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Going absolutely insane


[82...]

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[82...]

I can't do this anymore. It's not possible for a human to go through what I do every single day and make it out alive.  I can't go by any success story because none of them were close to how bad I am suffering.

 

My brain is racing and looping 24/7 for 19 months now.  I can't stop freaking eating food every second of the day.

 

My brain is so messed up there is no coming back from it.

 

I'm refuse to let myself suffering for years more like this. 

 

I'm ready to give up.

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Don't give up Perth.  It's 18 months for me and still have mental symptoms.  Debilitating. 

 

We can do it perth. 

 

D x

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[82...]

Don't give up Perth.  It's 18 months for me and still have mental symptoms.  Debilitating. 

 

We can do it perth. 

 

D x

 

Thanks deadwoodgone. You said you were nearly healed and have had good windows. I'm worse than ever at 19 months off.  I'm ready to cold turkey remeron.  I don't care anymore.  I'm not going to make it.

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[82...]

My mind has decided to latch and loop on food.  I can't stop eating and thinking about food.  Is this from quitting cigarettes 2 months ago?  Remeron? 

 

I've never been so desperate.  I'm thinking of trying benzos again.  It's not possible to live like this. Why aren't many people this severe mentally?

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Personally, I think you're probably in the clear from the cigarettes 2 months later. That's incredible to quit cigarettes while you're going through this, by the way. I imagine that it hurt a lot but it will be good for your recovery and your general health in the long run.

 

I would strongly encourage you not to cold turkey Remeron. I found these symptoms for Remeron withdrawal in a Google search:

 

irritability, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, nightmares, headache, and/or paresthesias (prickling, tingling sensation on the skin)

 

If you have any of these symptoms already, they are likely to become even more intense with a C/T on Remeron. It might be hard to imagine that's possible but I assure you it is. You also leave open the possibility of new symptoms on top of what you're experiencing already.

 

Remeron is well known for stimulating appetite and is sometimes prescribed for that reason. Tapering might make sense. That would almost certainly bring your appetite to a more normal size. It will bring some new challenges too but it might be worth it. We haven't always seen eye to eye but I'm genuinely concerned for your wellbeing if you try a cold turkey.

 

I wish you the best, whatever you do. I hope at least in the short term you feel a little bit less insane tomorrow.

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I thought I was going well perth, and I was, then it all came back.  Not as bad as Acute but still debilitating.  My eyes aren't focussing properly.  Anxiety.  Depression.  Derealisation.  Weird thoughts. So over this it ain't funny. 

 

No chance I would reinstate so just got to keep going.

 

I was so happy about feeling better but I guess it was a window? 

 

I understand now why people aren't overjoyed by windows.  The disappointment when the window closes is so, um, disappointing.  :'(

 

If it were me I would not ct remeron perth.  I came off it a number of years back and I felt it even with taper. 

 

Hang in perth.  You are not alone. 

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[82...]

Personally, I think you're probably in the clear from the cigarettes 2 months later. That's incredible to quit cigarettes while you're going through this, by the way. I imagine that it hurt a lot but it will be good for your recovery and your general health in the long run.

 

I would strongly encourage you not to cold turkey Remeron. I found these symptoms for Remeron withdrawal in a Google search:

 

irritability, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, nightmares, headache, and/or paresthesias (prickling, tingling sensation on the skin)

 

If you have any of these symptoms already, they are likely to become even more intense with a C/T on Remeron. It might be hard to imagine that's possible but I assure you it is. You also leave open the possibility of new symptoms on top of what you're experiencing already.

 

Remeron is well known for stimulating appetite and is sometimes prescribed for that reason. Tapering might make sense. That would almost certainly bring your appetite to a more normal size. It will bring some new challenges too but it might be worth it. We haven't always seen eye to eye but I'm genuinely concerned for your wellbeing if you try a cold turkey.

 

I wish you the best, whatever you do. I hope at least in the short term you feel a little bit less insane tomorrow.

 

Thanks.  I don't have of the symptoms you listed above. 

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Being made to go cold turkey off zopiclone started my problems please think very carefully before doing anything. I tapered over 6 weeks with the AD and although the mental symptoms still there 24/7 don't feel any worse than when was on them.Haven't had any Windows just some days worse than others do know what you are going through you aren't alone.
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Perth I don't usually post the mental symptoms I have because don't want to frighten people.  >:D

 

I understand perth.  It's horrible.  Yes, it's improved, but still so very taxing.  Debilitating. 

 

Today I'm going to try do good things for myself.  At least I'm sitting on the couch, no longer on my back.  Yaaay!  :'(

 

Hang in girl this sucks so big time.  We can't let it beat us. 

 

D x

 

 

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[82...]

Perth I don't usually post the mental symptoms I have because don't want to frighten people.  >:D

 

I understand perth.  It's horrible.  Yes, it's improved, but still so very taxing.  Debilitating. 

 

Today I'm going to try do good things for myself.  At least I'm sitting on the couch, no longer on my back.  Yaaay!  :'(

 

Hang in girl this sucks so big time.  We can't let it beat us. 

 

D x

 

Thanks deadwoodgone.  I'm actually male.

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Personally, I think you're probably in the clear from the cigarettes 2 months later. That's incredible to quit cigarettes while you're going through this, by the way. I imagine that it hurt a lot but it will be good for your recovery and your general health in the long run.

 

I would strongly encourage you not to cold turkey Remeron. I found these symptoms for Remeron withdrawal in a Google search:

 

irritability, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, nightmares, headache, and/or paresthesias (prickling, tingling sensation on the skin)

 

If you have any of these symptoms already, they are likely to become even more intense with a C/T on Remeron. It might be hard to imagine that's possible but I assure you it is. You also leave open the possibility of new symptoms on top of what you're experiencing already.

 

Remeron is well known for stimulating appetite and is sometimes prescribed for that reason. Tapering might make sense. That would almost certainly bring your appetite to a more normal size. It will bring some new challenges too but it might be worth it. We haven't always seen eye to eye but I'm genuinely concerned for your wellbeing if you try a cold turkey.

 

I wish you the best, whatever you do. I hope at least in the short term you feel a little bit less insane tomorrow.

 

Thanks.  I don't have of the symptoms you listed above.

I'm glad! A cold turkey on Remeron would almost certainly lead to at least some of those symptoms. I don't want you to go through that because you're already struggling so much.

 

Do you cook or bake at all? I wonder if you could maybe get the ingredients for something you have never made before and give it a go? Totally understandable that it might be too much for you at the moment. It's just an idea that popped into my head because it's something I have been meaning to do for a while. I have the house to myself as my family go on holiday next week so I'm going to enjoy having the kitchen to myself to try something different. I prefer to experiment alone rather than having others asking about what I'm doing. I just wondered if it might help in getting this out of your system, so to speak.

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I've spent morning in tears managed to eat breakfast that was it. I had no choice with the zopiclone but you can taper your AD maybe look on surviving anti depressants read what going cold turkey can do. I couldn't take long taper due to awful side effects but don't end up in tears every day now so some progressI I won't post my mental symptoms but do severely limit my life you really aren't alone in this.
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[82...]

I've spent morning in tears managed to eat breakfast that was it. I had no choice with the zopiclone but you can taper your AD maybe look on surviving anti depressants read what going cold turkey can do. I couldn't take long taper due to awful side effects but don't end up in tears every day now so some progressI I won't post my mental symptoms but do severely limit my life you really aren't alone in this.

 

Leann - you tried NAC lately right. What brand did you use?

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[82...]

Hello Perth,

 

I know what you are going through. I know how it is to go insane every day, without actually being insane. I have been living like this for 19 years now. Sometimes it's really bad, sometimes a little less. I have been there and sometimes I am still there.

 

About the eating, exactly the same. It's the only thing I can think about. Food and sex.

 

I can only recommend you two things. The first thing is taking Theanine, it's a supplement. It works for most people. It will make you calm, improve your mood and make you focus better. I've tried hundreds of supplements, and this is the only one that really really really works, and not just for me, for everyone I've given it. Please give it a go, it can't hurt.

 

The second thing, and this is the biggest tip I can give anyone going through this nightmare, is this: please start running everyday. It will make a huge difference. If you have a panic attack or going crazy, just run. 5 Km is a good distance for running away panic attacks and going crazy. The scientific reason behind it, it's that it releases positive chemicals in the brain that calm you down, make you feel better and repair GABA receptors which are affected by benzodiazepine use.

 

I know where you are. It sucks. It's immense torture that no human being should live through. And nobody understands it. It's not fair. I get you for the full 100%.

 

Best of luck. Someday this nightmare is over and you will live a happy life.

 

Thank you for leaving a comment.  It was rassuring but very scary at the same time .  19 years?!?!? I've heard theanine can set you back.  I will start running as you recomended. How the hell are you still alive after doing this for 19 years is the questions. I'm ready to go now.

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[82...]

Did you say 19 years?  Are you attributing this to benzo withdrawal or are other things happening for you?

 

I think he/she is tapering based on introduction post.  Hopefully they will come back and clarify.

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[82...]

Anyway, forget about me  ;) Just start running everyday! You'll feel better  :)

 

I'm sorry to hear about your misdiagnosis.  It sounds like you are in a much better place with slowly tapering.

 

My problem is that I was practically cold turkey off benzos.  I was only on for 3.5 weeks but kindled from other times coming off and going back on.  I never had withdrawals the other times. I'm 19 months off benzos.

 

I was put on remeron 8 months off benzos but it never helped and has just continued to make me worse with new symptoms every month. 

 

I have no idea if i need to rapid taper, hold, slow down taper.  All I do is pace scream and cry go to sleep and do the same thing again.  I wish i had the change to microtaper but benzos turned on me in 3 weeks and i tapered in 45 days with what I had left.

 

There are no words to describe how fast my thoughts race and latch and loop and spin.  Feels like a pinball machine in my mind. 

 

I pray someone will take me so i dont have to do it myself.

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

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Oh Perth I don’t know you in life, but everyday I think of you now. My heart really hurts for you that you are suffering this severely. I know we can’t give advice on medications, but please try anything to help before talking about going to the other side. Just know we are ALL here for you, and we want to see you better. I’m sorry your going through this. I always recommend a hobby or exercise! Please hang in there. This is not your forever!
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Hi Perth, the NAC didn't help usual thing seem get reaction to it hyped up symptoms. Now in anti depressant withdrawal so probably delaying recovery as well. Try the running anything worth a go . Think if you can find some sort of distraction can temporarily give you relief. Difficult with supplements as you don't know until you try whether you'll be sensitive catch 22 situation.
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Hi SnelleJelle!

 

Why don't you start a thread? It sounds like you've got a lot of this figured out but there are some very knowledgeable people here. If there's anything that has been nagging you and you're wondering if you're doing the right thing, there's a good chance that someone here can enlighten you further.

 

I don't know whether you need the validation but I wanted to tell you that your narrative is far more sensible than the alternatives. Add to that, even if you had mildly psychotic symptoms, the claim that they are a sign of mental disease that must be controlled with powerful medication is spurious to say the least. The elephant doses you got put on is genuinely borderline criminal. I'm not being rhetorical. Psychotic symptoms can be transient and a nervous breakdown is one way they might emerge. I became psychotic immediately before and during my taper (the doctors I saw weren't competent enough to tell me not to taper diazepam so soon after a psychotic episode, I wasn't myself enough to work it out). "Nervous breakdown" is a more accurate description of what I went through and I can identify the many reasons that it happened some of which stretch back over months. This all happened a year ago. I had to push back against introducing an antipsychotic and removing the diazepam. Luckily, I wasn't so far gone that I didn't know what a disastrous idea that was. What I needed was somebody to understand my situation and give me common sense advice about what I needed to do to come back down to Earth. Instead I had to withstand a hard sell by an ignorant so-called medic as well as my mother who wouldn't at the time take my word that I knew what I was talking about. It's only now I have improved so drastically and appear as my old self that it's understood that I did the right thing. She doesn't know the extent of how bad it is but at least I am believed. Who needs that stress when you're in such a bad state? My heart goes out to you that you've been treated like a crazy person for so long when it is patently obvious that you are not.

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I have the eating thing. Looping, constant insaitiable compulsion to eat every second - teeth are rotting because can’t stop eating biscuits. No feeling of ver being full however much I eat.

 

I have gained 36lbs in 4 months.

 

You are on Mirtazipine which can cause this, I am not.

 

When my cat was old the vet prescribed Mirtazipine to make her eat. It made her ravenous.

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Hi SnelleJelle!

 

Why don't you start a thread? It sounds like you've got a lot of this figured out but there are some very knowledgeable people here. If there's anything that has been nagging you and you're wondering if you're doing the right thing, there's a good chance that someone here can enlighten you further.

 

I don't know whether you need the validation but I wanted to tell you that your narrative is far more sensible than the alternatives. Add to that, even if you had mildly psychotic symptoms, the claim that they are a sign of mental disease that must be controlled with powerful medication is spurious to say the least. The elephant doses you got put on is genuinely borderline criminal. I'm not being rhetorical. Psychotic symptoms can be transient and a nervous breakdown is one way they might emerge. I became psychotic immediately before and during my taper (the doctors I saw weren't competent enough to tell me not to taper diazepam so soon after a psychotic episode, I wasn't myself enough to work it out). "Nervous breakdown" is a more accurate description of what I went through and I can identify the many reasons that it happened some of which stretch back over months. This all happened a year ago. I had to push back against introducing an antipsychotic and removing the diazepam. Luckily, I wasn't so far gone that I didn't know what a disastrous idea that was. What I needed was somebody to understand my situation and give me common sense advice about what I needed to do to come back down to Earth. Instead I had to withstand a hard sell by an ignorant so-called medic as well as my mother who wouldn't at the time take my word that I knew what I was talking about. It's only now I have improved so drastically and appear as my old self that it's understood that I did the right thing. She doesn't know the extent of how bad it is but at least I am believed. Who needs that stress when you're in such a bad state? My heart goes out to you that you've been treated like a crazy person for so long when it is patently obvious that you are not.

 

Hey Diaz-e-BAM,

 

I had an account before. Was here for about 2 years. Never posted much, but when I did, the knowledgeable people rarely answered me, and when they did, the information wasn't too helpful for me. I figured out that reading this forum and applying the right information to myself works best for me. Reading this forum is one of the reasons I'm getting better. I don't need help right now, I finally figured it all out. But when I do need help, I will probably going to try again.

 

I was never treated like a crazy person, I was treated like a number by incompetent idiots who seemed to have issues themselves. Hypocrites, know it alls. Me and my parents didn't know what was going on when I was 15. We tried to search for help. We ended up in psychiatry. They admitted that they didn't knew it as well, and that they were just going to put me in the box 'psychosis' and started treating me like that. That's what psychiatry does, it has big boxes of diagnosis with lots of dangerous medication. Most people who have mental problems just had bad luck in life. Life can be very stressfull, that's just the way it is, it can be very hard. It doesn't mean you have some weird illness that never has been scientifically proven like it goes in normal medicine. I think lots of relaxing and doing plenty of sports is the way to go to treat mental problems. Psychiatry doesn't work, they only make things worse.

 

This 19 year old mess, which probably in the end will be 22/23 years, only makes me stronger. I will be alright, I hope you will be too  :)!

That's fair enough. It does seem a bit hit and miss in terms of traffic so I'm not too surprised you had that experience. Sometimes I won't bother answering a thread if I think someone else might have more direct experience and if I can see there are other threads I'm better placed to contribute to. However, if I see a thread get bumped back up, I'll give it a go. If you need a good answer, you'll get one with a little bit of persistence. You might have to wait, but you will get one :)

 

I'm not sure why I said "crazy person". I was using it as a colloquialism for there being such a heavy focus on you having a mental disorder. I would have got my point across better if I said you were treated like an invalid. It's such a defeatist approach. A young person presents with some psychological symptoms and is put on a regimen of heavy sedation and that's supposed to be better than any alternative? I think it's sick.

 

I may have a dimmer view of psychiatry than you, even. They're glorified drug dealers. The problem is systemic. Pharmaceutical companies sponsor the schools that psychiatrists train in and commission shills to produce many of the papers that form the basis of the theory that is taught in these schools. It's corrupt to the core. Some psychiatrists know it and go along with it because it pays well and they don't care. Some good ones know it and prescribe responsibly and help undo the mess that other psychiatrists create. I don't think these are the majority though. Most psychiatrists are picking up their paycheck and lack the curiosity (either naturally or they stay wilfully ignorant) to examine whether it's really a good idea to prescribe these meds.

 

How can it be that withdrawal and protracted withdrawal especially are so woefully underestimated by prescribing physicians when there is so much evidence that they should be taken more seriously? Because it's far more lucrative to diagnose withdrawal symptoms as "emerging" symptoms of a fresh mental disorder that needs a different medication. If I know it's happening then the top of the chain knows this is happening. It's utterly sick. At least cigarette companies don't claim to have a product that makes your lungs healthier.

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In many ways, they are worse than drug dealers because of the authority they appear to have. They apparently remove the need to make an informed choice because they assume the responsibility with their role.

 

I believe that our views are becoming a lot more mainstream. The swindle has gone way too far and there will be payback. It's hard to see it now but I think this status quo will be undermined to the point of extinguishing it in our lifetimes (I'm 34 too). I've seen some movement on this even in the last few years. Billion dollar payouts for deliberately covering up known issues to get drugs onto the market and for overly aggressive and inappropriate marketing has been going on for a while but the opioid crisis brought this into public consciousness. It's harder to keep a lid on things these days. The court of public opinion will win out.

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