Some light for many dark nights

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In 2003 I took benzo to sleep due to an episode of stress, and I started to feel very ill. I went to the doctor and he told me I had a little depression and he prescribed antidepressants and anxiolytics and he told me that in a week I would be fine. After a week I felt worse and stopped taking them, not knowing that this type of medication could not be stopped suddenly. I was feeling very ill and went to a psychiatrist who prescribed Prozac and tranxilium. I thought that something in my brain was wrong, I went to several psychiatrists but they only changed my medication. I don't remember exactly when Mirtazapine 45mg and Orfidal 2mg were prescribed. At first I felt a little better some days but then again I felt very bad again only this time I went to have my medication taken away. I tried but with the guideline that the doctor gave me, I could not achieve it, I had no information and I thought that something was wrong with me or that I was a patient who could not stop that medication. That was in 2013. From then on, I was in tolerance until I found Dr. Asthon's manual and started reducing benzo. It took 8 months, it was very hard but surprisingly I felt mental clarity and rational thoughts as I was before this and that gave me strength to continue. When I felt more or less stable I started to reduce the antidepressant, it took me 2 months, now it went very fast. In two weeks I was regular but not too bad. Then I went straight to hell.

I have had almost all of the symptoms. The first months I went to the doctor to reestablish but thanks to this site and a family member I did not. Then I started to improve some things, like from not sleeping at all to sleeping for 2 hours and now I sleep 5, waking up according to the level of anxiety I have. It has been 10 months since I stopped taking my last pill.

I had windows that I thought I had recovered from. God, how good I felt was like me before all this hell. No anxiety, no depression, no depersonalization, no exaggerated anger, no fear of everything, no currents throughout my body, no physical or mental pain. I was crying but grateful. I spent many years without emotions without being able to cry or feel. I could have a conversation with someone without looking weird or having to run away and I even liked talking to people. Along the way I lost many things, including a good job, friends, etc. Now I'm in a bad wave for a change in work that requires memory and attention and I have a hard time I cannot afford to be out of work again and although I try to trust that I will regain my cognitive abilities. I try to think that if I keep trying and time goes by, I will regain my cognitive abilities, which also when I had to drive and there was traffic I felt strong electric shocks and over the months that disappeared, but in the meantime it scares a lot.

Thank this site for not throwing in the towel, now I don't have thoughts every day I just want to recover. Now I know how it feels to be well and that I am, although I do not know when I will be well and that is also hard because my mind says that I am not going to recover that it is permanent and then when I am in a window I see clearly that they are symptoms. it is as if everything was erased both on one side and the other. Thanks for the success stories, for the explanations, for the post of the 4 phases and for so many stories that have helped me. Apologies for the language errors I had to use a translator.

Wishing we all one day be as good as I have felt at the windows.

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello Aira, Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

This may be your official welcome but it sounds like you've spent a great deal of time here, I needed the success stories too, they were my lifeline.  I'm sorry for all of the pain you've experienced and still deal with but you sound good, you have a strong belief in your recovery but you've had to since it's been such a long time of suffering.

 

How can we help you, would you like to connect with others still dealing with symptoms as you are?  If so, feel free to start a thread on thPost-withdrawal Recovery Support board, there you'll find many who know what you're dealing with.

 

We're glad you're here, please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster

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Hello Pamster,

 

Thank you for the welcome, for your words of encouragement, for allowing me to participate and for the parker post that I have read so many times.

 

 

I will start a thread on the post-retirement recovery support board.