myself. Physical symptoms are back again today after a stupid beer, and keen feel my head turning building for another panic attack

Yeah, I really don't think the beer was a great idea. No judgement, I did worse than one measly beer on a few occasions. Still, something that is best avoided since you know what it does.

 

We're kind of saying the same thing just with a different spin. I'm anti-medication for myself because they have hurt me far more than they helped me. I'm anti-medication in all but the most severe cases because I have a good understanding of the risk/reward profile and I believe it is not favourable in a majority of cases. I have no ideological bent against them except that they aren't the solution that they are claimed to be.

 

So the "why?" is because med-free is a priority for my future well-being. I can say I'm going through this because I have to, which is true. But I can go further and own the process. I'm going through this for the sake of my good health, even though it doesn't always feel like it.

[[Ha...]]

Year, I know where your coming, just desperation on my part. It's the only symptom that gets me, and the only dam one that doesn't stay away.

 

I got myself into this mess, I'll get myself out of.. I've still got a built in response to stress that a drink will solve it that's proving hard to ignore.

 

But on the plus side, just did an hour on the bike and feeling a bit more positive.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply, living alone with nobody to talk to makes things worse at times.

 

Good luck

[[tr...]]

Having a mare: You can do this. I know where you are at..i was in tolerance wd and never knew it - for a year! Anything else I took went paradoxical on me...

 

I'm now into 6 months post jump (rapid taper bc of situation with doc). There are definitely improvements. In the beginning if you had asked if I thought I'd be able to make it this far I would have screamed no way. Yet here I am, glad for it too.

Easy? theres def rough days...but there will be days of lesser symptoms or they change...and its then you realize healing is happening.

 

It can be so lonely and the thoughts can be overwhelming - I'm so sorry - thats why we're here...to get you through another day:)

[[Ha...]]

Thanks Trina,

 

Glad I found this site, even if it's just to rant 😂

 

Today hasn't been as bad, and no freak out YET.

 

I have to do this, and I will....